| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 4:53:43 PM | A guy I've been dating seems like a nice guy, but he neglects his dog something awful.
Is this a red flag ? or how would you approach the topic without looking too pushy? I just don't know if I am being too picky, no body is perfect, but I don't think I can handle it much longer. Why do people who can't handle the responsibility get pets ?!!! it's not like it's so hard and they love and depend on us to help them with certain basic needs. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:04:24 PM | Neglecting a dog or any pet is absolutely, positively a major deal breaker for me. Fvck not looking pushy, I'd not hesitate to let him know what I thought. Some people are idiots and have no business having pets.
What is he doing or not doing that you are calling neglect?
And if it is neglect please call someone that can alter the situation such as the humane society or the local animal control office. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:04:41 PM | | BIG RED FLAG!!! A dog will look forward to seeing you after work when everyone else in the world may want you dead. If someone can't treat their dog with respect and love they sure won't get the chance to treat me like that. Plus I'd call the animal humane society if he/she is mistreating the animal. Girlfriend, run like an Olympic track star, but faster. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:06:04 PM | | Sorry, but that is a huge "red flag" to me, and I'm a guy! You "don't" neglect your dog, or any other animal for that matter. I wonder how he would/will treat you down the road?? If it is as bad as you say, I would report it immediately!! Don't wait till it's too late.! | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:35:22 PM | red flag?? omg! ya think??? i would have said something about it the minute i noticed, and i can assure you it would have been quite on the pushy side o' the spectrum.
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what are you waiting for? kick a-s-s and take names. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:01:38 PM | Any person who would intentionally neglect or hurt an animal is NOT someone I would want to know. It goes to the man's intrinsic nature and that is more than a red flag. You're talking sirens, helicopters, flashing red and blue lights and a P.A. system yelling "WARNING!!".
You can tell him yourself that you believe his dog is being neglected and that you cannot stand to see this behavior to continue. If the situation doesn't improve, tell him you will call the Humane Society. This is liable to end any relationship you may be forming with him (no great loss, IMO).
Or you can just go ahead and contact the Humane Society right off the bat. They will investigate your allegations.
Would you even have to ask this question is it were a child involved? Why should an animal be any different? | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:03:32 PM | I went out with a guy that was neglecting his dog. It smelt horrible, he didn't bath it or anything. He kept saying his mom was going to help him and then it was a neighbor of his mother's. I am not sure what happened, I hope that someone did get it.
How someone treats animals and children is a big sign I think. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:24:38 PM | not that it matters in the big picture, but i will explain what I mean by neglect. He doesn't help keep the dog clean, clean his area or food bowls or poopscoop the yard the dog has, which is too small for such a big dog in the first place. I don't think he walks or plays with the dog enough either.
I know you all are right, how he treats his supposed loved pet is a good sign of how self centered he probably really is. He has no children, probably for the best huh? | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:45:08 PM | My son, who is 24, called me about a year ago and asked me how he would KNOW if he was in love.
I told him I didn't believe KNOWING was possible because no one knows the heart of another person, but being in love is about having a BELIEF, based on FAITH.
I asked him if he often visited her house. He said he did. I asked him if she was as glad to see him arrive as my dog is when he visits me. He said no. I told him when he found a woman who was as happy to see him as Zoe, my dog is, he's found a keeper.
Yeah. HUGE red flag. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 7:15:07 PM | Sweetie: NOT a red flag. STOP SIGN. Do not pass go, do not collected $200.
I hope you live some place with a humane society or a SPCA. If not, report him to the sheriff's office. NO excuse for this kind of chit.
You can do better. Promise.
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:00:50 PM | | He is NOT a gentleman. Hells bells, this guy doesn't even qualify to be called a human being. YOU've got to ask??? Time to get your gray matter (between the ears) checked, and kick this guy to the curbside. It's your gut telling you something. I'd also turn this guy in to the ASPCA. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:27:08 PM | Dear counter-gal,
your story sounds so close to my Ex... please take everyone's advice and keep looking !!
Just like you have already stated, it is definitely a very good clue as to how self-absorbed and selfish he probably really is.
My Ex looks good on paper, has a decent size collection of common superficial manners he uses in a very predictable way... but in time, the deeper truth reveals itself in more ways...you can wait for them or save yourself some time and sorrow... I ignored it for years, but in the back of my mind, I always knew it was a clue of the kind of person he really is.... I think you do too, enough to ask a bunch of people to spell it out for you more clearly.
If it wasn't for me taking things into my owns hands, doing almost all of the care and cleaning of his dog's food bowls, bedding and dogrun (which is also way too small for a German Shepard) trying to walk and play with the dog for exercise, baths, ect....
to even going over the Ex's head and just making the Vet appt. to see what is wrong... "Buddy" would be dead or put to sleep, most likely. He had hypothyroidism and just needed a little thyroxin !!! Buddy's health improved in about 2 days....but he still has some bad manners from neglect previous to my arrival...he was left home alone alot as well.... Ex just didn't want the hassle of taking him places.
The few times I pushed for him to please help with trimming nails, he was so impatient and rough with "Buddy" ... a few times when he thought no one was around, I witnessed him yelling and hurting the dog a bit to get him to stop barking or being in his way.....so sad to even think about.
One time "Buddy" lightly bit a friend who came up too fast and too close to the camper, the Ex just stood there frozen like a deer in headlights while I ran to get first aid... I handed him a box of pads to hold and he still just stood there frozen...it was wierd and kinda creepy.
ahhh...I vented...my bad... your easy dilemma just hit so close to home and maybe a more detailed story will hit home to you too. *wink* | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:19:54 PM | | I had a girlfriend who had 2 cats and then got a dog. She made the 2 cats stay in the garage 24/7, with no windows or A/C, because she didn't want their fur on her furniture. It was upsetting to me and I thought about reporting her but I didn't. It seemed inhumane to me. Yes, it's a red flag. Anything that makes you feel it goes against your own moral or ethical or otherwise general feelings of what's right and wrong is a red flag. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:34:33 PM | My question is why would anyone who has been dating someone who has been to the persons home and seen the neglect of a animal not ask some questions? Like is the dog his or one someone dumped on him? This is something I take serious. It also suggests how someone treats or would treat a partner/spouse, and even kids. And in my area its a crime to neglect an animals needs, be it grooming, food, water, shelter etc.
~Beth~ | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:51:05 PM | Counter Gal...
I'm not positive that from what you have described, that the Human Society could make a case against this man. His treatment is not right but also not extreme. HOWEVER, you could sure find out if they would take him to task. I would call someone, anyone who you think would be in a position to check out the situation and facilitate changes.
Just having someone come to visit and assess the situation could maybe give him a wakeup call and make him realize that he will have to treat the dog better. Or it might also influence him to give the dog up for adoption to a better home and owners. hard to say, but I think it would be worth "doing the right thing" and calling someone in authority to see what can be done.
As far as it being a red flag...I agree with virtually all that the other posters have said. Animals are always adorable and they win over the hearts of some of the hardest hearted people. So if he can't even treat a dog reasonably, well you have no hope of being treated humanely either!!! It might not show up right away, but my money says it would down the line eventually.
And seeing this is upsetting to you. So don't do it to yourself. You know you don't need to be in that unhappy and unhealthy atmosphere and you deserve better. You know that don't you? Yes, I think you have two responsibilities here.
1) See what you can do to alleviate the problem for the sake of the dog.
2) Be good and kind enough to yourself, to remove yourself from an unhappy and
unhealthy situation.
Hope you are getting good and helpful ideas that will allow you to move forward in posititive and productive ways.
Kind regards...
...Barbi | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 10:03:32 PM | If I saw that an animal has/had been neglected...I would try and take the animal.
I would do whatever it would take to get the animal away from the abusive owner.
I wouldn't hesitate to report the person to the proper authorities.
It really sickens me when people mistreat animals.
It's a huge red flag whenever someone mistreats animals...these are pathetic lowlife people that need to recieve the same treatment they dole out to their pets. JMO | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/11/2009 10:07:39 PM | | Okay, here goes: Before you ditch the guy (hopefully you will), show up with some toys, dog shampoo, and whatever else is necessary for the dog. Put a brave,big smile on your face and say, "I decided this visit is going to be about me getting to know "Rex" better"! Then bathe the dog, clean his yard, the bowls, whatever. Make sure you ask, cajole, and encourage the self-centered jerk to join in. While you are doing all this, pass along wondeful tidbits of info to him concerning the care and importance of his relationship with his dog. It cannot hurt. | |
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| He seems like a gentelman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:28:43 AM | okay so he is not displaying gross negligence but really more of a careless "so what" attitude... you know... like all the morons of the world who put their dog out on a chain in the yard and leave it there for its entire life.
he's completely oblivious. an extremely annoying personality trait, imo.
so encourage him in the strongest possible terms to find a new home for the dog.
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| He seems like a gentleman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:51:34 AM | Well I'm just the opposite of That abusive owner.
When i was dating a couple of woman felt I paid more attention to my Dog then I did them.
Guess what ? Goldie remained and Those woman were out the door.
By the way when I met the woman i am currently seeing she understood That Goldie and I were a package deal.
I lost Goldie last Oct. She was 18 1/2 years old. Very old for a Golden Retriever. Shirley was home when Goldie Passed. I'm forever grateful to Shirley for caring for my beloved pet.
Oh yeah anybody that abuses a Dogs unconditional love is a low life in my book. They ask so little and give so much. | |
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| He seems like a gentleman, but neglects his dog : red flag?
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:16:40 AM | Make suggestions on what needs to be done. I wouldn't worry about seeming too pushy. Just tell the guy what bothers you about how he neglects his dog.
His reaction and follow-up will tell you more than we could here. | |
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