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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why are men afraid to approach women?      Home login  
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 ayozvondita
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 1
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Why are men afraid to approach women?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Personally I consider myself independent, secure and a successful female, but I seem to intimidate about 80% of men in real life and on this website. I have asked a few of my friends, why is it hard for guys to approach me? The answers varied from you seem like you would reject them immediately, you don't seem approachable, you look like you have a boyfriend. I just don't understand how can men classify, judge and evaluate women making that kind of assumption. I don't think I am an ugly looking person, I am educated, well spoken, feminine. Is there something wrong with me? Or is it a behavior that is a general trend. Thank you for your feedback, this is a just a general question, I would love to know what other women and men think. :]
 southbabe
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 2
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:39:53 PM
Fear of rejections.. I would say is the number one reason.. I think some women are just more approachable to men.. and I think that has to do more with there personality then anything else if a women is friendly and out going chances are she will get approached, the more quite shy types men cant read well ...
 southbabe
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 3
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:40:18 PM
*type rejection ..
 ayozvondita
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 4
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Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:45:24 PM
Funny thing, I am very outgoing, funny and happy 90% of the time. I just don't understand, should I change my self, change my profile, be more slutty? (haha unlikely) What do women do in general in this kind of situation?
 Commander_Cool
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 5
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:47:31 PM
I'd concur with the fear of rejection view. I know for me, "approaching" a woman, especially an attractive one immediately triggers my "she's out of my league" alarm and like working out, sometimes having a buddy there to motivate you (and bail you out if necessary!) is helpful.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 6
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Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:49:16 PM

Why are men afraid to approach women?
What do women do in general in this kind of situation?
Easy. Approach the men with a big smile, a happy attitude and appear interested in them. Be warm, engaging, fun and down to earth.
 DemonDingleBerry
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 7
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:27:30 PM

I just don't understand how can men classify, judge and evaluate women making that kind of assumption.

Your friends did (at least according to the info in the OP). They classified, judged, and evaluated guys as to why it was so hard for them to approach you. If they can do it, why can't a guy?


Is there something wrong with me?

Why is it people judge others (why are men afraid) and then ask what is wrong with them?
Seriously? You figured out why it's hard for them to approach you, that men are afraid...they're scared...then ask what's wrong with you?
Could that be a problem? You say one thing, but it's really a means to hide your true motive of using people for your validation?


Or is it a behavior that is a general trend.

Which behavior? One person using another for validation and rationalizing it? Decrease in incentive to risk emotional harm? Decrease in perceived reward for risking emotional harm? Therefore less incentive and/or reward to behave in a traditional way?
Increase in general isolationist behavior, keeping personal relationships at a distance, and only pursuing them insofar as how much they are worth in fulfilling self interest? Wondering why some people behave in the same way as the person wondering, yet the person wondering doesn't realize they are behaving that way?
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 8
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:34:25 PM
Because so many things can go wrong.

- She has a boyfriend who's gonna get mad and threaten you
- You'll come off as a creep in front of everyone, and no woman will want to talk to you the whole night
- Your friends will make fun of you
- She'll scream and call you a stalker and the guards will throw you out of the building
- She's got a really nasty put-down lined up for you that will make you feel like crap for the rest of the night
- You'll end up falling for her, and then have to endure the agony we all do, watching her go home with another guy
 ayozvondita
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 9
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Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:53:59 PM
Wow that's really sad! I never thought about it that way! Personally if I like a guy i come up to him and start talking to him or make eye contact and wink. But all those things never go through my mind.
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 10
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:54:42 PM
That's because everyone loves women.
 Reveal1K
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 11
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Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:12:28 PM
The same reason why you don't approach men. Simple.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 12
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:22:22 AM
Men not approaching you is a separate question from men being afraid to approach women. The men who don't approach you might be afraid of approaching women generally, or they might just not want to approach you specifically. A man who is afraid might approach you anyway.
 billsmith1970
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 13
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:41:55 AM
To make the ASSumption that you intimidate men comes across to me as very arrogant. Remember men read profiles as well and your forum posts show up as links. I read your opening line and said wow I thought guys were cocky.

It all boils down to one thing and it is the answer every guy who asks this same type of question gets on this board. "They are not interested!" Though your profile questions might get answered a few doors up in the "Profile Review" forum.

Bill
 OnMyOwn4
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 14
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:57:59 AM
I don't think it is usually intimidation like most "smart sucessful" women think. I think they just have airs that they are more deserving that other women and that you should not dare to approach them as they are ""the catch"".

I see it at the golf course and such places so many people think their shiit doesn't stink. So naturally people just CANT BE BOTHERED to approach them.

Sheesh ... intimidating probably not, unapproachable probably.

Its all in the attitude baby. What you project is whaat you get.

OMO
 Joe-ness
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 15
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Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:02:22 AM

Personally I consider myself independent, secure and a successful female, but I seem to intimidate about 80% of men in real life and on this website. I have asked a few of my friends, why is it hard for guys to approach me? The answers varied from you seem like you would reject them immediately, you don't seem approachable, you look like you have a boyfriend. I just don't understand how can men classify, judge and evaluate women making that kind of assumption. I don't think I am an ugly looking person, I am educated, well spoken, feminine. Is there something wrong with me? Or is it a behavior that is a general trend. Thank you for your feedback, this is a just a general question, I would love to know what other women and men think. :]


It may be your body language - distance, stance- or your facial expression -or lack there of- that may make you appear hard to approach. Have you ever considered that?
 gradivus
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 16
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:07:41 AM
My answer refers to the "in real life" situations.

It may be fear of rejection; women are much more brutal in letting a man know they're not interested (I suppose they have to be, as pushy as some men are) than men are in letting women know they're not interested, but if they're nice guys who aren't "players" then it hurts them just as much as if they did the same thing to you.

Another reason is that many men don't like to be seen as "players" or pickup artists, or just out to get laid, so they want to be seen as having another reason to initiate contact. Some men are good at finding such reasons, but many men are not.

Here's a suggestion. If you see some guy looking at you from across the room but he doesn't come over, the next time you see him glancing your way look right at him, give a big smile, and wave (and then go back to what you were doing before). This will give him an excuse to come over if he's interested, and you can say you thought he recognized him. "Weren't you at...?" From there, the conversation should flow more easily. I'm sure there are dozens, if not hundreds of other "acceptable" ways to get men to approach you.

What "Iloverainbowparties" said also makes sense (I read his post after I wrote the above).
 Shadow67733
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 17
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:16:23 AM
If you could ask any guy what their most hated emotion would be "rejection" would prolly be at the top of the list. While I know many women have been "damaged" or hurt in the past most women have no comprehesion what most guys go through all for their attentions. The simple truth is the average guy is rejected 12x more then any female and while most of us eventually learn to brush it off and not take it personal it still stings. Now don't get me wrong I'm not some poor bitter disillusioned guy who is complaining about what we have to deal with but I do think its importent many women realize the way it is.
As far as why they do not approach you it could be many things. They could think they are out of your league. They could be hesistant to approach you if you are with friends because they have to get by all of them to talk with you. Now while you say your friends are non judgemental(yeah...right) imagine if you can the humiliation of being rejected in front of all of them, that is if they don't block you first. They may not find you approachable because of how you look, some women just don't looke friendly no matter how social they are. Or last but not least they could just not be interested.
 js6seaj
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 18
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:23:08 PM
I can't speak for all men, but for me it is difficult to talk to women. What to say, how to say it, etc. Usually I feel like I just open my mouth to change feet.
 liger5
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 19
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:32:11 PM

Because so many things can go wrong.
- She has a boyfriend who's gonna get mad and threaten you
- You'll come off as a creep in front of everyone, and no woman will want to talk to you the whole night
- Your friends will make fun of you
- She'll scream and call you a stalker and the guards will throw you out of the building
- She's got a really nasty put-down lined up for you that will make you feel like crap for the rest of the night
- You'll end up falling for her, and then have to endure the agony we all do, watching her go home with another guy


Abosutely right! Definitely right! These are main reasons and lots of women really do this, desipte we are men but still just human being, no one wanna suffering more and get hurt more!
 gradivus
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 20
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:56:01 PM

The simple truth is the average guy is rejected 12x more then any female and while most of us eventually learn to brush it off and not take it personal it still stings.

Absolutely right. And women can be absolutely brutal about it--or just plain callous, which can be even worse. Once I asked a gal to dance at a disco (yes, I'm that old) and in the middle of the dance she just turned around and walked away, without saying a word, and went back to talking with her friends. Can you imagine what you'd say about a man who would do that to a woman?
 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 21
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:08:27 PM
Not sure how a 20 year old can intimidate anyone.

Some of these post are starting to reflect a Ray Bradburry film.

Just because men are not attracted to you, does not mean they are intimidated. I see this is a growing trend that some women use if men don't approach them, they claim that all men are intimidated for some odd reason.

Lose weight, smile more, be engaging, and above all else maintain a pleasant-positive attitude.

Keep it real.
 Ralleac
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 22
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Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:59:02 PM
If hardly any men are approaching you and you don't have an abrasive personality they probably just aren't interested.
 vbc123
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 23
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 10:12:08 PM
fear of rejection, that's true for woman as well isn't it? Everyone has it to some degree
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 24
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Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/17/2009 10:43:19 PM

- She has a boyfriend who's gonna get mad and threaten you
- You'll come off as a creep in front of everyone, and no woman will want to talk to you the whole night
- Your friends will make fun of you
- She'll scream and call you a stalker and the guards will throw you out of the building
- She's got a really nasty put-down lined up for you that will make you feel like crap for the rest of the night
- You'll end up falling for her, and then have to endure the agony we all do, watching her go home with another guy

Hmmm the boyfriend thing never worried me... I can take care of myself...
Not worried about appearing a 'creep'.... its happened... and there's always another night....
My friends are more likely to buy me another beer and wish me 'better luck next time...' then point out another woman...
I actually did have one girl try to have me thrown out.... only problem was, bar was my regular spot, owner knew me and tossed her....
If she has a nasty put down line, then I'll smile, and try to remember it so I can use it on someone if I ever need a good one....
Watching her leave with another guy does hurt... but the times when the look on her face the next night when she comes in and finds the guy she left with and his wife was a hell of a lot funnier... well worth the missed opportunity the night before...

Worrying about what can go wrong, gets you nowhere... might as well stay at home and not try....
 Swansdown
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 25
Why are men afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/18/2009 2:38:19 AM
Honestly, if men are scared of you then you must be scary to men. Maybe the way you act? It's true that men don't like rejection (who does) perhaps you have the look of a rejector?
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