| | Contact rulesPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | Wouldn't it be easier if there were some specific rules of contact to go by? For instance am I right to think that it is not AS acceptable for a woman to contact a guy first as it is for a guy to contact the woman first? So if the woman put the interesting pic/profile into her favorites then if the guy finds her profile interesting - he should contact her first? If he doesn't make contact within a week or two she can remove him from favs. or he can remove himself. What do you think??? | |
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Posted: 6/1/2009 11:13:30 PM |
What do you think???
I think if you happen upon a profile and a photo that peak interest, go ahead and contact that person. It happens rarely.
You think we should write a manual for rules of contact? Hmmm...
No biting, gouging eyes and hitting below the belt.
Although your method is a good way to avoid rejection. I'd rather get it over with swiftly, rather than drawing it out over two long weeks. | |
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Posted: 6/1/2009 11:20:06 PM | For instance am I right to think that it is not AS acceptable for a woman to contact a guy first as it is for a guy to contact the woman first?
No, you are not right to think that. If I had it my way, I'd just sit and wait for women to contact me.
So if the woman put the interesting pic/profile into her favorites then if the guy finds her profile interesting - he should contact her first? If he doesn't make contact within a week or two she can remove him from favs. or he can remove himself. What do you think???
Rules are for other people. | |
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Posted: 6/1/2009 11:23:43 PM | | Well if the guy deletes it himself that would take care of it. It could work the other way around too. I always contact people who put me into favs and delete them if they don't work out into a friendship...I'm not looking to collect a big list. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 2:26:18 AM | I think if you've got interest in someone, say so.
Why wait for them to make the first move? Life's too short to not start conversations. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 4:32:09 AM | Why wouldn't it be as acceptable?
Most of the women I know who contact first are the ones who are tired of being "chosen" by men they aren't interested in. The best way to get what you want is to go after it. Choosing is way more enjoyable than sifting through those that choose you. Haha, although neither really bother me as I'm not in a hurry or putting any real effort into meeting someone.
I have never favorited a person. I think the whole thing is weird and stalkerish.
I delete anyone that favorites me. Again, stalkerish.
If someone wants to contact me, they will. The favorites list is just a way to track people.
Oddly enough, I'm not a paranoid person. I just don't see the benefits to the favorites list so I choose not to utilize it. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 4:38:02 AM |
For instance am I right to think that it is not AS acceptable for a woman to contact a guy first as it is for a guy to contact the woman first?
Yes you are wrong. Who says it's not as acceptable??? That's one of those rules I wish women would stop listening to. This isn't real life where you can wait on a guy to come up and say hello. Sometimes you've got to take it upon yourself to speak to someone who interests you. Why would you wait? Wait for??? Godat? Christmas? The Apocalypse?
I don't favorite just any0ne. I have to find some reason to do so beyond their profile looks. And if I do, I ask permission to do so. If a man adds me and doesn't make contact, I'll email him and if he doesn't respond, he's deleted. I've only had one guy who kept adding me without contacting me--this is NOT porn so you don't get to spend your time ogling me without speaking to me.
You're looking at this the wrong way--why are you making ALL of the rules incumbent upon the man doing the contact? Again, this is the net, not real life.
You can sit there and wait for the guy to contact you...when you have cobwebs on your computer and then come back and post that you can't seem to meet anyone here...remember it's cause you're being passive about something that's just too easy. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 6:01:53 AM | | I like the favorites list as it is easy to find them again rather than look through multitudes of profiles again... | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 6:04:03 AM | | If you find someone interesting, instead of clicking favorite why not just message them. Then you won't need to "find" them again. Also, you won't have all this angst about what it all means and what rules should be in place. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 6:22:25 AM | I would wager way more half of my meetings on here have come from women contacting me.
If you find someone interesting you should write a short note.
Cowboy | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 7:33:23 AM |
Wouldn't it be easier if there were some specific rules of contact to go by? For instance am I right to think that it is not AS acceptable for a woman to contact a guy first as it is for a guy to contact the woman first?
If you believe in gender equality then you shouldn't believe in double standards either. Go ahead and make the first contact if you want to and don't start looking for relationships expecting guys to do all the work.
So if the woman put the interesting pic/profile into her favorites then if the guy finds her profile interesting - he should contact her first? If he doesn't make contact within a week or two she can remove him from favs. or he can remove himself. What do you think???
I just use the favorites feature to keep track of the profiles that I like. Sometimes it's someone I want to message but I'm not entirely convinced, sometimes it's someone I want to message right away but don't have time to write at that particular moment.
Would I like it if the girls from my favorites were to contact me? sure but, odds are, it's not going to happen anytime soon so, while it may work for you, I wouldn't really count on others messaging you just because you added them to your favorites list.
When someone adds me to their favorites, I just take it as a compliment and, really, there isn't much point to removing myself from their list. The only time I remove someone else from my favorites list, is either when I convince myself that this particular person isn't right for me or when I message them and get no response. At that point, I tried my best shot, there is no point in me lingering about their profile any longer. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 12:31:19 PM | I think if a profile catches your attention, it doesn't matter who contacts you first, the girl or the guy. It's the year 2009, if women want to be treated equally, start treating men equally too. Maybe the men were just working something out to say, or they thought they wouldn't stand a chance. I don't know.... It could happen the other way around too...
But I'm not too hung up on favourite list. I barely check them (next to never even). If I see an interesting profile, I contact them. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 12:51:34 PM | Good choice......
Since I have been on here for some time, my attitude has shifted 180 about contacting women, and I now let them, most of the time, decide if they want to know me or not.
At first I use to be like most men on here, and send out email after email to the ones that would peak my interest, and feel the brunt of nothing happening because so many men were doing the same thing, and most women were overwhelmed with interest and could be very busy deciding, so many times, and just did not decide at all.
I ended up getting hooked on the forums, made many friends, and changed my attitude about this dating site, and let those interested in me, start the process, and then we would mutually take it from there, if wanted by both.
This way, since men outnumber women by so many, I know that if I get an email, it is usually for a good reason, and not one of a hundred that can confuse the best of them, and it levels the playing field much more, and brings in equality, which I so want anyway.
I have no problem picking up that ball, when it is rolled into my court, but I will not stand there with 100 other males waiting to take one shot because the basket is clogged with shots going through the hoops.
If I look at my emails sent and received by first contacts, they are very close to being equal in number, and that for me is much more appealing, and shows much more equality of the sexes.
Just my opinion......   | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 12:58:56 PM | This sounds to me like a way to remove yourself emotionally from the process so that you don't as hurt by rejection.
Which sounds like a good idea, except that it will have the opposite effect. Not knowing why somebody is no longer interested is agonizing, and it's far easier to move on if a reason has been clearly stated.
Even if I'm completely off-target there, I still don't think we should have rules forcing people to date in any particular manner. That's pretty draconian.
If anything, I would think the site would run more smoothly if more women initiated contact. It bypasses the "horny guy who spams 400 women a day" filter than women have to put up, and that men who aren't horny troglodytes have to fight through. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 1:22:56 PM | If you want rules, then who will act as referee? Personally, I prefer no rules except that we try to treat each other with respect and kindness - if you can't at least do that, then you're not for me. The rest will follow.
Things like who makes first contact are irrelevant when the real goal is simply to find a way to get together and see if you're compatible. When to have sex can't be based on a rule, but rather a balance of readiness, needs, trust, and communication. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 1:23:08 PM | | That's called playing games! You now can never get upset about a guy playing games with you. :) | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 1:30:49 PM | A Lot of people do have certain types of rules.
Like many will not contact "separated" people (ahem)....
I just say to each their own. I'm not a control freak and think my life would be better if everyone would just do as I wished and made my life easier for me. (well actually I do think that way like you do, but I also realize how unrealistic it is) | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 1:55:11 PM | I know as a new member, I'm completely unfamiliar with what's ok, pushy, etc. General etiquette I guess. Favorites is something similiar in most cases to "winking" or "poking" or something along those lines. If someone favorites me and I like them, I favorite them, next thing you know we start an exchange. (ok, so far the ladie's have always started it because I'm still a bit chicken :) ) But it's a great way to get your feet wet, build confidence (when someone adds you) and get an idea where you stand. Or if you might be interested in IM'ing certain people only, that's an option you can enable, so only those YOU have in your favorites can IM you.
I do plan on messaging people very soon, but this is a great warm up for me! | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 2:43:23 PM | | I wish there were some kind of rules. When I view a woman's profile and she views mine back I don't know if that means that I should send her a message because she took the time to view my profile or if it means that she has viewed me and is not interested. Every single time I have made first contact on here I never got a response back. Life is so confusing. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 3:38:27 PM |
I wish there were some kind of rules. When I view a woman's profile and she views mine back I don't know if that means that I should send her a message because she took the time to view my profile or if it means that she has viewed me and is not interested. Every single time I have made first contact on here I never got a response back. Life is so confusing.
Maybe you need to put more time into contacting a woman. It's entirely possible that your first-contacts appear to be cut and pasted. Either that, of you make yourself sound desperate.
Or maybe you only contact women who are out of your league.
Who knows? | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 3:49:54 PM | Rules?
I had two, women behind dogs, no go. Women with 80 hairdo's, no go. Women with no photos, maybe. Only if they sent photos afterwards, since two very hot women I went out with had no photos to begin with. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 3:58:35 PM |
I like the favorites list as it is easy to find them again rather than look through multitudes of profiles again...
Not everyone pays attention to a favorites list and of those who do, many use it for a different reason. For example, many of the people who have me in their favorite's list, have me there because they are on the forums, we talk via messages and there were mail restrictions that made an inititial contact impossible. Some have marked me because they liked my profile even though they live 1000 miles away. A couple I have not figured out. I don't bother putting anyone on my favorites list. I never saw the point. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 4:47:19 PM | | I think that 30 years ago, yes it would have been proper to wait for the man to make contact. However, in today's age things have turned around. What is so difficult about making a first contact if you are female? I think the adding someone to your favorites in hopes they'll notice you and maybe message you is a tad on the passive aggressive side and in a sense, an indirect game. In today's world with today's technology everything is much more direct. If you are interestd, message them. Worst can happen is they unread/delete it. No big deal. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 5:04:40 PM | There are already to many rules in life. This is suppose to be fun. And I contact men if I like their picture, like what they have written, or just want to say hi. I put people men and women on my favorites lists not always because I want to date them because I love what they write. I have meant some witty charming people on here that I would never have had the chance to meet....because they live a very long way from me. And of course the men that I would like to meet. To jump into the water and take a chance at being rejected doesn't phase me. Maybe whenever I was younger and a whole lot more immature. Either they will like me or not like me . But I am only looking for that one special person to like me so if I sit by and watch life move on without me it is a choice that I have made to sit around waiting. But maybe I am to darn stubborn and having to much fun to just sit around waiting for them....maybe I just need to reach out a bit more and try.
You can sit around and wait. Not me I am jumping into the water feet first and I am going to enjoy it | |
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Posted: 6/2/2009 5:15:11 PM | The use of the word rules implies something I don't know if you intended.
I think that it's a good policy (if that's a good word...haha) to always do what you can feel good about and comfortable with.
I also believe STRONGLY that we have more happiness and success in life when we focus on ourselves and don't depend on someone else reacting to what we do in a favorable way. Doing that tends to make a person anxious and fearful and tend to withdraw because it didn't "work".
All the blah blah about who should make first contact, who asks the other person out, who pays....blah blah it's all white noise and very distracting.
Screw it all, it's your life and your happiness. Do what you enjoy and makes you happy, noone else will be hanging around to try to manufacture that for you.
Take a risk and don't think that much about it. You find an interesting profile, drop a note say you liked the profile and why. If they respond and you get into a convo, great if not, it's only a few minutes. Not much to "lose" (if you consider that a loss) and who knows what the potential may be for what you might gain.
Now put on your big girl panties and go write some of these interesting, handsome guys! POF has LOTS!! (I know many of them are my friends, a few that posted here...)
Have some fun, it's just an email.  | |
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