| | Should the guy initiate chat?Page 1 of 1 | Hi, I'm pretty new to all this.
Just a quick question really...do girls on here expect the guys to make the first move? It's just that I got a really nice message from a girl asking why I hadn't mailed her to say hi despite viewing her page.
I said it was because I rarely start the chat unless I think I'll get a reply, especially if the girl is good-looking.
So do girls normally wait for guys? | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/6/2009 5:49:28 AM | If you want to chat with someone, then initiate chatting with them. They'll say yes or no (maybe by not replying at all, which I think is rude, but whatever.)
I got a really nice message from a girl asking why I hadn't mailed her to say hi despite viewing her page. Looking at someone's profile doesn't mean you're interested. Look at every profile in your town if you want, and don't feel obligated to send a single email.
So do girls normally wait for guys? Some do, some don't. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/6/2009 5:53:01 AM | | Whomever is interested in chatting, should initiate it. No one ever got something they wanted by not taking initiative. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:35:14 AM | | I too have never been real good at approaching women either. How would you ladies suggest I get over that? | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:32:13 AM | M8 ,
That was an expression of interest (not neccessarily that interest)
but nontheless you did an ok recovery reply. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/6/2009 11:52:32 AM | | Call me old-fashioned, but yes I wait. Some girls are more assertive and I don't have a problem with them. For me though, I want to know a guy is interested, not by default. I think that generally speaking, guys can have a lower standard than women. By that, I mean that many guys will be interested in a girl even if the girl doesn't have the qualities he's ultimatly looking for. If she's attractive, fun and nice, sometimes that is enough. I don't want to send a message to a guy and then have him see my profile and say, "Well, she's kinda cute and seems nice so I'll reply." I want them to see something about my character (only a certain amount of "character" can truly be revealed in a profile anyway, but you know what I'm saying) and go after it. There is nothing more special then feeling like a guy is with you or interested in you because they admire your values and qualities. I know it's not true of all guys, or maybe even most guys, but some guys like "arm candy" or a girl who's "cool", well that isn't cool with me. And it's for this reason that I won't respond to a message if that message doesn't mention something very specific about my profile that they liked. I'm a girl who needs a man to go after me because I'm worth the chase and for the men that think so too, they will chase. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/6/2009 12:35:35 PM | Wait, you don't start the chat, unless you think you can get a reply?... well... lets think logically, unless she has something like "Danny, please never initiate contact with me as I will not reply" there is no way for you to know if she will reply except to try to initiate contact in the first place!
YES, women expect guys to make the first move! | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/6/2009 2:46:50 PM | If you see someone that sparks your interest......DO IT!
Don't wait for nothing, put your big boy pants on and email away. You have nothing to lose
but the chance of clicking with a potential suitor. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/6/2009 2:50:40 PM | ye i do.. tried talking to guys but none responded hardly.... dont forget to tell him.. that out of ever 30 messages he sends... he might only get a few responses... esp as he doesnt have a picture.... and even if he did.. some women (and men) are very shallow.. and go by looks alone before even reading the profile
happy fishing | |
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LD44
| | Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 11 | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:09:39 AM | | Who cares if they wait or not? Just do it and forget about it. If something happens, then it's a surprise if it doesn't then there's always a bottle of whiskey that you could drink while you cry yourself to sleep. No, kidding. Just trying to point out the fact that this is on the smaller scale of things to worry about in dating. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:46:48 AM | As the Nike slogan goes...Just Do It!
If you see someone you like, someone who catches your interest, let them know. You never know until you try. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:47:28 AM |
Just a quick question really...do girls on here expect the guys to make the first move?
Yes. Traditionally, it's up to the guy. Blame society.
I said it was because I rarely start the chat unless I think I'll get a reply, especially if the girl is good-looking.
Well, that's just silly. Ugly girls can ignore you, too.
So do girls normally wait for guys?
Yes. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:49:36 AM | Well, if you're too shy to initiate and she's too shy to initiate...........
There's no initiating going on, right?
If you're interested, say so.
The worst thing that can happen is "Read/Deleted". | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:07:28 AM | | lol no the worst is unread/deleted after theyve veiwed your profile.. but then.. do you really want to be with someone so shallow anyways eh :P | |
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Romny
| | Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 17 | |
| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:22:30 AM | Danny,
You're only 22.... so I understand...this generation is 'lost' when it comes to appropriate male/female etiquette... so here's the thing: yes. I don't care what background you are representing... what creed or colour... it is the man who makes the first step toward meeting..otherwise... all hell breaks loose...
What I mean is... if you don't initiate... and the girl does... later on (if a relationship does develop)..she will always have a gnawing doubt that you actually wanted her to begin with...
You have to understand that within the context of a relationship...women become more and more insecure..while men become more and more secure... yeah..it's a reality.
Be a mind blowing gentleman and when you see a girl whom you like..sweep her off her feet...right from the get-go... and, if you get serious with her, she will never doubt your interest or sincerity.
Not too many real men left in the world...they've been eaten up by the quasi gay thing that pouts, saying: womens' liberation should propel women to initiate everything...pay for dinner...NOT expect a commitment----
I say, in that case, we might as well **** ourselves too.. | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/7/2009 4:40:08 PM | | YES! You should initiate the chat. And yes, I think most women think that if you were interested, you would have left a message when you read her profile. I finally DID write someone recently, but I felt a bit awkward. Maybe I'm more old fashioned than I think! lol | |
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| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:00:54 PM | | Between a lot of us thinking the old-fashion way and the books out there telling women never to pursue, I think a lot of women expect the man to make the first move. Don't wait for her... just do it. | |
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LDF85
| | Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 20 | |
| Should the guy initiate chat?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:24:16 AM | I don't initiate. Since I've been on this site I've sent two casual messages, just saying things like "nice profile" and I didn't receive or expect to receive any responses because they were purely casual messages, not "I wanna date" type messages. All of the correspondence between myself and POF women has been initiated by them. I'd say I've gotten about eight messages (in all eight cases the correspondence seemed to cease rather abruptly) in all - not very many, but not too bad considering the fact that women rarely make the first move.
When I read the threads I always notice that women talk about how they're so utterly flooded with messages from undesirable guys, and so I figure: why send them? And I notice that guys are always talking about how women have it so much easier than them when it comes to dating. Both men and women are behind the problems which they complain about. If every man on POF stops messaging every girl they like, then women won't be flooded with so many options anymore. They'll have to take some initiative and go after the guys that they're interested in. Both problems solved.
PS: Being old-fashioned has nothing to do with why women don't initiate, it's just convenient. For example, you can go out to any dance club and you'll see girls with short skirts, visible thongs, etc. (which is anything but old-fashioned!) and they'd give the same contradicting excuse. | |
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