| why is it
Posted: 6/11/2009 3:25:42 PM | | every girl i meet always seems to do a number on me and always seems to break my heart? Like this one girl iv met recently, i thought she was amazing so amazing that i told her that i had feelings for her and woe and behold she tells me she only wants to be friends with me. That's fine an all but if she only wants to be friends why does she flirt with me like crazy? Why is it i keep on letting women do this to me? | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 2:14:17 AM | | your not the only one... | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 2:53:12 AM | | it sucks coz i really do try and most of the time it just gets thrown back in my face | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 2:58:13 AM | | i no that feeling iv not long split up with my ex i have a son with him but for some resion he wont give it another go but he plays games with my feeling and all i do is get hurt | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 7:51:45 AM | OP,
To your current girl...she's not romantically attracted to you for some reason and put you in the friend zone. You can forget about becoming more than that. Oh, you'll probably try to be extra nice to her for a while, but that's not gonna work. And, she'll continue to flirt like hell with you because there is NO possibility of you becoming something more.
Now...every girl you meet does this? You are the common denominator here...what are you doing wrong? Are you a nice guy?
Paul ;) | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:55:58 AM | | I don't know what im doing wrong I meet one girl she says that i lack confidence, I lack confidence because i keep on getting messed about by girls, i meet another who says im too happy, the list goes on, this sucks it really does. Because when im with someone i try my hardest to anything that they want just to please them. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 12:18:49 PM | Majin,
Here's the problem:
Because when im with someone i try my hardest to anything that they want just to please them.
You are the classic 'nice guy'. You are lacking self-confidence and you have no boundaries because you will do ANYTHING these women ask. Women will test you for boundaries, and if you have none they will lose respect and walk right over you. Here in the forums, it's called being a doormat.
As a fellow recovering 'nice guy', might I suggest a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover. You can get a copy off Amazon for under $15. I am just beginning my transition, but what I've read about myself in this book has been eye-opening to say the least.
Paul ;) | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 12:43:55 PM | Most of the time something like this happens because people are always looking on the outside and forgetting to pay attention to whats on the inside. If guys and girls would stop worrying about being with someone who has a perfect body or a model face. And start looking for someone who is beautiful on the inside they would find wonderful relationships.    | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 12:55:13 PM | I agree with Fortygeek.
Also, you just haven't found the right girl for you yet, but I'd consider losing the doormat attitude. It's not doing you any favors. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:41:27 PM | | I also have to agree with fortygeek. Suck it up and stop being so nice. You should actually feel fortunate that the girls that you have met have cut you off up front. There are many out there that would ring you out like a wash rag before they tossed you in the trash. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:56:52 PM | | lol i only said some of the girls iv met have done that believe me i have been through the shitter as of late. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 2:05:15 PM | | If you are getting your heart broken by "every girl you meet," you should probably stop falling in love with every girl you meet! | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 2:07:10 PM | Because when im with someone i try my hardest to anything that they want just to please them.
Well for crying out loud, there's your trouble! Stop doing that. Don't be anyone but YOU, and stop trying to be something you are not, just to please someone else.
If you don't be YOU, then you aren't going to find someone who wants who YOU are. You can still be nice. There's a difference between being "nice," and having WELCOME stamped across your forehead! | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 2:29:42 PM | | that is being me though, im a nice person with a good heart, im very trusting and i dont fall for every girl i meet. it's just the ones i fall for seem to just lurve hurting me. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 7:59:22 PM | What goes around comes around. You have to look at what you are putting out into the world. Are you putting out "lets be friends" vibes or are you putting out some other kind of vibe. (Note* Using vibe because other no other word works as well.)
You have to remember everyone on these sites is not a high school graduate or a college graduate. You have to break it down sometimes. Please other readers do not be insulted. The boy wants help.
It's the same question as a woman saying "why do I always find the a--holes?" It's what you are putting out there and what you are accepting. Remember these dating sites are public. The public is using them. Like public restrooms. Ever been in one? Some of the same nasty people frequent all these PUBLIC places.
Put your BS detectors in gear when you read something from a supposed admirer. Be ready to accept that 99.9% of what you get is going to be BS.
Remember too, don't sweat the small stuff. So some women only want to be friends. I'd rather have a friend on my side than a homicidal maniac. Ya Know! Count yourself blessed it's only this stuff it could always be worse. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/12/2009 8:35:39 PM |
I don't know what im doing wrong I meet one girl she says that i lack confidence, I lack confidence because i keep on getting messed about by girls, i meet another who says im too happy, the list goes on, this sucks it really does. Because when im with someone i try my hardest to anything that they want just to please them.
Well, atleast you got an explanation. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:18:29 AM | | Again, you are the common denominator. If all the ones you fall for hurt you, then you have to change who you are falling for. They all have something in common, that you are falling for. Figure out what that is, and avoid it! The defninition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result! | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:35:06 AM | | I think people always think there's something better round the corner... harsh but true. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:42:28 AM | in my case i don't"try"to be nice,i just am.how does one set boundries if they don't have any?one can't be themselves if they have to do something artificially.i don't know how to be a jerk for the sake of acting big.
actually i don't think it makes any difference.in the present society relatonships have become as disposible as paper towels.there will always be some piddly reason they can give (if they give one at all)to break up.
i can only hope there is justice or karma.i'm kind of leaning toward revenge. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:46:26 AM | | there is no justice in this world. Like you say the only justice in this world is the justice of your own two hands. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/14/2009 4:32:40 PM | wannabe:
in my case i don't"try"to be nice,i just am.how does one set boundries if they don't have any?one can't be themselves if they have to do something artificially.i don't know how to be a jerk for the sake of acting big.
Do not know if this applies to you...I'm just explaining what a boundary is.
If a woman does X behavior that offends you in some way, and you maintain your silence so you can 'keep the peace', you are a doormat nice guy...you have no boundaries. If a woman does X behavior that offends you, and you call her on it, you have set a boundary. Is that being a jerk? No...it's called self respect.
And, if you say your woman (past or present) has NEVER done anything to make you angry, hurt, or offended, I'm gonna call you a liar and ask you for a hit of whatever you're smoking.
actually i don't think it makes any difference.in the present society relatonships have become as disposible as paper towels.there will always be some piddly reason they can give (if they give one at all)to break up.
Is this really the attitude you want to present to your women in the future? If so, your road is gonna be a long one. Just sayin...
Majin:
that is being me though, im a nice person with a good heart, im very trusting and i dont fall for every girl i meet. it's just the ones i fall for seem to just lurve hurting me.
It is not their fault that YOU get hurt every time. Again, you are the common denominator here, so you need to look at yourself for the answer. From all that I've read in this posting, you fit the description of a classic nice guy. I recommended a book to you. I challenge you to spend $10 and get it.
Paul ;) | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:31:05 AM | Majin.... I have a story to tell you... I am a nice guy like you are... I have indeed been walked on by women multiple times and have spent many nights wondering why... The answer is the same across the board... We have no boundaries, just as Geek said. I have not read that book that he has mentioned, but I am very tempted to get it.
On to the story:
About 5 months ago, I had the most beautiful woman in my life that I loved dearly. She thought I was funny, great with her children, thought it was sexy that I would cook for her every now and then, and many other great things in other rooms of the house, so to speak... Anyways, she broke it off with me. Why? I thought she loved me, cared for me... I loved her... Alas, my notion of love at the time was to declare myself "boundary-less". I loved her, and to me that meant that I would do anything under the sun to keep that gorgeous smile on her face... I became, a doormat.
The relationship ended in one fell swoop and I was devastated. Then I became angry, as we had mutual friends that she worked with. Found out that she had been seeing this guy behind my back while we were dating... that's not good. I realized that she wanted a challenge, and I was not the one that was able to do so...
Recently (about 2 months ago), I moved in with a few Army buddies of mine. There are 2 roomies that have girlfriends and are very happy. There's one roommate that has what most guys don't... that ability to be the ***hole. This guy is super-charismatic, like me, but he also possesses the ***hole ability. He can poke fun, harass, and even belittle a female right to her face, and he can go to bed with her that night. I asked him about this profound teaching, and this is all he had to say about it:
"You have to know the difference between being the ***hole and the Hero, and KNOW when to apply each."
I started thinking about this notion... this is what I came up with:
Everyone can be a jerk, whether it's poking fun at simple flaws, or pointing out flaws in others not directly associated with the date. That's the easy part. Being the Hero (for me, at least) is the Conversational ability... to keep the conversation going, to regurgitate the information, and play the ***hole card with that information almost simultaneously. It's pretty tough.
My confidence and my ability to talk to women has increased in a way I never thought possible before. What my roommate has said?? Let me translate.... TALK... don't talk like a nice guy "You look pretty in that dress, it matches your eyes". Talk with confidence, a domineering voice, and with a dash of ***hole... "I like that dress, too bad it's not gonna make you any better at playin' pool... (wait for response)... by the way, what do you do?" and so on. Just remember, to keep smiling even when in the ***hole part of the conversation. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:26:08 AM | It's so hard out here. I hate it. And I just ended a relationship myself with a guy I met 9 months ago right here on POF, who is probably wondering what is wrong with me because I was and still am madly in love with him, but I was the one who was the doormat and always have been with guys and, finally, I realized that I just can't accept that behavior any longer. I am tired of being taken for granted, put way down on the priority list, made to pay for others' bad treatment of the guy, etc. But I digress.
I would like to advise you to change your profile. Stop repeating how much you have been hurt (you may be attracting a sick, cruel type of female, even on a subconscious level). List more things you are interested in doing and what you are looking for simply and sincerely, but don't keep mentioning that you have been hurt all the time. You are a cute, friendly looking guy and you sound like you have a lot to offer, but you come off as desperate in your profile. Keep being nice, keep being you, but do what you can to up that confidence level. I'm working on that myself now and am giving it one month before I get on here and try again. Good luck and love to you! | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:04:22 PM | Here's another angle to look at it. By you doing anything they want, you are effectively not making them feel special. Does that make sense?
Put it this way, if I started dating a girl and she would do anything for me anytime etc...without me not even trying. How is that going to make me feel special? It just shows me you would do this for ANYONE......
Now if you set boundaries and tell me to shut it if I ask for something unreasonable, then reality kicks in and I know that I need to also earn your love/appreciation too. That is where trust and respect come into play. It's a 2 way street.
Once that is established, then you can start doing all the I will do anything for you shit.
Just my opinion from my own experiences so far. | |
|
| why is it
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:26:13 PM | | tbh with you i think im just gonna stop bothering now. | |
|
Home
login 
