| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 5/31/2009 11:49:26 PM | i have been chatting calling and just recietly seeing a girl i met on here. i am really attracted to her. she says that i am to good to be true i treat her right, sensitive, supportive, and she is getting very attracted to me. however it seems too good to be true and she is waiting for the bottom to drop out! she trusts me alittle yet i want her to trust me more and see i am sincere and that i am the right guy for her  | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 5/31/2009 11:52:14 PM | | All I can say dude, is strike while the Iron is hot and seal the deal. Don't wait around and make her doubt more...but that may be a sign that she has commitment issues. | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:06:35 AM | u say u just recently started seeing this girl....and thats a great new and exciting thing!
but u dont say just how recent. and trust is something that is aquired over time. every relationship needs time to flourish and along with that will come the trust u would like her to have in u. trust doesnt happen overnight. maybe she has been hurt before and doesnt want to rush into anything.
just relax, show some patience and enjoy each other. the rest will take care of itself hun.
good luck! | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:14:28 AM | So you have met an insecure gal, and one that is a bit of a fatalist... Here is the reality... She may be her own worst enemy, and sabotage a perfectly wonderful relationship, gals like her are pretty good at doing that.. Men do it too, but we are talking about women in this thread...
Huggies has a good point, let her know she is the one you want to see exclusively, and then find out WHY she has that fatalistic side.. Understanding why she is so insecure may go a long way in the future, because some times these kind of gals will accuse you of cheating just because you were 5 minutes late, or didn't pick up the phone after the 2nd ring...
I ONLY bring this up, because being a regular forum freak, (and you stated "i want her to trust me more and see i am sincere and that i am the right guy for her") I have seen this happen over and over for some people... As well I have watched it happen in real life... Can't say it has happened in my own, but have had relationships that seemed to be absolutely amazing in the start, and then the guy just disappear into thin air...
That can easily taint some people. For me, I have gotten to old to worry about the bottom falling out, because life is life, sometimes the box bottom falls out, and sometimes you can't break it out if you want..
HOWEVER for some people it is an exhausting process, and never ending in having to prove yourself... | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:34:12 AM | Reminds me of my last relationship, he waited for the bottom to drop out then gave up on worrying and gave up on me. Figures, did everything right and I STILL couldn't earn his trust.
I'm just saying here, be careful. | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 1:16:42 AM | I know how she is feeling.... but im ready to move forward in my life and figuring out that it is ok to be treated right... that I deserve to be treated like a lady and not taken for granted is something my mind still fights me on.
He tells me he is interested in me ... and Im interested in him... and at the moment ... im in the moment....
When we have come to a place of trust.... we will trust.
the thing about trust is there isnt a magic formula
This action +that response might equal greater trust or it might not
in a persons heart they have to reach a point of being willing to take a risk but that will take time.
it will be worth waiting for | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 2:36:29 AM | Having been in a similar situation, I must say this is a tough call on your part.
I dealt with the same circumstances at the beginning and had my reservations as well.
One of my friends basically said, "if you see all the right wholesome qualities in her and you're attracted for all the good reasons, then you're going to regret not proceeding with both feet in."
By the 1.5 year milestone, I had already transferred jobs and moved to her city far from my friends and network of support. Typically, this is all the time a dude needs to determine if she's the one he's going to marry. Coincidentally, the statistics also show that marriages are most successful after this approximate courtship period. In my case, the trust still wasn't there, so it caused a lot of unnecessary grief.
I agree with many of the other posters on both sides of this issue. Trust does takes time, especially for some people (with or without bad relationships in their past). However, trust may never be sufficiently granted as well. How are you going to deal with that if the time comes? What are you going to do when you've invested more time and sacrificed more in your life than what would typically be necessary for a healthy strong relationship?
My pure "outside bystander" opinion is to go for it, but don't get married nor start a family if the trust ain't there and don't wait unreasonably long for the trust to materialize.
Hope that helps. | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 3:08:14 AM | Seems to me she attracts the bad types. Whilst I dont have enough information to agree fully with another poster regarding insecure types - as they are prone to seek out any and all attention the world over and favour/court the most fantasy spake levelled at them to garner their needy attention - which of course leaves them also open to a proportionally higher % bad/chancer toerags.
Perhaps she has just been unlucky or guilty of past poor judgement as i dont doubt for one second for her to attain the holy grails of sky falling down adages they approached her firstly - most likely like you did.
Tis all about choice, and perhaps crossing paths with the right person at the right time. So as another poster said strike while the iron is hot, long as you dont think your a passing fancy involved in her latest attention fest. | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 3:31:17 AM | bajzatt,
tell her look, sorry for whatever you've gone through in the past but i'm not those guy(s) and i'd like a fair chance at getting to know you without having to pay for what other guys were like.
tell her look, summers here, why don't we just enjoy it and take the time we need to get to know each other.........why don't we concentrate on making our time together something good and positive, something special and let others be and do whatever they want.
IMHO, i think it might be worth a shot and by stating what i've said here or something similar, you should know real quick how far she's willing to trust and go with you.
good luck...... | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:01:29 AM | Men are bad, except for the rare few good ones who are already taken, or why would they be available, since they are so valuable and sought after?
You seem good, you don't seem like someone women would leave lying around to be picked up like a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk. There must be something wrong. There must be a catch.
But what if this is really a dream coming true? To waste such a great opportunity would be stupid. Hang in there and see what happens, but be careful, watch out for any red flags.
Question and test everything he says and does. The higher the hopes, the farther to fall, so it is more important to test him the better things seem.
Because men are bad and women fall victim to bad men, giving their hearts only to be crushed and abused.
I think she was raised by a mother who didn't like men, or a father who was a jerk. | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:19:56 AM | The few times I have made the comment: I'm just waiting for the other shoe to fall, shortly after it did.
It's not a feeling I have had to often, but when I get 100% of time it's been right.
It's nothing more then realizing that no one can be as squeaky clean as they try to come off to be. That "bottom" or "other shoe" is that one or sometimes those few things you know are deal breakers with that person and you think waiting it out and showing them your some how an exception to their rules .
She's not being negative, she's being realistic! | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:27:04 AM | If your OP is accurate, you keep doing what you are doing and if she doesn't come around, you recognize that she is too insecure to have that relationship with. You can't make anybody feel something or do something, you can only be you and if that isn't enough for her you need to recognize that and move on. Your call on how long that process takes and who knows, she might actually grow to trust you and make this question/discussion moot.
Gee, maybe you could help her out by changing your profile to not single/not looking? | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:36:21 AM | | you should sit down and list all of your flaws and imperfections then give her the list. I know this sounds crazy, but it shows that you are human, and she will actually trust you more. | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:39:19 AM |
i have been chatting calling and just recietly seeing a girl i met on here. i am really attracted to her. she says that i am to good to be true i treat her right, sensitive, supportive, and she is getting very attracted to me. however it seems too good to be true and she is waiting for the bottom to drop out! she trusts me alittle yet i want her to trust me more and see i am sincere and that i am the right guy for her
Trust is not something you're entitled to;you have to earn trust...Be patient and build on the trust she has afforded you....... | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:41:44 AM | | You can't push her to trust you. You know in your heart that your intentions are sincere but she doesn't know that. When someone has been screwed over so many times and somebody comes along that seems to be "too good to be true" it's only natural to expect the worst. Just be yourself, take your time and don't push anything. You will gain her trust in time. | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:43:54 AM | She may believe that you really are too good to be true, and mistrust her ability to choose wisely, especially if she's made some poor choices in the past. I can only suggest being consistent, true to yourself, and take it slowly so that she can grow comfortable with you.
I once had my ideal match disappear for awhile because of this same issue. Eventually, she came to trust her feelings and returned. That was 9 years ago, and it's been great ever since. | |
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| waiting for the bottom to drop out
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:51:59 PM | I think the girl really likes you....I think that starting out slowly and building a relationship with a good solid foundation is important. Trust, honesty, integrity, those are the qualities that you learn about someone over time. Just because you tell the truth once, doesn't make you an honest person and just because you show up on the job day after day doesn't make you a hard worker.
Those highly valued qualities, my friend, only can only be revealed with time, effort and energy. It takes two to make and break a relationship. Even if you are dumped, or you are the dumper. It always takes one to walk away and the other to let go.
HOWEVER.......
Everyone's made poor decisions in relationships in the past, or we all wouldn't be on here. Sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windshield. That's the way life is.
I think you need to talk to her, and stop posting on here getting everyone's opinion. I don't think anyone can speak for her but her and I don't think anyone can tell you how to feel. Only you know what is in your heart and what you really want.
If this girl is still talking to you, then chances are she likes you and wants to give you a chance. So give her the chance. Don't just take it for granted that anyone should just give you anything in life. All the good things in life come after a lot of hard work and perserverance.
As for all the speculation as to why she is, it's just that. Speculation. We all are just the sum of OUR experiences and can only speak from OUR hearts and OUR lives. No can say how she feels. No one knows her past....do you really know her past???? And you certainly aren't going to get any good advice from anyone on here....if you want the truth, go straight to the source.
When people say communication is important, they mean with your partner, not with a chat room.
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