| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/4/2009 9:00:04 AM | First, about me. I am a full time single father of two little girls, 2 and 3 years old. I have been single for a year now. My ex wife is not at all in the picture, so it literally is just the 3 of us.
I have a couple of general questions I'm hoping some people can answer for me.
1. Do women actually consider single fathers?
2. Should children be mentioned on a profile, or at a later date?
3. Are women without children interested in single fathers?
4. If a woman sees a man with two little kids, do they automatically assume they're married?
If anybody could answer any questions or give any advice it would be greatly appreciated. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/4/2009 9:05:31 AM |
1. Do women actually consider single fathers? Some do, some don't.
2. Should children be mentioned on a profile, or at a later date? It's a category with a drop-down menu on every profile --- "has kids" = "yes" --- whether you want to say more in your profile is up to you.
3. Are women without children interested in single fathers? Some are, some aren't.
4. If a woman sees a man with two little kids, do they automatically assume they're married? Some do, some don't. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/4/2009 9:08:42 AM |
1. Do women actually consider single fathers?
Absolutely - as long as they can make time for me
2. Should children be mentioned on a profile, or at a later date?
In the profile...you need to be honest straight away
3. Are women without children interested in single fathers?
Maybe ...every woman is different. They might not understand the demands and responsibilities that go along with being a parent.
4. If a woman sees a man with two little kids, do they automatically assume they're married?
Yup...sorry :-( I usually look for a wedding band, but a lot of men don't wear them so I just assume that they're married.... | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/4/2009 9:32:58 AM | Ok, thank you for the replies. My 3 year old doesn't help in public, even if I am talking to someone, she always says "My mommy's at home" which just makes me look like a cheater. Even though, she only sees her every few months. Plus, I would never try to pick up a woman while I'm with my kids anyway because I don't think it's right, but of course I'm open to a woman coming on to me lol.
As for mentionning kids on my profile, I already had. As much as it may scare women away, this is my life and a big part of who I am. I just wasn't sure if results are better to get the initial contact, and then mention them or not. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/4/2009 9:42:19 AM | | It is a much smaller dating pool. There are women that will date you, but way fewer. Married women seem to mind the least if you have kids or not as long as you can provide some time to them. I think the key in that is they are not looking for long term. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/4/2009 10:06:53 AM | it was nice to see them responses as i am a single father to 2 boys aged 2 and 3. i already feel like im at a disadvatage on the dating sceen like this but to add to it im a student ok not so bad you say to top it all off im 21 years old!
it is near imposible to find people just to chat to let alone a date lol its crazy dont get me wrong im not beating myself up about it (yet) but it just bothering me a lil i love my kids and will do anything for them so im going to uni to better myself! its alot to take on i understand but in the same respect is that me doomed out till my kids all grown up | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/4/2009 10:25:42 AM | Hi,
Talking from a single mums perspective, I would hate to think i will be alone forever because I have a child so would be happy to consider men both with or without children although single dads appeal to me more as they are likely to be more understanding and have more in common. As a single father you will understand the not being able to help talking about your precious children to anyone who will listen.
It also means you can share days out with your children together (eventually) rather than having to find babysitters!
Having said that I havent had hardly any replies on here which could be simply due to the fact I have a baby or that Ive been quite specific about timewasters- letting someone into your childs life aswell as your own is pretty daunting and not something I can anylonger do without worrying. Failing that its just me lol!
I hope that we are not all "doomed out" and that its more of a case of waiting for that right one.
Do you really want to begin to get to know someone who doesnt want someone with children or just respect the fact that you do - I know id rather ppl like this simply didnt bother!
Im sure that person you are looking for - Well done for going to Uni- You are still only young and have loads of time not like an oldie like me!
Good luck to you and all you single dads out there hoping to find someone decent!
We are out here honest!!! | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/4/2009 11:56:28 AM | | Should your children should be mentioned on your profile or at a later date??...without a shadow of a doubt they should be mentioned,they are a part of you/your life..dont be affraid to think that women wont be intrested if you say you have children,i`m a single parent with 2 son`s,the 1st thing i mentioned was my children..they r my priority..if men r put off,they there not worth my time x | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:52:37 AM | 1. Yes! I date a lot dude and if you look at my profile I have a list of do not wants and still get lots of women!!!
2. Be straight up from the get go! Women HATE it when you hide something like that. Also you don't want to get your heart broken because someone you got into a relationship with didn't want kids.
3. Yes! Sometimes their maternal instinct kicks in and they fall in love with your kids.
4. It matters on the woman and usually if they are religious or not.
Hope these help dude. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:56:12 AM | In response:
1. Of course women consider single fathers. Most women over the age of 25 have children of their own.
2. You can mention that you have custody of your children on your profile, it will weed out the people that aren't interested in dating someone that has children, although there are many different scenarios.
3. See #1. Most women over 25 have children of their own - except the career women, or the women who have decided to wait .. does it really matter?
4. If a man sees a woman with 2 little kids, does he automatically assume she's a single mom??
Food for thought??
JMO | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/5/2009 3:28:58 PM | 1. Some women very much consider single fathers (though I will confess I have seen some who will o nly date fathers of older kids, not younger; depends on the woman and her own situation/preferences)
2. Yes. Absolutely. The fact they are there, and their ages (and the amount of custody). Those are all things that won't affect some people at all but very much will others; they and you should know if talking would happen or not with those things known.
3. Some very much are; some very much aren't. Some are, again depending on the ages. Again, every woman is different. A lot of it is known on the profile. Remember to not make the assumption if she says she is not interested in having more children on her profile, it does NOT mean she is not interested in meeting someone else who has them. That is one of the biggest misconceptions around... ask, don't assume :)
4. Usually, yep. Especially if they are talking about mommy being at home lol.
Only advice is be careful how much you expose your kids to women as you're meeting them; you don't really know whether they will get attached or not (shoot, the other day in teh grocery store I had a three or so year old boy literally start following me around the grocery store (I had to keep bringing him back to his parents) and he literally screamed when his parents finally put him in the cart so he'd quit running off and following me. If they can get attached from literally just clapping eyes on someone in a store, imagine if they interact regularly for a while. They can feel downright rejected if the woman all of a sudden disappears. Be very careful how much you expose them to your dates, for their sake and yours.
Very best of luck to you. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/5/2009 4:28:22 PM | Thank you everyone for your advice and input. I have gotten a different perspective on some thoughts. Don't get me wrong, although it does get lonely at times, I am in no rush to meet someone new. I am having some luck and getting contacted by a few women. Between that and everybody's input, it helps give me a more positive outlook.
I have definitely always assumed that if a woman has on her profile that she does not want kids that she would be against a man with kids.
Also, to any other single parent that reads this, especially new ones. For the longest time, I thought I had to be with somebody to be happy. I have learned that the trick to being happy is accepting the way your life is. My ex and I split up a year ago and I was torn apart for probably 6 months after. I felt I was doomed for a couple months after that to be alone. I found the loneliness really got to me and I began getting depressed. An old friend gave me the best advice I have ever been given, although in a bit more harsh way lol "Be a man, grow some balls, accept that this is the way your life is. These kids have one person to depend on and that's you." Ever since that moment, I saw more than I already did that this life is a blessing and not a curse. Although it is hard at times, I remember that I am the whole world to these little girls, and that is all I need.
I don't need somebody to be happy, and the girls don't need a mother. We are doing great on our own. But I will admit that it does get lonely.
I know off topic, but hopefully this helps somebody feel better. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/6/2009 11:09:43 AM | 1. Some will, some won't, you have to put yourself out there and ask the question or don't ask the question and see how they react when you tell them your situation. If they don't stop taking your calls then you know it is not an issue. For myself, I don't automatically exclude single fathers but if after meeting their children, I realize they are little deviants or devils, I would conclude that we don't share the same parenting styles/values and likely lose interest rather quickly.
2. Honesty upfront is always the best policy. Being a parent is a big part of who we are as individuals (if we have kids), so shout it out and be proud of it. Trying to hide it indicates you are not comfortable with the fact that you are a father and how that might play out in the dating scene.
3. Some are, some aren't...see response to #1.
4. I used to, I don't anymore because being on these forums has opened my eyes to the number of men who are raising their children.
I should mention that I have a preference for men who share custody (50/50) or would if they were given the opportunity. Disney dads which is the term I use for those fathers who prefer to have every other weekend with their children and spoil them senseless to relieve their guilt. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/6/2009 4:26:52 PM | Hmmm, you know that problem I have ? It s not only have I read a few threads like this already in the past but it seems to me lots of guy throw the " I am a single dad " right out there in the first line. Some times it seems to me that they are ALMOST looking for a little extra .... sympathy, something anyway. We all have our crosses to bear and we all have responsibilities, whether it be jobs, kids etc, so put what you want on a profile. Some people spend more time with their model airplanes than us parents spend with kids, so be it, if it is that important put it down. BUT, I am going to let you in on a little secret, yes your kids are your life, yes they mean the world to you, but I highly doubt you would introduce them right off the get go to someone new that you may or may not have met from a sight like this. SO, that being said, maybe simply checking the box and letting people meet the " other side " or " Other parts " of you first then, as time moves, all other aspects, both important and not so important should slowly come into play.
I respect the single parent realm ( I am one actually ) I just think sometime we tend to use it as a crutch, which I think scares more people away than the actual children.
Just my thoughts. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/6/2009 5:56:48 PM | | hi there mark. firstly well done babe nice to hear about a dad being a dad ,women do consider men with children and at those ages more than ever .personally i would mention them when you meet up with a lady as you and your children come as a package and you should be proud of them .i know single women that have got with single fathers when they havent got children them selves. unfortunetly i think when a woman sees a man with two young children they do sometimes assume they are married but hey not all the time. my son is a single father and hes got all this to come .i dont know if this is any help love mari lou x | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:30:10 PM | The answers to your questions will be different for every woman on here, so thread will only give you the general idea about what women think of single fathers, etc.
My personal answers would be:
1) Yes- I would consider a single father. However, I don't exclusively go for anyone or reject anyone for their circumstances or situation. The only line I would morally draw is men still living with or married with to the mother of their children. I'm also not to keen on the status 'Seperated', especially when children are involved. It signals that the split is fresh and the children are dealing with other things- they don't need daddy dating already.
2) In a profile. Be upfront and you can't be accused of lying! Straight-forward really! A pretty big turn off would be 'Sorry, I have to leave early- the babysitter is ill. Did I not mention I have two kids at home?'- I would automatically think you were ashamed of the situation and you shouldn't be: you should be glowing and saying how proud you are of your rugrats in the conversation on the night.
3) No idea.
4) No. If they look young enough, I think it might be their big brother. Yet I'm hardly going to chat them up or make doe-eyes, just in case they are the daddy and mummy is waiting outside the store. That question can be thrown back at you: do you presume that every woman with a child is married or still with the father?
There you go! | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:03:53 PM | my kids are now 11 and almost 13..I have devoted my time to them and their needs and wants. since 2002 Out of the blue in fla this week, they each said, dad, we think you need to date now and find you someone you can love.I am not sure where that came from, but I kinda wanted to hear that from them and that let me know that they are now growing up and dont have to have me around to watch every move anymore.It was one of those...... 2 sided questions. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:57:10 AM | | I think dating a single dad when a single mum is so much easier. I have dated guys in past with and without kids. The very fact that there are children's needs to be met and respected by both parties saves a lot of miscommunication. Single dads understand last minute issues and time management factors. As a single dad a guy has so much experi ence, understanding and maturity a single mum needs to form the basis of a relationship. However where do we find these single dads, most do not wish to get involved with single mums! | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/7/2009 7:46:55 AM | First are there women that date single fathers yes. Each woman is different, but I've had dates, and I'm a single dad. So don't worry there.
Should the childern be mentioned in the profile. I have mentioned my son in my profile, it weeds out those that are not interested in child(ren). Also it say allows the person looking at your profile that you have other priorities. Your challenge is to be imagainative about dating. Lunch dates etc.
Do women think your married, neither of us are mind readers so who really knows. I feel your pain about the mommy thing. I think she just doesn't want to share you, my son clings to me and says my daddy when I talk to a woman from time to time (he's 3) So I guess that is normal behavior. I hope this helps good luck. | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:10:11 PM | I think its remarkable that you are taking care of your children Im a mother of four and have raised them alone, three of them are now grown and I have a 13 year son still at home. I think being up front on your profile is how it should be anyone to shallow to talk to you or date you in because you have your children wouldnt be someone you would want around in the first place. I myself would love to date a single father with small children but I love kids and have always had them around me, I dont care whose kids they are they are the greatest thing God put on this earth, I have been a mother since I was 18 and have always felt this way no matter how old. Some women are cut out of a certain kind of mold those are the ones that were meant for all you single fathers and mothers.
Nancy | |
|
| Single father of 2 little girls looking for advice
Posted: 6/7/2009 10:46:30 PM | For my view. a man can be a single father to take care of kids by their own ,it means that they are more responsible people than some other man left their ex wives or kids.
More better to date.
So,depends on people. | |
|
Home
login 
