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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:42:05 AM | As someone who has participated in a LOT of threads, I came across this article that had three different Universities do research on what modern day men and women want in a relationship.
It is listed from the most essential, ending with not important at all...
I found the article here: http://www.livescience.com/culture/090213-men-want.html in case anyone would like to read the whole article, and see how things have changed, why and how they were seen in the past...
As I have stated, there are so many threads asking what men or women REALLY want and often times it becomes a gender bashing, with no real understanding as to what the other gender may really feeling...
I would like to know how accurate this study was, and if it is true... Perhaps it may help others understand what really IS important to the opposite sex...
WHAT MEN WANT
Essential characteristics:
* Mutual attraction and love
* Dependable character
* Emotional stability
Important characteristics:
* Education and intelligence
* Good looks
* Ambition
Desirable characteristics:
* Good financial prospect
* Good cook and housekeeper
Unimportant characteristics:
* Similar political background
* Chastity
WHAT WOMEN WANT
Essential characteristics:
* Mutual attraction and love
* Dependable character
* Emotional stability
Important characteristics:
* Education and intelligence
* Desire for home and children
* Ambition
Desirable characteristics
* Good looks
* Refinement
Unimportant characteristics:
* Similar political background
* Chastity | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:59:57 AM | It says "mutual attraction" for essential characteristics and in desirable characteristics it says "good looks". However surely if you're attracted to the person then you would consider them to be good looking? No one would date a person who they deemed ugly...
Anyway speaking from a man'sd point of view I'd say that's about right. I don't really care about the cook or housekeeping aspect. I love someone with ambition though, I find that very appealing. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:06:51 AM | This is a great point... what you seem to be saying is at the top of the list is "mutual attraction", which from the posts that I have seen ranting how women or men only want this or that, fail to realize there was NOT mutual attraction...
Thanks, hopefully this may solve the mystery as to what is going on in the dating world.. Meh maybe not, but here's to hoping... | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:52:58 AM | | Good point Stryfe... I think that is one of the important things for men, and almost as equally important to women... I can only speak for myself, but I agree... | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:28:08 AM | | Next, I think there was a thread about this study or one like it about six months to a year ago. What struck me and what does again is that the things that both sexes want really aren't that different, ergo I think what seems to make this little mating dance so difficult is not the goals, etc. but the way men and wome look at things and the propensity to not use your noodle when choosing. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:34:48 AM | From the article: The study's participants were college students from the University of Iowa, the University of Washington, the University of Virginia, and Penn State University.
So this is an article about what men & women aged about 18-22 are looking for in each other. I would think, or at least hope, that people's priorities change over time. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:47:18 AM | Well I beg to differ about the point that we must find the person we are attracted to good looking. I was attracted to and was with a man for 15 years who one would not consider at all to be 'good looking.' When my mom first met him at a house-warming party I was giving she remarked, ''what an ugly little man.'' It goes to show that sometimes good looks are not at all what attracts you to a person.
I would agree with the list...of course I had found all of those qualities in the man I just broke up with (not to mention that he found all those qualities in me) ...too bad he is not available to me....in that he lives with his ex GF and they are buying a house together, though they are not a couple, he says. OYE! Sometimes love is blind or love just does not transform a situation.
I would add to my list of what I am looking for in a man:
available
flexible
grounded
Good post OP!!
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:06:53 AM | | These lists may be what people "want" but what they get when dating or sometimes married is an entirely different matter; therein lies the problem. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:09:26 AM | I think it could be true for the average person.
Personally, there is nothing that is not important to me. I truly look for a package deal. So politics and chastity are both important to me as well. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:13:22 AM | Oh well dang Package deal, I was hoping it could lend some insight to people... I didn't find the study, but I guess that isn't a shocker, sometimes wording is the difference between new news, and redundancy...
I agree there is something that IS making this dating mating thing more difficult, because there seem to be a LOT of people that fail to be happily coupled up...
Thanks lorelei540, You do have a point, 18-22 yrs old very well would have different things, however then that means that the key to what people look for at an older age. What makes connecting so hard, when people reach a more mature state, and what is holding people back from connecting...
actualizing, actually I agree, I was in a LTR with someone that a good portion of people found extremely unattractive, he had some very serious personality defects, BUT the things that were good about him were things that kept me around for longer than I should have been...
I have to agree available, flexible and grounded would be good to add, perhaps "grounded" is the same as mentally stable???
Maybe those three things, are what keeps people in the more mature age apart. They aren't available, because of to much emotional baggage, they no longer are flexible, and expect perfection, and demand it now. Perhaps these things keep them from being grounded and realistic as to what they can realistically expect in a relationship.
I know that I met people that were more worried about what was imperfect, than what was really good... Perhaps that is why relationships stop working, because people stop being flexible, and figure since things are perfect then they might as well jump back in the pool to see what else is out there...
These are some really good thoughts... | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:23:33 AM | I've always said, both genders want the same thing, they just differ in the ways they achieve their goals. Of course, men generally focus more on physical appearance, which is why in the "important characteristics" section, the men mention looks, the women desire for home and children (perhaps b/c they represent success?), but everything else is the same. Its interesting that men seek a woman who is a good financial prospect--does that mean they want a woman who isn't a gold digger?
Still, as this site points out time and again, people will tell you what they want, and then they'll complain about the person they are sleeping with who isn't giving them what they want. Well duh, why are you rewarding their behavior? People typically date in order to satisfy a need to be wanted. If you want to be wanted in a healthy way, you probably avoid the unhealthy relationships b/c they offer what you don't want. But if you got ignored as a child, etc, you may tend to date those who you have to win over, so you can feel you are truly worth having and those who ignored you were wrong. Or you may date those who are disrespectful b/c you have no personal experience with what it means to be respectful.
I'm not surprised that the two genders want the same thing...but, hey, we all want healthy food that fills us up, but then we buy junk food that titilates us. The real question isn't, "what do women want?", but, "what bright colors and wonderful flavors, would make a woman pick a guy up off the shelf to try out?", with the hope that if she tries us out, she'll like what she finds.
nobody asks out a stranger b/c we think they'll be a good marriage partner--HTF would we know? We hit on strangers for the same reason we grab the junkfood we know won't work for us in the longterm--its an instant gratification. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:44:54 PM | Nice post GTOMustang... It has been my experience that there are men that want a woman that has a healthy financial prospective... With my ex, it was because he didn't mention the fact he went bankrupt three months before meeting me.. So my ability to bring home the bacon, AND finance his wants were of great importance...
We have been divorced for 8 yrs, and he has managed to hook a lady with a six figure income... Now here is the kick in the shorts that men actually should pay attention to... My ex is 5'2", balding, has thinned out, he was a lot pregnant looking... Still has major financial issues, most the time his rent is late, still doesn't have a drivers license, and I could go on...
This gal is a total delight, and is moving from her state three states away to be with him... Up rooting her son, and the whole bit, leaving this boys dad in the dust...
How he manages to do this is really beyond me, because I see so many threads on the average guy getting left out of the field of dating... HA they need to take some lessons from him, because he seems to manage to reel in the big fish...
Back when he and I married there was NO WAY to do a back ground check unless you hired someone, and since I met the jewel at church, I was deluded into thinking Ohhhhh he's a church guy, he should be a good catch...     throws rocks at herself...
He told me she knows all about his financial issues and loves him anyways... OK then...
NOW before the flags pop up of her being desperate and not attractive... Wrong, she is a pretty gal, Sweet personality, and loved by her bosses... How he's pulled it off a second time I don't know, but I guess she will end up learning in a costly way IF he hasn't changed some, or a lot of his core very bad behaviors... ONE of them being a card gambler...
SOOOO YES men look at a womans financial security, and people biotch about the person they hooked up with, because they didn't realize what kind of prize they were getting...
What I suggest and other been burned, won't do that, is I don't hook my boat to someone I am going to need to financially depend upon... My SO and I each can live separately from each other, and it is just gravy, OR financial nest egg building being together...Neither of us will make any financial stretch, because the economy is to rock, and it isn't worth the frustration or heart ache...
The thing about chemistry, and financial stability seems to be that love can really be blind... | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:57:04 PM | I don't look at all for ambition, but passion, and never for someone who is a good financial prospect or a housekeeper.
I can hold my own financially, and my partners have been able to as well. I don't need someone to pick up after me- I'm a big boy.
Society teaches us from our earliest days what we what (or rather what we think we want). They teach us to be happy and content we require certain 'things' in our life- the house, the car, the wife, the kids, and they even set 'standards' for acquiring those.
The problem is the ideal is often harder to come by than they advertise it. The expectations are unrealistic. So people emotionally waddle through life feeling empty inside, hollow, always hopeful they'll be able to find what they'd been taught was good and right.
Is it any wonder so many marriages fail, or that there are so many lonely people? Self-knowledge is the key to breaking the cycle. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:25:19 PM | | Hey! Where's the sex? The sex is missing. Definitely a study done in the Ivory Towers. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:52:54 PM | WHAT MEN WANT Correction: What I WANT
I agree with the Essential characteristics...
I agree with most of the Desirable characteristics:
* Good financial prospect doesn't matter that much as long as she's not a total shopaholic or gambler....
* Good cook and housekeeper doesn't matter I can out cook most people... as long as she doesn't generate more mess than she makes, she's ok in my book...
Unimportant characteristics:
* Similar political background not sure if this applies to me or not I'm totally anti-politics and anti-religion....
* Chastity Again not sure how they meant this one I don't need a virgin, but I'd like to know she wasn't the town bike, and I don't want to meet her past partners... and if she cheats.... well... she's out the door....
Another relatively important (to me) charcteristic, would be similar interests in movies, music, hobbies.... | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:52:54 PM | And it all goes out the window when talking about dating on the internet becase as we see posted here all the time the Good Looks is first and foremost in most peoples' mind. It is repeatedly posted in these forums, and defended to the point of bashing, that the picture is what draws someone to the profile, to see if there is an attraction. The only thing one can tell from a two dimensional picture is if the person looks good!
I am not going to define what Good Looks are so do not go there, that is still up to the eyes of the beholder.
Bill | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:05:43 PM |
I would like to know how accurate this study was, and if it is true
I wasn't able to (or driven very hard) to find the study rather than the article.
As to how "true" it is I can guarantee you they've done the study, and it says what it says.
Which means more than likely people will interpret it how they want to. Especially if it backs up their own stereotypes.
IMO the relevant thing in the article was:
which asks participants to rank a list of 18 characteristics
So they didn't get to fill in their desired traits. Just compare and contrast what was on the questionnaire.
So "mutual attraction" was more essential than another trait on the list. Doesn't mean the kids really thought it was an essential. Just more essential than the other option(s) available. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:25:22 PM | | Well there it is, all laid out on plain english... nothing else to it but to attract them:) | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:56:54 PM | Men want FIVE things in a relationship
Respect
Gratitude
Love
Sex
Admiration.
Everything else is secondary and not of major importance.
Men, like women, want these things from someone they find attractive. The flaw in the study you cite is simple. It gives one a set of choices, and these are not ALL the possible choices that one might come up with on one's own.
People confuse attraction for love. Attraction is not a choice. Love is a choice. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:09:24 PM |
Men want FIVE things in a relationship
Respect
Gratitude
Love
Sex
Admiration
Gratitude ? Gratitude for what ?? | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:40:16 PM | Everyone likes to be appreciated .. for the things they 'do' .. the sort of person they are .. whatever .. validation is not a bad thing IMO.
As for the stats in the OPost - sure .. I figure there are many who fit those 'pidgeon holes' . .. but there are also Many who do not. It might be 'interesting' info - but I think it's dangerous to view men Or women through impersonal statistics.
We are all individuals, some more obvious than others . .. ;)
..and it's all good  | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:50:05 PM | lol..how funny, some lady asked the question gratitude for what?
Please don't get in a relationship if you don't know.
unreal.
That's the worse stats I've ever seen, especially if the group responsible failed to recognize the importance of ADMIRATION and APPRECIATION. Apparently they forgot to include Men in their survey/research.
And Chastity is at the bottom of the list? So whether or not their SO is a whore is not really important. Laughable and totally unrealistic
Actually I'm not surprised, since college pin-heads are the least likely to be
in touch with what's really going on with relationship dynamics. | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:20:11 PM |
Gratitude? Gratitude for what?
Well, I would feel gratitude towards my partner for everything she does to help me feel special in our relationship.....and for choosing me in the first place!
I have more of a problem with admiration.....that is kind of "worshippy" and might not be the healthiest of emotions.
But all those five things must be earned, and not taken for granted....one must work for them....except sex, and that is debatable! | |
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| How true is this statistic?
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:55:10 PM | MacAuthur, dang you found me out... To much Prozac... yeahhhh, Shug I didn't write the study or even participate... When I read the study, and it basically stated this is all that is needed, and ta da your search is over, I thought, WOW, I can save all of POF by telling them what a University study has found... J/K
By the way I have an awesome guy, we have been together a year the 27th of this mo...
Now to those who understand it is a posed question about a study, thanks... I agree typical BS of putting out what seems most important to the researcher...
I think admiration is very important...
Men want FIVE things in a relationship
Respect
Gratitude
Love
Sex
Admiration.
Everything else is secondary and not of major importance.
Men, like women, want these things from someone they find attractive. The flaw in the study you cite is simple. It gives one a set of choices, and these are not ALL the possible choices that one might come up with on one's own.
People confuse attraction for love. Attraction is not a choice. Love is a choice.
Oldguy, I think you have some valid points there...
Respect, Gratitude, love, and admiration are earn (someone said that before me) However for a good number of men sex is one of the running goals when meeting, just an observation from the threads...
I do know from a womans perspective that those five are important as well... I also know that for some men they want the house well kept, but can skip the good cook part...
Gratitude for some men is at the top of their list as well... Without it, a man feels used, sometimes I do believe women forget this... There has to be that please, thank you, would you mind doing, et al... With out it a man, or woman feels like a slave...
I also agree with the poster that stated things are so complicated... NOW DAYS, YES...
My running issue with my SO is that we don't share a lot of interests in common... That bothers me at times, because I want to camp, I want to hangout in nature, I want to fish, and have my man know how to tie the line so the whole set up doesn't fall apart as you give a good hard cast...
He isn't into any of that, HOWEVER we make things work because their is mutual admiration, respect and gratitude for being with each other, even if we are just sitting on the bed dinking around on our computers separately... Not much different than sitting and watching TV, we have favorite shows we watch together...
People confuse attraction for love. Attraction is not a choice. Love is a choice. [/quote ] to me this was worth repeating... I see this happen a lot, people are attracted to each other, and believe that attraction is all about love... Yeah not... OHHHH and to the poster who said they don't want the town bike... I thought that term was only used by the hicks out where I live, LOL... Women seem to be more accepting of MEN being a town bike, then the other way around... While we don't want some disease infested cad, we will tolerate that a man has sown his wild oats, HOPEFULLY before meeting us... Great posts and thoughts... It is great to see that people aren't stuck in some box of ideals, there is to much in the world around us to have a list of 18 things that makes a relationship... HOW they missed the respect, admiration, and gratitude is a biggy... For each person they may fall into different areas of importance, BUT they are important  Readyornot, I don't think admiration needs to be worshiping the other, depending on the person, and if they have a personality disorder, they may demand it... But a bit of admiration for achieving good things from time to time is not a bad thing either... It would be horrible if you were with your SO, and you never tell anyone that you are dating, or anything good that they did... In fact I see a lot of UNadmiration on forums as people will bash their SO... These are some good ideas, and good insight, and NO this isn't for any study, just for my own insight to the wants and needs in a relationship... | |
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