| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:13:45 AM | As a "serial rejectee" of over 18 months, and a former Clinical Psychologist - I started to have a serious look at the reasons why I have had well-over 1000 KNOCK-BACKS after having offere the female litererally EVERYTHING they CLAIM they want in a guy. What am I - or are they - doing wrong? Or a combination of both perhaps?
Before going-into the specifics of what's in (or NOT in) her profile. ALL us guys need to acknowledge that - almost without exception - EVERY female on here has been very badly "hurt" in some way - by men. (This is NOT a criticism girls!) - but the very reason you are ALL here, is that your previous relationships/marriages/de-factos - or even the death of a partner - has left you feeling abandoned - "damaged" - certainly hurting - empty - worthless - shattered - and it's very hard, after these episodes to "pick-oneself-up" and face the world confidently again. It takes gret courage, maturity and time... SECURITY and DEPENDABILITY are two things that females most important to females. (or should be!) However they reflect their carried-over fears and experiences of past relationships - in what's NOT in their profiles. ... For example:- They ALL want "someone the make me laugh". (nice - but hardly a key ingredient in a sound relationship) - They ALL want a "soulmate" (even though most would'nt have a CLUE what one actualy is!) - If you live in what SHE considers to be a "socially challenged area or suburb" - you are UNLIKELY to get her to even reply! - UNLESS YOU "take" the relationship TO HER - and DROP YOUR perfectly good life and "tag-along " with her life, family and friends - AGAIN DOOMED to failure old chap!.....lol....(She wil ONLY consider srelationship PROVIDED she doesn't have to move or change a THING!.....lol......They ALL WANT someone younger than themselves ("becasue all my friends tell me how ravishingly beautiful and young-looking I am") - Having someone younger (if it ever happens!) boosts their EGO and gives them a (false) sense of "power" over the relationship...
MOST of these things are conveniently NOT MENTIONED in ANY female's profile.....lol  | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:18:28 AM | Interesting conclusion, but regardless it still comes down to the basic component of how you make a woman "feel" when they read your profile, chat on the phone, meet face to face. Most are logical when they write up their profile, but I've yet to meet any that did not allow their emotions/feelings to make the final decision.
It's one thing to know you can provide what most women desire, it's altogether different to make them feel you can.
It's about feeeeeeeellliiings | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:19:19 AM | Well, I find it odd that you need to meet someone much younger than yourself. Perhaps women your age would be less likely to reject you. (You say you tried to "update" your age, so does that mean you're older than 61?)
Women like security and dependability, sure, but they also like a fun; charming, attractive man. One that isn't angry or derogatory. One who isn't pompous and doesn't take himself too seriously. Just because YOU believe you are "everything women want in a guy" doesn't mean they will want to date you. It just doesn't work that way.
Perhaps the young women you're choosing to message are looking for someone their age. Not everyone is going to like you, and it could be your looks, your weight, your manner, whatever. There's not much scientific about it except you're messaging women who, for whatever reason, don't find you attractive.
Re: Your profile assertion, "EVERYBODY SAYS I look 20 YEARS YOUNGER than I am." Either "everybody" is being really nice or you have some very unflattering pictures posted. You do not look 41. You look about 63 to 65-ish. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:09:05 AM | OP, since you don't date men (guessing here) it would seem you have missed that fact that men are just as broken, damaged, hurt, et al as said women...
In fact, that is just a theory, some of us have been hurt, many times in life, however that doesn't make us damaged goods, it has just left us with a past history, one that we have decided to over come...
Another issue is that you have totally generalized... No where in my profile do I say I want someone to make ME laugh... I do ask that they have a sense of humor, because being with me, and the silly antics that I like to play from time to time does require a sense of humor... As well I have dated men that had little to no sense of humor, and we did not click in the least...
Yes I love to laugh, however I am pretty good at seeing the humor in life, and or some sort of twisted sexual innuendo... Does that make me A typical... I think not...
More generalization... They all want younger than themselves... Hmmmm seems true that a good number of men feel that way... HOWEVER that is not to say every single man feels that way...
I could go on, however I am going to end here, and state OP with your theory of what all women want, don't want, and aren't willing to sacrifice anything for a relationship, it is little wonder you are finding the woman you want...
I have known PLENTY of women who have up rooted their lives to move to where the man lives... In fact my ex spouses GF, is uprooting her 13 yr old son from Ar, to move to Wa... Pretty crazy since when the dark side of my Ex comes out, it can be really painful to be in a relationship with him.. Meh, there choice, and I really like this gal, so as long as it lasts, I think she will be a good example as a step mother to our son...
One thing that cracks me up by men embittered by rejection is the fact that you as many other embittered men state that women have all the power, OR a false sense of all the power through their EGO boost...
I am interested where you get this idea that dating people that go no where is such an ego boost, in fact it generally is a downer, and one that has the affect of making some women give up on the whole dating process...
One thing I learned through my years of singlehood is this, if things aren't working, it may not be what is wrong with everyone else, but rather what may be wrong with how I present myself, and my attitude towards a potential date...
JMHO
Edit, I took a look at your profile... There are MANY people that still are NOT into what is considered "new age"... IT IS NOT new age, but people have to think what they think... Since there are over 83% of people in some sort of organized religion, a good portion are NOT hip to what you do... I know, because I actually have the same interests, and for some men it totally turned them off...
In fact it is a bit of a conflict between my SO, and I, because he studies Buddhism, and has NO INTEREST in knowing or understanding my belief system... It does make things a bit challenging, because when I'd like to talk to him about something I have found amazing, he has NO INTEREST in tainting what he is learning...
Why I bring that up, is because you state you are everything women are looking for... As stated about that is YOUR opinion... However people have their own idea of what is attractive, and makes chemistry, so it isn't just what you believe, but what they believe as well.... | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:06:27 AM |
As a "serial rejectee" of over 18 months, and a former Clinical Psychologist - I started to have a serious look at the reasons why I have had well-over 1000 KNOCK-BACKS after having offere the female litererally EVERYTHING they CLAIM they want in a guy. What am I - or are they - doing wrong? Or a combination of both perhaps?
Before going-into the specifics of what's in (or NOT in) her profile. ALL us guys need to acknowledge that - almost without exception - EVERY female on here has been very badly "hurt" in some way - by men. (This is NOT a criticism girls!) - but the very reason you are ALL here, is that your previous relationships/marriages/de-factos - or even the death of a partner - has left you feeling abandoned - "damaged" - certainly hurting - empty - worthless - shattered - and it's very hard, after these episodes to "pick-oneself-up" and face the world confidently again. It takes gret courage, maturity and time... SECURITY and DEPENDABILITY are two things that females most important to females. (or should be!) However they reflect their carried-over fears and experiences of past relationships - in what's NOT in their profiles. ... For example:- They ALL want "someone the make me laugh". (nice - but hardly a key ingredient in a sound relationship) - They ALL want a "soulmate" (even though most would'nt have a CLUE what one actualy is!) - If you live in what SHE considers to be a "socially challenged area or suburb" - you are UNLIKELY to get her to even reply! - UNLESS YOU "take" the relationship TO HER - and DROP YOUR perfectly good life and "tag-along " with her life, family and friends - AGAIN DOOMED to failure old chap!.....lol....(She wil ONLY consider srelationship PROVIDED she doesn't have to move or change a THING!.....lol......They ALL WANT someone younger than themselves ("becasue all my friends tell me how ravishingly beautiful and young-looking I am") - Having someone younger (if it ever happens!) boosts their EGO and gives them a (false) sense of "power" over the relationship...
MOST of these things are conveniently NOT MENTIONED in ANY female's profile.....lol
You went through all this horse-chit just to come up finally figuring out that you've been getting rejected for what they don't list? Really?
Seems to me that it is pretty much common sense that most (serious) people wouldn't message someone if they don't meet their profile requirements. If that was all there was to the whole process then the entire thing would be pretty simple , wouldn't it? We could all just enter our requirements and let the computers match up to our "perfect" mates. right? Are YOU willing to enter all your requirements and then marry whoever the computer comes up with without knowing anything else about them?
Please! The reality is that YOUR profile is bad. In fact, it sucks. "Everyone" tells you that you look 20 years younger than you are? Really? Well then everyone is lying! You don't look 20 years younger. Heck, you don't even look 3 years younger than you are. And if "Age doesn't matter" then why have to set your own contact restrictions to only allow women under age 55?
The take away I get when reading your profile is "delusional". THAT is why you are getting rejected. Quit trying to pin the blame in the women's profiles. The problem is with your's. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:32:39 AM | I find it hard to believe that some of the opinions and assumptions and statements here have been made by a former clinical psychologist.
Isn't a couple laughing together an absolute prerequisite for any sound relationship - whether it was intimate or simply friendship?
Everybody has been hurt by this age - of both genders, unless they have lived in a glass bubble or have a psychotic personality with no empathy skills. However, not all of us are the walking wounded wallowing in it forever after and bitterly attacking the opposite gender at every opportunity - some of us just go on enjoying living.
Absolutely everything you have written here I have seen written in the U.S. forums previously by women, about men. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:56:23 AM |
Interesting conclusion, but regardless it still comes down to the basic component of how you make a woman "feel" when they read your profile, chat on the phone, meet face to face. Most are logical when they write up their profile, but I've yet to meet any that did not allow their emotions/feelings to make the final decision.
Now see...how hard was it to make your assumptions that short? Thanks Passionte_Gent...you're always da man.
Rejection stems from what happens when you MEET. If you say, for example, you're a fit young looking 60-something", and a woman gets there and finds a fat, balding, old looking guy...reject stamp. Or the man that reads "a few pounds overweight" and gets there and she's a BIG GIRL...reject stamp.
Most people are quite clear about what they want--if you're being rejected OP, it's not because of a profile issue--it's because they're not interested in what you're offering.
It really is that simple and it doesn't take an advanced degree to figure this out. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:50:12 AM | | If they can't overcome the negative impression generated by the looks/picture one doesn't get any further on this site. Regardless of what the profiles say - look is pretty much everything on here and if they are not attractive you don't get past initial contact stage. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:42:25 AM |
ALL us guys need to acknowledge that - almost without exception - EVERY female on here has been very badly "hurt" in some way - by men.
Strong sweeping generalizations for the win! I stopped reading after this point, to be honest. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:47:21 AM | I noticed you used the word ALL several times.
You are basing these so called facts... on your opinion only! Maybe if you opened up your mind and saw things the way they really are, you would have some success.
It is a 2 way street. I admit it is hard not to get frustrated sometimes, but it sounds as if you've already closed the door and maybe women are picking up on this. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:28:12 AM | You know, I thought this sounded like it might be a useful and thought provoking thread. Nope. Just another "Why I can't get laid, and why it's all the womens fault" thread.
Clinical Phsychologist my azz! Frustrated loser is more like it! I don't mean a loser in life, don't know you that well. Just a loser with the ladies.
All these many rejections and it all boils down to what's wrong with them? The common thread here is you. Maybe you need to make a few changes in your life. I'ld start with getting rid of that stalkerish sounding username.
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:03:07 AM | Your training should have provided you with insights about behaviors such as when someone repeatedly accomplishes a particular failure. Are you on a mission to prove something about how when you use the same approach with women who share similar traits, you can rely on rejection? Five tries should have done it. Past that, it becomes a dubious habit, maybe as you fathom a compelling mystery.
Most rejection stem from you. You provide the stimulus to which they respond.
All these women who all say basically the same thing, you choose to approach in basically the same way, getting identical rejections. Mastering the art of being rejected. In psychological terms, what is your motivation for repeating a cycle of predictable failure? | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:38:22 AM | As a "serial rejectee" of over 18 months, and a former Clinical Psychologist - I started to have a serious look at the reasons why I have had well-over 1000 KNOCK-BACKS after having offere the female litererally EVERYTHING they CLAIM they want in a guy. What am I - or are they - doing wrong? Or a combination of both perhaps? Well, it started of as an interesting premise for a thread but, unfortunately, your post quickly deteriorated into just another version of the 'Poor me... I'm such a nice guy. Why don't women give me a chance?'.
You state initially that you started to have a serious look at the reasons why you have been rejected so many times. What are you or the women or both doing wrong? Then you proceed to throw out two of those options ('you' or 'both') and totally concentrate on what the women are doing to prevent you from succeeding. You have completely removed yourself from having any responsibility in your failures. Considering, by your count, your rejections are well over 1000, and YOU are the ONLY common denominator, wouldn't it be much more likely that YOU are the reason for the majority of your failures?
Your profile is not well written, literally and figuratively. Your photos are unattractive. You say your age is incorrect but you never specify what it is actually. Your statement about all your friends saying you look 20 years younger than your actual age, I took as a poor attempt at humor. If you were being serious, your friends are lying to you. You look like a man in his mid-60's. You say that age is just a number and shouldn't matter, yet you filter any women who are older than 55. Most women, 55 and under, are not going to be interested in you. I'm not saying that to be cruel, just honest.
You need a serious reality check. You need to have your profile reviewed. Get some better photos. Realize that you are NOT the catch of the year 'down under' (my guy was and I snapped him up already!) and that you may be trying to connect with women who are, as much as I dislike this phrase, 'out of your league'. Try contacting women your age and a bit older, and you may have better luck. And last but, certainly, not least, stop blaming women for your failures. Take responsibility for the fact that you are not as desirable as you think you are, and do something about it. YOU are the only one who can change YOU.
Passionate Gent, I loved this comment:
It's one thing to know you can provide what most women desire, it's altogether different to make them feel you can. Now you are a man who is in tune with women. Take note, OP. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:28:59 PM |
As a "serial rejectee" of over 18 months, and a former Clinical Psychologist
I take it your area of expertise is NOT Reality Therapy based on the following from your profile:
EVERYBODY SAYS I look 20 YEARS YOUNGER than I am
So are you saying you're 81 cuz you look every bit of 61 and then some. Not that that is a bad thing! But don't piss down my leg and tell me it's rainin.
EVERY female on here has been very badly "hurt" in some way - by men. (This is NOT a criticism girls!)
No, it isn't. But much of your remaining post was:
WTH would the death of a spouse leave widow feeling "damaged" or "worthless"?
They ALL want "someone the make me laugh". (nice - but hardly a key ingredient in a sound relationship)
Not a key ingredient but I'm guessing infinitely better than being in a relationship with somone whose face would crack if he laughed or even smiled.
They ALL want a "soulmate" (even though most would'nt have a CLUE what one actualy is!)
Yeah... not critical at all, and I'm betting you wouldn't know a soulmate it one bit you on your a**. Maybe she did and that was a deal-breaker for you. LOL!
She wil ONLY consider srelationship PROVIDED she doesn't have to move or change a THING!
Ah! I guess someone expected you to change something... like that assumtive, critical and pessimistic attitude of yours.
They ALL WANT someone younger than themselves
And now you're just talkin out your a**.
MOST of these things are conveniently NOT MENTIONED in ANY female's profile
Along with a pic of you and the words "Need not apply." | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:29:41 PM | "They ALL WANT someone younger than themselves ("becasue all my friends tell me how ravishingly beautiful and young-looking I am") - Having someone younger (if it ever happens!) boosts their EGO and gives them a (false) sense of "power" over the relationship..."
Older people go into denial and want to socialize with someone at least ten years younger than they are..because ......they DO NOT want to admit that they are getting older. They FEEL like they are not in tune with the AARP crowd and will buy clothes, music, go to concerts that the younger crowd hangs out with....to stay YOUTH MINDED.
What about what's not in HIS profile........after a few years of the paid sites. There were three types of men I have met along the way.
Loners
Knights in Shining armour
Men already in a relationship
Loners really didn't want to date...just looking for friends with benefits. Of course they are not going to tell ANYONE that...you just have to find out when the relationship is consumated...just want a hang out pal....one in a while..nothing serious.
Knights in Shining Armour...looking for younger drama momma's. usually has kids and looking for a man to help her with the finances and help with the kids while she......is working or is dating someone else...then getting online and finding someone in between with the drama momma goes back to the ex.
Men that are already in a relationship has a "secret" and it's exciting to go behind the significant others back...and cheat..lie their way into someone else heart...then dump them....because after all they have invested a lot of time and money into a wife, home, kids..they don't want to chance the loss...........most of them also looking for a friend w benefits ..when the wife is tired.
The temptations online creates a big fantasy...and even if your not all that and a bag of chips..............you still think you can compete for that hotty who is younger than 55. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:43:40 PM | Yay!!! Finally, another angry, bitter, guy who thinks he knows EVERYTHING about women...
So, did they tell you that because you're a Clinical Psychologist that means you know every single thing about women? I mean, let's put aside the fact that every single human being is different and every single human being wants different things... But, really??? | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 3:21:46 PM | Whoever told you that you looked 20 years younger (which would be 41) was messing with your head, and that's just mean because now you've made a fool out of yourself on a public forum. It doesn't really sound like you think much of women - boggles the mind as to why you'd want to date them.  | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:00:50 PM | | OP, put the brush down you use to paint us all the same color. I find it hard to believe anyone in a profession that works with peoples emotions can be so general as to say All women do this, or ALL women want that. Have you met ALL women? | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:20:00 PM | Were you a clinicial CHILD psychologist perhaps.....you don't seem to know much about adult behavior. All women don't want ___________(fill in the blank).
What do you have to offer a younger woman (that any other man doesn't have)?
You know what Einstein said about the definition of insanity....doing the same thing the same way and expecting a different result. Change something about what it is you're doing and go trolling for women in your own age group. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:44:54 PM | but the very reason you are ALL here, is that your previous relationships/marriages/de-factos - or even the death of a partner - has left you feeling abandoned - "damaged" - certainly hurting - empty - worthless - shattered - and it's very hard, after these episodes to "pick-oneself-up" and face the world confidently again.
Speak for yourself, OP. I have some baggage, but not all that much of it in the scheme of things, and I do face the world with confidence. I am not damaged, thank you very much. I have my issues, but I'm a whole person with some things to work on, not some shattered shell hoping for some "soulmate" to pick up the pieces.
You make an awful lot of assumptions, OP. Surely as a psychologist you realize that everyone has their own set of things they look for in a partner and relationship, and that they're entitled to look for those things that are important to them. Do you seriously think women are all the same? | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:53:07 PM | | It's a safe bet that every women on a dating site has had a bad experience with a past relationship. To be properly servile to grammarians, he should have said nearly all, or almost all. But for that wee oversight, the assumption is accurate. Having had a bad experience with a previous relationship is as universal a human experience as you'll find, short of birth itself. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:25:28 PM | Wait, wait wait...LOL...'socially challenged' neighborhood? Does that mean a dangerous part of town? Well, DUH! Who the heck wants to be someplace where they don't feel safe? Or did you mean like...a mountain cave? Caves don't have hot showers, usually....
Gentleman up above there is right. Profiles require us to think logically and thoroughly (or sometimes not) about what we want or do not want. But when you get down to the meet and greet, it is all about how we FEEL. So if you don't come across our spidey sensors right, then you'll be let free. | |
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| Most rejections stem from what is NOT in her profile...
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:48:46 PM |
after having offere the female litererally EVERYTHING they CLAIM they want in a guy. What am I - or are they - doing wrong?
Nothing. It's a problem inherent in the system. You are basing your behavior on faulty information. | |
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