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 rockphran
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 1
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I met a girl I really liked on this site. We emailed and texted for about two weeks before meeting. I had a wonderful time on the date, sensed some chemistry and thought she really liked me. I looked forward to seeing her again soon. I made plans for us to meet up and she never responded. Which is fine, I realize that she probably didn't like me or find me attractive in person - I'm a big kid I can handle it. The strange thing is that I am in a band and we had two shows in the five days after our initial date. During the date she expressed strong interest in coming to see my band play. So I texted her before each show, inviting her. Each time she responded with a couple texts back lamenting that she couldn't come but how excited she was for the next ones, and how she was sure she'd be there next time around. I have texted her a few other times about getting together again for a second date, with no response. I sent her a couple emails, with no response. During our time texting/emailing before we met, she'd respond very quickly to either, so I know she's ignoring them.

Since she has not returned my emails or texts, I assume she is not interested. I'd appreciate a simple "I'm not interested" reply so I can move on, but, whatever, I can take a hint. My question for you girls out there is - am I missing something here? Why would she respond enthusiastically to my texts about my band's concerts and ignore anything else? Is this some kind of mind game? Playing hard to get? Is she ignoring me hoping I'll call her repeatedly or something? Again, I assume this is just her bizarre, quasi rude way of letting me know she's not interested, but I just want to make sure because I really liked this girl a lot based on our one date and weeks of emailing.
 Blowers_Daughter
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 2
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 2:06:13 AM
*She's phased you out- maybe she's met someone else...maybe she just re-thought the situation & doesn't want to date! Who knows her reasons!

Really don't think she's playing 'hard to get'....but if she is, then you're playing in to her games, by contacting her. Leave it- Put it down to experiance and be glad that you didn't invest any more time & emotions in it.
You had ONE date and a few emails....that's hardly a basis for going mental when she doesn't contact you. It could simply be that she didn't feel the chemistry that you obviously felt and feels guilty about telling you that.

Learn by it, move on and don't dwell- what's the point? Letting it roll around in your head is not going to change anything and if you keep contacting her, you'll come across as obsessive....and that's really not attractive!
 Romny
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 3
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 2:14:34 AM
She is being nice... she is also keeping her option with you 'open'.... everyone wants or would like someone in their corner at all times... you have showed great interest..but she certainly does not feel the same about you...but hey..so what?

Key: cut off communicating with her... she will wonder wassup... she will text... and you will NOT respond...

ok?

She will show up at show unexpectedly..

you will NOT show interest...

6 months later... after her hounding you...you will be married.


The Romny has spoken.

*puts patch back over left eye and sits down to smoke pipe*
 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 4
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:14:07 AM
In the last two days I have told two different men I wasn't interested.

The first told me I needed a face lift and lipo, probably couldn't dance well anyways, that I was so much uglier than the other chicks he was dating, etc etc etc. All because i said I didn't want to be with him. Oh and he said i shouldn't have contacted him....and he was the one who emailed me first.

The next one was a guy I said hello to basically. And because I wouldn't talk sex with him got all snippy and nasty and rude. He told me to stop emailing him...So i blocked him.

With experiences like this. I'm finding that a lot of men can't handle rejection. It's like a blow to their overinflated ego. So why bother even saying ''i'm not interested'' when I have to take abuse. I might as well take the easy way out, click delete and block them.

This girl you're dealing with sounds like she's either got a lot of men she is juggling or she's just not that into you. Or both. Ignore her. She'll either go away or email you wondering where you've gone. Either way forget her.
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 5
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Posted: 6/11/2009 8:15:41 AM
Send her a picture of you naked with 6-7 groupies.

Then forget her...

what you describe is typical behaviour from both sexes but it is not the behaviour that matters.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 6
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Posted: 6/11/2009 8:24:38 AM
OP....

Sounds like another faker to me.

This is a person who wanted the thrill of talking to a musician, but in reality is huge or a man.

I am serious. There are a lot of fakers online. Back when I was in the military, I got a lot of them messaging me.
 Boadicea
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 7
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:34:20 AM
She trying to let you know shes not interested but hasnt got the balls to tell you outright as she wants to look like a 'nice' person ... move on OP
 KISS MY A$$
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 8
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:35:23 AM
^^^^ Soldier he met her she wasn't a man.

Op. She has you on a back burner.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 9
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Posted: 6/11/2009 8:36:37 AM
Oh my bad.

Yeah - you're on the back burner OP.

Don't be surprised if you hear from her out of the blue a month or two from now.
 chelsead007
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 10
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Posted: 6/11/2009 8:47:49 AM
Hey my take on this is that she's probably a nice girl and just not confrontational. She obviously thought you were a swell enough guy to not be rude to you upfront, but you probably just aren't her type. You can think someone is an awesome person and just not have that spark ya know? Good luck out there though with love and your band!
 Silent Steel
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 11
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Posted: 6/11/2009 8:50:54 AM
You got your hopes up through the couple of weeks of emailing, as well as through the date. She didnt. As much as that sucks to feel, you both felt differently after wards. Her actions are speaking louder then her words, and your trying everything you can to sugarcoat them for yourself.
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 12
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:15:44 AM
Getting worked up over someone after one date and two weeks of emailing isn't the best way to deal with dating. Sometimes it's difficult not to get all enthused about somebody, but you learn to stay a bit more level the next time around. And I'll try to take my own advice!
 Oldman53
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 13
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:33:01 PM
She's a Were-Seal and something in your body chemistry didn't trigger her hunger mechanism else it would have been curtains for you. Feel lucky, dude, whatever that is saved your life.
 LD44
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 14
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:50:30 PM
It sounds like you have a serial dater on your hands, run fast, next time she asks where you are playing ask her to come see the band and meet the real women you have met
 LD44
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 15
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:52:22 PM
And one more note for raider fan, you are right alot of men cant handle rejection I think your face is fine, but keep in mind there are still nice guys who handle it well not all men are jerks
 Kara07
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 16
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Posted: 6/11/2009 9:06:45 PM
This girl is a flake.

She was just being nice when she expressed enthusiasm about seeing your band.

If she's really interested in you, there would be no question on your mind that she is. You've given her plenty of chances to express her interest, she has chosen not to.

The girl is a flake. Move on.
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 17
really particular question
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:58:24 PM
If she EVER shows up at one of your gigs, DO NOT wave at her, DO NOT go over to where she is sitting and try to chat her up. You will look like a fool. She will probably be on a date, so don't even go there.
 rockphran
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 18
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Posted: 6/13/2009 1:46:11 AM
I appreciate everyone's input. Some pretty good levelheaded advice. However...

1) What's with the guys posting in "the ask a girl" forum?

2) I don't understand why you wouldn't take the time to read someone's post carefully if you're going to go to the trouble to answer people's serious questions. I'm not "worked up" or "crazy" about someone I saw once. I've rejected people before and handled rejection well myself, and I've dated a good enough number of women to know it's part of life. I'm not an idiot. I just thought this one's behavior was particularly bizarre. She's obviously a flake, and in all likelihood I'm never going to see her again. I was just asking the ladies if there was something obvious I was missing - why she would respond to texts about certain subjects (ie the band) and ignore texts about anything else (getting together for a second date). It just seems the way you indicate "I'm not interested" is by just ignoring someone altogether.

The person who wrote that she's attempting to keep me around just in case nothing better comes along in her dating adventures is probably the most correct. I think that makes the most sense, that's been done to me (and many others) once or twice in my day. It's pretty weak.

Anyway, lesson learned, thanks for the input for those who took the time to actually read the post in its entirety and carefully enough to catch my tone.
 trailgirl
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 19
really particular question
Posted: 6/13/2009 1:57:40 AM
1.) if you read the rules for posting in this forum you'd see that there are no polarized threads allowed (i.e. only women/men should respond)
2.) She's not necessarily a flake. Not everyone has an open calendar life. If you texted her on Thurday about a show on Saturday, it's very likely she already had plans. And especially right now with the way the economy is, very often work must trump social plans unless you want to be in the next pink-slip receiving line.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 20
really particular question
Posted: 8/19/2010 2:22:36 AM
if you read the rules for posting in this forum you'd see that there are no polarized threads allowed (i.e. only women/men should respond)

Wow, reading the forum posting rules...now THAT would be truly enigmatic behavior! ;-)

And had you, you might have also seen that posting the same thread in multiple forums is not allowed. (poke, poke)

Edit:
\/I'm chiding you about someone having advised you to read the forum posting rules a year ago, which would have prevented your multiple thread thingy. All in good fun (I hope).
Additionally, what's to dig up? I just clicked your "History" link and it's all there!
 rockphran
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 21
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Posted: 8/19/2010 2:29:13 AM
Thanks for digging up my posts from 15 months ago, and for referencing my current question in it.

Not that I care at all, but you two acted like I didn't know the rules. I understand the rule, I just think it's strange that men would post in the ask a girl section. It's a free country, post away, it's just a bit quizzical to me.

Now, the rule about not posting the same thing multiple places, guilty as charged - that I didn't realize. I'll delete them.
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