| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/14/2009 1:03:51 PM | After a long and strange relationship, I am unsure how to move on. We never officially were dating but we act as if we were in all other respects. She refuses to date me and just is not interested in making it official, id like to leave but my infatuation with her stops me from leaving her. I try to move on thats why I came on this site but I need to find someone who can win my heart and love me in the right way Ive been on this site for a year or so and Ive met a few women who were great people but the spark wasn't there.
I guess i just need someone to make me feel wanted again. I used to be confident but now thats shattered its only snowballing for me. Basically I am looking for advice has anyone been in a similar situation? and How can I get out of this rut? Are people still looking for True love or just the comfort of any companion who they can stand to be with? | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/14/2009 1:52:20 PM | It sounds as if you are looking for someone to fill a void left by another. In relationships, this is not a good thing.
The first thing you need to do is figure out what makes you happy, why you are unhappy and fix it. You shouldn't be looking for a relationship unless you are content with who you are, where you have been and where you are going. Otherwise, you will only be using someone and this will cause a storm down the road.
What things do you like to do? What activities make you happy? What do you want to do that makes you happy / better off in life? Are you setting goals for yourself? When you start answering these things for yourself, then you should move into the dating realm.
Most of us want someone by our side in life but it has to be for the right reasons, not just because. | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:45:29 PM | Dear Man,
You are settling because you are afraid to be alone. Until you leave this relationship where you are so infatuated with this woman you will not be able to reclaim your lost energy. She is like a vampire sucking the blood from you and you are a willing participant. Your blood is your [segue from the crazy sabotage post above]. You need to find the love that you have for yourself first.
I was in a relationship for a year-and-a-half with a man I am still infatuated with. I broke up with him four times, the last one being last week. This time I am not going back because I realized that I was just as miserable being with him as I am without him. Okay so....back to licking my wounds and reclaiming my strength for me. Try it, you'll end up being glad you did. | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:56:20 PM | OP,
I think that Jax just about covered it. Looking for someone to make you happy is a sure-fire way to find someone to make you miserable.
I just wanted to add that you may have to break all contact with her for a bit and start healing up. You're probably tempted to try and maintain a friendship with her, but you cannot be friends with someone you are still emotionally attached to. Let it go and get yourself healed up man.
Paul ;) | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:29:48 AM | I just had one too...It seemed as if everything was right. We met on PlentyofFish.com and my intentions are plain enough if you read them. It was good for 6 weeks then after a little spat nothing...then it got worse...it ended in a totally immature fashion, on her part...So now I hurt. A lot. She used me and recently added to her profile...looks like I was just a flavor of the period...Love is dead in most women...motivated by money or something other than Love. | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:41:45 AM | Sounds like you guys had the silver lining of lust and some really kinky sexual desires without any feeling of heart warmth. It happens. And now you seek both (don't we all).
Keep fishing, casting a line and wait for them to nibble while you go about your daily routine. It usually happens when you're not looking, so don't be looking too hard. When you obsess about something, it ain't there. When you don't care anymore because you've got something else to care about, it's there.
And keep sparking up conversations with the ladies in person! This online thing is too slow. | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:05:20 AM | | Be alone until you figure out what you want and why you want it; otherwise you will just opportunistically chase after feelings, have delusional romances and wind up confused and hurt. | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:24:30 PM | well thank you all so far for your input. The fact is and maybe its not an attractive one or a smart move but i just do not like to be alone, I enjoy companionship too much and the thought of being alone makes being with someone addicting. If i could get over that feeling im sure things would go better for me.
as for the physical relationship lacking the emotional one. Maybe that is the case Im not really sure. | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:41:13 PM | | so you justify your existance by the attention from the opposite sex? Grow some balls or tits or whatever, learn to deal with your life by yourself. Enjoy your time being you, beign independent, and self fulfilling. | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:23:35 AM | | No I never said that, Ive never tried to justify my existence by anything not wise enough to do that. But I most enjoy my time with someone else. Everyone seems to love the idea of independence but id much rather depend. I think some musicians agree with me thats about it. Thanks for your input though. | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:46:03 AM | | I know exactly how you feel. I've been in a relationship for 4 years with a girl that's been using me and the sad part is that I've known it all along but I'm so in love with her looks that I just lay there like a door mat and let her. It really sucks man. I've done without things so she could be secure and happy. She says she loves me but her actions don't show it. I've always believed that Love isn't what you say, it's what you do. I only wish I'd never met her. I know that I need to forget her and move on but it's so hard to do and then she calls me and needs something and here I go again. I wish I just had someone to talk to. My situation is a little different from yours but it boils down to us needing to start liking ourselves again. Easy advice to give but hard to practice. Good Luck... | |
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| A strange relationship
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:34:02 AM | | if you don't love yourself, then you are incapable of loving another, so start within and grow until you could care less about meeting someone and if it happens, its a healthy love. | |
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