| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:16:26 PM | I was reading a profile wherein it was stated that this individual had 4 long term relationships in 12 years. Given that there were 4 relationships in a 12 year period, to simplify this for discussion purposes, that would mean that on average each relationship equated to last a 3 year time span. I may be a little naive, but I would not consider a 3 year relationship to be long term relationship. When I think of the phrase "long term relationship", I think it would be a minimum of at least 10 years or more.
In your opinion, what length of time defines "long term relationship"? | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:35:49 PM | I agree with you OP. I was in a long term (20 year relationship) and would not consider anything less than 10 years a long term relationship. I guess it's an individual thing, so someone whose longest relationship lasted 3 years would consider that long term.
Brandie | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:12:39 PM | | I think long term suggests, implies, intends on forever but there are unforeseen things in everyones future. I have a friend who was married for six months and she thought it was long term when she said I DO. Her intent was a LTR. | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:16:33 PM | ...In my world...long term means "longer than two weeks" 
Seriously OP, everyones definition of long term is going to mean something different. I would have to say I consider more than 5 years together as long term.
...maeflowers | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:12:35 PM | My first thought was to do the math. 4 in 12 years? Did he/she segue from one to another without a break? How scary is that? I would hope that there was at least a 6 month breather between relationships......so........remove 2 years total for healing from the equation. 4 loves in 10 years. That works out to be one love for every 2.5 years. Reads like serial monogamy to me. Long enough to miss someone once they're gone, but not long term in my humble opinion.
Just crunchin' the numbers.  | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:43:32 PM | When I say I am looking for a long term relationship I am looking for someone who is willing to sit by my bed and hold my hand when I take my last breath.
I am looking for someone who will be there when my hair turns gray, and my eye sight fails.
I am looking for someone who thinks I am Miss Right, not Miss Right now.
I am looking for someone who can not imagine life without me.
I am looking for someone who is hoping the relationship will last longer than the warranty on the carpet.
To me there is no time line to long term relationship. Someone in a long term relationship to me should not be in a hurry to reach any particular goal because we have a lifetime to get there. | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:58:56 PM | | If a couple was married for only five, six, or eight years; conceived children; built a life together with the intention of being together forever, but had their union cut short because of death, does that mean their relationship was only a “temporary” situation or that it was never “serious” or “long term” simply because it didn’t make it past your 10 year minimum requirement? What if a couple loathed one another, cheated on one another, abused each other, but stuck it out for 20 years “for the children”? Would this long term relationship meet your standards simply because it went past 10 years? I don’t put arbitrary term limits on the definition of long term. IMO, long term is defined more by intent than actual duration. | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 3:58:36 AM |
IMO, long term is defined more by intent than actual duration.
I agree with this. What makes 10 years (or any other number) some magic set-point? If you were in a relationship with someone and both had plans of being with each other forever and he/she is suddenly killed in a car accident after you've been together after 9.5 years, was it not a LTR? | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 4:25:11 AM | I grasped what the OP meant. And I'm fairly sure it had nothing to do with a relationship which ended due to death.
Those ARE long term... for after all, it was for the 'rest of the life' of that mate... can't get much further (longer) than that.
I too wonder at the way some people say "had 4 long term relationships in the past 10 years" (or simular wording).
Or the one guy I saw here in the forums awhile back who felt that 18 months is 'long term', and then he'd go on to another 'long term'.
Not my definition of long-term.... but to him it was.
Which brings me back to this threads title question.... What time length defines it?
I think (most) go into a 'long term' hoping for "forever".
Now, if it ends... and we are looking back... the answer to what WAS 'long term' for us is going to be varied person to person.
And no set number can be stated for all persons.
My opinion, (which OP asked for), would be a blanket "several years".
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 4:59:43 AM |
IMO, long term is defined more by intent than actual duration.
I definitely agree that the intention is to be together through thick and thin.
Commitment these days can be so shallow. At the first sign of trouble people are looking for and "out".
Meeting someone and in the back of your mind thinking this is the one I want to be with forever, is my idea of making a long term commitment, and forming a long term relationship.
I hazard to say there are people who have a fvck buddy that has been around for a decade. The time they have been using each other does not have the same "intent" as two people who making a loving commitment. | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 5:09:13 AM | In my mind a long term relationship is something someone on here chooses as a label as opposed to dating if they are looking for a lifetime partner, with or without benefits of marriage.
The celebrity couples that come to mind are Goldie Hawn and Kirk Russell, or Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.
Long term relationships may end up in marriage, or a long term live in arrangement, but in my mind they are ones who have made a commitment to each other that is meant to last a lifetime.
To say that a person had four long term relationships in twelve years is laughable. That person did not have four LONG TERM relationships. That person was engaging inserial monogamy with four people who were MISS RIGHT NOW, and moved on when the grass looked greener elsewhere or when they met a blip in the road and were not willing to put in enough effort to weather a storm.
This is just my opinion. When I married I married til death us do part, not until I get bored with you or see something I like better. Again it is the intention to find a lifelong mate for me that defines long term. | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:32:03 AM | | I use the word long term to differentiate my dating goal as being 'other than' casual or friendly dating, rather than a length of time (forever works). I prefer a long term relationship where you hook up once a week and touch base every day. It gives me a feeling of well being and security. It's not necessary to live together. I think I read out here somebody enjoys living separately. I probably do also, but I'm flexible about projecting the possibility of it. Fidelity is also an important element of long term dating (in my head). Holidays and some family interactions also constitute long term. | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:41:59 AM | Better yet what is long term when we are talking about people that are in their 50's and 60's?
It could be short or long because after all we have no idea what the future really holds?
We just hope it is going to be long....
A 3 year relationship to me however is short, while twenty plus years I consider long.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:12:18 AM | | Being with someone for more than 10 years. Like I dated my ex for 4 years before marrying him. Was married for 8 years. Looking at the numbers, seem like a long time...but it does not feel like it. It was just a one year experience (repeated) multiplied to 12. So I guess, number is not enough must also include experience, memories and the moments, etc. | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:12:47 AM | TO OP
There appear to be multiple factors and definitions at work here for "long term relationship";
1) Long(est) term ("Until death do US part")
2) Relationship (All over the map)
3) Have to offer ("Until death do I part")
4) Expect to receive ("Until death do YOU part")
3) & 4) can be actuarial estimates of life expectancy, based on current age and tempered by lifestyle, health and genetic factors. Quality of life is profoundly influenced by these tempering factors and has a corresponding impact on the quality of the relationship. The rules of engagement may be up for discussion, however there is "rocket science" embedded in the actuarial estimates! :-) | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:48:13 AM | Some people I know define ltr's in WEEKS  (course most of em are under 16 but hey their people too I think) Some people consider any relationship that goes over a few months of exclusive to be an ltr. I think we all have to define what that means. Sounds like the person in question is practicing serial monogamy, or going from one steady relationship to the next with little time in between to contemplate or process what went right and wrong in the last one. Kinda sad thing that.  | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:50:48 AM | Thank you to those who "got" the question that I was posing. I am not looking for guidance. I merely started this thread to open and encourage dialogue and discussion regarding a term that is frequently used on this site.
I am not specifically asking for a tried and true, written in stone definition of what a long term relationship is because every person has a different definition. There will never be one single definition as each and every one of us perceives things differently.
What I am asking is what YOU personally consider to be a long term relationship i.e. is it 3 years, 5 years, 10 years and so on. It matters not whether you are married, living common-law, widowed or dating rather what length of time or duration constitutes "long term" in your world.
When I stated that I consider a long term relationship to be at least 10 years, that is the definition that *I* personally put on the phrase "long term relationship". When I came across the example that I cited, my first thought was that 3 years is not "long term" by how *I* define it but it may be long term as how *YOU* define it. | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/6/2009 12:44:45 PM | RE: Msg. 9 from Frau Blücher
If a couple was married for only five, six, or eight years; conceived children; built a life together with the intention of being together forever, but had their union cut short because of death, does that mean their relationship was only a “temporary” situation or that it was never “serious” or “long term” simply because it didn’t make it past your 10 year minimum requirement? What if a couple loathed one another, cheated on one another, abused each other, but stuck it out for 20 years “for the children”? Would this long term relationship meet your standards simply because it went past 10 years? I don’t put arbitrary term limits on the definition of long term. IMO, long term is defined more by intent than actual duration.
I completely agree with everything Frau said in this post. What a marvelous definition of 'long term'. Intent should be what defines it... not the calendar.
Bravo, Frau Blücher !  | |
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| Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 6/9/2009 5:10:46 PM |
What I am asking is what YOU personally consider to be a long term relationship i.e. is it 3 years, 5 years, 10 years and so on. It matters not whether you are married, living common-law, widowed or dating rather what length of time or duration constitutes "long term" in your world.
Tinkerbellcgy, I think it is funny that we all seem to have a different attitude about how to define this. There are other threads that compare dating, long term, friends, etc. and why we select a given label on our profile.
I chose long term on my profile. My boyfriend chose dating, but went on within the body of his profile to say he was open to the possibility of short term or long term romance.
My idea of long term is being in a relationship with someone whose goal is to be with me for a lifetime. I am looking to find that person whose hand I can hold when one of us takes our last breath.
There is a poem which is anonymous that talks about friends coming into our lives for a reason, for a season or a lifetime. This poem to me can so easily be modified and applied to relationships between men and women. Some relationships are for a reason, and my be over in months. Some relationships are for a season and my last years. Other relationships may last a lifetime.
My goal for relationship is to find my love of a lifetime. You don't get to a lifetime relationship any way other than living your life one day at a time. I am in a relationship right now with a man that I have been dating for four months right now. Four months is just a blip in time. I have been around him long enough to know that we are a really good fit, and I am comfortable with him. Even at four short months I can see him as someone I could spend a lifetime loving.
I don't choose to think that I am in anything other than a long term relationship with him right now. I treat him in a loving manner. I am considerate, caring, giving, generous, playful. We are lovers and friends. Now if this relationship ends before a lifetime, in retrospect I will label it accordingingly. However, right now I am looking longterm. There are no endpoints, no ultimatums, no specific plans made to move in together, to get married, to change anything from the way we are doing things right at the moment. If we are going to be together "forever" there is no rush to "do" anything.
We are taking it one day at a time an done moment at a time. We are treating each other with love and respect. As long as we continue to treat each other this way I see it just getting better and better.
My point is you don't have to have already "lived" in a relationship long term, to "feel" like you are in a long term relationship. When it is over, you can look back on the relationship and label it. When you are living the relationship, the whole attitude with which you approach your partner colors it. I choose to live my life like we are in a long term relationship, even though by the calender it has not "earned" the title. Trusting that he is going to be around forever, changes the way I treat him. I don't worry about it. I give him my best. If by my attitude I felt that he would on the way out the door any time now, I don't think I would give as much of myself, as freely, and without reservation.
So my real definition of the length of time for a long term relationship is, at whatever point in your heart you reach that feeling that you would be happy to be with that person for the rest of your life. Once you reach that point in your heart, the task then becomes treating them that way, and living it. | |
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R2D2_1
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Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 24 | |
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