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 marilyn1958
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 1
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I need a man's opinionPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have been single 4 years. I have been dating a man for about a month and we only see each other every other weekend. I like him a lot but he says we are dating but not committed. He either calls or texts me on a daily basis but he is so hard to know. He hardly talks so normally I don't even know what he is thinking or how he feels about anything. He is an excellent lover but he is so distant I want to be closer. Should I continue to see him, I can't tell if he is interested the least. Any advice?
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 2
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 3:36:51 PM
I don't know why you would want to date a man who doesn't want to spend time with you and doesn't communicate with you.
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 3
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 4:04:57 PM

I have been dating a man for about a month and we only see each other every other weekend. I like him a lot but he says we are dating but not committed.
Ummm that is only two dates and you are expecting him to be exclusive? Yeah, I think you are pushing way too fast too soon. Heck you haven't even technically got to the point where you should be sleeping with him if you go by the 3 date rule! Slow down or you probably will push him away! Enjoy what you have.
 fuggin_nutz
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 4
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 4:27:45 PM
OP, it's tough saying because you say he has some form of contact with you every day. Could be his schedule, only you know that. Talk to him.

In my own opinion, throwing away all the said rules etc.

If I am interested in a woman enough after the first date (and her of I), you bet your ass I am going to want to enjoy her company as much as we can fit it in our schedule.

Call me clingy, needy, and any other you can think of. If a woman isn't interested enough in me and feel the same and want to label me with these names, then she isn't deserving of my company to begin with.

None of this, every other week, only on mondays and fridays, or any other stupid time constraints people put onto dating. Maybe that's just me because I'm a people person.

Myself, I don't follow specific said rules of dating, societies views, or any other crap. I do what I want, others do only what they dare.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 5
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 4:32:40 PM

I have been dating a man for about a month and we only see each other every other weekend. I like him a lot but he says we are dating but not committed. He either calls or texts me on a daily basis but he is so hard to know.


You ARE just dating and you're not committed. You like him more than he likes you for now.


He is an excellent lover but he is so distant I want to be closer. Should I continue to see him, I can't tell if he is interested the least. Any advice?


He's interested in you but ask yourself what exactly is he interested in? YOu, friendship, sex, what? Are you wanting more? Ask him about it. But since he hardly talks...email him about it. Tell him you'd like to have a sex free weekend and just be a date. No, this isn't a game to play. Explain that you want more than just sex and that you'd like to take a break. And do just that. If you want more than sex, DO more than sex. Every weekend doesn't have to end with you all being horizontal--excellent lover or not.

After just a month of "excellent loving", you can't really think you're in a relationship--especially when the other party has said "we're JUST dating, we're not committed." He's already told you what the deal is but you don't want to hear it. I can understand that but you're setting yourself up for being hurt.
 miss_contemplative
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 6
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I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 5:27:55 PM
He's getting what he wants.

Now evaluate whether you're getting what you want and take responsibility for getting it.
 Ruth Collins
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 7
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 6:19:09 PM
I'm sorry to say...but it sounds like a booty call, with text/cell chit-chat....
I'd say at this early stage, it's still dating, unless you both decide to be commited to each other and see where it goes from there...you'll find out more if the next time you see each other, you "go out" on a date, and take sex out of the equasion...
Only you know what you want for yourself ! Good luck!
 Q-Daddy
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 8
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 7:49:30 PM
If you want a commitment, take matters into your own hands and put him to the test, tell him that is what you want and if he is not ready then you will know, my gut tells me that he will commit as he does communicate with you every day. I must ask though why it is that you want a commitment from him if he has such a hard time letting you in. Is it all phsical on your part...not sure if I helped or not...thats my 2 cents
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 9
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I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 7:59:49 PM
You have been dating a month every other weekend....and he is an excellent lover?
Who are you ladies who have sex so fast and then wonder if he is really into you?
And wish he would act closer to you?
Where is your mind woman?
This means you have dated him twice and are going to bed with him.

I'm not a prude by any means but if you want a relationship, wait to see if he is going there with you before giving up the store.
 quadsevens
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 10
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:05:16 PM

... we only see each other every other weekend...


I suppose it's possible that the man you're dating is single, but this screams "married" to me. Unless you already know he's married and don't care. Or unless seeing him every two weeks was your idea.
 bedlog
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 11
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:14:28 PM
This is just me, but if I'm truly hot and heavy for a woman, she will know. How you ask? Well I'll tell you how. I'll call, I'll e mail. If she is a single parent and has her children to take care of, I'll do my best to keep the phone calls short and sweet unless she has time. I can't text, it takes me to long to do it on my phone. When she and I talk it will be genuine and "so how was your day, anything creative happen?". Conversations to see how her day and or week has been. I don't like to waste my time or hers so if we aren't clicking on one level or another, best to move on. I'm sure there are people out there who are great in bed and horrific at everything else. There seems to be a lot of frustration with women trying to get potential mates to open up and to me, it seems like a waste of time if one has to keep initiating everything just to get answers out of them. You will have to decide if this amount of work to just get conversations out of him is worth it after a month. What if he gets progressively worse in 2 months or a year? Do you have that kind of time to devote?
 beary524477
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 12
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:22:34 PM
I really hate to say this but my first thought was, are you positive he's not married?
 RandomDrew
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 13
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:34:52 PM

I don't know why you would want to date a man who doesn't want to spend time with you and doesn't communicate with you.


He could be that type of person, an introvert who lives a great deal of his life within his own head. He could be shy and is waiting until he feels a certain level of comfort before he really opens up.

I am very shy and in the past it took awhile before I would really start talking. It didn't work out so well for the love life so now I force myself to talk. Mostly I try and focus the conversation on the woman because I know they like to talk about themselves. However for the first couple of months I'm forcing a lot of my conversations until I really get to know the person and understand what they are really interested in talking about.

It's a skill that some guys have to work on, some more than others.

If you like the guy based on what you do know then keep seeing him. You like the sex so might as well keep going with it until something better comes along since you've both decided that you're not in a committed relationship you can keep looking. If he doesn't shake that cat of his tongue before you find someone that you connect with even more than so be it and he is going to miss out.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 14
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I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 6:50:40 AM
Every other weekend didn't scream married to me... it suggested he has kids.

When my relationship with my sweetie started, I was the one who did not want an exclusive or committed relationship. I wanted us to get to know each other without any labels (focus on relating not relationship) and if it was working we'd naturally get drawn together and if it wasn't, we'd drift apart.

If you enjoy him, keep on. If you aren't enjoying him, don't.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 15
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 8:13:28 AM

He could be that type of person, an introvert who lives a great deal of his life within his own head. He could be shy and is waiting until he feels a certain level of comfort before he really opens up.


Ummm...raising hand...if he can sleep with her on the weekends, he damn sure can talk. Shy? If you're shy do you actually have sex right away?? Probably not. Good try though.


If you like the guy based on what you do know then keep seeing him. You like the sex so might as well keep going with it until something better comes along


OMG stop right there. That is sooooooooo a guy thing (most guys) that it's not even funny. Cause you didn't read her part about what SHE wanted, as evidenced by what you wrote below...


since you've both decided that you're not in a committed relationship you can keep looking.


She's wanting to be committed...HE has said "we're just dating." She's questioning it because she feels more and wants more. He's getting his cookie when he wants with very little work. Good for him...not so good for the cookie giver upper right now.


If he doesn't shake that cat of his tongue before you find someone that you connect with even more than so be it and he is going to miss out.


See...this doesn't mesh with the part of keep having sex until something better comes along. For YOU, it does. You're not emotionally involved. For this lady...she can't compartmentalize like this. A LOT of women can't, which is why we end up out here asking this very question. Many men, not MOST, can separate sex from love. Many women can't. It's that big difference that causes this type of problem. It's hard to consider connecting with someone else if you, as a woman, even THINK that there's a chance that the man you're sleeping with is going to commit to you. Many women don't turn that on and off so easily.


OP...go find Steve Harvey's new book--"Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man." He gives up man secrets cause he knows that we just ain't getting it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 16
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:18:07 AM
You've seen each other every other weekend -- so, for about a month, you've gone out twice then? You're not really going out if you've spent two weekends together and that's it...

So he calls you or texts you every day but he is hard to know -- you say you want to know what he is thinking and feeling. I think he is more quiet because you're probing too much, too quick. Your obvious need-for-closeness-now will make him like the distance more, which will make you scratch your head more and want closeness even more, and the cycle continues.

My advice is to ease up on it. Show comfort in distance yourself, even though you talk and text every day (just don't be probing his mind; a turn off). Maybe he'll open up more if over the course of several days you don't probe at all.

It sounds like you two are on different "dating gears". You like him more than he likes you, and you're in high need of him being close, and he doesn't want to be close too quick. Sounds like it won't work out for ya (very high probability).
 quadsevens
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 17
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:04:49 PM
Every other weekend didn't scream married to me... it suggested he has kids.


It's very fortunate for the married man that desires to cheat on his wife that there are, apparently, plenty of women that exist that are more than willing to assign a reason other than them possibly being married, for almost any behavior which strongly suggests that they are married.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 18
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:14:30 PM
If you've been dating a man for about a month and only see each other every other weekend, then I'd assume you've only seen him twice. How can you be committed? He calls you on a daily basis to make sure you're "hooked" just enough to keep doing him.
Since you're sleeping with him already he probably sees you as a service provider and feels no need to communicate with you, or show you anything other than his prowess in the bedroom.
My advice- stop sleeping with men who won't talk to you.
 marilyn1958
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 19
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I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:51:52 PM
Thanks for the advice, I should not of slept with him but we were both so hot after each other the chemistry was there. He continues to call me, I have kept low lately. I think I will date around and see if he comes around:)
 marilyn1958
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 20
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I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:38:46 PM
Thank you for your opinion I will leave him alone....
 marilyn1958
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 21
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I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:43:58 PM
Yes its physical on both our parts he told me he likes to listen but when we went out he talks his fair share. He told me he wants to take things slowly but he also made the comment "do u think I am leading u on?" not sure what that meant. I guess I am just impatient, and probably like him more than he likes me at this point in our dating relationship.
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 22
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:53:49 PM
Good to read unless of course you don't need or want a serious relationship.

You might want to get a profile review and some more pictures. The main one is beautiful, but more pics wouldn't hurt and you really do need to let men know what your interests are. Not that every man reads profiles, but the man you want will.
 GoodmanGreg
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 23
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 5:07:30 PM
My opinion is this. He needs to make himself VERY VERY clear to you as to what his intentions are. If he's telling you we are dating but not committed it is blantantly clear that he isn't ready to commit to you just yet, or possibly never. You need to let him know what your expectations are. If He hardly talks so normally I don't even know what he is thinking or how he feels about anything. isn't satisfying to you, then you need to tell him that. It doesn't matter whether or not he's an excellent lover. You's all may have used the phrase "dime a dozen" before, but its true. Beautiful women are a "dime a dozen" as well as men who are excellent lovers. Without the benefit of communication, trust and clearly set parameters, you really have nothing.

When I met my late wife, I lived 206 miles from here. (I was in Boston, she was in NYC). After our first date, I let her know in no uncertain terms how strongly I felt about her. I promised to be true to her. I asked her if she thought we "had a future". She told me I was crazy, but I told her that I meant what I said, and that I would keep my promises and I did. I could only see her on weekends, but on weeknights I would call her and talk sometimes for hours. I let her know what she meant to me. Distance was never a problem and should never be a problem if someone truly loves you and vice-versa.
 bayman47
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 24
I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 5:46:52 PM
Stop being so insecure make up your mind, if you don't like the situation get out of it and find someone who does want what you want, you are just having a whinge. The sex is great but he won't give you what you want, he's got you. If he did give you want you wanted there would not be as much attraction. go figure

If you really want to find out test him on this actions.

Try this, just say you have thrush and you can't have sex for a month and see what he does. If he still wants to spend time with you it's more then just sex, if he stops ringing you guess what. No charge for this.
 chemistrymajor8
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 25
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I need a man's opinion
Posted: 5/31/2009 6:00:01 PM
Sounds like things are moving fast. I wonder how you become an excellent lover in 2 weekends??? Is this a distance relationship? If it isn't he must have more important things then you at this point like kids, married or high profile job.

What matters is what you want if you even know. Why don't you date a few men and not focus on just one. I said date and not sleep with....at least right away!!
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