| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:01:08 AM | I got stuck paying for a $30+ lunch not knowing he wasnt going to be able to pay for it. (we're both over 30, and have jobs, he makes more than me)
I didnt see the server come back with the response when they ran his card, but do you think this was just a way to get out of paying? I doubt it though beacuse every time I see him out, he is always drinking water. I like water too but its almost like he has no ability to do anything with his visa card. He doesnt carry cash. I feel like he should have said something beforehand that he couldn't pay.
Next time I talk with this guy I"m going to say that we can't go anywhere that you arent at least prepared for some of the time, because I can't be stuck with the bill every time. This happened only once, but I can't be having it happen as a regular habit. I understand that we are all on budgets and maybe we can work something out where we do things that aren't so expensive maybe.
Ideas? | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:17:50 AM | How did he tell you the card was declined if you didn't see or hear the server say so? Was he embarrassed or did he just take it in stride that you would pay for it?
What does drinking water have to do with anything? How does it have anything to do with his ability to use his visa?
I don't carry cash, that's pretty normal for most people these days.
If he knew he couldn't pay then yes he should have said something. He may not have known though. Again, how did he act when the situation occurred? Did he offer to reimburse you for his share at least at a later date?
You know, you could have paid just for your portion instead of for both if it really upset you. It is a simple matter of telling the server that you want separate checks. Him not being able to pay for his would have then been his problem to resolve. It would've been mean, but if you felt he was scamming you then it would have been somewhat appropriate.
Considering how uncertain and uneasy the situation has made you feel, why are contemplating going out with him again? | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:41:55 AM |
I understand that we are all on budgets and maybe we can work something out where we do things that aren't so expensive maybe.
Right. Don't go anywhere with anyone where you can't pay your share. Seems you were quite comfortable to let him pay for something you aren't prepared to do. Color me weird, but lady, that just doesn't make any sense to me.
Considering how uncertain and uneasy the situation has made you feel, why are contemplating going out with him again?
Exactly. If you expect to be wined and dined, that's fine. But find someone who can afford to do that for you and be very clear about your intentions. Champagne on a beer budget doesn't work.
Good luck! | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:52:42 AM | I think it goes both ways. If you are eating that lunch you should be prepared to pay.
A declined credit card is not a big deal. But i find it surprising that he didn't bring any other form of payment either. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 1:22:38 AM | | I was prepared. Who said I wasnt prepared? I was the only one that came with a way to pay, apparently. It could have just been a coincidence that he couldn't that time. Like I said, its only happened once. But really its less about the money and more about how he handled it. If he couldn't pay his share, why didnt he say something before we went? That's just wrong. I dont know where anyone is getting these ideas from, but anytime I go out, I always go ready to pay for my half. But not for the whole table with no notice. You think I should be paying his way every time and wining and dining the guy? | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 1:35:18 AM | Again, how did he react to his credit card being declined?
Has he offered to reimburse you for his share?
What does drinking water have to do with anything? | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 1:43:37 AM |
Who said I wasnt prepared?
I did. You say you got "stuck" paying the bill. So you weren't prepared, you feel like you were taken advantage of because you expected him to pay and he couldn't.
You think I should be paying his way every time and wining and dining the guy?
Now you're just being silly. You said he paid EVERY other time, but are disappointed with the way he handled the situation. I think he may be disappointed in you since you haven't communicated that you're willing to pay for yourself on dates. Not for him of course, just yourself. But you've expected him to pay for you both on every other ocassion and are quite pissy about the fact that you got stuck without notice paying this once. That's where I'm getting these ideas from.
Give the guy a break. He was probably horribly embarrassed that he was over extended. And he like you lots, or he wouldn't be wining and dining you when he can't really afford it. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 1:46:25 AM | he just laughed and said he forgot it was too close to the limit, and that he doesnt carry cash or another card. I can't believe a guy wouldn't carry his bank card or cash day to day. No he hasn't offered to repay me. And the water thing is relevant because I've rarely seen him spending any money at all on himself either.
Where does it say I told you he paid EVERY other time? I can think of once where he actually paid for both of us and it was a very small tab. Every other time I've ended up getting his beer or he ended up eating some of the food I paid for and he didnt order anything or contribute, not even to the tip. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 2:04:22 AM | Well, clearly this is an issue for you, so you'd better speak up. Don't go on another date w/o discussing first who's going to pay and how.
Personally, I don't go on any date w/o the intention and means to pay, and I don't know why anyone else (male or female) would do otherwise.
Address this issue now. Financial conflicts don't get any better as relationships age. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 6:04:43 AM | Hmm, if it was a one time deal I would say don't sweat it. If what you say is true though and he does it every time you go out then I would wonder myself.
Either he is financially strapped and doesn't want to tell you or he is cheap. What does he do for work? Is he single or does he have to pay support or something similar?
It really boils down to whether or not you like this guy and how much. If you like him then talk to him about it. If you aren't that into him then just move on. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 6:39:18 AM | so what exactly was your question..?
ideas on cheaper or free things to do..?
how to handle asking him about the card situation..?
wether you should have had to pay for all of the bill..?
how to stop it happening again...?
your post isnt all that clear.. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:41:01 AM | | he might make more than you but is probly up to his eyeballs in debt..Alot of people with decent salaries are flat broke trying to service their debt...he basically tried to finance your date and couldn't...Starting relationship with a massive debter is probly a bad idea. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:10:46 AM |
I doubt it though beacuse every time I see him out, he is always drinking water.
I really have no idea what this has to do with anything....I mean, sometimes I go out and dont feel like having a beer, so I drink water..does it mean Im cheap?..no, it means I dont feel like having a beer....
I feel like he should have said something beforehand that he couldn't pay.
I agree, my only guess is that he was to embarassed to admit it, but still wanted to see you. There is nothing more damaging to a mans ego to say to a women that he cant afford to take her out...its a kick right in the balls...
This happened only once
we need more of the story, how long have you been dating? is it a relationship? are you seeing other people, or are you two a "couple?"
I think you can talk to him about it, but be aware the guy is probably more embarassed than you will ever know. You then must decide if this is a deal breaker for you. If you like the guy, and it doesnt bother you to stay in every once in awhile and watch a 2 dollar movie, then all is ok.
Next time I talk with this guy I"m going to say that we can't go anywhere that you arent at least prepared for some of the time, because I can't be stuck with the bill every time.
If you go about it this way, you will push him away and make him feel worse. Im sure he understands that he has to have money to take you out. He doesnt need to be lectured about it.
I dont know how long you have been going out. It just "seems" like you feel entitled to have your way paid for. If this is the case, then you and him are probably not meant to be dating....
JMO...outsider looking in... | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:14:29 AM | Yeah, strange thread.
So, have you been dating this water-drinker for long? I suspect the water comment means you think he's too cheap/poor to drink alcohol?
Are you mad because you felt coerced into paying? I don't think it's such a big deal.
This has happened to a guy I was on a first date with, so I ended up paying. He was mortified, but it was no big deal to me. And he wasn't a free-loader, either (we dated for 7 months), these things just happen sometimes. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:44:24 AM | I only met him a few weeks ago, and while I certainly dont know all his circumstances I know he has a halfway decent job and probably has more money and ability to pay than he's leading on to have. Friend, relationship, whatever, as a guy you shouldn't be expecting someone to pay for you almost every time you go out, and that doesnt even mention being ready for whatever else he might need or want to do in a day. Why is he even socializing if he truly has no money at all? Anyone else would just stay "stay home" or "rethink your budget" or something like that to someone in those shoes.
the "it declined my card" excuse has only come up once. Its happened more than once where he has asked me to pay. It isnt his share just this time I've had to pay for, its happened almost every time we've been out.
The water thing, he is always saying he doesnt have any money. You think that doesnt have anything to do with it? But he day I met him, he was paying his own tab.
It doesnt make me bad that when I am out with him or anyone, I expect hm to at least pay his share.
Yesterday on the phone he said "thanks for the food" when I am going to have to ask him to pay his share back to me because I really can't ( phone battery died before I could ask)t. I wasnt expecting it, he just landed it on me at the last minute while we were out. Whats interesting is we were going to go to a ballgame and he said he would pay for a ticket and something to eat, but then when we met up too late for the game, he landed this one on me.
Dont you think this is a bit cheap of a guy to do this to someone? | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:58:02 AM |
Dont you think this is a bit cheap of a guy to do this to someone?
I grew up poor, very poor actually, so my idea of cheap and your idea of cheap are probably two very different things....
all a matter of opinion.
If it bothers you this much to write a thread about it, then I suggest talking to him. I will say again, if you lecture him about it, he will probably feel more embarassed than he already is...
If you like the guy, then discuss it. If it bothers you that much, then stop seeing him... | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:30:57 PM | talk with him and let him know how you're feeling
next time you go out for dinner ask for separate bills
if he came expecting you to pay again, then the problem remains with him
you can also go to less expensive eateries or take picnics, or make the date focused around something else that doesn't involve eating at all
good luck | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:44:00 PM | | Here's a thought; dump him and date someone who can afford to date. If this guy can't afford to pay for a 30$ meal then he needs to focus on something other than dating. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 2:22:31 PM | As to drinking water, that doesn't mean a thing. I work as a server and some of my biggest tippers drink water.
As to the rest of it. Cards are turned downed for a number of reasons, it doesn't always mean they don't have money. It can be just a fluke in the system. I have ran cards, had them turned down, ran them again, and had them go through with no problem
As to you paying. I find your attitude amazing. You are all freaked out that you had to pay, but if he had paid for all of it, that would have been fine. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 2:32:46 PM | So why didn't you say no the previous times he asked you to pay?
I typically like to go dutch when I'm first getting to know someone. Although, if I ask I'm always prepared to pay.
I almost always order water when I'm out. I don't like coffee or tea and try to not drink soda. I rarely drink alcohol on a date (unless we have moved beyond dating). I really don't think that ordering water is an indication of anything other than he likes water.
It doesn't make you a bad person to not want to foot the bill every time you go out but I do think you should have made this clear the very first time it came up. A simple, "I would prefer we go dutch" would've taken care of it. If he can't pony up the money, that's his problem. Since you didn't, you can't really go back now and undo it or expect to be reimbursed. You can set the tone for future dates by flat out telling him that if he wants to go out then he needs to come prepared to pay for his share or come up with ideas to spend time together that don't cost anything.
I don't know that it's cheap as much as just inconsiderate. You are making assumptions about how much money he has based on his job and that's just silly. You have no idea how much disposable money he has. The more you make, the more you spend. I've dated guys that made way less than me and had way more disposable income than I did. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 4:08:57 PM | | I had the similar situation before. It was not his credit card; it was his debit card got declined. I was VP for banks before, so I know what was going on here. Amazing! I felt more embarrassed than him. After it happened twice in one week, I dumped him. There is no need to waste time on a man who can not manage his finance in any age. It does not matter how good looking he is… Don’t deal anyone who has no integrity. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 4:33:45 PM | "Integrity" and "money" are not the same thing, you know that, right? I know how you made that mistake, integers are numbers, money is all about the numbers...
I was VP for banks before, so I know what was going on here. Amazing! That IS amazing. | |
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