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Posted: 6/7/2009 5:23:50 PM | Before I am forced to start low crawling under flying debris from the exploding impacts from people on the prowl for the three thousands posts asking why many women don't initiate, I want to say that is not my question.
Lately I've been having some problems initiating the first contact. Maybe I'm feeling a little scatter brained or what not, but I try to use things that are mentioned in the profile. Such as asking about some hobbies or future interests they mention, and maybe the completely random thought from time to time.
Are there any other conversation starters I can use without seeming completely out of nowhere? In a normal way, I could use anything that's going on or what she's doing to make light conversation- but when this person is over emails its very limited.
[OT] Sorry about my wording, kind of in a writing mood which sometimes makes me use longer words or phrases I normally wouldn't in a simple chat.
[insertRedundantSmiley]  [/RedundantSmiley] | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 5:31:22 PM | | Speaking from a girl's perspective who gets a ton of email on here, I will say that I love it when a guy mentions anything from my profile. Otherwise I assume they cut and paste the same lines to everybody. Don't stress over conversation starters, just do what I said cuz I think most women respect and like that. | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 5:35:07 PM | Its great to know I was on the right track. Funny to think someone would try to copy and paste a line though...I mean I'd be pretty irritated if someone didn't read my profile after I redid it half a dozen times.
Thanks much! | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 5:35:37 PM | What conversation starters work for you other than online (in the so-called "real world" whatever that is....haha)?
Ask yourself why this woman would be interested in talking to you....give them a reason to reply. I know it's easier said than done, do try to be original, just like everyone else.  | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 5:49:52 PM | Yep. I find that the best thing to do it treat it like an IM conversation. I mean, you don't start off an IM chat with a huge essay....just with one or two comments...short, sweet, to the point.
Definitely point out something that got your attention OTHER than her pictures. A lot of girls will talk about how they get 3 or 4 pages of useless "hey sexy" messages. A lot of them comment on the forums that they wish guys would actually read their profiles, because they want someone they have something in common with and can enjoy doing things with, not just someone who wants to stare at their bodies. | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 6:09:56 PM |
Ask yourself why this woman would be interested in talking to you....give them a reason to reply.
I am stealing this for my blog, very eloquent. | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 7:46:08 PM | Persnally, I like some kind of humor. And will look at their profile to see if I believe there is anything worth responding to. I don't get much emails except from forums. I like to think cause my profile is hidden. But the few that I get if they are form letters, I will reply saying they will do better if they quit the form letter. And ask questions to answer, can't resist to answer a funny or interesting question.
But just remember it doesn't matter the responses, so 20 responses doesn't mean a meet with any of them. You are looking for quality responses from the ones you would enjoy to meet and them like wise. | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 1:41:37 PM | Humor is a good one if you're able to pull it. Sometimes I swear people don't visit the forums much, because alot of the women I find in my matches have profiles that have the obvious 'knight in shinning armor' title, or even nothing worth asking about. I should pass it up and move on, but these ones that list off hobbies and interests I can't help but to think there is something more interesting to them that they don't think the reader wants to see.
A lot of my messages usually involve some interest or something in their profile [like their major or future degree in college] that I'm interested in [occasionally what they like to read if they do more than mention it]. For example, if I bring up what they like to read, I generally mention I enjoy writing, but briefly to hopefully encourage them to ask further. Or if its their college, I mention I want to take classes in English later next year.
Maybe I'm just contacting the wrong people? | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 1:53:48 PM | It doesn't matter what you say. If I like a mans pic and profile he can message me with a "blah buppee do dah be lop bam boom" and I'll respond.
Online dating is all about the pics and initial attractions. The words don't mean much. If she thinks your a hottie, she will respond.
Ahhhwright now, call me shallow. | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 2:16:08 PM | | I have to totally agree with Chill Pill. I read constant forums about people saying what should I send in an e - mail to get more responses. Then I read other forums about people asking for profile reviews when in the end it doesnt really matter. If they think you attractive then they will respond to you and if they dont then you will get no response. If you dont belive then try making a profile with a pic of a hot guy in it and just putting something in the profile to the extent of I am hot and I know it. I guarantee you will get more messages and responses then you know what to do with. | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 2:18:23 PM | | PS I realized I made a lot of grammar errors in my previous post. I guess I should have read it over more carefully, so please nobody bash on me for that, hahaha. I really hope this one has no grammar errors now. | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 6:23:56 PM | | I don't think the grammar is a problem, but thanks for the feedback. | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 6:33:01 PM | ok your shallow, hahahahahahah just kidding | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 6:36:15 PM | Id say mix it up.
The objective is not come up with some winning formula it is to get yourself into a frame of mind that somehow comes across in the mails you send.
Now I appreciate thats all sounding a bit up there in the ether, but it is very important. Your frame of mind needs to be fun and positive not uptight and shitting yourself incase you get a no, angry etc. You dont care if you get the the most deliberately nasty reply back becasue she is irrelevant at this point and you are going to take your positive attitude onto the woman you feel you might like to get to know. This is just sensible. You dont know here, she doesnt know you.
Instead of looking at one woman and saying ok she is the one for me, you have to look at her profile and try and get her perspective - there is not a lot to go on on some but this is where you have to be creative...dont feel bad sending someone a cliched mail if they cant write anything of interest in their profile.
Dont let any long list of dos and donts put you off but you should us them as pointers.
You know your personality so only you can write stuff /find stuff that conveys something of you - thats is also conveyed in your profile and is also linkable in some way to the woman yuyou are interested ins profile.
The objective is not to marry her, sleep with her anything other than get her to respond.
Something wacky and off the wall is fine - look at her pictures, read that profile. Just keep it to some extent middle of the road funny or more intellectually interesting than you also like ballet etc ...
Thats it really... message a lot of people - even if you dont like em - just to get a feel. You dont want to be too cold when a really interesting woman replies.
You are somewhat gambling if you think what you write doesnt matter - time and time again youll here men say this and time an d time again the women disagree. Trust the women on this one becasue we are interested in converting the majority of women who think you look alright - not hot -- alright. | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 7:42:21 PM | Two ideas/suggestions:
Go to your local forums and see if there are any POF events you'd like to go to. Or just scan the topics for areas of interest. You can post and then PM anyone whose post you found interesting. Of course you can always start a new topic.
I've met lots of people on the forums, some in person, unfortunately most not (or I should say not YET....haha). But we still keep in touch, sometimes an email or a phone call. It was because either I or they PMed me to talk about a forum post. Sometimes it's to ask for advice because they've cyberstalked (in a GOOD way..haha) my forum posts, sometimes it's to ask for help with a profile (I don't do personal reviews...but do occasionally post on profile review thread).
The thing is, through exploring areas of interest and sharing your opinions, maybe experience, knowledge you come across other profiles. It's just a matter of being there and open and not hesitating to send a PM, whether it's just a comment about a post, or to ask a question or maybe share some information.
Almost all, if not all, the couples I've known who met here, many married, met each other through the forums exclusively. Often it involves overcoming the distance challenges, but many do just that and are happy. None of the couples I know met here through using browse/search features, I'm sure there are success stories that have, but those are the ones I know of.
If you browse forum areas of interest, you've already honed in on a commonality. If it's more than a casual interest, it could be a shared passion, and whether it develops into a long term romance or not, the possibilities are a lot more open IMO.
Just something to think about.  | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 9:43:50 PM | | i like when guys use something from my profile also... haha there ARE guys that use copy/paste... i have two friends on here...we usually check our mail together.... haha. opppsss! for you! | |
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Posted: 6/9/2009 11:39:02 PM | | I try to use humor, elaborating on their profile, and hinting at something in mine so they at least look at it past my pic, but I haven't had any luck so far. I think I might try asking a question next, seems like a good idea and a nice gesture, beyond the "just look at me" factor. | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 8:17:36 PM | | ask questions like have you read any good books lately, good movies, what kind of music, what do you like to do, comment on their profile, ask about her day, ask about her family, her friends | |
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