| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:19:44 PM | O.K. I need help understanding the title to my post. I just read this again for the umptheen time in the "dating over 55" thread.
I really don't understand what the issue is with the 45+ gang and never being married (o.k. maybe it's because I'm short, blonde and a Senior-in-Training). I've never been married and decided, when I walked away from my last LTR, that it was best that I devote myself to raising my child.
I don't think I'm broken, flawed, etc. So what gives with the red flags and the older crowd! Explanations sought, please. Everything and anything is welcomed on this one.
MF | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:35:29 PM | | The school of thought, as I understand it, is that if you've never been married you're either too picky or too high maintenance or some equally ridiculous generalization. Having walked in your shoes (devoted myself to raising the kiddo) I think the only possible downside is not being on that same page as many now divorced people. They've already been there, done that, and don't want to do it again, while we may not be in that exact mindset. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:38:57 PM | Be careful of what you ask for because there are some very brutal answers to your question. This question has been posed in other threads and perhaps it might have been more prudent to search for those threads to read rather than open this horrible can of worms once again.
By the way, I am in the same life situation as you are so please be forewarned some of the answers are just plain dumb and stupid but the majority of them are deeply hurtful. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:41:47 PM | If by our age they have NEVER been married..
RUN like h-el-l-l..!!!
Cause if no one else wanted em...
I'm sure I do not want em either..
And neither should you...
I want me a gal got "some experiance"...
Not someone who knows not how to live with someone
Living together is a compromise...
and is a little late in life to learn how upsetting
it can be to your mate when you squeeze the toothpaste
the "wrong" way....
Plus if she (he) got a few "ex's" under her belt..
Usually means some darn interesting stories and
stuff to talk about / compare, etc...
more later...
I'm still searching...
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:05:06 PM | I've never been married either - I was engaged once, but I realized that we weren't right for each other, and I rather abruptly left the relationship.
I have met this kind of freaky, insulting descrimination before. I can't recall ever getting a notification from the "U.S. Dept. Of Life Priorities" that I had to be married by law - by a certain age. Why do people expect this?
When I have told others in response to their inquiries that I have never been married before - some have looked at me as if I were the **stard child of Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy, and Jefferey Dahmer. Others have outright - in a fecitious tone - or genuine ignorance - asked me rudely "Are you gay?". With so many gay people marrieing now - that itself soon will not be a plausible "explanation" for them.
The simple, Earth Shattering, UNBELIEVABLE explanation - is simply - that I have not found the person whose right for me. That's not an excuse - and "up yours", if you think that I even OWE you some form of an excuse. I believe in marriage - my parents were married for FIFTY YEARS before he died. I know it can work because I HAVE SEEN IT!!!
I WANT TO GET MARRIED SOME DAY - YES!!!! - BUT - IN THE SAME BREATH - I DON'T EVER WANT TO BE A DIVORCE STATISTIC AS WELL!!!
I've felt like telling these people "Look - just because I never screwed up my life by getting married five minutes after I climbed off of my tricycle like you did - don't be handing me ass pain because you can't believe that I'm not a lemming like you are!"
END QOUTE. At least I WANT to get married - can you imagine what people who wish to permanantly stay single - who have never been married - have to go through? | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:08:44 PM | Gosh Mr thelonelydude
I thought my life was a rough road to hoe with
five ex wifes....
But after reading your little "bio" above...
I'm thanking my lucky stars for MY life...
Thank you so much for making my day..!!!
I'm outta here....
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:31:50 PM | One of my best friends has a belief that someone this age who has never been married (male or female) is commitment phobic, another thinks that a person that age who has never been married is too picky. I don't know - I've never dated anyone that age who wasn't ever married. I'd say it's no more of a red flag than someone that age who has been married multiple times! There are reasons for both that do not have any negative connotations and/or do not reflect negatively on the person who has never married OR the person who has multiple failed marriages. At the same time, while I would want to understand why in both cases neither would be a deal braker in and of itself.
Cecelia | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:13:01 PM | Thank you for an intelligent response Cecillia.
Why NOT be picky? I ask you... Look at the failed marriages and long term relationships today. Look at what can happen if you get involved with THE WRONG PERSON, surely many of you can relate to that.
It's simply PEER PRESSURE. An irrational - SICK expectation of someone else being married by a certain point in life. There are SEVEN BILLION PEOPLE on Earth today,
it is LUDICROUS to assume that all of them should be expected to do exactly what YOU HAVE DONE - and then, they are somehow flawed if they don't. That's an insane viewpoint. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:20:14 PM | | In Kansas at the turn of the century a widely reported incident drove home the darker side of women skipping marriage. The spinster, Miss Gelda Hasenfusbaum, a long time resident of Topeka, at the age of 47, finally succumbed to the the effects of years of celibacy in a tragic fashion when, during an afternoon tryst meant to remain discreet, her passions erupted with such force that in the throes of orgasm she bit the ear of her unfortunate lover clean off, as if it had been cleaved by a pruning shears. It was beyond the medical art of the time to repair, so it remained unattached, which, sad to say, once the story got out, so did Miss Hasenfusbaum. The cautionary tales offered us by history are many; some are grim. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:24:30 PM | | farceur...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?....DO YOU REALLY REALLY BELIEVE THAT CRAP?...DO YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT NOT MARRIEING CAN CAUSE PHYSICAL INJURY?.....Not admissable to court on the grounds of blatant retardedness... | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:37:45 PM | Soigneusement Monsieur Wag, lest all us frustrated senior spinsters rise up and bite something, other than your ear, off. 
OP it's common for others to judge others without reason, nor fact. I had a man tell me that if he had known I had never been married, he would have never asked me out - because there has to be something wrong with me. He was right in his own way - I was "wrong" for him, as I dislike bigotry of any sort. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:44:17 PM | Funny how some who has at least one divorce (if not more) under their belt is considered "normal" while someone who has not married is an oddball.
Isn't that the truth? Society is so judgmental about it all. Not everyone finds the right person nor subscribes to "'til death do us part" for a variety of reasons. Never mind that some of us have had relationships where we had offers of marriage, didn't do so as we listened to our instincts and they were right. Some of us would rather not marry than enter a union that we know in our hearts won't work just to please society. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:47:35 PM | Now I'm trying to figure out if lonelydude thinks farceur (sp?) was being serious, and if he being serious in his questioning of farceur (sp?) being serious.
Now that I think about it I am also starting to winder if farceur (sp?) is being serious.
I have a headache and am now going to bed. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:19:20 PM | | Wow - I never thought that I would be considered odd because I've never been married. My last LTR that was of any significant value was about 20 years ago. The breakup was particularly painful and I figured I had better things to do than to get my heart bashed in again. Now that I'm older, wiser, and perhaps not so dramatic (although I don't think I ever was all that dramatic), I think I'd make a hell of a catch. Come to think of it, I'd rather have a guy who'd never been married without any entanglements myself, but that's not to say I'd exclude a divorced guy who might even have children. I just figure at this stage of my life, the less extraneous factors the better. I do imagine there are some guys with lovely kids who I would just adore, but single is just fine. As far as men wanting women with "experience," let me assure you I've been around the block a couple of times. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:35:21 PM | My Dear Ms maeflowers,
I just calls em, like I see's em...
And you may be correct about me needing
a bit of tender medical care for my shell shocked condition..
The doctors advise that a good woman without
and preconcievied sexual inhabitions could do wonders for me..
I was wondering if you'd like to give me a lil helping "hand" (so to speak).
I want so much to be shown the "right" way to think and do "things"...
I think the reason I like you so much is cause you remind me of my fourth wife..
She made use to beat me down all the time too..........
Anyways..
We all got our reasons why we do what we do..
It is what makes us both INDIVIDUALS and human...
More later...
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:53:38 PM | | Let me see if I understand this. I've never been married and that is considered to be a problem by those who have married the wrong person and gotten divorced (maybe more than once)? Well ok - you are doing me a favor by not dating me. I can live without someone who doesn't think logically. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 6/15/2009 10:25:25 PM | ^^ I've always thought you had great balls Levi
oh my, did I type that out loud???
The only concern I would have is if someone had not had a long term relationship; fine that they didn't get married (that sometimes shows way more sense than some of the things I've done in my life). | |
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