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 Sirenbliss
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 1
What is he worth?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
OK -- this will likely open up some negative tirades but I'm going to open up the can of works, nonetheless!

I have an interesting story so you'll at least be entertained! LOL

I used to date this hearthrob boyfriend of mine when I was in my teens. I was smitten at first sight, and we became inseperable for 4 years. The only problem was that whenever we broached the subject of marriage or comittment, he evaded it. So much so that my parents started dissaproving of him, and I started losing interest and began dating another man, who DID ask me to marry him. When he heard about it, he came running to my door proposing on his knees. I firmly rejected him, and that was the end of that.
Years have gone by, I have since been divorced 10 years, and oddly enough I felt some old pangs, and wanted to contact him. I tried the past 10 months to reach him, and FINALL.Y got ahold of him on classmates.com. When he responded he asked how I was and if I was married, and all that... He told me he was divorced 10 months (yes, 10 months, isnt that interesting timing?) and that he had often thought of me-- that I had devastated him and he still loved me! (Whoah!). I told him, well, maybe if you'd moved faster, you'd be married to me. But then of course, I couldnt really hold too much to it as we were both young and immature at that time.
NOW -- we have been writing and talking non stop for the past few weeks --- and its almost as though nothing has changed and in some ways its wonderful to reconnect with a past love, and yet in other ways its awful that he's STILL the same...
In 22 years he never achieved, he never got a degree (I'm going to grad school), he never accumulated any wealth AT ALL), he never made anything out of his fantastic music which is in my opinion as a published author with two books out, READY for the limelight and radio stations--- he just sat on his butt, and lived as a loser.
I'm angry---- he has a family with money, and all the opportunities one could ask for-- all the talent and support he needed and he DID NOTHING.
WHY does this matter so much to me? What is he worth??? I feel angry that
he did little for himself given all his ability and talents and think I dont even wantt o date him again--- just be a friend.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 2
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What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:10:03 AM
Did you just post something about dumping another "friend" who didn't want to be in a relationship with you?
I think you might want to stop clinging to or looking for unsuitable men from your past.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 3
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:16:22 AM
From a monetary aspect, this wouldn't bother me at all. I hesitate to say lack of ambition cuz he HAD ambitions but he lacked the drive. That would bother and concern me. It's one thing to have/make plans but life has other plans that get in the way and detour us. It's another thing to have plans but sit on the couch and watch opportunities pass by cuz one lacks the confidence and gumption to get off their dead arse and pursue them.
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 4
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What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:18:47 AM
We often want to recapture something from the past, especially if your heart was in it.

In your situation, I think you should leave the past in the past. It's so important to me that my significant other is goal-oriented. And no, I don't necessarily mean from a fiscal standpoint, but from an accomplishment standpoint. When I have a huge goal, I look at what little goals can I achieve that will help increase the probability of reaching that large one...that way, in the event I never reach the ultimate goal, I've at least accomplished something! I think it's so sad when someone has a gift that not everyone can have and they don't put it to use...in some form or another. He could have taken his talent and used it many scenarios (teaching, entertainment, advertising,etc).

I personally can't date someone who doesn't try to reach goals...it shows lack of drive, commitment, passion...most of all lack of growth.

Keep the past in the past while you are obviously moving forward in life!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 5
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What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:21:28 AM
Maybe you should send this to him and see if he even wants a friendship with you. You don't bother to mention sans the failed marriage if he was happy. Did he have children, raise them well. Does he have friends that value him because he is the type of guy to be there for them?

Sometimes people are also with the wrong person and are held back for any variety of reasons; he may have had enough challenges just surviving his marriage intact. Obviouly you don't believe he is not as good as you are for failing to accumulate material wealth or to advance his education but perhaps you are not good enough for him because to you, the package is more important than what is on the inside.

Wind and Sexy, I get what you are saying but what if this man had no "drive" because he was doing things like coaching little league or building Habitat houses. The OP has really told us very little about this man and could very well be the type of person to hear wonderful things about the things he HAS done with his life and his impact on the world around him but doesn't value those things.

I have friends, still married after 18 years. They married very young but always self-supported. She stayed at home with the kids, he owns and operates a garage and salvage business. She went back to school, earned her degree and teaches school while he is still a grease monkey without that much to show for nearly two decades of work besides keeping a roof over his family's heads, etc. He was also a scout leader, coached the kids' teams, is very intelligent, kind and funny and yet, were he on the market next week, according to your post his life wouldn't be worth very much, although his kids might beg to differ with you.

I agree with Landra, how do you manage the drama?
 wicked_desires
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 6
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:26:00 AM
Perhaps you just like him. Perhaps you just like visiting past chapters till you find someone to lord over.

I really don't understand this momentary/educational wealth prerequisite that is prevalent in measuring an individuals true worth or desirability on some kind of gluttony scale.
He is all he can be, or will be for the now. He is still however an individual. I am not certain as to why in this example it would make him good or bad or necessary a failure. Though given your own set of criteria for measuring a persons worth I am at a loss as to why he would give you opportune to be his friend.

And anyone who judges someone by these standards should be well aware beauty is in the eye of the beholder and - and frankly that lot make my skin crawl.
 asteliapuff39
Joined: 8/9/2007
Msg: 7
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:29:27 AM
Why are you asking? in your mind you are disappointed that perhaps he might be a loser with no money, with no education.
If you feel that way why ask strangers about anything else?
To tell you the truth, specially now that you are even going to grad school, find someone within your intellectual level. I find that different educations tend to be hard on a relationship.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe if he would of married you, at this point, you would of been divorced as well with his lack of motivation and self fulfillment.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 8
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:29:57 AM
If you choose not to date him, he will be a very fortunate man. You are ANGRY? By what measure do you have the right to be angry with this man? Because he didn't live up to your expectations? Again I ask by what right? Perhaps he finds joy in life that is not measured in gold and trophies. Perhaps money, fame, awards and acclaim have no value to him? And that makes him a loser?
Good luck with your career and leave the poor b4st4rd alone. What kind of friend could you possibly be to him? The kind that would constantly let him know how much better you THINK you are than he? What kind of friend goes on line and calls him a loser?

BTW Miss educated, published author, it's "a can of WORMS" the expression is "I'm going to open up a can of worms."
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 9
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:31:16 AM
No law says you have to date him but you don't have to put him down either.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 10
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:34:57 AM
Well aren't you just so special... To think this guy missed out on how many years of having you judge him. Good thing you haven't changed and are willing to make up for lost time. He's so lucky!

<div class="quote">and lived as a loser.
This says so much about YOU it's incredible!

He's worth more then you are!
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 11
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:36:01 AM
Kinda makes you wonder how much energy he'll put into a relationship...doesn't it? And when things get tough, will he step up to the plate.

There's no shame in failing...there is in failing to try. Personally, I wouldn't even be his friend if he can't find one thing to be passionate about and to excel at...but that's just me.

As for you...I find it odd with all of your education and insights you share in other threads how you can continue to be victimized by the need to be with somebody "right now".

Relax...enjoy being who you are...needy/clingy behaviors aren't going to get you the man that will make you happy...nor will great sex...be the person you want the guy of your dreams to find...then things get a lot easier.

 ShabbiKid
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 12
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:16:08 PM
OP continue trolling in your troll mobile down delete lane.....

Dayum!!!!!!!! How many more thread topics do you have in your attache case?

This one's about your Army Colonel you can't get over....Recently started I might add!

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12518592.aspx
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 13
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:19:36 PM
In 22 years he never achieved, he never got a degree (I'm going to grad school), he never accumulated any wealth AT ALL), he never made anything out of his fantastic music which is in my opinion as a published author with two books out, READY for the limelight and radio stations--- he just sat on his butt, and lived as a loser.
I'm angry---- he has a family with money, and all the opportunities one could ask for-- all the talent and support he needed and he DID NOTHING.


Not everyone in this world measures their level of success on the forementioned. If that is how you measure yours...glad it's workin' for you.

It is a good thing that it takes all kinds of people to keep this world spinning and I consider a hard working, happy individual far more successful than than a wealthy, self-centered, judgemental bitter one.

Sing it Rockman
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 14
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What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:19:46 PM
You're angry because someone you dated in high school didn't match your idea of success? Weird thing to be angry about, but ok. Cut the poor guy loose -- his marriage just ended, the last thing he needs is harsh judgment from an old flame.
 buzzy9876
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 15
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What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:26:15 PM
My advice to HIM. Stay away from this one. She will try to change you into what SHE thinks you should be. Gag!
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 16
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:29:19 PM
Wind and Sexy, I get what you are saying but what if this man had no "drive" because he was doing things like coaching little league or building Habitat houses.


I see what you're saying and agree, Package. She didn't list anything like that so I assumed thru their conversations she has learned he hasn't done such things. But maybe she doesn't mention such things cuz she doesn't value those... and I do. That's why I differentiated between making plans while life passes by v. making plans but life taking us on a detour. We don't always land where we expected/hoped to but that doesn't mean we ended up a nobody who is nowhere.

To Sirenbliss: I didn't realize until someone else pointed it out that you also started the thread about the Col. Who Couldn't Commit. (I just LOVE alliteration! LOL!). Can you just not BE alone? Do you know the difference between being alone and being lonely? Despite all your success, do you think your own worth is tied to a man? What is preventing you from feeling fulfilled? Where is this judgmental bitterness coming from?
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 17
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What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:34:43 PM
Well, one possible scenario is... he was so devastated over your rejection of him that 22 years ago his life was thrown onto an alternate parallel existence, where the talent that was never met the spark of opportunity and all possibility was lost.

I've heard things like this happen when 'the one' marries another and the rejected party is doomed to a life of always being 5 minutes behind making it happen and it repeats and repeats throughout his dreary failure existence. Of course, perhaps it was your actions 22 years ago that totally ruined all his chances in this life and he is left to wait until the next one before he gets a chance at the brass ring once again.

Reading your profile, I see you are 7 courses from your undergrad degree and then, as you say, you'll be going to grad school. So I suppose, were he to go back to school right now (it is never too late you know) you'd be a few years ahead of him. Not too bad at all considering you had a 22 year head start.

It also occurs to me that perhaps he had other things that were occupying him during his sojourn in the parallel existence, perhaps raising a family and things of that nature, and so, perhaps, had to shelve many of his dreams in order to dutifully support them. Parents do things like subjugating their own dreams of musical fame or further education for the immediate good of their family. In other words, it may be less of an indication of drive as it is lack of opportunity.

Does being a published author qualify you as a judge of musical talent I wonder? Or give you the ability to see trends and marketability in the music business? Does music, I wonder, have any value unless one makes money from it?

Why, I wonder, are you so angry with him? There are other emotions that would seem to fit the scenario, perhaps even better ... sadness comes to mind.

There are few opportunities in life where we get the chance to reject the same person a second time and thereby demonstrate just how right we are about them.

All of this is, of course, wild conjecture on my part about various possibilities.
 pop58
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 18
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:36:37 PM
I have to agree.....Ambition is attactive to me and many other people. Just maybe b/c you are goal oriented you expect others to be. I feel the same way. It just as attractive as a physical feature you may be attracted to.
 Marial92
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 19
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:38:06 PM
Sirenbliss,

You my dear are looking for love.

You are desperately seeking the mate that you will finish time with.

You created a thread yesterday about the Army guy and I think though it still pains you, you have come to a place of accepting that it is now a dead issue.

Now you have this past love from your younger years and yes I can see the connection of you searching for him for the past 10 months only to find out from him that he's been divorced now for the last 10 months.

Nonetheless, time tells all and it would be nice to get in touch with the ex-wife and see really what happened but really.....you don't need to go there...

Really, you're just disappointed with a guy that maybe had opportunity and potential to really do something with himself and all these years later, he's done virtually nothing which is why I say, would be nice to talk to the ex but not really a good idea.........

So, you either have to accept him where he's at unconditionally or just keep him as a friend that will probably in time disappear once again.

I think though that it would behove you to put an end to any hopes with him as by your standards, he's just not ever really going to measure up.

So that leaves you only to close the book on this chapter as well and put it to bed once and for all knowing that you have just come away alone from 2 guys that you really felt something for and maybe had some hopes and expectations of a future with.

Time to throw all the old fish back in the pond and put some fresh bait on the hook and cast that rod and reel.

Who knows, you just might get a tug on your line and reel in the what was truly intended for you to begin with and then in retrospect realize that you had to go through all of that to get to that.

Best wishes dear.....
Marial
 js104c1
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 20
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:43:32 PM
"OK -- this will likely open up some negative tirades but I'm going to open up the can of works, nonetheless"

Seems like this is everyone's opening line when they create a post. LOL Lotta a-holes here.....
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 21
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:44:32 PM
He's worth a moments glance and a roll in the hay..

Other than that.. move on sista..

If he's not motivated to do anything still then he's not going to change. If you think all of this now, than it will only get worse if you develop a relationship and start to actually expect him to do things for or with you.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:44:43 PM
Angry perhaps because she listened to other people 22 years ago and allowed her feelings to change as a result, ultimately letting go of the man who claims 22 years later to still love her.

Angry perhaps because he is still not good enough for her but he loves her when no one else does at the moment. Angry because she will be right in rejecting him and yet still be alone.

The upside is that he has lived a life that will again allow you to blame the choice you make on him.
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 23
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:47:23 PM
Sounds like your family vetoed this guy ... and you took them up on it. You should be angry with yourself, except that obviously family plays a huge part in decisions everybody makes. But, if you're angry at all, you might think about targeting yourself (for listening to those bone-headed relatives of yours).

I'm just airing that out. I'm not standing in judgment one way or another. You have a right to your standards ... just saying, you might think about where they come from.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 24
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What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:58:57 PM
"WHY does this matter so much to me? What is he worth??? I feel angry that he did little for himself given all his ability and talents and think I dont even wantt o date him again--- just be a friend. "

My guess is that you were hoping he would be your knight in shining armour to save you from loneliness. You put him on this pedistal and he stepped off shattering your dream. You are right not to date him, but don't waste his time even be "his friend". I say this because you do not accept him for who he is and I get the feeling you will try to "fix" him. *IF* he needs help it is up to him to get it - not you to force it on him.

Why do I say this? Because you asked, "What is he worth?"
 humptyhump1984
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 25
What is he worth?
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:20:40 PM
He's obviously worth nothing to you since he doesn't have a degree or a solid investment portfolio.

Women who think men are losers because they don't have money = perfectly acceptable

Men who think women are unattractive because they are overweight = pure evil
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