| The "Coffee Date"
Posted: 6/14/2009 6:28:36 AM | My thoughts on the mythical "coffee date".
Almost all of the profiles i come across mention that a good first date would be to go for coffee! Now, i understand we are in a global recession and times are tough financially, but does anyone really ever actually meet at a coffee shop for a date, and how does that work?
Do you go to Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks for the coffee, or do you opt to meet in the parking lot of 7-11 so in case you hit it off you can buy a Slurpee afterward? I feel this coffee date thing is merely a thinly disguised speed dating event for the singles who always wanted to go to a speed dating event but couldn't afford the $35 they charge at those events, or were too embarrassed to be seen at one!
I bet you can tell you're meeting someone using these coffee dates as their personal speed dating events when they seem to have had way too much caffeine and start talking faster than 350 words per minute in a foreign language that they don't even know.
A good sign you're meeting a woman using these coffee dates this way is you'll see about ten men lined up behind your table waiting for you to finish your freaking coffee!! Let's face it, coffee dates are a sneaky screening tool used by people who can't bear to be with another human for more than six minuets at a time unless they are going to marry them (six minutes is the time it takes to drink the average coffee)!
I feel i don't ever need to have a coffee date because i have already seen how my date looks in her pictures so i already know if there is a physical attraction, and through our messaging and telephone conversations before we meet, you can get a pretty good idea if this is a person who you would want to be in a relationship with.
Now, i admit that still does not mean it's guaranteed that when you meet even after the above it will be instant fireworks or that you will like each other or feel any chemistry whatsoever, but that is the reality which the coffee daters do not want any part of!
So does this mean these coffee freaks are not normal people and should be avoided like they have the Swine flu? I'm not sure yet. I think i need to think about issue some more which i will do while i have a cup of coffee!!
Larry :) | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:17:18 AM | I'm one of those women who prefers the first face-to-face meeting with someone, especially someone I meet on a dating website. Here are the reasons:
1. I want to keep it CASUAL. The purpose (at least mine) of the face-to-face is to mutually confirm we are who we say we (looks & personality wise). Imagine speaking to someone via telephone and liking what you hear...only to discover once you meet the guy CLEARLY lied about his height/weight/build/hair. I actually had someone shave about 10 years off his age, 35 lbs off his weight, 3" off his height, and about 40% off his hair! If he lied about things I could obviously see, then what ELSE was he not being truthful about!?! Hmmm!
2. What if we don't have chemistry!? Nothing like having a long, dragged out dinner where the conversation is dead!
3. I'm not a dinner wh*ore. When I meet a man for the first time, I'm not comfortable with him or me spending a lot of $ for the first meeting...let's save that for later.
4. I'd prefer not to have alcohol involved for the first meeting. I've had 2 situations where I met a guy at a bar and when he sensed I wasn't attracted to him (looked totally different from his pics,but I wasn't rude to him)the guy started acting nasty. I've actually politely left the situation after 15 minutes and had men follow me on the street! Never again!
After having several nightmare situations, I've promised myself to make the first meeting casual. I've had initial "coffee dates" that went rather well and ending up being well over an hour, and sometimes we've ended up grabbing a bite to eat and/or walking around afterwards. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:25:41 AM | great reply to my "coffee date" post, you made really excellent points!!
i might have to start doing coffee now, LOL!
larry :) | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:15:26 PM | | lol who takes a girl to dunkin donuts? Wowwwwwwwwww. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 6/14/2009 10:04:27 PM | Well first of all...I don't drink coffee and no way am I eating a donut I am single for godsake I can't afford the calories.
Yes some guys put that they are 6 feet when they are only 5 ' 7" I think that matters when a woman is deciding how many security guards she needs to bring on her first date with a guy.
I think what we are really talking about is symantics...because in reality...there should not be a first date there should be a first meeting. And that meeting should take place in public with the proper security guards in place!!! | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:56:09 AM | | You guys can say what you want, but as a woman who has met guys for the first time who have lied about themselves and/or become a little abrasive when they realize I'm not attacted to them...this works for me. And NO, I don't eat donuts and meet at dunkin donuts. I'm fortunate of living in NYC...there's an array of nice espresso bars/related places...although there's nothing wrong with Starbucks. Again, I do not look as the first meeting as a romantic date...it's a meeting to see if both of us were truthful, and to decide if we want to consider taking things further. It works both ways. I've had male friends who have used dating sites where the woman has shown up looking 10 years older and 35 lbs heavier than what she said...so I think my approach is beneficial BOTH ways! | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:47:13 AM | Obviously, People lie on the internet...because they can...and even people who would not typically lie about who they are may do so on the internet because they may not take it seriously or because they believe everyone else is lying. Or they think they will get more responses to their ad....
The first meeting whether it be for coffee or in some other NON romantic setting...makes perfect sense.
I am with you girlfriend!!! YOU ROCK!!!
I totally want to write a sitcom about internet dating. I think I will call it "My Face"!!! I think it would be hysterical! I can not even begin to tell you the stories that I have encountered personally or have heard of from others. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:31:54 AM | Wow SexyKG74 if more people were that honest as you are this online thing would be a hell of a lot easier. NYC like you said is great there are so many casual places to go whether it be coffee or not theres definitely something you can do to at least get that initial meeting out of the way. I would have no problem meeting someone for coffee and if we hit it off then hey we can be spontaneous and find something to do from there there  | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 7/12/2009 8:55:37 AM | I prefer a first meeting at a coffee shop.
First of all its public and reasonably safe.
You don't have to sit through a long drawn out dinner if you think the person is not who they said they were.
If the person is nice, you can have a great conversation and take it from there whether you want to go somewhere else and have dinner, go for a walk, or plan a second date.
Also if you end up not wanting to see each other again, it just seems easier on both parties to just have had a quick coffee and not a long dinner. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 8/20/2009 8:33:29 PM | | There are other coffee shops besides Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts .. actually Starbucks isn't a bad meet. I prefer NOT to have alcohol on the first date. I really prefer that the guy I am meeting doesn't get drunk at the bar BEFORE I get there. I'll take the coffee date anytime - its a safer bet. For those that lie on the internet - do you not think we're going to find out? I understand a small white lie ... but please don't forget you're married, are unemployed and won't be going back to work because you are finding yourself, live with your folks and don't really have a house on the beach - its theirs! If you haven't worked out in a few months - enjoys working out isn't exactly a lie ... we can tell that you don't even if you enjoy it when you do. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 9/7/2009 9:13:26 AM | the "coffee date" is one of those things being given an unfair slam. For all intents and purposes, you are meeting a STRANGER - someone you do not truly know. it should be safe, sane, consensual and PUBLIC. You could be meeting the Boston Strangler.
Meeting anyplace public where a person can feel unthreatened if things take a wrong turn is a necessary thing, whether it's for coffee, ice cream or a freakin McDonalds. I agree with the above posters - it isn't a date, it is a first contact to determine if yall even want to date. Mixing that with booze is just asking for problems and impaired judgment.
I have had some nice first meets and some disasters where I was never so glad in my life that it was "just coffee" to suffer through. And I am very aware that I am not everyone's cup of tea either - fortunately, I had the good fortune to have a pleasant parting of the ways with someone who was not in the slightest interested in me either - nice conversation, thank you for coming and sayonara. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:26:57 PM | | Adding more elaborate activities to a date doesn't really tell the people involved any more about the person they're dating. I can sit down with someone for coffee and we can talk for hours if we want, or decide to go somewhere else on the spot. If I make dinner reservations and get tickets to the opera, we'll probably have 30 minutes of conversation before dinner and before the show and only afterward if things went really well. Plus if someone you're dating expects more things, then they like dating way too much for its own sake. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:05:27 AM | I think the the "coffee date" is great. As many of you have already stated, it is a casual way of meeting someone. Really I don't see it as date, rather as a face to face first meet. A way of meeting to see if anything "clicks". You can make as short or as long as you want.
LOL, I have some pretty long and good talks over "coffee" with my family and friends over the years.
It is much safer to meet in a public place. We are meeting strangers.
Even if a persons picture is up to date, (which we all know isn't always the case) meeting someone face to face is a lot different than chatting on line or the phone. You can't see some ones mannerism on the phone or computer, the change in voice tone on the computer. Most of our communication is expressed in body language and voice pitch, so when we can not hear or see this we tend to fill that in with our own images, thus giving a false reality of how that person is, and if we are attracted to their personality. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 9/19/2009 3:02:47 PM | | I try to meet for the first time on coffee dates for two reasons. the first one is that i feel its not fair for a guy to buy and dinner and movie or show and at the end of the date both or just one is not interest in the other. your kinda stuck for hours with a person your uncomfortable with. where a coffee date is nice and fun and after the coffee if your not interested you can say thank you for a nice time and leave without kicking the other in the butt so to speak. its hard to meet anyone. i can talk on the phone for hours and send IMs and email but the person sometimes is not the person they say they are. come on ....like it has never happened to you! i had one person used his step brothers picture. which he looked nothing like. when i asked him why he didnt look like his picture...his reply was "does it matter your divorced and should care what i look like." What in the world does that mean? So if i didnt look like my picture and my weight was additional 200 pounds ....and said i was a model type....he shouldnt care that i misrepresented myself. so you see coffee dates are awesome and fast if needed to be or long if wanted to be. good luck | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 10/3/2009 2:44:02 PM | What happened to a dinner date? | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:54:42 PM | I went on a coffee date with an old friend...
Code - You are out of the picture and I have found someone new and already had sex with them.
All I know is if your significant other has emailed you this - your out of the picture. They weren't having coffee - but makin' bacon.
If your significant other has said this to your face - expect the other shoe to drop.... Sorry no questions asked - you are toast....and as above the bacon has been already made.....
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:31:38 PM | | The coffee date let's you both out of a possibly awkward or, boring, time together. | |
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| The Coffee Date
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:17:44 PM | coffee date is cool , you don t have to drink coffee,
but its the idea of a first meeting, everyone s
on an even playing field, it a dood idea | |
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