| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 4:16:12 PM | 1. They interrogate me, asking one personal question after the next.
2. They talk without stopping about themselves, their lives, their travels, their political viewpoint, what they do for a living, talk about the book they are writing, on and on and on without letting me say one word.
3. They never show one tiny bit of interest in me ever.
4. One man said to me, "You seem to be a bit spoiled", I guess because I said I wasn't comfortible sitting outside in a cold wind.
5. They tell me all about a woman they recently met and make it obvious they can't stop thinking about her.
6. They look at least twenty years older than they did in their pictures.
7. An old goat who had been begging to meet me for months stood me up when I finally agreed to meet him. The following night, another man stood me up from here.
Out of six meetings with people from this site I have only met one that acted like a kind polite interesting normal human being. How can I screen men before agreeing to meet them?
Have others here had these kind of experiences?
What other types of bad experiences have people had? | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 4:24:06 PM | It's the nature of the beast....
Almost everyone has had some bad experiences...
Unfortunately, there is a limit to what you can pre-screen for..most of what you are talding about are not things you can discover without taking the risk and meeting( why I personally think the sooner you meet the better)...just don't take it personally, and with a grain of salt...online dating is not for the faint hearted or the easily discouraged...takes time, patience and the ability to blow off the bad..
To answer you second question...for the most part, my experiences have been good...but, I was verbally assaulted once, and physically assaulted another time..and I did quite a bit of pre screening, those two times it just wasn't visible till I met them... | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 4:59:07 PM |
Have others here had these kind of experiences? I've only had good experiences talking with and meeting people from POF. I think it's all in how you look at it. I'm sure you've had positive experiences too, everyone does, but it sounds like negative experiences make more of an impression on you than positive ones. That's a shame. You might have a bit more fun if you try to change that outlook.
What other types of bad experiences have people had? I broke my right thumb playing basketball when I was about 12 and never got it set, so it clicks all the time, and gets achy. I'm left-handed though, so it could have been worse. | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 5:04:40 PM |
Out of six meetings with people from this site I have only met one that acted like a kind polite interesting normal human being. How can I screen men before agreeing to meet them?
Maybe that is the type of man you are attracting. "Law of Attraction." Read and learn, it will open your eyes. It is them, but you too. | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 5:38:00 PM | Of course, everyone has bad experiences meeting people off of a dating site. You meet the Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. There is only a small percentage of people that are compatible with you, but many fish in the sea.
If you are worried about getting stood up or the guy showing up late.....Meet at a coffee shop and bring a book, that way if they don't show you haven't completely wasted your time, you had a great little date with yourself.. Not so bad..... and if he does show up and starts talking about himself too much just go back to reading until he is done. lol.
If he insults saying you seem spoiled... tell yourself "I deserve to be treated better" and leave. You don't have to stay and you don't have to explain either. Yay! you caught on to an abusive person on the first date, lots of people wish they could've done that!
If they ask personal questions, smile and say "Why do you wanna know?"
If they keep talking about another woman whether another they met or an ex. Good sign he's not relationship material. Your way ahead of some other women here.
They look older than their pictures... oh well if you met at a coffee shop you don't have to stay long or at all... its the beauty of a coffee shop for the first meet. | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 6:16:38 PM |
( why I personally think the sooner you meet the better)
I think the opposite.
I have found (in a past life on POF) that woman wish to meet much sooner than I do, as I prefer to take my time and carry out my own little screening process during mail or chats back and forth and then move to phone conversations.
I think you could have determined the men who were going to treat you as described in the top 5 on your list before meeting them. If those 5 could have been replaced with 5 positives then it would be worth finding out whether or not 6 or 7 were in play.
These kind of experiences will either force you into becoming more patient or force you into grabbing onto the first kind polite interesting normal human being that comes along. | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 6:22:40 PM | Boy; I've never met anyone from any dating site, yet. I can only imagine that it'll be kinda hard to do. You can only learn so much writing e-mails back and forth. About all you can do is understand that both of you are nervous and that can result in stupid things being said. Problem is, once spoken? I wouldn't be to quick to judge.
I met my X on a blind date. I hadn't realized that I'd met her before that date and didn't even like her. I got to know her better on the blind date and the rest is history. | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 6:34:05 PM |
I think the opposite.
Well, I'll admit...I'm a converted take my time person...I did that a few times..ended up being a disaster..lots of time...and then it didn't work when we met, or blew up even before that, or they were quite different in person..I can find out most of what I need initially with some emails and a couple of phone calls...the real test for me is how they are in person...and it saves both time and hurt feelings...if the meeting goes well...then I can learn the other stuff... | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 7:07:39 PM |
I met my X on a blind date. I hadn't realized that I'd met her before that date and didn't even like her. I got to know her better on the blind date and the rest is history.
Isn't that the cutest story? One never knows how things will turn out do they?
How about, missing teeth, eyeballs so bloodshot they look like the road map of Canada? Saying that they hadn't had sex in such a long, long time? Go figure.... | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 7:47:22 PM | ...I haven't been on too many meets since joining PoF and the experiences haven't been 'unpleasant' for the most part....well ok, there was this one guy who showed up drunk  but other than that.....Oh wait, I just remembered the guy who read Taro cards and could see aura's around certain people, he had a thing about fires too, a little strange maybe but not entirely unpleasant.
And then there was the noodle incident, but that was kinda comical, and right out of a Seinfeld episode...unpleasant, no
I guess I should consider myself lucky then.....
...maeflowers | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:09:27 PM |
Silly Mae...Noodles should only be considered for the SECOND date! I think someone needs to write a guide book on how to date!
Oh...wait....there are several already, aren't there?
...Noodles, spagetti or ribs is something you should never order on a first date, haha
...maeflowers | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:24:09 PM |
Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
One, spent an hour explaining why she had three weddings, but only two marriages.
One, told me her ex-husband (in law enforcement) would find me and shoot me if I did anything inappropriate.
One, at her instigation, (french) kissed like a reciprocating saw.
One, told me she preferred dark haired men. (It's right there on/in my profile/pics! WTH???)
One, told me of her financial woes, continiously.
One, expected us to run get a motel room.
One, no, make that a few, had completely misrepresented themselves with old pics.
It's amazing what a good sense of humor will get you through!
just a few, 'still loving life' thoughts | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 9:46:34 PM | ...Inquiring minds want to know?
She remarried one of her husbands right?
So did ya? Get the motel room I mean?
A recipocating saw...what a visual....hope you didn't get hurt haha. But you're right, you got to take these things lightly, ....one day we will all look back and laugh at our dating experiences...oh wait, I am looking back and laughing.
...maeflowers | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/9/2009 10:55:13 PM |
She remarried one of her husbands right?
Nope, but a good guess. You're thinking it was a riddle. Unfortunately, it was real life.
She had 3 full fledged weddings (thus my arguement that she had been married 3 times), but the last, after sharing about 3 weeks of cohabitation, ended in an anullment (sp?). I know, I didn't get it either.
So did ya? Get the motel room I mean?
Again, nope. She is a very sweet woman. Last I heard she had found a good match. It just wasn't me, unfortunately. I'm happy for her!
Reciprocating saw? One of the strangest experiences of my life.
But, except for the golddigger, I've enjoyed all meets. Some have been wierd, but I usually find a way to enjoy it, nonetheless.
A positive approaching attitude goes a long way, IMHO.
just a few 'positive attitude' thoughts | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/10/2009 1:03:47 AM |
Out of six meetings with people from this site I have only met one that acted like a kind polite interesting normal human being. How can I screen men before agreeing to meet them?
That's one of the paradoxes of online dating. It's easy to screen the obvious azzholes. However, despite the fact that the idea is to get to know someone a bit before taking the plunge, it just isn't possible to completely screen out the marginal choices without meeting them. E-mail and chat can only take you so far!
I'm with the others who said meet sooner rather than later and make it something that can be over quite quickly if you don't like what you see. There is nothing worse than sitting through dinner and possibly another activity with someone you've already decided you don't want to spend time with. Coffee shops are wonderful for that kind of meet. If you don't wish to offend by just cutting it short - be devious! I know one woman who has a friend call fifteen minutes in with an imaginary emergency that she can use to extricate herself if things are really going badly.
I suppose I've been lucky. For the most part, those I've met from here have at the least been pleasant to spend time with. They haven't always looked spot on to their pics. They haven't always had the same personalities their writings seemed to convey. They were mostly ladies who were well worth spending the time with to find out about the possibilities though.
Cheers  | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/10/2009 1:09:02 AM | Mostly I have had very positive experiences on this site and met really nice chaps, the downside has been "no chemistry" - that's not unusual for me, I seldom meet anyone that I'm really attracted to, but when I do it whops the next decade from my life :-). So you lovely guys out there that I have had great dates with - thank you :-)! Big downers are:
a. Men who have fibbed about the important things then "confess" they are married/living with someone etc. winsomely with an "aren't I a bad and dangerous lad" look, and then expect you to come to a 2nd date... sheesh!
b. Come on blokes - stop posting photos which are 10 years and 5 stone out of date - women are visual too! I've never been rude enough to leave a date where this has happened and have plugged on, but it doesn't leave a good impression.
c. Asking me to become a lover within 5 minutes of meeting me and attempting to arrange a weekend away within the hour. Newsflash - few women worth their salt are that desperate.
d. Wearing a better frock than I possess to the date (yes really - it was Chanel, and he was otherwise a lovely bloke). Testing for broadmindedness on a first date is a bit chancy, unless you are a Size 10 and fancy giving me the dress... LOL
e. Stalkers.
f. Men who start every sentence with the word "I", never ask me a question about myself but nevertheless appear fixated with one or other of my body parts...
I'm quite sure all of this goes in reverse and that the blokes meet very similar things from us girls. Why can't we all just be straightforward and upfront???
xxx | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:15:46 AM | Take a speaking class . Read a book on it. Learn how to turn a conversation around. Sometimes they need to express things in a hurry so you understand where they are.
The ones that talk about the ex has no clue. The first few dates should be discovering each other interests and likes, not about other people.
Take the lighter apporach. After a date I comapre it to what it was, meeting someone.
then i ask myself.
Do I want to see them again?
Were they polite?
Did the vailadate me in any way?
Was I comfortable in the situation?
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:34:08 AM | One, told me her ex-husband (in law enforcement) would find me and shoot me if I did anything inappropriate. - now that's insecure!
I have always love the men who tell me how I should be, in order to please them, which made me add a few lines to my profile. LOL They are also the same ones who state in their profiles that they don't want women who will try to change them.
Neither sex is all good, nor all bad, but some are downright wonky... and a good sense of humour keeps you grounded and sane. | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:47:12 AM | Not recognizing them, that's not a good start.
Being told I have no taste in my attire. It was 24C, so I wore shorts.
I met one very pretty lady, we had a nice walk, had some dinner, went for an ice cream cone for dessert and she never smiled the whole 2 hours. Very sad. | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:59:54 PM |
I have always love the men who tell me how I should be, in order to please them
I'll never forget the guy who for a first date wanted me to drive over an hour to his house...told me what kind of clothes to wear and bring..and then when I politely declined..told me "I" had intimacy issues...lol...
It isn't uncommon for men to "suggest" what I should wear when going to meet them..
Ah..internet dating..gotta love it...lol... | |
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| Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone...
Posted: 6/10/2009 1:20:35 PM | I'm with ya sista! I've asked myself the same thing. Why didn't I screen this contact better? I hate feeling like I'm being interrogated too. The conversation needs to flow naturally.
The IM service that use to be available on POF had an anonymous calling service connected to their IM service. It was great. Talking on the phone is a good way to screen or get to know someone before meeting. I prefer to have a few talks before agreeing to meet.
Just an idea. | |
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