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 tenorsex
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 1
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Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?Page 1 of 1    
I tried a few searches on this one, cant' seem to find what others think. What's the guys take on this and what us ladies think about this?

Here is what i think:

Too many dating rules and books available out there that confuses most of us. I believe in following my heart. If I have gone out with a guy for more than 3 dates and still continue to see each other, I don't particularly bothered by him not planning activities to do and just hang around his/mine/or public places. I will take initiative if i'd like to see him on a certain day or just call before getting off work to drop him dinner if he is available. I don't particularly mind calling or texting first. Somewhat, I think the so called dating books are all about mind play and it is not one size fits all as we all have different emotions and personalities. I once dated this guy who is a single father and between a full time job and children without a nanny or sitter (yes the mother is in the picture and they share physical custody of the children, average 3-4 days a week depends on their availability). I figured between all that fatherhood responsibilities, household chores, catching up work while the children are sleeping, and time for himself, it'd probably be better if i initiate contact after our 5th or 6th date. We were both "very responsive" to each others' texts and normally replied within minutes so it was mutually good sign, Until the "Talk" came along in which he wants me to be exclusive to him but he is not "emotionally available for me" due to his fathering issues and the ex is constantly in the picture. And the reason he was separated and divorcing his wife was because he felt something missing in his life and there is no longer passion and sparks there. The wife knows he was going to go out and date but i figured after 15 dates and the wife still doesn't know about him dating me and he hesitate to ask the wife if she was dating (because that would trigger her asking him the same question), this guy probably had/has plan to go back to the wife if everything else failed to his expectation. How Fun! I eventually stopped seeing him.

Going back to that, i once planned a surprise date out with this single father that i was dating and i do not see any problem with it as we both enjoy each other's company. I remember once he wasn't feel well (but not terribly sick), i even sent him flower just to wish him well. It is just in my personality and i don't see why i should be hiding this during dating as it will eventually come out at some point.

Anyone want to share what you think about this?
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 2
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Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:38:41 AM
both take responsibility.

It actually isn't hard for either to do if both people communicate easily and dont jump to conclusions.

It is about putting things into context.
 oldskool67
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 3
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Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:40:38 AM
well, I definately have my own opinion on this matter......

If I am attracted to the woman, I believe it is my responsibility to initiate and plan out the date. I think one of the worst things you can ask a girl after you ask her out and she accepts is "okay, what do you want to do?". This gives the appearance as wishy/washy and not being able to assert control. wimpy/whiner guys do this because they are afraid to make any kind of judgement call. If I ask, I will assume control and organize the date....after all, I am trying impress here and show a little bit about my personality.

I believe most women would want a guy to act like a man. have the ability to take control over a situation when it presents itself. not need her to be a part of every decision making process. and above all, be strong.

maybe i'm wrong. but believing in this philosophy has not let me down yet during the early "getting to know you" stages.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 4
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:52:37 AM
It doesn't matter who. The person who wants to do something can propose it be done. Thinking it is either a man's or woman's job to extend an invitation or plan a date is stone age thinking, like who should open the car door, who should call whom, who walks on the side closest to the street, who is on top for sex, and, who has the baby.
 massgal75
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 5
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:18:37 AM
I think both people should initiate dates.
 MistaPepperZ
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 6
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:22:41 AM
I have to agree with massgal. I'm sick of the whole idea that males should initiate everything. No, and hell no, I feel like women should share some of that as well.
 stronghorizon
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 7
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 1:25:39 PM
Whatever works is fine, but I usually like to plan what I'm going to do, then I'll ask if she wants to join and if it's something she doesn't want to do then she's the one who's missing out.
 tenorsex
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 8
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Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 3:40:24 PM
Dear Sky:

that's why i am not with him anymore
 desert rat 2009
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 9
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:33:34 PM
A man should initiate the first meeting or two, and I would be totally delighted if a woman did instead. Once it becomes obvious that both of you are interested in seeing each other, I think it becomes more of a shared responsibility. After all, we're dating each other. Think how good you feel when a man asks you to do something...so isn't it fair that you give him the same good feeling occasionally?
 onlybythenight
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 10
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:59:18 PM
haha yes,
everyones different but imo:
if you want guys to initiate dates then expect to be waiting a while.
unless a guy really likes you he probably wont initiate a date but if you initiate he will show up.
so its up to you.
same with girls i guess, guys gotta somtimes or thell never get the call.
imo planned dates are crap anyways unless there planned that day to meet up later on.
if you want to do somthing with that person call them up or txt them up and ask them if they want to. doesnt matter man or women. or expect to be waiting by the phone for no reason.
 tenorsex
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 11
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Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:00:44 PM
desert rat:

completely agree with you. and women should not take advantage of men
 itsmillertime6227
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 12
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:13:01 PM
This question has been asked numerous times.

This is the 21st century. Women can go to school, have good careers, provide for their families, and YES, INITIATE CONTACT/DATES.

It is still thought to be the mans responsibility but relationships are finally starting to evolve. If you want to ask someone out or talk to them, just do it! Don't sit on your hands and wait, thus risking a chance of being put on the backburner or completely passed by.
 CutiepieHoneybunch
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 13
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/6/2009 2:44:43 PM
I feel the opposite. If its true that a real man will plan the date... then I haven't met a real man my whole life. Its such a turnoff. If a guy is wishy washy like that I just stop seeing him that way, any attraction I might have had vanishes. Too many guys don't step up. There is a backbone loss epidemic. There have been too many guys to count who have played hot potato with the 'ball' and never show effort. Some of them even explain their whole strategy is not to show any effort. Ugh. Makes me wanna quit dating or men altogether.
 bob51557
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 14
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/6/2009 2:49:39 PM
If it's a first date I think that both people should be involved in the planning. Unless I'm out in left field someplace, women generally like to be surprised.
 urinemyway
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 15
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/6/2009 3:45:30 PM
A problem that too often arises when the man is expected to plan the date is that the woman rejects the suggestions.

Women will reject movies ("We can't talk"), bars ("It's too smoky"), clubs ("It's too loud"), many restaurants ("I don't like that kind of food"), a stroll ("What are you, cheap?"), bowling ("I'm not good at that"), a bike ride ("I don't want to get all sweaty"), art galleries ("I don't get it"), parties ("I won't know anybody"), or anything that will mess up their hair. And when the man asks what she'd like to do, then, she replies "I don't know, you think of something." All of this, to then be accused of not being assertive enough...wishy-washy...having no backbone. After a while, men just say "fück it" and scale back their efforts. The men aren't lacking initiative, they're tired of unreasonable women who stand back and demand to be impressed without having provided the men with any guidelines on what meets their fickle approval.
 desert rat 2009
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 16
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/6/2009 4:54:03 PM
^^^^^I've never read a truer statement on POF. I can relate, as I'm burned out from all the effort with no reciprocation or appreciation, not to mention the lame excuses listed that we've all heard. Ladies, step up to the plate!
 oregonsaint
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 17
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/7/2009 3:09:55 AM
You said it yourself.

To many dating rules! Who cares who plans the dates if your having fun. I would personally get very tired of planning all of the dates. Not to mention that good and fun ideas for dates do not come strictly from one sex or another.
 drumsafrican
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 18
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Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/7/2009 4:23:30 AM
I don't think many modern, independent women would want a man to "take control". To me, this indicates lack of confidence. I am a grown woman with ideas of my own, and I want to be consulted about activities in which I might be involved, not just told what to do. A man did this once on a date, and I was totally turned off and never wanted to see him again.

I think that most modern women would want some say in a date, not just something being arranged and you tell her!

Judith
 mjseek
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 19
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Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/7/2009 9:30:43 AM
A take charge woman...you go girl!
 sobelover
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 20
Man or Woman planning dates and who should initiate?
Posted: 6/7/2009 3:53:05 PM
No rules need apply other then the person who initiated the date should plan the date.
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