| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:46:12 PM | Ok, so I met this girl around the 4th week of May. She had just broken up with a boyfriend. I went over to her place and we hung out and talked and everything until well after the sun had came up. We expressed that we liked each other and found each other attractive, and I got a goodbye peck. She didn't act nervous at all.
The next day she invited me over for pizza, and hung out in her room for a while. We then decided to head to my place for a bit, but no sex. We both had stated that we were looking for something "real" and that we were tired of casual and meaningless sex.
We went back to my place, and we decided that we should give being "boyfriend and girlfriend" a shot. I took her home a bit later, and shortly after I got home she sent me a message on line asking if I could come back and get her, that she wanted to spend the night.
I went and got her and we hung out a watched tv and kissed around on each other until the wee hours of the morning. We fell asleep holding each other, and still had not had sex.
The next day she met my parents, who immediately liked her. And I took her home. I didn't hear anything from her the rest of the day, and my calls were unanswered. Around 8:30 or so I got a voicemail from her (i had been out of the service area for work) and she was saying that she didn't think that now was the time for her to be in a relationship with anyone, and that she was thinking of moving back out of town with her father. By the time I had got the message she had already left the house.
The next day I got a hold of her, and she pretty much told me the same thing she had told me the night before. I didn't hear anything for a few days.
She then sends me a MS message saying that she misses me and will be home in a couple of days, and that she was staying with a friend for a few days.
The day that she was supposed to come home, I couldn't reach her. The next day I got a phone call from her, and she told me that she had something that she needed to tell me. She had discovered upon returning home her mother had been smoking crack in her absence, and that she had moved in with an ex boyfriend, and that they were going to try and see if it would work this time around. I explained to her that dating an ex is never a good idea.
Two days ago I got a call from her, and she had came home. Her and the ex had gotten into a fight, and he drew back to hit her, but didn't. I went over to her house and we went for a long walk and talk until 6 or 7 AM. She told me that she was technically still dating the ex, but only until she got her stuff back from his house.
I talked to her the next day and she told me that she didn't know what she was going to do. I didn't talk to her again the rest of the day. Yesterday I called her house to see if she was home and her mother answered. She told me that the girl had went out to her guys house to get the rest of her stuff and that she was coming home that night.
Later on that night she signed on to MS and I chatted with her. She told me that she was still at the guys house, and would be until thursday. She seemed very distant for some reason, and abruptly ended the conversation with "ok well ttyl".
See, this wouldn't be so hard if this was just another girl. I can't figure out what it is about her, but I am completely head of heals in love with her. When she called me the first time she came home, I was 50 miles out of town and hanging out with a female friend from highschool. I immediately told the old friend that I had to go and went to see her. I can honestly say I have never been so struck over a girl before in my life. I was with my last girlfriend for over two years and I never felt anything for her the way I do for this girl. The simple sound of her voice brightens my day and makes me smile, no matter how bad of a day I'm having.
I'm confused and don't know what to do. She has told me that she still likes me, and she has no reason to lie about something like that. I know it is easy for people to say "just drop her it's not worth it" or "just move on". I have always been able to do that no problem. But for some reason I can't do that with this one. Everything reminds me of her, and she is in my head somehow all day long. I go to sleep thinking about her and wake up wishing she was laying beside me.
I have no clue what to do... | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:52:00 PM | | I'm sorry, but you've known this girl for less than a month and already so much drama! I wouldn't pursue her any longer. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:54:45 PM | Sounds like a girl that really doesn't know what she wants and is kind of floundering around.
If you hang in there, just be supportive, chances are she'll flounder your way. Just be prepared for her to flounder away from you too.
You will likely get really hurt, but if she makes you feel that way, who am I to dissuade you?
~Justin | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:55:29 PM | Ask yourself, 'Do I deserve to be treated like this?'
If the answer is yes, then pursue her.
If the answer is no, then run as fast as you can. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:55:45 PM | Dump her and refuse to see her again..
Can we say DRAMA QUEEN?
She LIVES drama.
Do NOT let her destroy Your happiness....
Plenty of fish in the sea. Find one worth keeping.
Throw this one back... | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:02:34 PM | I'm sorry but it sounds like you're in high school!
When she told you " she didn't think that now was the time for her to be in a relationship with anyone" that was your cue to wish her well and move on with your life.
Do that now and stop the petty drama. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:05:05 PM | | Why would you be head over heels over a person like this? Read your post and what advice would you give someone else? | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:06:07 PM | As Lush pointed out, this chick is a mess.
Her Mom's on crack... with all of the baggage... this chick pushes you away, says she's interested, pushes you away again... is in another relationship, isn't in another relationship, is in another relationship...
Are you having fun yet? This is just the start... hang in there, it will get even more fun... with lots of mixed messages, never knowing where you stand...
I think that you should hang on, and after you eventually get hurt enough, you can post your experiences on this forum as a warning for others. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:07:12 PM | Fourth week of May and this is only third week of June.....not even a month yet and you are already being yanked around like a puppet or yoyo. Do you honestly want this to continue? Are you hoping that she will change? From what you have shared with us, I honestly think she needs a lot of time on HER own to heal and mature.
There are so many fishes out there - why limit yourself to this one? She is clearly unstable and indecisive which will only wreck your life, not enhance it. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:07:32 PM | | She's yanking you around like a yo-yo. Get on with your life. Either she doesn't know what she wants or is trying to have her cake and eat it, too between you and the ex in her life. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:08:01 PM | I'm sorry KyleInWV , but you sound desperate, and she sounds a little insane or maybe smoking the crack she's accusing her mother of.
She doesn't know what she wants, whom she wants, or whether she's coming or going.
I would say good that you would try to get involved with this girl, if she had any idea of what she wanted, and it involved you, and absolutely not her ex boyfriend, but that isn't the case.
You should stop all contact with her, and try again, because you've not found a lady yet.
Good luck, M | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:15:51 PM | | Eeeeeegads. I bet you like riding rollercoasters too - the mechanical kind. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:24:05 PM | I fell for her BEFORE all of the bullsh*t started. It hit me like a rock in the face.
I'm going to let her do her. It's whatever. Although I do have the strongest feelings for her I think Ive ever had for someone, I'm going to try my best to not show it. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:26:45 PM | OP,
From one guy to another... what I think is going on is that you both have some good sexual chemistry AND being a man of honour, you have the desire to help or save a Damsel in Distress.
These are natural male instincts...
The reason you are on an emotional rollercoaster is because SHE is on an emotional rollercoaster... and she probably can't see how her actions affect you.
Really what you need to do is to take a step back and let her finish the business with her Ex... but that doesn't mean you should drop her.
Just remember though... there is a good chance she might go back to her ex.
Start insulating yourself emotionally for this possibility right now.
Do not be surprised if it happens.
Many people subconsciously live for high-drama relationships... and who live to make simple things complicated. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:32:24 PM | | Zekestone = Best advice Ive ever had on this kind of thing. Thanks bro. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:42:43 PM | Tell you what~ She does not know what she wants and she is taking you for granted.
I think she is aware of your attachment to her.
You must care a lot about her. So I suggest not to burn the bridges. Just play it by ear. Let her make the first move. Don't contact her unless she does. Try to reign in your feelings for her. Just be friends with her. Let her get rid of all the drama and when she calms down, tell her what is in your heart and that you want to know how she feels about you. Be firm and tell her you have been patient with her but you are not a yo-yo. You are ready to move on if she is not ready for you. Then do it! | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:49:37 PM | I stopped reading after your second paragraph...
Keywords: she just broken up with her ex, the next day bf/gf already?, the next day (day 3) meet the parents, again, already?
Less than a month, and already all this, and all "oh I've never felt about anybody this way before". Really?
Next time, use logic before your emotions.
You know what you have to do. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:52:26 PM | Friend it seems as if she is messing with you. She seems to like your attention but is unwilling to follow it up.
I know it's hard and very much easier said than done but maybe try to keep busy and occupy yourself for a week and let her know she doesn't have control over you.
You seem like a good looking fun guy, maybe try and meet some other girls to take your mind off of her? | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:53:49 PM | no, she was single about 5-6 days before we started hanging out.
she only met my parents because I had to pick up something from my dad before I took her home.
And yes really.
I posted this to ask advice not be ridiculed. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:54:44 PM | OP: Did you post hoping everyone would tell you what you want to hear? If so, stop reading now.
If you keep pursuing her, you are an idiot. She is a drama queen who uses men to get what she wants (in other words, she is a manizer). She will get you into all sorts of trouble without thinking once about your well-being. And contrary to what others are saying, she knows exactly what she is doing and she does not care. After all, the word revolves around her.
Just because you fell head over heals for her based on some initial contact, does not mean she is worth sticking around for. Early in a relationship you need to be revising your feelings about the relationship as you gain more information. In her case, everything you have learned (at least based on your post) should be telling you she is not worth the trouble.
RUN AWAY as fast as you can. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:04:08 PM | Yes... 5-6 days really isn't long. Meaning she was single for a week before jumping into another relationship. Haven't you heard about the term rebound? Haven't you also heard the term "slow down!"?
Sorry if I sound as if I'm ridiculing you. Maybe I was, but maybe you also have to start thinking with your brain before you emotions.
Read your post again. Not everyone will agree with you. Wait, are you on here so that people will tell you to go get 'er? Yea right.... Again... think... It's really not that hard to do... | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:05:47 PM | Kyle, How long have you been single prior to meeting this new girl. The reason I ask is because I think alot of times when just coming out of a relationship (rebound) some look to replace quickly what they've grown comfortable with...a relationship. On the other hand, if you've been single for a long time & haven't really worked on you....you meet someone & become so engrossed in what COULD be that you don't pay much attention to what IS. You become desperate for lack of a better word, for all of those great things about a relationship that you've been missing for so long & you get caught up in your own fantasy. That isn't reality.
This especially happens when you rush. See you've just met her & she seems great in your eyes but everyone does at the beginning. It's not HER that your in love with because frankly, there is no way to know someone truly in such a short period of time. What you are in love with is the fantasy that you have created. All of these red flags that are flying at you, you aren't paying attention to because to do so would mean that you hafta give up the fantasy, start living in the reality & jump back into this dating pool.
I suggest leaving her alone for the time being, she's been at her other boyfriends house anyway so at this point you don't really have an option. While doing that, seriously take some time to step outside of the fantasy or emotion & look at it for what it is/reality. Also, ask yourself what you deserve. Focus on your good qualities, acknowledge that you aren't perfect & come to accept that but also know that everyone deserves to be treated with respect. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:22:05 PM | I'm sorry this girl broke your heart but there are multiple red flags here. You should be happy that you found out that she was a problem early on. You need to 100% move on from this girl because all the red flags show that she does not love you. You need to find a girl who wants to give and take love and to share it with you.
I think think every person who read your letter hopes you find a great girl soon. Keep your chin up and get back in the game! | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:30:06 PM | Ok, so I met this girl around the 4th week of May. She had just broken up with a boyfriend. I went over to her place and we hung out and talked and everything until well after the sun had came up. We expressed that we liked each other and found each other attractive, and I got a goodbye peck. She didn't act nervous at all.
ummm....let me see if i got this right. YOU went to HER house on a FIRST date? wow, WTF?? i thought for safety's sake, you should ALWAYS meet in public at least the first couple of times. not a smart move on your behalf or hers. | |
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| So I met this girl...
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:35:06 PM | | she met YOUR parents on your second date? again, WTF?? you both have to slow way down. things seem to be going way too fast. also not smart of you to even want to date her considering she just broke up with her bf, duh. don't you know she is on the rebound?? this will never work. might as well dump her before things get way out of control although it kinda sounds like they already have. | |
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