| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/12/2009 2:57:48 PM | | I am sitting here quite devastated. We did everything together. We used to say that we thanked God everyday for sending us to each other. The midnight calls, the crying on one another's shoulders, the sharing of intimate secrets, we were very close. She said she couldn't wait to have me as the father of her children. The day before we broke up we were sitting talking about getting married. Then the next day she says she swears that she loves me, she just doesn't think we need to be together. And that was it! Oh, we still try to talk and be friends, but, it's not the same. I miss her so much. And she talks like she misses me, but she has made it clear that we are just friends. I don't know what went wrong. I always treated her like a lady, was always there , day or night, if she was sad or had a bad dream or whatever. The rug has definitely been pulled out from under me. How do I go on? I really believed that she was the one and that we could get through anything. Help!!!! | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/12/2009 4:26:27 PM |
How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Well once you get over her you could set up a profile on an online dating site and tell people how much of a fun guy you are.
Oppps my bad, I see you have already done that, well then you must be ready to move on.
Problem Solved. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/12/2009 6:50:40 PM | | Its hard to feel like your world has been shattered...then trying to figure out what went wrong .. how someone could be talking marriage one day.. then not being together the next..so she either felt what she said she felt. or told you what she thought you wanted to hear.. and the fact that she ended it .. proves her actions certainly don't back up her worlds...i don't think that its the fact that anything went wrong .. i think what she lacks is sincerity and honesty..and then she let herself off the hook.. by telling you we don't need to be together...maybe you's were close at a time when she needed someone ....but if you's were really that close. then she would have shown more respect in ending the relationship by being upfront about why she decide she just wanted friendship..How do you go on ? you go on because you have to .. and you deserve too.. you let go of her.. you grief.. and you move on .. because there is someone else out there for you... just now you don't feel there is ....hanging on and hoping for more.. is only gonna cause you more grief.. people can say all the nice things in the world.. but if they don't live up to them .. then that is exactly all it is ... is words... | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/12/2009 7:46:06 PM |
The day before we broke up we were sitting talking about getting married. Then the next day she says she swears that she loves me, she just doesn't think we need to be together. I'm thinking her 180 had to have been related to something said in that 'getting married' conversation... | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 3:48:33 AM | My friend...you need to distance yourself at this point from this person.
You cannot at this time remain in a friendship with her. It's too painful and it's not giving you the needed healing space you need.
There are reasons beyond what you know that she did a total turn around in one day. You don't say/talk about marriage one day and turn the next.
She either has not been honest with her true feelings from the get go (just inlove with the "thought" of being inlove)..., or she has other things on the boiler right now that she's considering (another relationship perhaps). I'm sorry if that hurts, but you NEED to hear all of the possiblities here.
If she perhaps her reasoning is the first...she just has never been that into you as she said, then this labels her as being dishonest and not compassionate to your feelings. You don't tell someone what they want to hear for the sake of it. If this is the case then you really are better off not being in a relationship with her.
As far missing things. If you step back and take an honest look, what is it you're truly missing. Her..or the habit of her? I'm sure it's a bit of both, but more then likely a higer percentage of the latter. You need to step back now and start new and different habits. If in the morning you awoke and sat at the table with her over coffee. Then instead of this. throw on some running shoes and go for a walk or run instead. Change the way you do things around so that you're not continuing on the habit alone.
Good luck with your situation my friend. It's only a matter of time before you start on your path to the healing you need!
Blessings
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 9:52:51 AM | | Completely agree with ALL that Zodiacgirl wrote. You're not doing yourself any favors by keeping a friendship going with this person. You need to heal. You won't be able to heal until she's no longer a part of your life. Atleast for now. Besides, sometimes friends like these, you don't need enemies. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 3:13:42 PM | | WoW - the truth be told and heard .... i was in a very similar situation and being friends is just impossible when you have such strong feelings for that person ... unconsiously you want more, you test the water, you get rejected and its back to feeling there is nothing in the world to satisfy the yearning you have ... you HAVE TO DISTANCE yourself ... it will take a lot of courage but once you have made that first little step to do something for you more will follow .... you may still crave her attention and the emotions you have had with her but in time this will be filled by the new experiences you encounter and trust me it works!!! You know yourself that to be with a person who does not have the same feelings will bring pain to your heart and not theirs!! | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 3:27:57 PM | I looked at this thread to see if someone else was feeling my pain... I am so sorry for your situation, it is so hard, i know. I am in that boat with someone i have a daughter with and it is very true, like what zodiacgirl said, you have to stay away.. (take this from someone who didn't and was rejected every week for 2 years!) not out of neccessity, only stupidity.
You have to close the door, for your own sake, it hurts so much more when you convince yourself that the spark is still there, only to wake up to the harsh reality.
If i can do it, HAVING to see the person i loved 3 times a week (through daughter) and still close the door... you can do it! Be strong!
There are more fish in the sea, better break up now than go through a divorce and heartbreak in years to come, best of luck x | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 4:18:25 PM | | I am in the same boat. I went with a man for a year and he was part of me. On our anniversary he told me "it ain't happening" and told me he was breaking up with me. First he lied to me when I had a feeling he was wanting to break up and told me he was not breaking up. Then he cheated on me with the gal he left me for then he proceeded to pull the rug out from under me too. He ripped out my heart and threw me away like trash and never looked back. Treats me like it was my fault. Like I nevered mattered to him. He had the nerve to put his arms around me and tell me not to cry. Why should I not cry. He broke my heart. He said he wanted to be my friend. I cannot be his friend at this point in time. I love him too much. He is a real AH to me and I know it is because he is guilty of something and that is his way of making him self look better. It is tough but it will get easier. Don't settle for being her friend. Surround yourself with people that care about . Walk away with your head held high knowing you didn't do anything wrong. I too just knew that he was the one I was suppose to be with but he had other plans. He is finally where he has been wanting to be. I can't figure out why he decided to date me if he was really wanting to be with her. I think I was filling a void in his life until she was ready to go on with hers. People like that don't care who gets hurt for their own happiness as long as it is not them. Someone who would treat someone they cared about like that will get theirs in the end. "Giving someone all your love is no assurance they will love you back. Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart. If it does not be content it grew in yours." My heart goes out to you my friend. I know exactly what you are feeling. It has been 6 weeks and I still cry over him. The time will come for both of us to shed our last tear for the one we cherised and we can go on. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 4:21:24 PM | When people do this,(from my experience) they did something bad and regret it and don't feel like a confrontation of the mistake. It's selfish to do so and they don't want to think about admitting a screw-up.
Another reason could be cold feet, or someone is talking them out of it. (Seen this too)
If she was your 'friend' she would tell you the truth. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 4:45:15 PM | | kpaiz1, I could have written your post. You put it all so eloquently, and gave excellent advice. I too was discarded like yesterday's trash, and it blindsided me more than I can tell you. I forced myself to go through the pain, not around it, and not avoid it. I wrote my strong and heartbroken feelings down in a journal every day. Sometimes at work, I'd have to stop and write because my heart was breaking. I think that journaling my feelings and releasing the pressure was the single most beneficial thing I did to get through my pain. It's been a year and a half now. I laugh now. I'm happier, and thankful that such a lowlife person is out of my life. I should really thank him, because he did me a favor. It's painful yes, and you wouldn't wish being abandoned and discarded on your worst enemy, but in time you will see that everything happens for a reason and it's usually for the best. I wish you much love! | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 4:52:14 PM | | jjvolfan, I'm so sorry for your pain. I was once in your shoes. Brace yourself for about a month of intense longing, crying, and grief. Write down your feelings every single day. It forces you to make coherent sentences and think about where you are and what you're thinking. It's the best advice I can give you. If you have to pound on the floor and wail and cry, just do it, but do NOT think you deserve less than the best. Work on your self-esteem and fill up your time with prayer, if that is something you believe in. You can only know yourself. We never truly know another person. You have to believe that you are complete and valuable just as you are. Don't let another person's choices knock you off your feet. Hold your head up. Cry when you have to. Write down your strong feelings, and please believe me, you will feel better very soon. I have found that intense pain like this is an opportunity for unbelievable personal growth. Good luck, jjvolfan! You'll be all right! | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:48:37 PM | Well......
Honestly, I'm a bit confused, but I understand. She broke up with you and you are trying to think of something else by trying to date others. Nope, doesn't work. You need to take a moment. It's a wonderful thing to hear a man talk honestly about how much he loves. I understand what it feels like to still love so much and while you are thinking how much you feel they are ending things........yep. I have to say, trying to be friends for you is not a good thing, you are still holding on. She's your best friend I take it, devistating losing both your best friend and your lover all at once. It's not fair to you or anyone you start dating......you are not ready. It's horrible, but it seems you need to truly walk away completely, I'm sorry. I understand, each day is torture, you want to call so badly, your heart is breaking......but it does get easier eventually. Moment of despair, but they do pass. You never know what the future holds. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/14/2009 5:56:58 PM | Unfortunately, s**t happens. If you had been here 10 months ago, I was feeling the same way, although we weren't that into each other.
He fooled me and then ran off and cheated very very obviously. There is nothing you can do to win her back, so don't try . The best thing you can do is stay busy, go out with friends and family, have a great life and eventually it will hurt less and you'll forget.
some people go along with things because it's easier than breaking up. She finally worked up the nerve to leave, so let her go. You wouldn't want her anyway, would you? She doesn't love you. Keep reminding yourself of that and you will find someone in a few months. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/14/2009 6:23:48 PM | hey man
it sounds like she was someone you loved.. big time.
use this site and do what it says.. it's a great resource - i hope it helps
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-Your-First-Love
I think the most important step is step 1.
Cut off all communication with your ex. Harsh, but it's the only thing that works. You probably feel like you're losing the best friend you ever had, the only person who truly understood you. It might hurt at first, but it will get better. You cannot be friends while you attempt to get over each other.
the above is a copy and paste. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:26:35 PM | Well i've been there before and it certainly is not fun.
What i reccomend is like everyone has said, keep your distance.
Trying to understand is something you are going to do no matter what, but she wont be able to tell you and what she does will possibly (probably) make it even worse. You need to get yourself doing things you like to do, its summer go fishing or biking. Being friends with her would be cool but is unrealistic.. it sucks but for me atleast was something that takes way to much out of you mentally to make it any form of a friendship. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/14/2009 8:01:01 PM | I am going through one as well. It's hard but you need to put distance and time between you. It is not because you did anything wrong, you just loved. Sometimes it has to just stop. Trying to understand it will drive you nuts. Try not to judge here. Deal with you denial, anger and grief. It is a process and a journey. Peace to your heart.  | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:02:41 PM | I deal with this feeling and questions everyday. We've been broken up since Dec., and I tried to stay away. To me he was my best friend, my lover, my everything. he was the one I wanted to marry. We were together for almost 4 years. I never stopped loving him, but you can love someone and it not be healthy to be with that person.
The question running thru your head "what happened", "I thought we were happy", "what did I do for this to happen". "how did I end up here" and ofcourse the biggest question of all "when does the pain stop"? These are all questions that will drive you crazy that you will never find answers to. I know becaue the first time I asked these questions back in 07' it drove me crzy and finally had a breakdown on Thanksgiving that year. After ending up in the hsopital he said he was sorry and cme back, but ofcourse it was never the same. Once the trust has been broken, it'll never be the same. I new he would wonder again. I didn't go crazy over night. It was months of tears in frint of him and trying to give him what he wanted. Well He did it again like I knew he would. We talked about marriage and the future. We were together all the time, even going to the grocery store. When someone can move on without you so easily and replace you, then there was more going on there than you knew. It's them, not us. But, it doesn't matter what anyone says or does, the pain doens't stop until it's time. Unfortunately there is no time clock on that. | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:55:18 PM | | thanks for the perspective. i think the habit of her is pretty much right on the mark. it's been 6 weeks now and things are getting back to the way they were before we met. and i guess she was dishonest or she was just in love with being in love. she used to beg me to marry her, saying she couldn't wait anymore. and i reciprocated those feelings. i don't know. it just blew me away but i am rebounding. thanks for the response!!! | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/21/2009 1:03:15 PM | | thanks for all the advice, guys! it has been six weeks and here's the scoop. tell me what you think. she still txts me in the middle of the night sometimes, says stuff sort of hinting around at stuff we used to joke about. she'll say stuff that she knows would make me jealous and then says stuff she knows i would find sweet. we see each other out in public and talk and joke like we always did. she will make comments like, 'my boobs are sooo burnt, see, i'm peeling' and other little sexual things like that. and then somedays we wont txt or talk at all. then outta the blue she will call just to chat about things. i am very confused and am trying to just play it off and not let her know how i feel. help!!!!! | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/21/2009 1:48:27 PM | After something so apparently devastating the best thing is to come to terms with it, realize it for what it was, and that this person is not the one meant to be with. Distance of oneself is imperative to cutting all ties and being able to press on with the future of seeking the best mate who will appreciate, accept and envelop one for who they are. It will feel so right and good that there will be a great wondering of how anyone else could have penetrated the walls of the castle so closely guarded. Being crushed beyond oblivion is part of the recovery and what one can learn from the experience is to embrace what happened and come full circle with the obvious. The disbelief, the anger, grief, questioning, and extreme loss fuel the heart to burn with such intensity that it seems if it will leap from your body in raging flames. When one catches the heart back in hand, it then needs to be held in great care to cause it to not become rigid and hard. Everyone has someone in the world they are meant to be with and sometimes it is not always whom we want it to be, but who is MEANT to be. The search beyond the aftermath may consist in one which is worthy of our being, and there is nothing wrong with being highly selective in whom we share ourselves with. I believe in as long as I have breath, then I possess hope. Let the search continue, and never give up, there is THE one waiting for all of us.
~ Somewhere ~
Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign
Instead there is only silence,
Can't you hear my screams ?
Never stop hoping,
Need to know where you are
But one thing's for sure,
You're always in my heart.
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day,
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul.
Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home
I want to embrace you and never let you go,
Almost hope you are in heaven so no one can hurt your soul
Living in agony, 'cause I do not know
Where you are.
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day,
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul.
Wherever you are, I won't stop searching
Whatever it takes, need to know.
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day,
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul.
~ WT | |
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| How do I go on after a devastating breakup?
Posted: 6/21/2009 2:15:47 PM | | Warning, Will Robinson, Danger, Danger!!! Do not fall into this trap. Most likely she is alone right now and feeling lonely. You are just a stop over point until she finds a new interest again. Women like this are very dangerous to your heart. If you truly want to get this woman out of your system and go on to another more healthy relationship, you need to take advice offered by these kind people and stay away....far, far away from this person. She sounds very much like someone who has no qualms about playing with another's feelings and using them to fill "empty time" while they are on the prowl. Don't buy into things like she was just confused, she lost her mind for a short time....they are just words said to keep you in the net so when she is not with someone else, she doesn't have to deal with being alone. Can you really see yourself content doing this over and over for a lifetime? Make a clean break and look for a woman who suits what you want in your life and let her go find someone who suits her, but don't be her safety net for her other failed relationships. You deserve better my friend, and your emotions deserve to be treated as being as important as any other persons. Value yourself enough to run, though painful it may seem from this woman. Good luck, my friend! javascript:smilie('') | |
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