| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:07:24 PM | I went on a date this last weekend and was so upset after the experience kinda puts me off this online dating, not only did the chap turn up late but because I was left waiting I bought us a round a drinks,
he turned up 15 minutes late and being a fast drinker being self conscious sitting in a bar on my own I gulped it down, when he arrived i'd already drank most of my wine anyhow, we found a seat and then I sat with an empty glass for over 30 minutes,
I waited and waited for this chap to offer to buy me another drink and I sat there thinking he'll ask me in a minute and he didn't!!!, I got up in the end annoyed so much that a) he was late b) he was so ignorant to not offer to buy me a drink ....so I decided to make my excuses and leave and he then accused me of being so very very rude since he'd travelled all the way from Manchester, about 35 miles, 45 min drive,
I said I didn;t want to get into a discussion about it and that I was leaving, when asked why, I said because you are rude and a mingebag and I don't wish to spend any further time with you, he then started shouting about how backward I was and this was the 21st century and why should the bloke pay for the first date anyhow since it was me who suggested getting together and he'd driven here to meet me ......okay fair enough but hey a lady wants some sort of effort on behalf of the chap involved, however whilst i was leaving he called me a MONEYGRABBING GOLDDIGGING SHALLOW b**TCH who is only after a man for his money!!! Christ that was a nice evening NOT!!!
I've posted a few posts on the forums recently a couple of guys have jumped on me and said the same that I'm a golddigger because I would like a man to pay on a first date and because I find a man with money, drive, ambition an attractive quality in a partner...
Does that make me a golddigger, I really don't think so and I think fellas nowadays use this equality badge to think that they don;t have to make much of an effort whatsoever .....
be interested to hear what others think? I'm a decent gal but always seem to meet the wrong guys or get things completely wrong I don;t know what to expect anymore .... | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:21:03 PM | | thank you :-) x wish there were more gentlemen like you on the market x I'm the same I'm such a generous person when I getting to know someone certainly not tight but ladies do like a man to take the lead early on and treat a lady with respect and make her feel special x they get back 10 fold with me seriously but first impressions last so they say x | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:24:25 PM | I have no issue buying a round a drinks, just as you had and I would have waited for him to get the next round, just like you did.
I have learned to have no expectations of random strangers.If you have no expectations you will never be disappointed. If I am meeting someone I ask if they are going to be paying or if the would like to go dutch. With one exception every guy has offered to pay before we even met and they all commented that they appreciated my asking so they didn't have to play a worry game in their own heads about what to do.
There are loads of angry people in the world who don't understand that it is their anger that makes them undesirable. There is no way something could be wrong with THEM, it has to be everyone else. This is why we hear the never ending whining about nice guys, bad boys, gold diggers. lazy azz baztards and abusers. You just met with one of the angry jackasses, shake it off , Sister and always believe that the next guy could be a great guy. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:59:05 PM | I personally have no problem at all buying drinks and dinner for a date, and I have been fortunate with many of my dates to even have them offer to pick up the tab. Guess I just run into a better crowd of people.
BUT .... with that said. It can't help but come to my mind that people want everything their way. What I mean by that is that for years women fought the good fight for equal rights so that you ladies today could have things easier, and I applaud those women, but now women want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to be considered as equals in all things that a man can do, but at the same time they wish to still be treated like ladies.
I am not putting you down OP, or calling you a gold digger. I just see a discrepency in the way things are and am pointing out the obvious. Also, this subject has been rather done to death in other forums.
(edit: I also love to go around poking bears with sticks.) | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 3:16:29 PM | I agree with Baldy.
Not productive to get fuming mad with a stranger over such a trivial matter.........
Guys do this sort of thing all the time buying round after round for groups of people ...
(I too like poking bears with sticks ) | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 3:34:23 PM |
I waited and waited for this chap to offer to buy me another drink and I sat there thinking he'll ask me in a minute and he didn't!!!, I got up in the end annoyed so much that a) he was late b) he was so ignorant to not offer to buy me a drink ....so I decided to make my excuses and leave and he then accused me of being so very very rude since he'd travelled all the way from Manchester, about 35 miles, 45 min drive
I also don't have a problem buying a woman a drink. But what I do have a problem with is if it is "EXPECTED" of me to do so because I am a man. I also have a problem when it is referred as something we're SUPPOSED to do! Traditionally that may have been acceptable but things have changed and although alot of men usually would be the one to buy the drink, it is not a REQUIREMENT! You actually sat there using an empty glass as a hint for the man to buy you a drink for 30 minutes. If you were that thirsty why didn't you order yourself the drink? Also if they guy drove 45 min to meet you what exactly is the problem with him being 15 minutes late.
If I was that guy and you gave me that type of attitude, you wouldn't have had to make any excuses to end the date because I would have gotten up and walked away from you. And you can find your own way home just in case you "EXPECTED" me to give you cab fare...."Princess"! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 3:44:11 PM | | This reminds me of the infamous "coffee" thread. In this situation, I would have bought myself a drink and offer to buy him one as well. Then he could have offered to get the next round. I certainly wouldn't expect a man to buy me a drink. On some dates, I paid for most or all of the bill because the place we went to was much closer to me than him. Or because I had to postpone a date and he was very understanding about it. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 3:50:46 PM | There are plenty of smarter ways to get a drink out of a tight wad.
People take these things way too seriously ....where is the humour and imagination ?
Turn up to a date with an attitude and too many expectations , trying to prove your hereto judgments wrong or right, it is pretty much doomed to failure....
I am not sure you can class the op as a princess though she does have a point just not an especially hip one. Women that wont let a man do some of the traditional stuff are problematic too.
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 4:25:15 PM | | 30 minutes for a drink is a long time. I don't think it was just the lateness and the not buying you a drink, I don't think you dug him at all. I think he dug you and that is why he was offended. If it was just a drink date, 30 minutes is plenty of time! Geez, we used to get 30 minute lunches. He was pissed and said everything he could. Let it go. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 4:45:59 PM | if you bought the first round, then it isnt rocket science that its on him to get the second!
i tend to go dutch on a date, i dont feel like theres gonna be any issue if it doesnt work out then.
keep looking hun, there are much better guys out there! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 4:50:52 PM | OP, did you do the inviting? If so...all bets are off. Why should anyone be expected to buy you a drink, if you invite them out?
First meets should be dutch anyways...why should a man be expected to pay to meet you, when odds are, that will be the last time you see one another? Most first meets do not end up dating.
To me, you both behaved rudely...him being late and you expecting free drinks. | |
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 13 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:04:49 PM |
...I find a man with money, drive, ambition an attractive quality in a partner...
Does that make me a golddigger,...
Not only does it make you a golddigger, it pretty much defines what a golddigger is. IMO, the fact that you list money as the first item in that short list of attractive qualities is a bit telling.
But to your overall post, it looks to me as though the two of you were playing a little game here. 30 minutes waiting on a drink? You were testing him to see if he'd offer. And he was testing you to see if you had expectations that he'd offer. You both got your answer. You got annoyed by the game and made excuses for leaving and then he decided to prove that you were exactly what he thought you were when he read though your excuses.
and I think fellas nowadays use this equality badge to think that they don;t have to make much of an effort whatsoever .....
Is that what we're doing? Or is it that YOU are using it to justify your own actions? Where is YOUR effort in this date? Was it just in the fact that you showed up? Oh wait, that's what a golddigger would think.... 
I'm a decent gal but always seem to meet the wrong guys or get things completely wrong I don;t know what to expect anymore ....
From my perspective, you should expect that they expect the exact same things you do. If you show up for a date expecting them to pay, there isn't any reason they shouldn't show up expecting YOU to pay. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:19:27 PM | | If you asked HIM out, then it [was] your date. I would have gone Dutch. As far as the drink etiquette, it sounds like you guys just didn't hit-it-off and you're using the drink as a focal point of the whole train-wreck evening. Fume over it or learn from it. Your choice. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:59:45 PM | Liverpool-Lass...
Girl, I don't think you expecting a guy to buy you a drink makes you golddigger automatically, but it makes you sound a old-fashioned, expecting a bit more traditional roles.
However, if you find ambition and drive in a man attractive, that is good. BUT most of the time men with ambition and drive are hardworking men busting their bum for the money to come and the wait is usually long. So, if he has the drive and ambition and the hard work but not the money, do you still find that attractive? If the answer is no, you are a gold-digger.
If he drives for 45 minutes or even 3 hours, he should text you or call you to tell you he was going to be late, not just leave you sitting there for 15 minutes. It is courtesy.. a simple act of courtesy. Again, it depends what orientations people have to figure out what is courtesy and manners and what is not. Few guys drove hours to meet me, or I them. Whenever someone was late, we kept each other in the know and apologized upon seeing each other.
Just a quick word to the gentlemen on here making fun of the concept of equality... do women get equal pay in your countries? If a woman spends an X amount of money on her appearance to look good to come out and meet YOU while you guys know darn well women spentd hard-earned cash and HAVE TO spend it according to what your societies dictate today otherwise you yourself wouldn't look at the woman twice!!! [I am not even talking about high-maintenance by the way]- if she can take this bloody effort, if she does that is paying for a drink such a hard thing that will deduct from your manhood? Or would that qualify as a nice thing to do and oh god no we don't do nice anymore!!! Nice sucks, eh? And I am not talking expensive places or expensive dinners, or a round of drinks. I am talking a bloody few Pounds. JESUS! I will never ever go out on a date in new stockings any more! I never "expect" a guy to pay and I usually insist that I pay for myself although it offended some dates. I insist to pay for myself because I know it is very rare to come by a decent gentleman these days, and if I let him pay maybe he would "expect" something in return.
My dates however are not as complicated as yours Liverpool Lass, I take a long time chatting to them over the phone and any gesture the guy is rude, there are no dates happening over here.
BTW, I never heard of this "rule" here in the UK, if I say "hey why not meet up, I gotta pay for his a$$? Ok. Will keep my mouth shut then. Nobody paying for me and I am not paying for nobody.
Better luck next time. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:19:43 PM | | As a guy i would most cetainly buy the drink, just being a gentlemen is very important to me regardless of who invited who. Now as for the comment of liking a man who has money? is that really a good idea, would a guy be less worthy of your time if he was just a hard working stiff. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:43:23 PM | Let's pretend for a moment that the roles were reversed. He asks you out on a date. You drive kind of far, let's say... hmmm... 45 minutes, just to meet him. For whatever reason, you show up 15 minutes late. You see he's been drinking without you, understandably of course, because it feels weird to sit at a bar and not drink anything, especially when you're alone. He finishes his drink and doesn't order a refill for himself.
At this time, do you buy it for him? Or do you let him sit there with an empty glass? If you do buy it for him, why do you? If not, why not?
I'm pretty sure I can guess the answer(s), but you OP, and the many women who feel like you do, might just surprise me, so I think I'll wait to see what kind of responses, if any, this question receives. I may or may not share my opinion at a later time. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:35:26 PM | ( I would like a man to pay on a first date and because I find a man with money, drive, ambition an attractive quality )well you said it.lol
as for buying drinks I have no problem with paying for a date.But in my exspirence ,how ever you spell it lol, If a girl comes up to me and asks me to buy her a drink I say No! because it works out like this.The drink arives and then the girl goes " wait I see my friend Ill be back in a minut" never to be seen agine.lol | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:56:22 PM | | Random girl asking for a drink is a little different over going on a date. I usually don't like people paying my tab. Friends, family, and especially dates, I like paying. Have expensive restaurant philosophy. So usually suggest something better with friends and family--since more expensive for them on account of me; add in don't like people paying for my meals. Well I just pay most times (my Dad wins cause well he can afford my snob whims). Bars, at least one round on me with friends. Dates, wouldn't in a million years let a Women pay! 30 minutes, one or two drinks-- maybe $20 max, even add in travel expenses, o.k my car is a gas guzzler (I'm pro-global warming) 45 minute drive another $20 or so.............. Yep, your a real gold digger not! (sarcasm) Guy can't spend even $100 on a night out once or twice a week, well they should not be dating! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:03:22 PM | I would not say that you are a golddigger, however, I also dont think that you should "expect him" to buy you a drink. Would it be the courteous thing to do considering....Of course! I would have most certainly bought a drink for you and appologized profusely for my tardiness,
That having been said, I am not sure that I would have waited 30 minutes to see if he was going to buy you a drink. Seems like a bit of a childish game to me. Maybe he just did not think about buying you a drink because he was nervous. Maybe he fully intended to pay for your drinks when the bill came at the end of the date. I would say that you may have shot yourself in the foot over a misunderstanding your part? | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 3:18:18 AM | The problem is that there are a LOT of women out there who use their looks to get men to buy them drinks. My female friends used to tell me about it all the time in college and laugh about it. They are friendly to guys, they buy them drinks, then they disappear.
I'm sure you are a nice gal, but it is the other w omen who ruin it for you in this area I think.
Because there are a lot of women out there who think just because they are "pretty" or a "female" the guy has to pay for everything.
I have always gone 50/50 on dates and had a lot of success with that approach.
I also know a lot of women who insist on buying their own drinks so they don't feel like they are 'leading the guy on'.. I respect these women.
When you can get the other women to stop "using" men to pay for everything, then I think you'll have better luck. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:05:01 AM | "Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?"
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Well, you shouldn't EXPECT someone to buy you a drink or anything else for that matter. However, since he was late he should have made it up to you and paid for it. Other than that, there's no reason whatsoever why a man should pay for meals, drinks or whatever. I know that a lot of guys think that they stand a better chance with women by kissing their a$$ with gifts and stuff. They fail to realize to attraction and love can't be bought. | |
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