| | Is Revenge Really Sweet?Page 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | After my recent break-up with someone after two years, I've been having mood swings from sadness to anger. The break-up was because I'd done the 'unthinkable'..fallen for him...and was trying to hide it and stay friends...until he told me about someone else he was interested in. That's when my emotions exploded to the surface and I told him. No more Mr Niceguy........he cut me off totally! No texts...no emails.....just didn't want to know me....even though I pleaded with him to stay friends..it all fell on deaf ears.
I know so much about him......it would be so easy to seek revenge......but would this really help me? Probably not...how many others have felt this way? | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:48:12 AM | I think you should blank him and not let him disturb your spirit. I've read loads of books about happiness and relationships but the best advice of all is in the Dali Lama's book the secret of happiness. To condense it into two points it says (1) avoid vexatious spirits and (2) hold something back for you ie never give all your heart. It seems unusual advice but avoiding unhappy people and their negative influences on your life can make you happier. Also love begins with you, you have to hold some love back for yourself or you can never truly love anyone. My advice therefore is avoid all thoughts of him, or revenge or the past. Take this as a new oppertunity for you, for you to be a new you. You have something to give and there are loads of nice people in the world who'd happily want you. Turn the page however difficult but holding thoughts of revenge or what ifs? only impairs the healing of your heart and keeps you back in a dark place where I'm sure he'd love you to be. Go onwards and upwards.
take care.
Patrick. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:19:35 AM | Lub,
Let's be honest here...your plea to stay friends was a plea to keep a semblance, ANY semblance, of a relationship going. It is over, dear. He's actually doing you a favor with no contact. It will be easier for you to move past this and on with your life.
Revenge? Yeah...lots of people feel that way, but the gratification of any revenge you seek will be extremely short lived and will serve no purpose. If nothing else, your 'revenge' will only re-enforce any reasons he found to break off with you.
Live well. The best revenge is to live well, and get everything you ever wanted in life. Live well in spite of the people that crap in your Post Toasties. Live well, and be generous with the people that took from you. Let them understand their mistake, and be reminded of it as you live well while totally moving beyond them. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 9:56:57 AM | Revenge is usually worse for the revenger than the revengee. It poisons you, drags you down, and forces you to keep reliving feelings better put aside so that you can move on.
That doesn't make these kind of feelings unusual, by any stretch, it just makes them incredibly unhealthy for you. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 11:52:28 AM | Revenge to what? Revenge requires the other person to initially do something where they're at fault for something.
You were trying to hide it and stay friends. That's acting. That's playing games, and although you do get sympathy (we all have tried to do that), you do have to take responsibility for it and not take it out on the other person.
So you guys were broken up, and after a while, he told you about someone else he was interested in, because, you were FAKING being friends and fooled him. That's his fault?
He cut off communications because you're emotionally unstable -- you've been faking it that whole time. If he were to keep in communication with you and "be friends", it would drag on for god-knows-how-long. It would be WORSE for you in the long run, but your emotions would get their "fix" -- he doesn't owe that to you, and you don't owe it to yourself!
You obviously can't handle being friends (and I dont recommend that to anyone until AFTER they've truly gotten over someone), so it needs to be cut off.
I understand the feeling -- you won't be rational in the beginning -- it's all their fault... your emotions are the same as if they did something horrible to you, but in actuality, they did not. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:55:22 PM | 'Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about those who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.'
Live well. The best revenge is to live well, and get everything you ever wanted in life. Live well in spite of the people that crap in your Post Toasties. Live well, and be generous with the people that took from you. Let them understand their mistake, and be reminded of it as you live well while totally moving beyond them. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 1:38:21 PM | Everyone gets angry once in a while, were all human and sometimes you may want revenge but dont do it you are better than that. life is not always fair. You wont feel good about yourself getting revenge, your putting too much importance on this person who does not deserve it. The best revenge is to get on with your own life and take responsibility for your own happiness, and you wont feel that dwelling on him. You are worth better treatment, Put your energy elsewhere look for someone else he is not the only man on the planet. Accept the situation forgive and move on and stop dwelling on negative thoughts.
Think postive thoughts and postive things will happen, and look ahead not backwards. We cannot change the past but we can the future. What are you interested in someone who is not even interested in you respect yourself he has hurt you and you need no more heartbreak life is short, and he,s not good enough for you find someone who is. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 1:52:31 PM | Men on these sites don't really tell you they are looking for friends w benefits until he can find THE ONE...do they?
Been there...done that four times....Stick a fork in me...I am done. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:33:03 PM | Revenge is never the answer. Boys will be boys you know.
Because it will always come back to you so eventually if you get revenge you will only end up hurting yourself | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:40:56 PM | | While revenge is sweet it can bite back. The Universe has a way of returning to us what we send out to it. Let Karma take care of the revenge. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:46:03 PM | | i have had this feeling with my ex a few times, but once calmed down i did some soul searching and knew i was better off without his friendship as he made a really bad friend and had only his own interests at heart and nobody else's,a yr on and hes not changed, cheating still and being a wanker, am pleased i have moved on from him and left my mark with him and walked away with my self worth which is worth much more :) | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:25:31 PM | Maybe you scared him!
The only time (in my mind) that revenge is sweet is when either A.The ****er cheats on you, B.He steals from you during/after the breakup OR C.He completely F*CKS your life ON PURPOSE. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/2/2009 9:11:17 PM | You mis-labeled "revenge".
You are not experiencing revenge.
You are experiencing grief, anger, loss, frustration, and a hundred and one other emotions that are not revenge.
You need to get very clear on what you are experiencing and what you are not.
True revenge is never motivated by anything you have described.
It is "always served cold", never at room temperature, and never at the temperature you are currently operating at. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:29:41 AM | | Think about why you fell for him, you obviously found something worth caring about this person for. Now, could you really do that to someone you love or was your love conditional (meaning: I only love you if you love me). It sucks to love someone that does not feel the same for you but revenge is never the answer. As someone said above it will justify his reason for leaving you. The very best thing that you can do is find some semblance of happiness for yourself. Find activities to do that will take your mind off of your hurt and be happy to do them, even if you have to fake it until you make it. It is easier to get over someone if you accpet that they are who they are, and llove them anyway. Appreciate what it was that they revealed about themsleves that made them lovable to you. Kind of like the death of a loved one remember the good times. Recognize that you can't change him and at the same time affirm to yourself that if it is meant to be it will be and leave your heart open but don't hang on. You will undoubtedly remove any chance if you carry through on your revenge. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:33:08 AM | Sorry, but you need therapy.
That this situation could make you go so far to the dark side is just scary. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:04:36 AM | OP, what you did wasn't revenge, it was retaliation. And it's a pretty common reaction.
Revenge is a carefully devised plan to willfully right an injustice against someone you feel betrayed by.
Revenge can be a beautiful work of art in the right hands. Some of my fantasies of revenge have been such a thing of beauty that they brought a tear to my eye. LOL! For those I am avenging myself against, it is fortunate for them that I only fantasize it. Oh, so fortunate.
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Real cold. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:28:32 AM | | Thank you...I am happier when I'm busy doing things I enjoy...or just being busy. Its the times when I'm alone with my thoughts that are the hardest. I can notice myself getting stronger though. So I won't jeopardise my health and well-being by carrying through on any plan of revenge. There is much wisdom in what you posted here..thanks again. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:45:36 AM | | Looking at it from that angle, yes it is true, but I didn't want to lose him either..and I did apologise to him for that. I see your point though...that I would be WORSE off if the friendship continued. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 5:57:43 AM | If it tastes as sweet as chocolate, then sure go for it!!!
No, seriously don't. Not worth the time and effort. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 6:13:42 AM | "Before embarking on a journey of revenge, it is prudent to first dig two graves"
~ Confucious | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:42:16 AM |
it would be so easy to seek revenge......but would this really help me?
If you are wanting revenge on someone, then you're still not over that person. You'll only be over someone when you reach the point of indifference. | |
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| Is Revenge Really Sweet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:46:45 AM | Revenge may be sweet,
however it is not nourishing to the soul.
You would do better to put the same energy you would have wasted on revenge into doing something positive for yourself. | |
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