| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/14/2009 10:53:32 PM | | Here is my problem. I am a single father of two great kids. They live with there mother and are just a joy to be around. I have started to date for the first time since the divorce and I am finding it hard to get a date once the other person finds out I have kids. I do understand that this is something that alot of people dont want to deal with, and that it does take alot of getting used to. I am 100% fine to date someone who has kids. Can someone please inform me why it is the way it is? I mean, Im not a bad person, once people get to really know me, they warm up real quick. Its just getting past the whole "hey, i got kids...wanna go out sometime?" thing. As alot of you who have kids know, nothing will ever come between you and your children, but is it a good idea to come right out with saying I have kids? Please, any help with this matter would be GREAT!! Thanks so much for reading this. -Josh- | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:05:58 PM | "Single Parent" generally refers to the parent who raises the child the majority of the time. Men who take on the role of a single father in that sense are very attractive to most women because they show a maturity that most men do not outwardly show, and generally if the father has full custody, the mother isn't around to be a psychotic ex.
That being said, just like men don't want to date a woman with a crazy ex that is linked to her through her child, women don't want to deal with that either. I grew up in a blended family and watched my mom act like a psycho whenever my dad introduced us to a new girlfriend, so I would be concerned with reliving it.
I wouldn't be too worried about it. Just be honest about your divorce, and be ready to answer questions about your ex and why it didn't work out. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 1:18:32 AM |
Men who take on the role of a single father in that sense are very attractive to most women because they show a maturity that most men do not outwardly show,
So untrue, most women run a mile unless they have kids already, I'm the resident parent to two children and the single ones are baffled and think it's cute till they satisfy their curiousity.
If a women looses interest as soon as she finds out you have kids that DON'T live with you, get over it and move on, she's shallow and won't ever realise you need to put your kids first
"hey, i got kids...wanna go out sometime?" possibly isn't the best of chat up lines either  | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 1:43:31 AM |
If a women looses interest as soon as she finds out you have kids that DON'T live with you, get over it and move on, she's shallow and won't ever realise you need to put your kids first
I am not shallow and wouldn't be too keen on the idea of dating someone who had kids from a previous relationship where the mother had sole custody, unless I knew the story of why it didn't work out. I'm not saying I would rule it out, but based on personal experiences (which a lot of women have with their own fathers) it's not a good sign. Plus, bring in the fact that your ex might be jealous or psycho, and it's the same issues that men have with dating a woman with children from a previous relationship.
Like I said before, it's an obstacle, and questions about the history will probably need to be answered before it gets serious. Just be honest, and the right person will be understanding. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:00:04 AM | | well duh, of course its gonna be hard to date. whover you take out is going to want you to talk about them, and for them to be the main and center of your focus and attrntion. nobody likes to know they dont come first. i know how you feel i am a single residual parent and i get no help whatsoever from my kids dad. my daughter is a year old and i couldnt be happier with my life. whether or not someone wanted to be with me | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:15:19 AM | First off it's going to be very hard!
Just imagine if you had full custody.
As you see this happening, you have to realize you are looking at the wrong women, you are the one that's going to have to change what you are looking for.
It's not easy!
Also understand, these women that walk away, they were not worth being with, whether or not you have this situation.
The opposite is true for women who are looking for someone to be with.
But the reality is, you are going to have to change the criteria of what you are looking for.
When you (we) were single, before all of this occurred, we would look for people based on our lifestyles.
Sometimes that is what we look for when we become single again, but we have changed, our situations have changed, so that means we need to change what we are looking for, what worked before will not work now.
Also, understanding what we thought worked before, didn't or we wouldn't be in this situation we are.
Kind of under the philosophy, if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, how can you expect a different outcome.
But there is always hope!
DR | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:05:18 AM | | well, that is one of the big questions that come up during the whole dinner. "why dident it work out with you and your ex?" and i do go into detail. she cheated more than once and after the 3rd time, i had to get out. shes not psycho, just not all there in the head lol. she got married already and is now expecting another child. im happy that she moved on and got her life together, but im finding it hard for me to date. now i just got to find that right person. :) | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:39:14 PM | | up most respect to all men that are good fathers for 1, i also have the same problem with dating, i have two great little boys one of which has special needs and find it very difficult dating wise, i feel some people find it hard to deal with people who have kids and even more so when you have a child with special needs, i feel like a no go area lol are people really that shallow? | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:09:28 PM | simply date those who are ok with you having kids. assure them you have evenings off so you can have time for them. women are curiousity creatures, they want to know why it didn't work out to those who have kids, probably want to make sure youd ont' go back with the ex thing. anyhow, instead of going into detail of what happened, just say that she had an affair and you moved on, so how was your entree, good? mine is just as great blah blah blah. I fyou find yourself mad when you talk about your ex or talk about it much then you're not over her. you need to work on that before you date.
This forum is crowded with the woes of dating and single parenting, browse through and find what works for you. it's really not being a parent that is preventing you from dating, it's preference that you have, preference that the date has, for all you know they can say it's the kids and not say it's because you're smoking or it's because you're overweight, or because of the job you do, or that they aren't relating to you well. pick your answer. if they already went in the date knowin gyou have kids, then they would have said no on the date, if that's not their thing. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:47:14 PM | No it is not you.
I am a single dad at 55. Have a 14 and 7 year old. I would not change it for the world.
But it is demanding. Sample of my day:
Breakfast for the boys. ( Yes, I do cook. No junk stuff.)
Kids off to school.
Laundry
Vacuum the living room.
Bedrooms tomorrow.
Dry the laundry.
Take in a soap (just kidding!)
Take a nap. (Not kidding!)
Get some work done. (Income)
Fold the clothes and put them away.
Clean boys bathroom.
Start preparing dinner.
Go pick up kids.
Homework review.
School notes?
Feed the little animals. (Tonight: Home made mashed, yes peel, cut and boil them mash 'em).
Kielbasa (good polish brand)
Garlic toast
Corn on the cob.
Milk.
spend some family time (atleast an hour)
Then get the little guy bathed, brush his fangs and read for 15 minutes with him.
Get the big guy off the internet and off to bed. Yell a little, you know...
Then go out on the deck, have a glass of wine, a good cigar and watch the news.
Then off to bed for 5 hours sleep and do the same damn thing the next day.
Who has time for a date?
You are right, it is difficult finding a good partner.
Now if there are any single ladies that are interested in a guy like me, hell, email me, call me, come over and see my clean home and mis behaved rascals.
Haven't got much time for lovey dubey, but sure do know how to cook a good dinner.
:)
Ray | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:40:48 PM | | haha, yes you girls are lol. but its to be expected. i am asked everytime i go on a date about what happened, and with the up most respect i tell them what happened with out making her seem like such a woosie lol. i am just finding it hard for the other sex to be ok with the whole i got kids thing, but....i will just keep my head up and go from there, thank you. :) | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:55:09 PM | Being a part time parent is easy. You have almost free rein to set up dates at almost any time except on your weekends you have to be a dad.
Single parents on the other hand have to sechedule around when the kids are gone.
You have it easy, we don't.
As far as telling them, just do it.
edit; Sorry, didn't see your second post | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:08:19 AM | | the main problem i am running into is the fact that i have kids. kind of like on here, once the woman sees that i have kids, they run. even when i go out and meet new people its tends to freak them out. i play in a band, well...2 bands, so i get to meet ALOT of people. and i always hit it off good, there is laughing and talking and even numbers being exchanged. then once the whole talking and getting to know each other and they find out about what i have, i lose them before i even get a chance to show who i am. its kinda bumming me out, but i know i will find someone some day who is ready and willing to except me as a whole. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:10:54 AM | | i have alot of respect for parents who have there kids on a full time level. granted i do not have lawful rights as a full time father, but i am indeed with my babies every day. i know i have more freedom than the normal parent, but when i start to see someone, it doesent hide the fact that i have kids. thats where im getting at. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:23:10 PM | n1tai
I agree and this sounds like my day everyday!! with the exception of daycare while I go make some income and only one little guy!! wanna come clean my house! i get lazy!
original post:
as everyone else has said - looking for different results in the same playground is the definition of insanity! you have an opportunity to meet thousands of people in the bar or where ever you play and those arent the kind of people you want to be around your kids anyway, right??? you'll find the kind of woman you're looking for at the park with her kids, in the grocery store, the laundry - you know - the places where good parents are always stuck because we have no life!! maybe one of those people who run when they find out you have kids will have a friend who wont run...
just my thoughts...  | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:45:42 PM | If you're meeting women at bars/clubs when you do music, that is the wrong crowd when their aspect of life is parting and being band groupies, not wanting to get serious, just wanting fun. just tell them before even getting numbers exchanged that you have kids and you dont' want to bother if she isn't ok with it.
again you don't need to go into detail of the ex, just say it didn't work o ut, and it was for the best and there's no drama that will affect future relationships. by dwelling on it, gives the girl you date that you're not over her. and turnabout is fair play, after u talk about urs ask how theirs was with their last bf. plus why waste time going over it with each person you date? | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:03:54 PM | | i have been a single father for 9yrs and i have to say it really sucks whan it comes to finding the one to spend the rest of your days with. they eather dont want you to have kids or don't want to have kids at all their is no real women out their we live in a world of fake poeple who say one thing and do something very different its all a game and i'm sorry i don't play that homme. the women i am finding are out for what ever they came get be it a place to live ,money or thing of that nather. and the people i have found are so reluctent to date because they have been burned its just not fair to us guys who really want to find love and not through beer googles the bars are not were you find love thats were you find a hook up . but who says life is fair i know when i'm ready my love will appear so i keep on keepen on. thank and im sorry for my tyrate but that how i feel | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:38:04 PM | its just common sense stuff really - most singles w/o kids dont want to share the attention so in order to find someone who gets it you need look where the other single parents are at...
this is something I've been experiencing for myself lately - figuring out where the kind of people I'm looking for are hanging out that doesnt cost too much or is relatively free! we go to the park frequently... | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:47:15 PM | | thanks very much, we ain't all bad us women, i took on 2 kids when i was single and at the age of 21, the thing i found hard was my partner at the time his son was so rude, called me names, ignored me etc etc but you know it hasn.t put me off dating any man with children or a child. | |
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