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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...      Home login  
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 1UniquePerson
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 1
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
He was my best friend and we did everything together. It's been a month since we broke up but I have to move on because he has. I'm really feeling depressed and lonely without him and that's what makes it so hard.

I miss the way we hung out all the time..
I miss the late night phonecalls
I miss the deep conversations that only we had..
I miss kissing and being held...

Now I just don't have anybody. I have friends but it's not the same. I'm feeling depressed about him not being in my life anymore. How do you move on because it's hard.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:14:27 AM
I don't know. I still miss my brother. He was my best friend, one of the truly honest, loving, selfless people I know, and he died of cancer two years ago. Sometimes I lose my will to live. But you've got to give yourself a reason to get up in the morning. If it's not a person, it needs to be a deeply obsessive hobby you can be passionate about. I'm into film-making, watching movies, working out, listening to music and photography. It'd be nice to have a person I feel very close to to enjoy those things WITH...

I'm 44 years old. How old are you? If you're within 5 years of my age, live in South Florida lol?
 rob777vdy
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 3
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:45:00 AM
it sounds like you still love him,its only been a month you still might get back together ???.that said it sounds like hes moved on, best you do the same,the best thing when your hurt is to met someone else quick.theres nothing worse than sitting on your own broken hearted.remember this TIME HEALS ALL everyone has been devistated at some point in there lives over a lover.you will met someone else that thought should keep you going.regards and good luck to ya,robert :) xxx
 Phoenix280257
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 4
Find Joy in your heart from the simple things...... it might take off some edge off you pain.
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:50:25 AM
Hello Unique,
Really sorry about you and your situation.
I have been feeling that everyday, for the last 2 years. I have had my heart and life ripped out of me, because my ex was sucked into a bondage site, and hey presto is now into BDSM with a very depraved man! We have a lovely 13 year old daughter, who now lives in 2 separate lives. Every day i feel it a great effort to get up and move on. I know how you feel. I am currently living in our matrimonial home, and next Thursday, we are going to court to settle our lovely home. All very sick and twisted, mixed up with lovely beautiful memories as we were married for 13 years. Like you, just lost and wandering around on this huge ocean of life. Every woman i see on here i do not find attractive, and any one i do find, does not repond. Everyone, it appears is uncannilly "the wrong one" Possibly it boils down to one thing- ME! Perhaps i am not ready to "move on", as my ex wife wants me to do. Its remarkable that i have been on POF for almost 2 years, still trying to come to terms with our terrible mess, whilst my ex actively searched for him and "got him" in a fraction of the time. Something is terrribly wrong somewhere, and it seems that i am feeling all the pain, deep down, whilst she enjoys being whipped, on our mattress that she took whilst i was at work, together with much of our furniture!
LIFE for us, like many other people going through divorce has to get better, i'm just waiting like you, for when it does. I dont think we will notice it, it will come to us in TIME. God bless you, like me, have faith that we will get through this very bad phase in our lives. Small steps, some foreward, a few back, but very slowly inching foreward. Remember, we do not have as much control over our lives as we think we do, that simply is true through experience. Take care. You have friends thinking about you and love you dear through your heartache. You may even find them more supportive than your immediate family.
 Brian1342
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 5
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/5/2009 1:47:38 PM
He's moved on, so you need to learn to do the same.

If you miss his hugs, buy a large body pillow or a large teddy bear.
If you miss the late night phone calls, watch late night talk shows or find a nice chatroom.
If you miss the deep conversations that only the two of you had, write a novel, blog, or talk to your friends.
If you miss being kissed and held, buy a puppy, a kitten, or a gold fish.

A little substitution goes a long way, and one day you'll realize that you have moved on too, and are ready for the next guy. I just hope he likes puppies for your sake.
 ManOfConsequence
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 6
Find Joy in your heart from the simple things...... it might take off some edge off you pain.
Posted: 6/5/2009 3:42:55 PM
I feel your pain. I was with a beautiful women who I love very much for 15 years. We have two great kids and while things were not always the best they were not always the worst. We are both very financially secure so we never fought about anything in that regard. Life changed dramatically for her, she turned 35 and decided that she wanted more. We fought for another year but she was never the same, she became angry at me for no particular reason and then I found out she had an "emotional affair" with some one at her work. I don't think they ever did anything sexually because the guy she worked with didn't want too, he just wanted to game her. Well my loss now, as I cry virtually every day without her. Have had plenty of offers from other women I just find all of them to be completely uninteresting, I even had 2 girls ask me to join them the other night, and I just could not feel any motivation to do it. Of course my friends and family think I'm good as I put on a mask every time I see them. I'm a complete mess and don't see an end in sight, so like so many others I'll drink more even though I don't have the motivation to do so. Not sure if there is anything we can do.
 remgirl1460
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 7
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/5/2009 4:44:34 PM
What has worked best for me is keeping busy and taking time for myself. Spend time with friends, enjoy activities, just get out and do fun things that will keep your mind off of your ex. That has always worked for me - if I am too busy having fun and enjoying life than I have no time to dwell on the past and think about missing my ex.
 leggylisa67
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 8
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/5/2009 4:53:14 PM
I am going through the same thing too. I tell myself that there are a gazillion people out there just like me and that lets me know i'm not alone with the pain. I remind myself of past broken relationships i've had and know that time heals and u do survive.
Mental pictures of him with his new woman i block out immediately. Its about focusing your mind on different things and not allowing the thoughts to disable you. The mind is a powerful thing and you can take control of it. It takes disapline but no one wants to live with sadness and heartbreak.
We only have one life to live and we have to grab it and make the best of it.
 llspurbeck
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 9
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:47:26 PM
I wish I knew. It's been over 6 years for me and I still haven't stopped missing my ex. I think about him practically every day. Hopefully you'll have better luck and it won't go on as long. But if you find out and have some good advice please let me know.
 Dobbs1983
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 10
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:48:28 PM
Im recently divorced, and not by choice. It can be really hard to move on and it hurts for a long time. But the thing to really remember is that you deserve someone who will make you happy. And obviously thats not his goal...
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 11
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/6/2009 1:20:25 PM
you keep yourself busy ...do not jump into a relationship...you need time to heal...it is okay to miss him...but think about this...what does it say about him when he is with somebody else? to me it says he is a person who needs to be with somebody....you seem to be very genuine...most people have the Jeniffer Lopez syndrome...they leave somebody and are with somebody else...keep yourself busy , and it is okay to cry ..get your emotions out.. I would suggest you to write your felling out and rip them...I sense you feel betrayed...I just broke up with somebody two months ago...and it is taking time...I am glad it is over...he is not worth getting depressed...hnag out with your friends and volunteer...make somebody else happy...time will heal the hurt. good luck
 Roxy_1989
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 12
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:55:48 PM
you know what i wish i would tell u that i have tha answer to this question bcuz if i did my life would be so much easier right now...im in the same exasct position u are in now but my man moved on 2 weeks after we broke up and it hurts...all i can say is let ur feelings out...dont hold them in because if u let them out then its a big weight lifted off ur shoulders....i read the advice that other ppl are leaving and it sounds great but sometimes its just not enough...and hope is the only thing that keeps me going..hope that i will meet someone who is worth my time my love and my affection. the one person who will learn to appreciate all the things i do for him..just keep in mind that he will always be apart of u and once u accomplish that its alot easier to forget the pain ur in
 ManOfConsequence
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 13
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:42:44 AM
Roxy, what if you found that person and you have already lost them?

That is how I feel. The one person I could count on, the one person that I was there for and them for me, That person Is the one who is removing me from there life. Then what.
 ladysugar
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 14
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/7/2009 7:20:58 AM
Good for you, doing what you are to fill a void after losing your brother, i can't imagine what it would be like for you, but i am a nurse and i have had my share of heartache, i also lost my step mother to cancer, she would only be a few years older than me now, ( passed away in 1993) and there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of her, she was my best friend.
 ladysugar
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 15
Find Joy in your heart from the simple things...... it might take off some edge off you pain.
Posted: 6/7/2009 7:28:36 AM
Dont give up, you have been hurt, and probably did,nt see it coming, i was in similar situation, married for over 20 years, then it was over in 60 seconds, through myself into work, but i am good now, again dont give up.
 MysticRiver67
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 16
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/7/2009 8:52:48 AM
I've been searching for the same answer myself. My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago and I can't break out of the depression to this day. Of course it doesn't help that she has left me a couple late night "drunk dial" messages in which she says she misses me and wants to hear my voice...and then says it was stupid for her to call and to disregard the message. She says she fell out of love with me, but honestly because there was an incident two years ago in which I made a difficult decision that favored my kid instead of her during a difficult time, I think what's really going on is that she's too afraid to be hurt again. Of course she feels like she fell out of love because she can't get close again and her intuition tells her not to trust me. I would never, ever hurt her on purpose, but sometimes parents have to make tough decisions that are better for their kids. I think the fact that she's never been married or had kids makes our perceptions much different, and there's nothing I can do to change it. She has asked me to move on, and I suppose I have to, but it makes me sad because we were so perfect together and I'm pretty sure that the reason she fell out of love is because of this huge emotional wall she built. I wish she'd give me a chance to stay here and be her rock, but she's already convinced that I'm not. I miss her so much. I can't seem to find anything that keeps me busy enough and the things that used to make me happy just don't anymore. I feel empty inside. I've gone to a counselor, I've tried antidepressants, I'm exercising, I'm trying to make plans when I can...none of it is working. I wish I knew what to do or how long it will take to get over this. I've been divorced before and even that doesn't compare to this - I can't even begin to describe how great things were with my girlfriend, but apparently she doesn't fully share that feeling. I was also "in tune" with her feelings and interests and needs, and romantic to a fault...maybe I was just too much of a nice guy. I don't know. I feel lost without her.
 by_chance77
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 17
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/7/2009 9:26:45 AM
You forgot the one person you do have... YOU... start by reading there are a lot of good sites on the internet ..type in broken hearts. Spend some good quality time with yourself, watch a great movie. And above all you have to be realistic about the relationship. If it was so great why are you not together? If he thought you were his best friend, he would be there. But guess what? He has moved on! You said this yourself. So cry if you want, but at some point please stop romantisizing about it ...he has. If you want loyalty and never ending affection, get a dog. It will force you to spend energy on something other than feeling hopeless. Take from this experience all the positive things you have learned. It truly is what makes you a stronger more knowledgeable person. Stay strong girl!
 republicque
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 18
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:48:07 PM
Go out and have fun with your friends--meet other people
Realize that there is more to life than him.

Also, nobody likes changes. Whenever you go through a breakup, you are going through changes.

Pick up and read: "Who Moved My Cheese?"
Time will heal you
 republicque
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 19
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:49:37 PM
Oh and nobody is unique---I'm sure you can find someone with the same good features he had...Sooo, stop telling yourself that he was so unique that you can't find anybody else.
 James_E87
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 20
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/10/2009 3:39:36 PM
OP, this may not be entirely helpful but from my experience, I keep reminding myself why we broke up in the first place e.g. annoying habits, regular arguments over nothing etc.. I tend to look at things realistically and cut down on emotion else you fall into the classic "loop".

A simpler answer would be to spend more time with friends and over time you'll learn that you don't always need a partner to be happy. A quote/lyric i go by is "the meaning of life is to give life meaning" : Ayreon's "Sixth Extinction"
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 21
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:04:40 PM
I been divorced and was alone along time .Then I went back to dating and meet this man and I was with him for over two years.He was abusive selfish and was to busy in his life to make time for us.He was trying to change then out of the blue he got more selfish and less time for us.,Things got worse when his son got his own house.We used to watch father corupi and joel osteen.I was going to church and pray groups before I meet my boyfriend .I should of gone to church with him. He was going to church on some sundays.I have seen and people I know have seen things getting better by the power of jesus..I did not handle things right with my boyfriend he needed gods help.My doctor said to go church and found a man of god,He found his wife in church.He told me this after I had told him I had ended it with my boyfriend.I should of maybe humbled my self and shut my mouth and try to bring my boyfriend and my self to church a christian one.I have seen and people I know have seen people lifes getting better through god.I broke up with my boyfriend before but we got back with each other in a few days time.But this time there has been no contact from him or me contacting him for some time now.I will miss him it hurts .I am keeping my self busy it is so hard.
 brentabulous
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 22
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:09:26 PM
It's better to have loved and lost than to have lived with a physco the rest of your life. My ex of 7 years is the biggest dead beat physco mother of all time but for some reason I can't stop thinkin of her.
 michael feir
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 23
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/10/2009 6:36:58 PM
I know the feeling. I guess it depends on how things ended. For the two of us, I had every confidence we would marry right up until she destroyed the love we spent two years building in the space of around half an hour. I was ready to follow her anywhere, step right out of the confining but safe situation I find myself in, and commit to sharing the rest of life with her. Having that kind of love and loyalty thrown aside is utterly devastating. My ex-wife and I slowly reached a point where it was just clear that things couldn't work out. Not so for my ex-fiance. In a way, it hurts even worse because I still contend that it could have worked very well for us. There were no dealbreakers for me. Nothing that patience, time and the ability to communicate couldn't have worked out. She just suddenly decided to walk away.

In my situation, I see a very long and lonely road ahead of me. Friends and family will certainly help and provide islands of pleasure in my frustration. However, even if I should find another woman who can look past my white cane, it'll take a lot longer for me to trust her as fully and love her as deeply. For people of conscience who take the commitment of marriage seriously and explore it seriously with another, there's just no avoiding that kind of damage. Her exes tend to remain friends with her. For me, it's really a one-way door. Call me Victorian but I tend to keep a strong mental separation between friends and a woman I hope to marry.

A part of me deeply misses her despite the damage her sudden desire for a single life has done me. It's strange to have gone so far as we have and know that I could never just be friends with her. She could safely use me as a character witness in court or have a potential employer call me as a reference. She doesn't have to fear that I'll seek any kind of revenge. However, I just can't picture hanging out or having a coffee with her without it being very painful. Intelectually, I can forgive her and even understand to some degree. Emotionally, she's hurt me very deeply. I thought she would finally be the one to give me a real chance at a less lonely life only to find that when it came down to commitment, she slammed the door on me like much of the sighted world.

I guess she has so effectively destroyed our relationship that it's clear to me that I simply have to move on and hope eventually to find someone at the right time in her own journey who will value what I have to offer enough to truly go the distance. That's easier said than done and I don't know that I have a fool-proof process for doing that. However, I'll offer the best I've found here. Perhaps, it'll help. For the short term, it's best to try to carry on with life and not to push your friends away. There are times when this proves utterly impossible. A whole lot of comfort can be found in books, movies, and presumeably, visual art. Having never seen a painting, I can't vouch for their effectiveness. Above all, your friends are absolutely vital. When the bottom drops out of your world, they're who you have to turn to. In my case, my family is also very supportive but paradoxically can't really do a lot to ease the pain. Starting one's own life apart from family is too large a part of why we seek life-long commitments with others. By being unconditional, a family's love is, in this instance, like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It just won't quite work but is nonetheless helpful if you're as fortunate in that department as I am.

Jump at new opportunities which come to you. I had hoped to explore at least a few places over a lifetime with my ex-fiance. Because I stepped out and joined a church near me, I'll be heading down to Chicago in a couple of days for a church conference with a bunch of folks I've never met before. I'm slowly and painfully learning to get to the restaurant where we broke up by myself in hopes of at least having somewhere away from home where I can get to safely. Getting out to meet people is next to impossible for me without sighted navigational help. I therefore maintain a blog and do everything I can to present myself well online. Frankly, it's the best chance I have. God might fudge the odds and have someone come along in church or find me wandering on a street praying that my talking GPS device kicks in and gets me home before I topple over exhausted. Faith in a higher power and some experience with universal justice in action give me a good deal of hope. God loves pulling statistical stunts like that when we least expect it. However, I won't hold my breath while I wait. We have to keep life going as best we can so that we're ready for the extraordinary when it finds us. If I can sit here with my limitations and see life as a glass half-full, surely, there's hope for us both to find love's comfort once again.
 miss_contemplative
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 24
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How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:52:27 PM
You stop thinking about all the things you miss and most of all, you stop posting thread topics about them.

That's a start.
 hunter1391
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 25
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:18:36 PM
Time heals all wounds, been there done that (3X) dosn't get easier but does get better, I promise
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