| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:31:38 AM | Hello all! My first post so please be forgiving. I have a really silly question to ask. Would you ever "settle" for someone you were only kind of attracted too because they were nice, secure, rich, stable and or you felt they deserved a chance, or were they just the best and only option on the market? And Why?
I think many men would. Females, however, seem to be more resolute and usually are legitimately attracted to the individual. As a matter of fact I've seen more happy and single females holding out for that special someone even if it meant never having a relationship again. But I'm generalizing. What are your thoughts? | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:36:08 AM | hmm..I would have thought it would be the other way around.
I think women would be more apt to settle for stability, security, money, etc,... then a man would.
As for me, I think it would depend on the situation. I could settle for not being "in love" as long as I did love and I was safe and semi happy.
hmm..Now you have me thinking....THANKS ALOT!  | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 6:28:13 AM | Settle as in marry that person or enter into a long term relationship??
No. If you settle for less than what you want then eventually you'll regret it and then everything will go downhill from there. Why waste your time? | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 6:28:37 AM | Settle as in marry that person or enter into a long term relationship??
No. If you settle for less than what you want then eventually you'll regret it and then everything will go downhill from there. Why waste your time? | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 6:28:43 AM | I could definitely settle down with rain! 
Oh uh, err...no OP...got that t-shirt. It didn't fit too well.
~ds~ | |
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OKRob
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Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 8 | |
| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:36:00 AM | | I want to settle into something long term and if it happens then it was meant to happen. By that way of thinking I am not sure I could pick or choose reasons why a person is settle-worthy. She would just be the one, wouldn't she? | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:27:01 AM | IMO, if you're happy with who you are and OK being alone (not liking it, but OK with it), settling is much less likely to enter your mind.
Settling can lead to wandering thoughts, wandering eyes, resentment, cheating, infidelity... feel free to add to the list.
Too many people are looking for material things or have low self esteem and think they can't do better. No, there is no perfect SO and I'm not saying you should hold out for your 'perfect man/woman' but if you think about a long-term relationship with someone and mentally shrug and say to yourself 'meh, why not' then not only do you do yourself a gross injustice, but you're also taking the other person off the market (assuming they're faithful).
Regarding the biological clock comment *Sassy*Zazzy* made, yes there are limits on this and I understand, but is having a child with someone and raising them in a family where one or both parents either don't love them or full-out resent them fair to that child? Not bashing you for your comment or views, just making an observation.
 <-- Dancing Banana loves to Disco! | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:34:04 AM | | I would be willing to overlook a few things. But not settle. IMO would be having a LTR or marrying the next person that showed interest in you or dating someone who is much different than your usual type. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:37:27 AM | I would not settle. It doesn't matter if the man has money , looks, smarts. etc. I can't do it.
My heart wouldn't let me... | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:57:49 AM | Settle??.......Think not.
I find more settle when they do fall in love, because that love is so blind that they can not see all the flaws that exist because their heart will not let them see it.
From those of us that seem to think with our brains first, and not our hearts, settling is not a real option, and what that means is a much more refined, thoughtful search for someone that will match, compliment, and fill those things we so desire in our mind, body, and soul.
I did the love thing long ago, and now with a scarred heart, that is well protected, I seek those that will allow attraction, chemistry, and compatibility to rule with your whole being, and not just that one part of it, that can be so flawed with emotions, that more times than not, it becomes settling, that will occur.
If others do not agree with me, I truly do understand, but I might just remind all reading this, that we are up to almost 60% of marriages ending in divorce, and if you take those that have done it two, three and more times, the failure rate becomes more like three out of four........
So much for love, which maybe should be one of the last things on your list when picking a mate, but of course, needs to be there as well, but not the first item to consider. I guess for me at least, if I have mutual attraction, mutual chemistry, and mutual compatibility, the chances of success and mutual love, will follow naturally.
To have all those things first, and not love, means a greater chance for success, and those that choose love first will find out sooner or later, that without all the others, they have settled.
Just my opinion........   | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:17:29 AM | | Settle? No. But some people have unrealistic expectations too, so what they might think of as settling, is actually getting the best person possible for them. Nobody is perfect, you won't find anyone who's everything you always wanted with nothing you don't want included. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:54:18 AM | | ^^Deacon I see your point. While I won't go as far as saying your view is the norm I have seen examples of it. What worries me more is my generation. I have yet to see a truly happy and in love young couple who don't break up after a year maybe 2 years. I look at my grandparents and see two people dedicated to each other through thick and thin. I look at today's society and see fickle minded people chasing after every butterfly that floats their way. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:51:15 AM | To settle or not to settle?
Hmm.... good Q that.
Personally no, I would never "settle" and likewise I would hate to be the female that a guy "settled" on, that wouldn't be good for either of us.
Oh and settling for a nice, secure, rich, stable guy that you aren't interested in is called prostitution isn't it?
L x | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:17:44 PM | | A large percentage of the couples I know have "settled" because they're tired of looking, tired of being alone, want a companion, don't feel like dating, are sick of eating dinner alone, and don't like who they are when they aren't part of a couple. Most have immediately coupled up with the first person with whom they had the bare minimum in common. It's not even a question of being the best option; in most cases it was their only option. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:43:01 PM | Everyone has an individual hierarchy of needs that they desire to fulfill. If the needs associated with being a couple are higher on that list than the need to avoid conflict, then that person will settle.
For a person who is happy with their life and has most of their needs met, except for having their own personal confidant and lover, then they won't settle for less than what they need. Will it be love? I think that is an individual judgement as to what they would call love. At my age I don't think it will be a blind emotional commitment, but I can't rule that out either. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:04:00 PM | | Settling for the sake of settling is pretty sad. That's a good way to miss out on a lot of happiness. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:52:08 PM | | Well i see it as we live in a throw away lifestyle that now includes relationships....no working at it just junk it ........................and thats not just after years.........some are only together for a short while ....me want to settle but not for just anything | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:54:43 PM | | Love is the bare minimum - settling will have to be around something other than that. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:04:42 PM | Dust settles. I don't.
okay so it was a serious question and I gave a snarky answer. But really, no, no, no .. no settling .. it's like being married, having problems, and waiting for things to get better. It just won't work out well. Trust me. I know. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:13:59 PM | I would settle for anyone who would settle for me. We would settle in together and settle down. That would settle it once and for all. I think I wrote this before. These redundant threads give me the sense of having been here before. That would not happen if I had already found someone to settle for me. It's unsettling. And so on...
If she can put up with me, I can find a way to love her. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:20:42 PM | Not a silly question at all but if they delete your thread it might be for redundancy -- no, I see people who settled and although they seem to tolerate it well, it's my idea of hell on earth.
When you park your kids in front of the TV and it raises them to be consumers, then their purpose in life as adults will be to want and get, not share, give or make. They end up having the mind and social skills of a shopper, viewing other people in terms of the most that can be had for the least cost, and romance is replaced by this grotesque miasma of whining and tantrums that fills these forums daily.
A POF genius said this in another thread called "having what you need vs having what you want in a relationship and from life" and I think it applies to many topics including settling. | |
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| To settle or not to settle?
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:53:42 PM | | Honestly I never thought about it... but I've "settled" in every relationship I've ever been in and I have never been with a person I actually wanted to be with. It is funny because this time I decided to hold out until I found a good one and it hasn't been easy I'm already considering settling for some one. I think it is a state of mind from person to person every one does what they can but can only go so far before they feel the need to have some one near by. They then tell themselves something like "S/He deserves a chance and I want to try!" or something of that extent. | |
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