| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:29:53 PM | I was thinking of doing a test...putting an 'out of state' zip code on my profile, and then email these guys who live in my area. I know they would like me...but ONLY because I live far away...(they think). Once we emailed a while, I would offer to 'fly' out to meet them and have them pick me up at the airport. After having a wonderful time, I would let them know I was practically their neighbor.....only thing is....that's probably when it would fail.
Of course, I wouldn't do this, because it would be dishonest...and I'm probably the most honest person you'll ever meet. But judging from all the people who complain that there is no one in their area...and judging by how many people seem to be attracted to someone so far away...it's almost guaranteed to be a win-win situation!
Just wondering...why is this? Is there something alluring about knowing they are so far away? Is it the challenge? Is it because you really have no intentions of ever really being in a relationship, so this is a cover? (Yet some long distance couples actually meet...) How can it be, that soooo many people aren't interested in those that are within 50 miles????
~DC~ | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:32:54 PM | IMO it's option:
Is it because you really have no intentions of ever really being in a relationship, so this is a cover?
Because they don't want a real relationship. They want the fantasy of a relationship, not the work and responsibility. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:39:24 PM | Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Because that's where they live. If they haven't invited you, it's probably for a reason. It's in poor taste to try and crash the party... | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:42:20 PM | | I've wondered about this too. I think different people have different reasons, several of which you've already mentioned. I think it's kind of like that phenomenon where people will type to you things they'd never say to your face. They're hiding behind distance and the keyboard. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/15/2009 10:01:34 PM |
How can it be, that soooo many people aren't interested in those that are within 50 miles????
The problem I see is that the women in my area are scared to contact me. They can already see that after meeting me they will have so much fun they will be ditching their GFs to spend time with me. That will result in jealousy on the GF's parts, which will in turn make them start talking smack about my GF and before you know it a 20 year friendship will be down the drain. In time they will see me with her and they too will want me and then there will be a fight right in the middle of a nice restaurant. Now who would want to go and ruin a nice dinner?
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:46:40 PM | The grass is always greener on the other side!
Personally, I think the whole search engine is a bit wonky. I constantly get search results saying a town is within 10 miles when its really 40. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:07:33 AM | "The problem I see is that the women in my area are scared to contact me. They can already see that after meeting me they will have so much fun they will be ditching their GFs to spend time with me. That will result in jealousy on the GF's parts, which will in turn make them start talking smack about my GF and before you know it a 20 year friendship will be down the drain. In time they will see me with her and they too will want me and then there will be a fight right in the middle of a nice restaurant. Now who would want to go and ruin a nice dinner?"
oh, that's probably it. And here I was thinking it was just a 'grass greener/other side thing'. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:20:41 AM | | Tell me about it! OMG if I could I would have left for the USA yesterday...................there are so many great guys I've spoken to there.............such a damn shame | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:38:31 AM | | Distance equals safety. If they had to deal with you on a regular basis, in a real relationship, they might fail. Only being able to see you once in a while keeps the tension fresh and exciting -- like having a mistress. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:53:13 AM | well i kept getting messages to move far away but up till now i was thinking its because women didnt like me.....
... i wish i would have known sooner that they actually liked me ... just not close!!!!!
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:53:31 AM |
Demondingleberry: Because they don't want a real relationship. They want the fantasy of a relationship, not the work and responsibility. I WOULD agree, but there are quite a few who went for it. Not all worked out, so maybe that was true of one, but not the other?
~DC~ | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:56:30 AM |
sheila M: I've wondered about this too. I think different people have different reasons, several of which you've already mentioned. I think it's kind of like that phenomenon where people will type to you things they'd never say to your face. They're hiding behind distance and the keyboard. Sometimes I think this is true, too. So easy to claim how much you care when you don't need to 'own up to it', huh?
~DC~ | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:56:14 AM | It really does seem to be true! And by "far away", I mean either the other side of the continent, or even just too far to drive on a regular basis, if a real relationship should develop. But, "far" is a relative term.
Would we drive 100 miles each way a couple of times a week for the right person? Probably! Depends on the current price of gas!
But then, my best buddy, for instance...after much encouragement on my part, came on POF...the very first lady he contacted, went on a date with, that was over two years ago...they are now engaged, and they lived less than eight miles apart. Now, that is in a nuch more highly populated area than where I am, so of course the odds are better. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:07:11 PM | I agree that, for some karmic reason, it does seem that the ones we really connect with do live farther away. Maybe it's a test to see how badly we want a relationship with someone who really rings all of our bells. Do we want it badly enough to overcome the distance and problems it causes? Or are we only interested if we aren't too inconvenienced?
For Paul and myself, we aren't letting distance (he's in Melbourne, AU and I'm in Central Florida) stand in the way of what is becoming a truly remarkable relationship. We have plans in place for meeting and being together. We are in constant communication with each other and our feelings have been getting stronger and stronger each day. We weren't playing games with each other. We weren't hiding behind the miles that separate us. We are overcoming the obstacles that may temporarily be in our way so we can be together.
I doubt it's possible to have a more distant relationship (in terms of miles) than ours, but I also know how close we are (emotionally) with each other. I would go any distance to be with this wonderful man and he feels the same about me. We are just grateful that because of the internet and POF we were able to find each other, no matter where we lived. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:04:26 PM | | I've had several women from distant places contact me, and well, they never did tell me what was on their mind .... so I won't be much help | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:15:37 PM |
oh, that's probably it. And here I was thinking it was just a 'grass greener/other side thing'.
It was a joke Steph, sorry you didn't catch it. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:35:35 PM | Justmeand max, now that's just funny!!!! I'm sure you have it all figured out! 
LewZer23,(Your name is really original...and cute)... I think, too, that often the grass is greener on the other side...although I'm sure that's not ALWAYS the case. There's some real attractions going on there...to the point of flying the distance for a first meet! BTW, your profile is cute...I especially liked this...
I will glue the toilet seat down if you desire.
...you don't see THAT very often!
Spicynicegirl, I know what you are saying...I'm seeing lots of great people who aren't local, too...I'm as guilty as the rest of you....just wondering why that is? Surely there are many that are closer....don't get me wrong, there are some good looking men in my area, too, and I've contacted a few, but they never seem to go anywhere. I can't even get the first meet to happen!!! Maybe we just get so USED to seeing those pictures at the top of the screen, that they just 'blend in with the scenery' after awhile? That's why I'm thinking they must like the challenge that comes with going the distance.
~DC~ | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:38:06 PM | | I will say that I have noticed a difference in city folks vs a smaller town folk. I do find alot more attractive and fit (to me) men in Montreal and Toronto vs Ottawa. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:51:49 PM |
I will glue the toilet seat down if you desire.
Just don't blame me if after a night of passion I have a double or triple streamer and afterwards you get up to a wet azz.
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:58:01 PM |
Because women will only date you if you're wealthy enough to own the starship enterprise
What's that cost these days? Do they do financing? | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:22:11 PM | Zephyrmoon, you COULD be right...but I think most are not seeing each other as often as they would like...and would love to be seeing more of each other. Some even make the move happen. I would think even a mistress could be found locally...all they'd have to do is fake like they travel on their job, so that they could get away with only seeing them as little as they want...and it would be much cheaper, wouldn't ya think?
Seekndestroy, well, now that you know you were wrong, you can move back to where ever it is you came from....Is that Mars? (j/k)
HDspringer09, you would THINK that a more heavily populated area would make all the difference, but I'm from CA, and when I was living there I was more attracted to those I saw in other states. Of course, now I see some cuties in CA...Go figure! (I STILL see a lot more cute guys in this area though, than I did when I was in CA, which was more heavily populated.)
~DC~ | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:27:07 PM | "Seekndestroy, well, now that you know you were wrong, you can move back to where ever it is you came from....Is that Mars? (j/k)"
close... Spain.... but they dont want me back either so i guess im just plain screwed.... | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:40:46 PM | ForumFilly, I've been reading posts about you and Paul in several threads...from both of you. I wanted to congratulate you both on finding each other over the miles. I thought about you guys a bit when I did this thread, because that is a LOT of miles....and crossing the country lines...that would REALLY take a lot! I hope I never fall for someone that far away because I don't think I could handle it...even if I was rich enough to do multiple visits, I don't know if I could ever leave the country...nor could I expect it of anyone else. Have you met yet? Have you decided who was going to make the move? There is a lot to be considered in a LDR...even when it's within the USA...let alone when it isn't. I wish you two the best of luck... 
Wingsonmyfeet, Are you talking about 'mail order brides' by any chance?
Justmeandmax, Steph has a little laughing icon after her comment, so I think she DID get it. 
~DC~ | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:59:47 PM | I think everyone has a different view on this phenomenon! Dating sites play on the emotions of lonely people, they play on the psyche of the undateable.
There are those who find pretense better than reality. Relationships, including friendships, require a lot of effort and work to be lasting ones. Thus, the old saying: "show me, don't tell me!" plays a big part in how successful any relationship is going to be.
LDR's are one of the most difficult relationships to form. It requires a tremendous amount of travel, trust, faith, belief, and communication! Depending on distance, can be very expensive. I know, because I had one, a long time ago. But it never worked out.
For me, I wouldn't allow myself to get close to someone romantically, that lived far away again. This is my home, my roots are here, my children, my family, my friends, my work, and most of my relatives are buried here, including both parents, and grandparents on my mother's side. This is my heaven. I have done all the travelling I want to do now, other than vacations.
Manny | |
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