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Posted: 5/30/2009 2:23:27 PM | How long have people out there felt pretty messed up following a breakup. Searched for info on this and found some however i was hoping for some current input.
My wife of 22 years decided a year ago she wanted a divorce and Im depressed, not wanting to go out, sleep when Im not at work. Can anyone share with me??
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| The longest
Posted: 5/30/2009 3:21:01 PM | Hi Mark
Yhea thats depression talking. After such a significant relationship you can count on a year possibly longer if you want to stay stuck. By all means visit you physician and get out of the house. Sorry bud indeed it hurts. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 5:12:21 PM | | Usually takes me about a year to feel like I have my priorities straight again. I get over the person pretty quick, but I have a hard time reorienting myself. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 5:24:57 PM | i reckon 2-4 m8 at least dep on circmstances.
Good luck... | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 5:47:10 PM | | My question to you Mark is why did you just allow her to leave when she asked for the divorce? I understand that sometimes things just don't work, but after being married for 22 years you had the right to question your wife and find out if there was anything to do to prevent the divorce and stabilize the marriage. I've never been in love so I can only imagine the pain that you must endure and until you go out and find someone new and refreshing, the pain may stay inside of you. There's billions of people on this planet and if you work at it, you can find someone else that will give you satisfaction and take your attention away from your ex wife. Try it. Go out and find someone new. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 7:23:48 PM | | I think everyone is different. Have you been to counciling or thought about going to your doctor? | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 7:49:36 PM | Takes as long as it's going to take.
What you do is improve yourself, do things that you never could before, go out, spend as much time making new friends as possible these all help with the healing process. Hell, you might even meet someone.
But I'm just curious, didn't she give you a reason? Was there an affair or something? That's kind of tuff to just suddenly walk out after 22 years...
I feel for ya bud. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 8:53:23 PM | | It just hurts doesn't it? I'm sorry this happened to you. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 9:04:34 PM | Well mark1033, after my ex-wife was institutionalized in the Illinois State Hospital in 1987 (we were still married at the time) I didn't date again for 7 years. Then when I did it was something for the Jerry Springer show, so I went another 13 years before I started dating again.
This last time it was an arranged thing. A good friend from work put me in touch with a good friend of his fiancee in Xi'an China. We had about 6-7 months as email friends when she moved to Toronto Canada. I visited her in Toronto on three different trips, we were engaged on the second trip, after we had know each other for about 15 months. Then last December she very suddenly broke it off and I haven't heard from her since.
Well, this time no 13 year wait. I really liked the idea of getting married again, to have someone to share time and life with. So here I am after just 6 months, looking again.
It's like "ixholla1" said above, it takes as long as its going to take. And yes, I do still miss my ex-fiancee very much. But life is a one-way street, I can only go forward. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 11:04:19 PM | | everyone has their own...time lines..allow yourself to go thru all the processes..just dont let it take over your life. it will heal itself. but you have to allow it and accept it..big pill i know..but believe me..it does get better. grieve. you allowed. | |
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Posted: 5/31/2009 8:25:32 AM | Depends on the depth of the love. Obviously you loved your ex-wife very much (for 22 years), so it's understandable that, if she doesn't love you anymore, it's devastating, and my heart goes out to you.
Force yourself to get out of the house, join a gym and get in shape. It really helps me, man. Plus the scenery of nice-looking ladies is there too-! Enough nice-looking ladies around you and eventually you'll forget all about your ex-wife. At first, working out will feel like a chore, but, as you get hooked on the renewed strength and virility it brings you, working out will become a pleasure and a passion, something to look forward to!
And be open to talking with a new woman on the treadmill or the weights too-! Some of them will look at you like a creep, but others will enjoy the repartee. Just strike up a light chat about some frivolous BS. Even if it doesn't lead to a date, they'll admire the fact that you took an interest, and your mojo will return. Hope this helps, man. | |
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Posted: 5/31/2009 9:11:46 AM | After 22 years of marriage, you are doing it right. Sleep will help you cope with the stress you feel when you are away. If you start getting complaints from more than 2-3 friends (like the one who never complains complains) then maybe you should seek professional help.
You are just going through a bout of depression, and it is normal when someone has gutted you and stomped your heart into a pulp. You'll hit phases of hating her and wanting revenge and maybe periods of utter hopelessness. If you remain civil during the divorce it will do 2 things for you - 1) it will level the emotional swings, and 2) it will drive her nuts to think that you are being so cool headed during the divorce.
The driving her nuts part can do 1 of 2 things, 1) make her think twice on whether she really wants a divorce - that happens if she gets mad at you and asks why you aren't acting like you feel anything. 2) Give you great entertainment for your effort. Some woman can be mean and vindictive and when that doesn't work it pretty much presents an emotionally out of control spectacle of a woman.
Your best bet in this situation is to practice patience, recognize you will be on an emotional roller coaster, and realize your friends and family have your back. | |
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Posted: 7/24/2009 1:24:54 PM | thanks everybody for replying,
it took me a long time to get back to this and I am feeling a little more normal.
I got some good advice from you, really thank you for taking the time out for helping me.
Mark | |
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Posted: 7/25/2009 4:17:02 AM | | Its been about 20 years since I lost my first love. I've dated other guys since then but that incident made me lose all confidence with men. Because of that lack of confidence I haven't dated in about 8 years. I give up. | |
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Posted: 7/25/2009 8:31:49 PM | My lucky 8 ball estimates approximately 10.5 years for you to get over the loss of your ex.
There are lots of different things you can do to work through your depression though. I would seek professional help first and go from there. See there is ALWAYS a bright side  | |
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