| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:42:50 PM | Part of me thinks that to love unconditionally is the purest, highest form of love. Ideally (if it's the right person), it can work beautifully - we forgive, we compromise, we listen. We feel safe with each other and focus on the good within each other.
Another part of me believes such a mindset leaves one wide open for manipulation and an endless string of heartaches. Ultimately, the person leaves with a deep sense of disillusionment.
A healthy balance may be to love others conditionally in our day-to-day and year-to-year lives. And if perchance we find someone whom we believe is truly special, then we try to give that one extraordinary person our unconditional love. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:48:01 PM | one of my favorite quotes:
"to love someone because you need them is immature love.
To need someone because you love them, that is mature love"
i think when it comes down to it, unconditional love cannot exist. the relationship needs a system of checks and balances. if you love someone, no matter what they do, you're opening yourself up to be a doormat. (read: abusive relationships, infidelity).
thats not fair to yourself, or the one you're with. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:53:12 PM | | There are people in this world who are impossible to love unconditionally. They are so warped as to require a person who doesn't love themselves. I've learned that loving someone doesn't mean you have to circle the drain with them. It's a rhetorical question, we are finite beings, incapable of infinite love. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:57:42 PM | Loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you maintain the same relationship with them whatever their behaviour. You can love someone and decide still that their behaviour means that it is better if you aren't in a relationship with them.
Your behaviour must be guided by your feeling about their behaviour. You can still hold the person in unconditional positive regard even if you don't actually enjoy being with them and make the logical choice not to spend time with them. These are different things: loving someone and getting along with them; loving someone and approving of everything they do; loving someone and understanding them; loving someone and it being right for you to be in a relationship with them.
Loving someone does not meant that they will be able to sustain a loving relationship with you and their inability to sustain a loving relationship with you doesn't mean that you are unable to love them.
Just my thoughts, based on my perception of love (everyone has a different idea of what love is). I think we should try to love everyone unconditionally. Maybe we don't even need to try to do this, simply to try to stop things getting in the way of the love that comes naturally. I don't see it as dangerous at all, so long as you understand that love is not supposed to be blind to behaviours or accepting of abuse -- it is simply faith that the person within is human and therefore lovable, even if we cannot do anything but condemn their behaviour and fear it...
Unconditional love is something one can potentially feel for any human, no matter what their behaviour. Unconditional relationship only happens if you are insane and refuse to actually relate to or respond to anything the other person does: it doesn't involve relationship at all and can be a form of emotional hostage-taking. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:58:54 PM | | I look at unconditional love a lot differently than many people. I love people enough to rebuke them when they are wrong. To allow them opinions that don't match mine. To teach them, even when they don't wish to learn. It's love. It just isn't hugging, kissing, and making out. | |
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| The only unconditional love that exists...
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:58:57 PM | ...is a parent for their child.
Period.
EVERYTHING ELSE comes with conditions. Believe it.
Your SO becomes a cheating abusive drug addict? You probably ain't gonna be loving them much no more. You might love who they used to be....but not who they are.
Once you realize and accept that....you are a lot less likely to disappoint or to be disappointed.... | |
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| Wise words...
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:04:38 PM |
Unconditional love is only for parents loving their children.
For romantic, It has his conditions. Respect, Trust, Acceptance.
Once you break those 3, its pretty much over.
but some idiots replaced it with Deception, infidelity, selfishness.
...displaying wisdom beyond your age.
Count yourself lucky...you have come to learn and understand this without having to be a two time loser at marriage... | |
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| Wise words...
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:09:36 PM | | Maybe so, but I love puppy dogs unconditionally. So it blows your exclusivity:) | |
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| Wise words...
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:11:19 PM | My love is totally conditional. My romantic love, that is.
I agree with someone else that said true love never dies, but it doesn't stay the same, either.
Part of me will love my x wife for the rest of my life because I gave a part of myself to her. I love myself, she still has part of me, and I love that part of myself. I love that she changed me for good and for ill to be the person I am today.
However, I do not speak to her, want nothing to do with her, and she is dead to me. So my love in her has changed enormously. I love who she was, but who is has become is not anyone I've ever known - much less can love.
I agree with the other posters who said that only a parent's love is unconditional... and that isn't even true. Some parents never love their kids in the first place. Some don't know how to truly love their kids. Some have conditions or have to force themselves to adopt conditions concerning abusive children.
Human beings are a flawed, and inherantly dangerous animals. Even to ourselves. I think it's noble and good to strive to love as much as is possible...
But one must temper idealism with logic. | |
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| Wise words...
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:30:50 PM | | You can't "TRY" to love somebody, it has to come natural | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:34:18 PM | | If you want to become a "door mat"...then sure....love someone unconditionally. I honestly don't see how any relationship could work without certain conditions. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:42:04 PM | I think rune3's post is worth repeating. Unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of behavior.
Loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you maintain the same relationship with them whatever their behaviour. You can love someone and decide still that their behaviour means that it is better if you aren't in a relationship with them.
Your behaviour must be guided by your feeling about their behaviour. You can still hold the person in unconditional positive regard even if you don't actually enjoy being with them and make the logical choice not to spend time with them. These are different things: loving someone and getting along with them; loving someone and approving of everything they do; loving someone and understanding them; loving someone and it being right for you to be in a relationship with them.
Loving someone does not meant that they will be able to sustain a loving relationship with you and their inability to sustain a loving relationship with you doesn't mean that you are unable to love them.
Just my thoughts, based on my perception of love (everyone has a different idea of what love is). I think we should try to love everyone unconditionally. Maybe we don't even need to try to do this, simply to try to stop things getting in the way of the love that comes naturally. I don't see it as dangerous at all, so long as you understand that love is not supposed to be blind to behaviours or accepting of abuse -- it is simply faith that the person within is human and therefore lovable, even if we cannot do anything but condemn their behaviour and fear it...
Unconditional love is something one can potentially feel for any human, no matter what their behaviour. Unconditional relationship only happens if you are insane and refuse to actually relate to or respond to anything the other person does: it doesn't involve relationship at all and can be a form of emotional hostage-taking. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:25:27 AM | | It's a big ole bunch of crap but if you like living in fantasyland and pretending everything is sugarcoated and sparkly, then it can be done, just make sure you have a huge dose of denial ready. There's no such thing really, just another one of those clichés people toss around like they had any real meaning. We all have conditions, if we didn't we'd all be doormats, even with our kids we have rules, we have acceptable & unacceptable behaviors and if we are telling them I'll always love you but sometimes I don't like your actions then we are co-signing bad behavior for a bunch of little narcissists. Rehab centers and morgues are full of people loved to death by family & friends who just couldn't set standards and called it loving unconditionally. It's the coward's way out of building a real relationship built on respect and expectations. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:30:11 AM |
There's no such thing really, just another one of those clichés people toss around like they had any real meaning.
I will agree that it is cliche', but the definition of cliche' is that it is so overused that it has lost its meaning. The post above yours describes how it is to be apllied.
When a parent spanks their kid, it isn't because they don't love them. It is because they believe that is how the child will learn. Their love is not conditional on the behavior that inspired the disciplinary action. | |
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776877
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Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 16 | |
| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:36:37 AM | | You are a guy who is 38 and a virgin, you have put 'love' on such a pedestal that it can only guarantee to fail you, so make the mistakes the rest of us have ,and will, and get on with life. Making 'love' WILL NOT spin the world on a different axis...did you notice anything different happen while you read this reply...no, yet all over the world thousands of people just had sex for the first time and NOTHING anywhere/anyhow ever changed. You are not God and the world will survive you...stop putting life on hold and move forward, this isn't a dress rehearsal its the real thing with no do-overs. You've wasted enough time already...do you expect to live forever? | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:44:41 AM | | No, I'm talking about how you can damage a child by telling them that no matter what they do you will always love them...it does matter what they do so why would someone do that to a child? There are unacceptable behaviors and going around spewing on about unconditional love to kids is wrong, they need to live in the real world and be taught by their parents how to behave. If you love them they will know it, saying it is meaningless if it's not true and kids will pick up on that, they will also pick up on a parent full of shit, blabbering on about unconditional love instead of doing their real job as a parent. You don't like me using cliché, how about unconditional love is a trash can word(s). | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:29:27 AM | True love *is* unconditional. It isn't a set of rules you can choose to apply; the heart makes all the arrangements for you, then tells you about it later.
Any relationship that comes with conditions is merely an arrangement. Might be long-term or short, but it's an arrangement nonetheless. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:48:59 AM | If YOU love someone...isn't it unconditionally...I would do anything for love to quote meatloaf...love CAN NOT BE MANIPULATED...purely love: you would DO anything (including self sacrifice for that person/loved one) Girl is true ALL u have to do is LOVE...even if he DOES not care...Yet the emotion: it is so pure ...you might WEEP for it ...and NOT expect a small bit of sand in return...What it is important is that feeling of OH yeah u DO NOT feel it to give to the one...it comes au natural...THEY are more important THAN YOU...
From one who IS DEEPLY in LOVE | |
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 20 | |
| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:26:42 AM | To quote Yoda: "Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'"
As others have mentioned, I don't think unconditional love is something one can "try" for. IMO, if you love someone, it becomes unconditional on it's own. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 4:57:10 AM | i stated this before , but im going to say it again
the only unconditional love that exist that what your pet gives you.
even with parents and kids i dont think its unconditionla (re: karla homolka) | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:27:24 PM | Well, do you want to be loved unconditionally?
It sounds really cool, but like many things that are of the highest quality, when you aren't ready for that, it turns out to be a bad experience.
I find that I need a partner that can tell when I messed up, and finds a way to communicate to me that I messed up. When I'm with a partner who has messed up and expects me to forgive that mess without communication, apology, or any commitment to change, I am not happy. I don't expect my partner to be perfect, and I know that I am not perfect. But I do expect us, in our acceptable imperfections, to have to adjust to each other, to communicate, apologize, forgive, and continue onward and upward.
I think that if you have to 'try' to love unconditionally, then you aren't ready for it.
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:35:03 PM | You don't like me using cliché, how about unconditional love is a trash can word(s).
I don't the way you misused the words. I don't really care what words you use. Just use them as they were intended, and we're good. I absolutely like the feeling and thought you have put into the subject. Just because a person has unconditional love for a child, doesn't mean he should advise the child of that state of awareness. Most of us realize that the more someone talks about love, the more they are interested in recieving it, not giving it. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:36:17 PM | The BLUES Great - Duke Tomato sings a story he wrote about his nephew. The young man was a total wastrel, a loser, and time after time, family members were called to bail this young man out of jail, out of prison, out of trouble.
The song asks the age old question of unconditional love: "when is enough, ever enough?"
When do you just say "no more". I love you, I love you unconditionally but I cannot love you like this any more.
As a parent? Can you EVER do that? I don't know. It's my opinion that no you can't. A child, your child, someone out of your body who was formed from your body - can you cut them off and out of your life?
If you love, if two adult mature people love? Really love - and there's total acceptance, respect, communication - can you make it end? Can you force it to stop? Do you ever?
Like Rune, I do not think unconditional love means loving through years of change or without ebbing/flowing, and constant change.
Maybe cliches are inside my head tonite but I've always felt that unconditional love is like a river - a lime stone bed with a stone base, crystal pure water, but the shore is constantly changing, the tide and flow increasing and declining, the brim full and the bottom dry and showing... but time flows and the river is always there.
For me that's loving someone unconditionally - mother, child, brother, spouse, friend. It changes but it's just always there. | |
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