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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser      Home login  
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 TigressRose
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 1
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loserPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I'm not sure if this has been discussed before but;

Have you ever broken up with a loser, only to come on POF and read a post where he (or she) is professing to be the victim in the relationship?

WOW. It was like a kick in the stomach for me, and made me so mad to read the lies that, I spent an hour composing my own post to tell all his dirty little secrets and expose him for the liar he is.

In the end, I deleted instead of posting. Not sure why.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 2
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:10:40 AM
I'm not sure why you deleted it either, I'd love to have read your reply! Why would you let him get away with lying about you?
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 3
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:11:28 AM
You deleted instead of posting. Not sure why. I'll tell you why: you took the high road and good for you. This is a big lesson in life when we want to retaliate against someone and I speak for myself. Remember, what goes around sooner or later comes around, and you don't have to say a word. Good luck to you, you did the right thing. You have class!
 emruld
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 4
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:12:42 AM
stand up for yourself..!! just dont be spiteful back.. if your response was mature and well spoken.. then who are people going to belive.... you or someone whos ranting on about oh poor me :P
they prob think they can get someone to feel sorry for them :P
 Bry-Fidelity
Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 5
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:13:42 AM
You made the right choice by deleting it. If you need to vent do it with your closest friends preferably ones not linked to the ex. I should hope in any breakup you have there should only be lessons learned and it becomes lame after a while to still be spewing venom. I don't believe I should ever have to talk about my ex again. Playing the victim when it comes to past relationships to others makes them the victim of having to hear your crap! Peace!
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 6
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:15:15 AM

In the end, I deleted instead of posting. Not sure why.
Maybe because winning an argument with an ex isn't worth the trouble? Or maybe because you didn't feel the need to convince a bunch of strangers on the web that you were in the right?

Good for you, regardless. Writing things out can be cathartic, even if nobody else ever sees what you write.
 Mustang065
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 7
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:18:38 AM

WOW. It was like a kick in the stomach for me, and made me so mad to read the lies that, I spent an hour composing my own post to tell all his dirty little secrets and expose him for the liar he is.

In the end, I deleted instead of posting. Not sure why.


You did the right thing. When I first joined POF I met a few ladies on here. Nothing serious. Just dates. The last one that I went on a date with didn't work out to well. Without going into a long drawn out story, she ended up calling me 20 or 30 times a day, coming to my work, and the final act was to try to talk to my 8 year(at the time) daughter outside the school. I had to have the Police intervene. After all this she came on here and told everyone what a player I was, and how I used her. I thought about responding, but decided not to feed into it...Thankfully a lot of other people on POF new this person for what she was. But not responding, thankfully, ended the issue.
I know that it makes you feel bad, and it is human nature to want to defend yourself, but by ignoring you came out the winner.
 birdshite
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 8
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:25:38 AM
You are a better person when you chose not to play into his crap sharing his dirty little secrets. Exposing him will only make you look bad. Smart people will respect you for your grown up decision even though exposing him might sound better. Trust me, you will feel better in the long run too.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 9
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:26:01 AM
many congrats on taking the high road, as others have said! but hey, there's nothing wrong with writing a really uber-flaming explosive manifesto of righteous hate on his dumb ass. just don't post it anywhere, and trash it when you're done!! it can go a long way to purging that junk out of your personal headspace. but by actually putting those words out there for others to see, you just lowered yourself to his level. that makes for some bad, bad energy. be glad it's over.
 Divorced Broke and Bald
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 10
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:42:02 AM
Which thread was it? And which parts were untrue? C'mon. We wanna know. Some of us sharks are hungry.

(Just in case I am mistaken for being serious in this post: No, don't really tell us! [not that I think you would {but there is always the chance you might have}]). And hey, why aren't there more types of brackets on my keyboard?
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 11
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:48:00 AM
Can you post a link to it for us?
And is it too late to post now on it?
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 12
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:48:40 AM
Geez...OPie...you're 55...have you not yet realized that 95% of the dateable guys your age are just scared little boys inside of an old man's body?

He had a fantasy...it was played out in his mind. You weren't it. His fantasy decided to attack the weakness outside of his own head...that made it you. The smart thing for him to do was not write what he wrote. The second smartest thing would be not hit the SEND button.

But really now...don't these immature boy behaviors you're seeing from him sound just like Jr. High School?

 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 13
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:54:45 AM
I've had the same thing happen. I couldn't believe it when I read his rant. It was nothing like what actually happened. I too wrote a reply and deleted it. The catharsis was in the writing. I didn't need to make my fellow fishies judge and jury.
 lonesomerick
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 14
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:01:16 AM
So his/hers are all lies and yours is the truth, is that what we're supposed to understand/believe? Usually two sides to everything.

And I'll also say this, accepting we have faults(and we all do) and hearing those faults pointed out in us, and if true and we're open enough to realize it, is also just like a kick in the stomach. Just as lies about us feel like a kick in the stomach.

Yep, you took the high road. What I'd suggest is to have a discussion with whoever you feel like is telling lies about you. Or simply mail the letter you typed up to them!

One thing about these forums is the identity of posters and the subject are to remain anonymous, there's a reason for that. Not only could allowing that become a liability issue, but the forums would be over run with two parties from a failed relationship battling back and forth, and would it ever end? And if it did, wouldn't both paties become losers?
 BoudaciaSmile
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 15
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:02:30 AM
Why? You have more class than him.
The thing is..
What have you learned from it...for you?
What is it that you had to learn from this "loser" man and the "relationship"?
 SuchARealLady00
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 16
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:13:42 AM
You did the right thing not to post, TR, and you ooze maturity and class.

Many therapists suggest writing things down and then deleting, burning or shredding the rant. You get it out of your system and nobody gets hurt.

Given that all forum posts are attached to profiles, I am truly amazed at times by what people will post on here for any prospective new "date" to read. It also says a lot about the life a poster has (doesn't have!) if these boards are their only place to vent about a supposed wrongdoing.

SARL
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 17
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:21:23 AM
Writing things down that you just might want to say, allows you the time to reflect, view the statements, and many many times, that is enough, and you do not do what you thought you might........

The same thing happens many times when two people get into an argument, and things get heated........Asking for a time out, or to set a time to discuss rather than fight, gives both a chance to think before opening their mouths.

Glad you came to your senses OP.

Just my opinion.......
 lostintheshuffle
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 18
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:30:02 AM
You deleted it because you are more mature or fear the backlash of some sort of comment war. I have a myspaz and my friend's exes have left me negative comments on my friends. See how fun online is?
 TigressRose
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 19
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:30:28 AM
Thank you all for taking the time, to offer your input and validation that I did the right thing by not posting.

I do feel better after venting via writing and hitting the delete button. Although only in my mind it was like saying it all to his face, then slamming the door. Poof Done. I have nothing to prove and walk away with my head held high.
 TigressRose
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 20
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:37:42 AM
[So his/hers are all lies and yours is the truth, is that what we're supposed to understand/believe? Usually two sides to everything.]

No, lonesomerick, that's not my stand on this at all. There are always two sides to everything, I agree. I'm a big girl. I didn't get to be the wonderful age of 55 without a few faults . So, If this person simply pointed out faults, I wouldn't have felt kicked. As for sending him the letter I typed and didn't post. nah... he knows the truth, this is a pattern with him, let him enjoy his pitty party. Thanks for your input
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 21
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:41:28 AM
Let it go. He is what he is because he never learned to take responsibility for his actions. Not accepting accountability means he can't see his mistakes or correct his conduct. As a consequence he'll never improve as a person. Don't follow his lead.
 TigressRose
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 22
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:46:40 AM
[Let it go. He is what he is because he never learned to take responsibility for his actions. Not accepting accountability means he can't see his mistakes or correct his conduct. As a consequence he'll never improve as a person. Don't follow his lead.]

unfortunetly you are correct. This is one of the reasons the relationship didn't work. Just two different people with different values. Thank you for your input
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 23
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:57:22 AM
no, simply because the loser i broke up with wasn't clever enough to post about our relationship. i doubt he even knew what the Forums were. also he closed his account so i don't need to worry about him anymore.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 24
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:11:51 AM
No need to post the details when you have summarized this way, saying the essential retort without bothering with itemization. You both lost, right? The blackness of pots and kettles as described one about the other.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 25
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:15:49 AM
Well I guess I missed the "pat the OP on the back for doing the same thing in an indirect way" class!

I bet alot of what he posted was true and thats why it bothers you so much. If the guy was a loser (like you have said repeatedly in everyone of your posts) and you dumped him, it would be like water off a ducks back!

That's not whats happening though. Your hurt.... And doing the same thing your saying is offencive! Calling the other person names and talking trash about them.

If you want truth and justice for others, you should be willing to live by the same rules!

There are always 3 sides to any story. His, yours and the truth which always seems to be right in the middle of the other two!
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