| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 3:53:06 PM | | Im just gonna vent, respond if you feel necessary. I work 40+ hours a week mon-fri I have my daughter and her sister fri-sun. I dont have alot of time to date, but damn dont punish me/us for taking care of business. I work 40+hours a week so I am able to give her mother the child support she needs to provide for her. I have her fri-mon because I love her and think getting someone to watch her while I go out , is wrong on many different levels. I can basically only date sunday night thru thursday night. I was dating someone not from this site, yes I met somebody without the internet there is hope. But i digress. She said she was really into me always had fun , really started caring for me , but the whole I have my daughter thing got in the way. I am not ready to bring my children around another woman until I am sure she is going to be around, for quite awhile. I do not want my daughter seeing a revolving door of women that daddy may be dating , I dont think it sets a very good example. So just understand being a single dad is difficult, not as difficult as a single mother but still has its hurdles. I dont think I am out of line am I?? | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:05:35 PM | What's your point or question?
You have limited time to date and don't want to bring women around your child until you're sure it's serious.
Sounds about right to me
What "break" are you asking for? | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:05:58 PM | Absolutely. You dodged a bullet there. She sounded like she was gonna be high maintenance and wanting to be more important than your kids.
Keep looking, you'll get there. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:09:40 PM | | For women to understand that we have limited dating time, and dont want to expose our children to every woman we have a couple drinks with. I have dated women and they have thrown fits when I tell them that I cant go out with them on fri or sat night . | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:11:24 PM | I work 40 hours a week plus, am 100% responcible for bringing the girl child to ballet and the boy child to baseball 3-4 nights a week. I also have my kids every weekend and have not received a dime in support in over a year. Is there a real unique thread worthy issue here cupcake?  | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:14:36 PM | I guess you'll just have to tell these women "I have limited dating time, and dont want to expose my children to every woman I have a couple drinks with"
They can take it or leave it. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:19:19 PM | | Guess I just don't see how a woman couldn't understand. And not be more sensitive to the situation. I mean shes a 5 yr old lil girl, how can you tell me to put you in front of a bundle of love, like that?? Guess I just dont get it. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:20:51 PM | I work 40 hours a week plus, am 100% responcible for bringing the girl child to ballet and the boy child to baseball 3-4 nights a week. I also have my kids every weekend and have not received a dime in support in over a year. Is there a real unique thread worthy issue here cupcake
Ditto - I'm 100% repsonsible for bringing up my son...afterschhol activities, sports, band...the whole nine yards.
To the OP: You'rea single parent - you have other priorities besides dating. What are you gonna do? When I want to spend time with someone I make it happen somehow. You just haven't met the right person yet.
edited to add: One thing you might consider is to remove pics your little girl off your profile. If you don't want the women your meeting to have anything to do with her (which is totally cool) then you shouldn't have 2 pics of her in your profile. It sends a confusing message... | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:30:17 PM | Developing a deep relationship takes time...which is a luxery you dont have. People need to be realistic about what they can give, and adjust what they hope to get. If someone comes along who is fine with your situation, bonus-but expecting that is a little silly, in my opinion.
Casual dating is only gonna last so long with women who are wanting to grow with someone. Getting past the casual dating phase is going to be pretty tough if you cannot give your time to her.
I divorced in 98, and have not settled with anyone new...I only began to have more spare time in the last couple years. I would have been spread way too thin otherwise. JMO based on my life. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:37:27 PM | | Kids get in the way. It sucks. I don't like to date girls with kids. That's the way it is. I "understand" their situation, and I don't "throw fits," but I tend to avoid them. Kids are baggage, and not everyone wants baggage. If some women can't handle your baggage, then obviously those women are not for you. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:40:59 PM | | It's pretty ironic, actually - I see all these threads about how men don't want to date single moms, and here you are, a single dad, with women all over the place who want a committed relationship...I should be that lucky -lol | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:50:01 PM | Who said you are out of line?
The thing is being a single parent and trying to date is going to be rough, you even admitted it, and know a mother is *probably* harder.
If you have too much going in life because of your daughter and work then maybe now is not the right time to be dating. You have 24 hours a day 7 times a week. You don't have time for everything.
My question is why should a woman stay with you if you have too much on your plate at the time? | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:52:38 PM | | Ok , I do have time to date, but also have a schedule. If I met a woman and she couldnt see sun-wed because she worked those days I wouldnt tell her to kick rocks. I guess I will just use it as a filter to get rid of the selfish ones :) | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:55:37 PM |
guess I will just use it as a filter to get rid of the selfish ones
I don't think they're being selfish - they just want to spend time with you. You can't do thay so they move on.... | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:11:33 PM | Your problem sounds like your life is a schedule.
This means that you basically have time when you can and can't do things 90% of the time. You said you can date sun-thur.
When people date they usually don't go on a schedule all the time. Some stuff is done on a whim, most stuff is sorta planned, and a few things are planned weeks in advance.
If you have an extremely concrete schedule it probably will create issues. If you don't get the dates in sun-thur for w/e reason dating for that week is over. And if you miss it next week now that's 2 weeks.
It sounds like you should find a way, if possible, to loosen up your schedule somehow. Maybe by getting different work days and different days you have your children if possible. This way it's not always sun-thur and it makes it look like you are going to possibly be avaible for any day of the week, just depends on what the week looks like.
If that made sense :/ | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:16:22 PM |
If you have an extremely concrete schedule it probably will create issues
What if you were dating a woman and she had concert tickets, baseball tickets - or a wedding to go to on a Friday or Saturday night? Even if you knew a month in advance, and had time to rearrange stuff, would you still say "No"... | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:26:40 PM |
Ditto - I'm 100% repsonsible for bringing up my son...afterschhol activities, sports, band...the whole nine yards.
To the OP: You'rea single parent - you have other priorities besides dating. What are you gonna do? When I want to spend time with someone I make it happen somehow. You just haven't met the right person yet.
edited to add: One thing you might consider is to remove pics your little girl off your profile. If you don't want the women your meeting to have anything to do with her (which is totally cool) then you shouldn't have 2 pics of her in your profile. It sends a confusing message...
wow tracy; you are right on; being so protective and then putting the little girl on line for millions to see is a mixed message.
You are a single parent and taking care of biz and thats awesome; i wish there were more like you OP. you also though shouldn't get mad at people for not being able to handle it. When you date someone without kids, your relationship is first most of the time. When you date someone with kids the relationship is second or sometimes third. You shouldnt' get mad at those that can't hang with that.
You will meet the right one; be patient; but if I had a child I would NEVER in a million years have their photo on a dating site. I barely want my own on it.
Very insightful Tracy. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:30:06 PM | | I just have to say, I'm a single mom and I have had similar experiences too. I don't have another parent in the picture however to take them for even a weekend. My parents sometimes will help, but I can't depend on that. I work different shifts every week and so my time is a bit confined when it comes to dating. I've found that if someone doesn't understand that you are a single parent and that your kids are part of the package, then it really isn't going to work out in the end anyway. Nobody should ever tell you or make you feel like your kids are "in the way". They just aren't worth it then. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:35:16 PM | I give you credit for taking care of your kids.
Any woman who doesn't respect you for that is insane. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:37:31 PM | You have time to date but only as long as that time is when you have scheduled with absolutely no input or consideration for the other person and yet you see it as being the other person as being selfish. That's interesting.
So what is that you really have to offer someone? Limited time? Limited emotional investment? Inflexibility and no spontaneity? No really, what? Does what you offer match what you hope to find?
Your schedule is not conducive to dating. That's the consequences of the choices you have made.
There are plenty of people who have busy lives and just looking for companionship dating. Instead of trying to get people to give you a break, perhaps you should focus on finding someone that is in the same situation and would appreciate your limitations because they have some of their own.
School activities are great for this. The kids already know each other and won't think anything of the parents hanging out. Well, not when they are young anyway.
Expand your thinking on this and quit blaming others. Accept your choices and work within them instead of venting about what you can't have and the people that don't want you because of them. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:54:23 PM | That buzz lightyear ride RAWKED!!!!!
And I'm jealous.. I wanna camp in Mexico! I've only camped here..
Edit:: Who ever suggest he alter his schedule.. That's crap! I'm a single parent. I was working 60+ hours a week, including evenings and weekend and all the things that go along with being a mom with no help, I was dating a guy who also work about 50 hours a week, but did not have a child. We saw each other constantly, and he did not spend time with my child as I have the same feelings toward that as the OP. When both of you WANT to see each other, you make it happen. I'm currently unemployed but dating a man who basically has only has one night off a week occasional weekends. We see each other a lot too. It isn't hard when both parties want to see each other. The problem is the feeling has to be mutual and you both have to be willing to work around each other schedules.
OP: Stick with it. The woman who can deal with it and will work with you will show up one day, sometimes it takes awhile. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 7:29:53 PM | OP - women come and go. Those girls will always be your daughters. There are women out there who will appreciate the fact that your kids come first. You just have to find her. Personally, I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't put his kids first.
But, I have to say - I have a lot of respect for people who straight up say, "I don't want to date someone with kids." That is way better than getting involved, and then they act like they're in some kind of sick competition with the kid(s).
Count yourself lucky that this woman bailed on the relationship before it got to the point of the kids being involved. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/3/2009 7:30:14 PM |  Good for you Justin! That is the most sane rant I have read in a long time. IMO you are doing the right thing for you and your daughter. Don't settle for a girl who is selfish enough to make you choose between her and your daughter. That is just wrong! I see to many parents choose their SO over their children and the relationship fails and the children are damaged.
I have the same parenting philosophy that you have and if that means that I am single until my child graduates from high school then so be it. I would rather raise a healthy, well adjusted child then be so self absorbed that I end up causing more harm then good for my son.
U ROCK! | |
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