| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/8/2009 1:06:55 PM | I have searched and read every “erectile dysfunction” and “E.D.” thread I could find on POF but haven’t yet found one with the info that I’m wanting.
I may become intimate with a man who has expressed to me his concerns about possible problems with E.D., and I understand the importance of communication, patience, reassurance, relaxation, etc. As his partner, how can I best help our lovemaking be as consistently satisfying for both of us as possible? I particularly want to understand specific info about what I can do to be a good lover DURING our intimate times. I’d like to hear the thoughts of men who have or have had E.D. and women who have been their partners. Thanks to all. | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:18:29 AM | I find it more than a little hard to believe that with all the numerous threads that exist about ED here that you couldn't find what you were looking for.
VERY hard to believe.
Look again. This is super redundant. | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:31:21 AM | BigDaddyJinx said:
I find it more than a little hard to believe that with all the numerous threads that exist about ED here that you couldn't find what you were looking for.
VERY hard to believe.
Look again. This is super redundant.
Now wait, my tag-team partner BDJ, as the lady has asked a question that you may not be reading correctly.
I assume that the issue is not his...it's hers. Her wanting to be pleased by his desire of her...a lot like you and I have for (in my case potential) SO's.
I'd say your validation will come in taking him to the one place you normally wouldn't...to his bedroom. Don't have the conversation over dinner; or anywhere else. Enjoy one another at first, and then see where you both find more pleasure in each other. If the ED is manageable, then have at it. If you need a "spike", go for it!
Otherwise...well I don't think I need to tell you what's otherwise.
Danz | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:01:19 AM | BigDaddyJinx...
As I mentioned, I did a search for all threads for both E.D. and erectile dysfunction and read every single post in all of them before I posted mine. A couple of posters mentioned ideas close to what I'm asking, but their posts are several years old and/or they are no longer active on this site so I can't ask them for more info. | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:11:06 AM | danzandsing...
You are correct -- this is my own issue re: how to be the best partner to a potential lover with (maybe) E.D. problems. I don't have personal experience with men with E.D. and want things to go as well as possible for us both. I've gathered lots of general info from various online sites, but now want specific "how-to" info, especially since it's a new dilemma for him as well. | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 2:22:49 AM | | Im 31, its physcial with me- I could be wit the hottest woman ever, my****will still be fail. I always swallow a viagra before intercourse- I can get hard but after a while, my****will go flaccid. My thoughts are the woman can do nothing ( I can get hard but not maintain) I need a pill. | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 2:31:23 AM | Geeze its a difficult one isnt it.
For me I would hope that his skills in other areas would compensate, however having said that the big question is .. how does one give satisfaction to someone with ED???
Thinking on it... what about people who have had spinal injuries, they often say that they receive 'sexual' satisfaction from 'other' parts of their bodies. Are ED males like that?? is that an avenue you need to persue/examine/research??? | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 3:23:10 AM | "importance of communication, patience, reassurance, relaxation, etc."
All of that could be, probably is, completely useless, since the problem could be purely physical, not emotional, eg "performance anxiety" or self-consciousness. So don't be surprised by physical intimacy with little or no and/or short-lived erection and penetration.
At any age, for either sex, genital functioning and libido/desire is fragile. Could be hypogonadism, perhaps by pollution by estrogen-analogue/endocrine disrputors from corporations seeking Better Profits Through Chemistry, no matter what the side-effects. Erections are circulatory events, blood filling the penis and muscle constrictions to hold it here.
Being overweight and out of shape, esp in the 60s, worsened by smoking now or years ago, causes poor circulation, arterial constriction/stiffness preventing vascular dilation, poor oxygenation, muscular atrophy, etc, etc and not just in the genitals.
d!ck hardeners work by increasing nitric oxide, which dilates (penile) arteries. (btw, the guy who discovered nitric oxide in the penis 20 years ago, leading to Viagra and friends, died recently, IIRC.) So that may be the easiest way to go. Some foods like chocolate, and amino acids, like arginine and carnitine, also increase nitric oxide.
Apparently, holding hands sitting in separate outdoor bathtubs on a cliff overlooking a ocean sunset helps. :lol | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 4:27:43 AM | Every man's ED affects him differently.
Some men can't achieve an erection or orgasm
Some men can't achieve an erection but can achieve orgasm
Some men can achieve an erection but not for long.........
Depends on y0ur man......with some......major stimulation will help.
with some.......no amount of stimulation will help.
You just have to have ALOT of patience.....and never show disappointment
if things don't work they way you expect them to.
If he's "open" to your pleasure.......have toys nearby. | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 5:09:19 AM |
but now want specific "how-to" info, especially since it's a new dilemma for him as well.
Those general ideas and information will become your specifics... no one here can tell you specifically what will work for your partner.. only he can, and since it's a new issue for him, he might not know. It's going to take trial and error to figure it out.
As for your question... you simply are asking how to be the best lover for your new partner who is dealing with potential ED issues. I think you're already there. Doing the research, asking the questions, wanting to make it as spectacular for both of you is what a good lover does.
MzMickie has it right...
Every man's ED affects him differently.
Some men can't achieve an erection or orgasm
Some men can't achieve an erection but can achieve orgasm
Some men can achieve an erection but not for long.........
Depends on y0ur man......with some......major stimulation will help.
with some.......no amount of stimulation will help.
You just have to have ALOT of patience.....and never show disappointment
if things don't work they way you expect them to.
If he's "open" to your pleasure.......have toys nearby. | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 5:57:19 AM | First off, you can stop trying to clinically analyze and diagnose the issue...when this happens you become his therapist, not his lover.
Second, a 5 second prostate exam and the MD will probably hand him 12-24 tablets of Viagra, Cialis, etc., to try. If he hasn't been to the MD about this, shame on him.
Third, you just need to be the most loving, appropriately nervous but relaxed lover you can be. You don't want this to seem like you're too comfortable being in a bed with a new man, but you need to display confidence in your own ability to react, respond and (gasp) orgasm.
This should not be about mutual, equal or simultaneous. You will end up being disappointed. There will times when he won't cum...and times you won't. There'll be times he wants to masturbate to orgasm, be there for him just as you'd expect him to be there if/when you need to finish things off manually.
Embarrassment about these behaviors is for the ignorant...if he's been alone for a while, his hand and mental fantasies have been the genesis of his sex life...encourage him to continue to relax and mentally enjoy those fantasies with you in there helping them become more and more real. And if his ED has truly stopped even self-fulfillment, think about relaxing and cuddling with him while watching some porn...funny thing is, if you find something you like that you perceive is really hot and you start getting aroused, your pheromones are going to get him more aroused. And yes, I'd advocate stopping at a local adult products store and picking up something like Lure for Women or such which does have pheromones that seems to really get guys very, very interested and physcially turned on for sex (yeah, like they need a push in that direction, eh).
And don't be afraid to do or suggest you do some fun things that he may have thought were beyond your demeanor...such as dirty talk that you see he respond to, relaxing (sit back and enjoy it) BJ's, shower sex, living room floor sex, etc..
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 6:08:20 AM | Blunt and mansimple.
ED = stiffness issues.
If you want to simply get him off, give him a blowjob without even worrying about the hardness (it's not necessarily PHYSICALLY dependant). If you can't finish him off, grab his hand, bring it down there and let him "help" if necessary.
Now, HIM helping you is another issue for him to address but you asked for what YOU could do.
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 6:36:13 AM | Well, OP...I suppose first that I would check the BBW threads and see if he was one of those men who had the gall to put those women down.
If so, I would then proceed to laugh hysterically at his inability to achieve an erection...
Karma is nasty...and so am I
But seriously, a woman's fatness isn't a man's problem, neither should his rope penis be our problem. Tell him to see a doctor. | |
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| Erectile Dysfunction Questions From His Partner
Posted: 6/9/2009 9:09:15 AM | My best advice is find out few things that turns him on the most. Before you ask him that question you need to assure him that no matter what he says you will not judge him on it. in fact you can even make up few things that you want him to do to you or u want to do to him. By doing that you will make him feel more comfortable to speak about his desires/fantasies.
Once you find out what he likes and turns him on, try to act on it as much as possible. for example one good friend of mine can not stay erract for long period of time unless she moans and talks dirty to him. | |
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