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 giroditalia
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 1
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I'm more or less a "Renaissance Man" , active and inquisitive in several areas of endeavor. I'm not that easy to categorize, at least not using the terms most women choose when describing their ideal mate. In fact I function on several levels at once and frequently rework at lot of my communications and viewpoints and preferences as I go along because I become aware of connections and relatedness between topics and experiences that may not be so quickly visible to others or which may just be obscure. It just seems to me a lot of the women I've met have a low tolerance for anything out of the ordinary personality-wise and lose patience with me rather quickly. I am becoming alarmed at the lopsided ratio of the number of women I'm "meeting" versus the number of women I'm "keeping". Anyone else male or female have this experience ?
 featherleather
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 2
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:22:03 AM
IMO, the great majority of the population does not like 'different'. You must fit into one of the standard 'boxes' to be accepted (or acceptable). Especially in the dating world.

I, on the other hand, like people who can change and grow and develop. But if you're just bad at making decisions or sticking with what you believe, then that could make a person come across as unstable, not reliable, etc.

There's my 2 cents worth.
 ~Hello~
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 3
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:28:21 AM
Deos a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?


Nope. At least not "this" womans' ego. But then, that could be because I (too) march to the beat of my own drum.

This is one of my fave quotes:


"Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost."
auk

When I find out (remember) who said that 'first' - I will give them credit.

Be yourself, be true to you. There are far too many 'sheeple' in this world .. why 'act' "ordinary" when you're not!

different is Not a bad thing..
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 4
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:35:37 AM
It just seems to me a lot of the women I've met have a low tolerance for anything out of the ordinary personality-wise
Are you sure it's anything out of the ordinary they don't like?


and lose patience with me rather quickly.
Or perhaps it's just that "special something" about you they don't like?

Sorry to break it to you but you're probably easier to categorize than you think you are. People who proclaim themselves to be "different" usually aren't as different as they think they are, and maybe the categories you actually fit into just aren't attractive to the women you're pursuing.
 Mustang065
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 5
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:36:12 AM
I'm more or less a "Renaissance Man" , active and inquisitive in several areas of endeavor. I'm not that easy to categorize, at least not using the terms most women choose when describing their ideal mate. In fact I function on several levels at once and frequently rework at lot of my communications and viewpoints and preferences as I go along because I become aware of connections and relatedness between topics and experiences that may not be so quickly visible to others or which may just be obscure


Obviously I am not an expert on women. In fact who is? But I do have a general understanding of the basic human characteristics. A lot of us see ourselves in a way that others do not. You consider yourself a "renaissance man". I suppose by this you mean that you have knowledge in several fields of expertise. The fact that you "rework" a lot of your communications and viewpoints as you go a long could be misinterpreted, by others as (for a lack of a better term) wishy washy. Reading your Post I am going to conjure a guess that you have a pretty high IQ, and enjoy showing it to others. I am not a psychologists, but I am going to suggest to you that the answer to your problem is contained in your POST.

a low tolerance for anything out of the ordinary personality-wise

It is ironic that some people have a low tolerance for people who have a low tolerance. Patience for others faults is a necessity in any relationship.
If your personality is out of the ordinary then you have to look for woman with the same traits.
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 6
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:49:44 AM

In fact I function on several levels at once and frequently rework at lot of my communications and viewpoints and preferences as I go along because I become aware of connections and relatedness between topics and experiences that may not be so quickly visible to others or which may just be obscure.

Just reading this makes my eyes cross.

I think rather than see yourself at a higher level of understanding, quick to surmise and a proficient multi-tasker ... you may contemplate on the "possibility" that you are a tad annoying.
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:56:23 AM

I think rather than see yourself at a higher level of understanding, quick to surmise and a proficient multi-tasker ... you may contemplate on the "possibility" that you are a tad annoying.

Exactly what I was thinking.
One person's idea of 'complicated',may be another idea of 'just plain annoying'.
Judging by your opening post,it's obvious you're very intelligent,but....
If this is the way you communicate to others in real life,it may come across as a tad arrogant or condescending.Just saying.....
 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 8
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:13:30 AM
90% of the populace follow trends/fads (Think of fish flowing down the river)

5% that are really different/complicated usually become famous.

5% are just plain crazy.

Without the 10% that are really different & crazy life would be really boring.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 9
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:25:11 AM

In fact I function on several levels at once and frequently rework at lot of my communications and viewpoints and preferences as I go along because I become aware of connections and relatedness between topics and experiences that may not be so quickly visible to others or which may just be obscure.

Could be viewed, by some (if not many) as a person who:
1. thinks most people are 'dumber' than he and feels he must go through all sorts of hoops of words to make things "visible" to others...
2. monopolizes the conversation to the point of being a pain in the butt..
3. always wants to make things more complicated than they really have to be so "frequently"...
4. thinks he is superior in his special way of thinking and has none of his own "tolerance".
 ~Music
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 10
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:55:03 AM
Well, Op, if nothing else gained from this site, it will definitely break you down. Some of it just words, some of it to be reckoned with. Ya know, different can be intriguing. Complicated can be, well, complicated. I can see that you are attempting to accentuate what you believe to be your finer qualities but have faith in knowing that some will appreciate the whole package. Maybe these qualities are something that you have really just discovered. Insight is a good thing. Might be easier if you don't make things too complicated for yourself though. Good luck
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 11
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:01:54 AM

I am becoming alarmed at the lopsided ratio of the number of women I'm "meeting" versus the number of women I'm "keeping".
Finding 1 "keeper" is supposed to be success enough - if you've found none, it's not really a ratio you're talking about, is it?

Confidence is good, looking at the positive is good -- but there are limits. Maybe you are croing the boundary from positive spin into delusion. You ask for tolerance but the way you present your differences makes you sound as though you believe you are superior rather than requiring tolerance. The attitude alone may be too much to tolerate - and surely you want something better than tolerance anyway?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:16:34 AM
Dude, I hate to break it to you, but your main problem in this is YOU.

There are several things going on and obviously working against you. One could be that even though you have a high opinion of yourself, perhaps you try too hard to impress these women. What that means is that maybe, just maybe you are doing all the talking so they get to that one point when they say, enough about you. Now, the other thing is that because you try that hard, you come across as YOU trying to validate yourself to them.

Like you I am a very strange individual. I shave my legs, and on occasion even wear pink (maglia rosa). So in my profile, rather than attract women, I purposely tried to scare them away. Why? Because I was only interested in the type of women that was active and understood the things that were important to me. I wanted a woman that when I said Alpe d' Huez she could empathize the spiritual meaning it has for me.

But here's the thing, I have my lifestyle and either she participates and understands or is she the one that goes out the window. Fortunately I am in a relationship with someone that understands all that. Well, she still gets worried when I head to the mountains.

So embrace who and what you are. I remember one date I had and right after we are going out of the restaurant she tells me. Come to my car, I have to show you something. When we get to her car she pull out this photograph of her looking up at the camera, and exactly right behind her is Lance Armstrong gasping for air as he is heading up a time trial up Alpe d Huez. Awesome. We dated for a while after that.
 decks88
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 13
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:23:19 AM
Here is the reality. You are definitely unique...just like everyone else.
 bretashly
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 14
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:40:50 AM
"appearance secondary to attraction" ummm..but then you say one "must have a picture to contact you" sounds kinda confusing to me. Having read your profile I don't see you as a "Renaissance Man". Where is the art and culture? You also come off as "my way or the highway" which totally turns me off. I also hate guns. Maybe they just have a "low tolerance" FOR YOU. I don't see you "complicated" at all. I've met members of mensa and must say I've not been impressed..just the opposite. The ones I've known are in serious denial about the 'real world" outside of what's in their heads. One guy was living in a really crappy apt. with a bed on the floor, said he never watched television when, as it turned out,
that's about all he did do and was happy to be working as a car shop manager. Of course according to him they couldn't do without him. BTW one doesn't "keep" women.
 desert wildflower
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 15
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:53:43 AM
I have met several men similar to you, the superior intellectual type. Let me tell you. Women go on a date and be with a man basically to have fun. When a man is so into his own head, and the wonderment of his own thought processes ( as many are), why is he bothering with me? He needs to go home, relish his own contemplations of life, being careful to record every unique instance, observation, each priceless and insightful thought process, and write a best seller, which will of course enthrall all of humanity. Give me a break dude.
We are all complex in our own way. But pouring onto a date how superior and special our thought processes are, is a real sure way not to get a second date. Learning to keep it simple, and focusing on the fun time with the partner is something tht also needs to be addressed. It isn`t very "smart" to be into your own head on a date. It is a real turn off.

You know what? I am really smart and complex too. Is that fun? No. Do I expect a date to sit there and listen to my reflections about politics, God and the meaning of life? BORRRRRINNGGGGGGG. But what really gives me great joy is to meet a guy like this that thinks he is just the wherewithall on human knowledge. They are usually full of hot air , their beliefs based on fallacies and misinformation ( which I point out),
and go home with their wee-wee between their legs. I certainly don`t want to date that.

I think that one of the biggest downfalls of American men is that insatiable ego, building their personal "saga" of life, their personal growth, their careers, their hobbies, their passions, their everything. What is the place for a female partner with a person like this? Usually they fill a few roles in this scenario, an outlet for sexual fufillment, or as an audience of admiration for a bottomless ego, that relentlessly looks for it`s next opportunity to perform, attempting to satify its insatiable appetite for more adoration. I really don`t like being a footnote at the end of a chapter of a man`s life. Really think about it. How would you feel if a woman was this way around you?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 16
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:57:28 AM
Nah...I'd say it's more a case of anyone with an ego theatens (read sabotages) most any relationship, be they man or woman.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 17
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:02:21 AM

Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?

^^^Not in my experience. I think that there maybe other things at play here...but it's still early days in this thread...

Something about low tolerance and losing patience makes me wonder a bit. I don't think that I've ever run across a situation in the online connection/meeting/dating where I would characterize any of my experiences this way. It seems rather odd.

Surely if you realize this now and are able to suggest in this post that you are not currently behaving in a manner consistent with most other men, and that your personality is somehow irritating women, that it's clear that you should stop whatever it is you are doing instead of questioning why women have a 'low tolerance for anything out of the ordinary personality-wise---wouldn't you agree?" Women/men are all different in what they will like, accept and want in a mate, but generally speaking; people when faced with the unknown, something new or unproven, which is what we all present online to our prospective mates, tend to look for 'baselines' of normalcy of behavior in the other, to create comfort and 'ease' in us.

I think we are all hard-wired that way so that we can recognize aberrant behavior and possible danger when it presents itself. Those early cues are important as it is these 'baselines' and 'reads' on the other, in the absence of really knowing someone, that establish that kind of comfort that plays into a decision of whether or not we can be together early on.

I also wonder about this problem of yours in a different way....If you are understanding that women are losing patience with your personality and becoming irritated...it might stand to reason that other women in your workplace and those in your acquaintance might find you the same way, as personality issues do not usually only impact one segment of one's life---have you considered this?
 dancecard
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 18
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:07:40 AM

Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego? .


What ta Hey? ~~ complicated by being a paraplegic? or bipolar? ~ What!

Now who wants life harder then it is? or has to be? ~ a masochistic ?

makes no sense? ~ You , me , everyone, ~ needs to be felt "approachable"

and to threaten her ego? ~ what does that mean? ~

Who is in search of a friend with a delicate ego and a masochistic to boot?

What are we , The State of Liberty ~ bring me your huddled masses?

When you get smart enough , the complicated gets simpler and you learn how to address

everyone at a level they can understand.

" I Understand you ~ Kitten, ~ your F-cked up and very self centered and cute as a button. " ~ " ~ You can only tell half of the story, that's what I can't understand it. I "might" be interested if you drop the "complicated" noise.

That's how I'd explain it to a woman, ~ that came at me with such a question.

I darn say, ~ a grown woman would address you the same way.

If you can't tell the whole story or just wish not too ~ find something else to talk about.

I have a friend that married into the mafia, ~ and one of the few men that divorced, resigned and lived to tell of it. ~~ and you think , "it's Complicated?"

Dance
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:21:05 AM
Are you a true renaissance man (a man of many interests and talents) or just a know it all pain in the ass.
A partner wants to feel as if their needs, opinions and interests warrant acceptance or at least equal respect from you. You can be opinionated and have varied interests but at the same time be tolerant of others. I would gather from your post and profile that you are interesting but also very set in your ways. You like to do what you like to do, and if someone else does not find the activity or your view of it to be facinating you take umbrage.
Adult women want to be left alone to do their own thing while you do yours. They have raised their children and no longer feel the need to be a man's personal cheerleader. They do not want to feel obigated to hold the bag of gun powder while you pack your own bullets in order for you to be happy. It should be ok for her to say "I'm going to lunch with the girls, enjoy the gun show, I'll be home at 3"
Being together does not mean conjoined.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 20
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:22:18 AM
translation:
You think you are smarter than the women you are meeting here...
and in some "subtle" way...you are letting them know that.
The last time I remember people being interested in GPA's or IQ's
was in college...when people joined mensa...just because they could.
I don't think you are threatening anyone's ego...I think you could just be annoying.
But what do I know?

 ~Music
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 21
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:25:02 AM
... re-entering the forum arena for a mere second... only to depart for a while...

And the wise man once said...
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 22
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:31:47 AM
OP, You can't figure this out before you meet em?
Do you just date random women,
or whoever will go out with you?
Just be more selective and do more pre-date recon.

Having a complicated personality is another way to say you're picky.
(cus non-complicated just won't do for you.)
Well just be pickier in you you meet is all.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 23
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:31:55 AM
OP, you just need to find one woman who has a similar level of ability and complexity. Why would you worry about keeping those who can't communicate with you in the way you'd like? Certainly there's nothing wrong with those who can't or won't, but they're just not compatible.

I'd also suggest that you NOT limit yourself by placing requirements on education or career (I don't know that you are). Some of the most amazing people don't have credentials, but have experiences which can be even more impressive and interesting.

You may find it helpful to read Keirsey's "Please Understand Me II" - it may be a particular personality type that you're actually seeking, moreso than particular education, etc.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 24
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:36:25 AM
Being intelligent, articulate, intellectual, and open minded will make you unsuitable for a relationship with the majority of people you meet, because these traits are not widely found and when absent preclude enjoyable conversation. It's made more difficult by expecting that those traits are available through provocation, as if some extra work digging would uncover them; they are just not there. Also, for people whose thinking is original there is less of ready common ground to meet on outside art and academia. Popular culture is broad but relatively basic. You'll find millions who recognize a slogan from a TV commercial, and maybe twelve or so who catch your meaning when you borrow a phrase from a novel they have never heard of. It's kind of naive to plop yourself down at the corner bar and expect your neighbors to join you in discussing esoteric concepts. Relating well takes successful conveyance of meanings, so to speak well with someone you should find and use whatever they understand, and then if you want to bother with conversations that leave out what matters to you, it's a pastime but not a good way to develop a relationship that can satisfy you.
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 25
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Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:42:03 AM

Being intelligent, articulate, intellectual, and open minded will make you unsuitable for a relationship with the majority of people you meet, because these traits are not widely found and when absent preclude enjoyable conversation. It's made more difficult by expecting that those traits are available through provocation, as if some extra work digging would uncover them; they are just not there. Also, for people whose thinking is original there is less of ready common ground to meet on outside art and academia. Popular culture is broad but relatively basic. You'll find millions who recognize a slogan from a TV commercial, and maybe twelve or so who catch your meaning when you borrow a phrase from a novel they have never heard of. It's kind of naive to plop yourself down at the corner bar and expect your neighbors to join you in discussing esoteric concepts. Relating well takes successful conveyance of meanings, so to speak well with someone you should find and use whatever they understand, and then if you want to bother with conversations that leave out what matters to you, it's a pastime but not a good way to develop a relationship that can satisfy you.

Brilliant post.

Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?

I take it you've heard of the Bell curve?....
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