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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:49:40 AM | This is all getting a bit serious, lets have a laugh (bet this gets deleted within ten posts) 
All of us had one of those dates that left us laughing long into the night. The date that went so wrong nothing could make it work.
His idea of dinner out was chips from the chip shop, to eat them stood in the street, being spashed by passing cars in the rain, and his pitiful text of where did you go? left you laughing your head off and you drove home windscreen wipers of full swipe.
The****oach under the heavy breast of a BBW, still has me howling with laughter to this day.
Come on lets have a laugh - share your laughter with us, we are old enough to be able to laugh at ourselves and take being laughed at without cutting our wrists. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:57:41 PM | I once had a set up kind of blind date. I as 27 and a friend of a friend gave me a number to call. Her name was Teresa, she was from L.A. and had been in Oregon for about a month. We talked on the phone once but she did not have much to say. I had a canoe and she had never been on one so I invited her to go canoing Saturday afternoon. Saturday came, we met and launched my canoe on a small, lazy lake. Two fishermen were the only people around as I paddled quietly in the shadows of the trees near the shore catching glimpses of blossoms and critters. After a little while I moved out into the sun and she stripped down to her bikini and oiled up. I was waiting to do her back but she did not ask and just laid back on the life jackets and took in the sun. She was hard to talk with and I was getting bored even with her laying there in front of me dangling her hands and feet in the water, so I thought I would shake things up a bit. I paddled slowly to the middle of the lake, put up the paddle and just looked at her for a moment. She finally asked "What are we doing?" In an effort to get a laugh or at least some kind of reaction from her I said well this is the part of the trip where you either put out or start swimming. She smiled and said "I have something in my bag just for that." I did not really think we would have sex in a canoe but I am sure I was wearing a big stupid grin. She fished in her bag and I felt a little awkward, I thought at least I got a few words and a smile out of her and really did not intend to have sex with her especially in a canoe, in the sun. I started to pick up the paddle to head back to the truck when she pulled out a 22 pistol, pointed it at my forehead and told me to start paddling. Well, I paddled fast enough to cause a wake, looking down the barrel of the little pistol the whole time. I tried to let her know I was joking and hoping for a reaction but this was a little more than I expected. She did not laugh. I was thinking of the guys who told me they did this on their ski boat and got lucky and wondered where I went wrong? She never spoke and never cracked a smile until she was on shore and smiled once as she drove away. I think it was a few minutes after that before I breathed for the first time since I saw the pistol. I did not see the humor in the situation until I told a friend what had happened and he was rolling on the ground. I started to laugh and it has become the funny story I tell of why I never push a woman to have sex. I do not even take things that might be hints as hints, Just because she is naked and standing in front of me does not mean it it safe to assume she wants sex. I often wonder if she was smiling inside that day thinking "I am going to teach this S.O.B. a lesson he won't forget.
Edited for spelling again, when is that spell sheck thing comming?? | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:28:44 PM | | I am right there with your mate rolling on the floor laughing at that one, guess that was a no to sex then? | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:46:29 PM | | I never did call her again even though I often think that the dangling her feet in the water was a pretty strong come on.The story got told around her work and I think she liked the reputation as the girl you don't mess around with. Of course as it got told I came off as a creep but friends knew better and laughed. That day goes down as the top of my 'Most Embarrassing Moments' list. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:48:30 PM | The "meet and greet" who invited me for coffee. We met at the coffee place but decided that we would go for a walk first and we walked quite a way on that brisk, sunny but cold morning. Good exercise and I was ready for my coffee. As we arrived back at the coffee shop, he said he'd take a "rain check" on the coffee... trouble communicating basic needs!!.....nnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeexxxxxxxxxxxxtttttttttt!
Or the "meet and greet" who arrived with a big folder of pictures and asked me if it bothered me to look at pictures of his ex-wife 
The man who invited me for dinner but never emailed me his address then blasted me for standing him up. Was I supposed to drive all over town, knocking on doors and asking if there was a single man, name of X who was expecting a dinner guest? Sheeeeeeesh.....where's your sign?
SARL | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:51:06 PM | A million years ago, this guy I knew asked me out. He was my aunt by marriage's brother, so it was really awkward - I'd known him since I was 14 and he was quite a few years older than me (I was in my 20s at this time)..
He saw me hesitating so he said "It's my birthday and I'm all alone". In those days (lol), I had a soft heart, so I reluctantly agreed.
He made a big deal of taking me to a very fashionable and expensive restaurant and then only ordering soup and a salad, with water to drink...Mmm...I followed suit, only ordering an entree. Dinner was all over red rover in about 30 minutes.
After some desultory conversation, he drove me home and asked to come inside for coffee. Gggggrrr. Again, the softy in me says 'ok". I leave him in the lounge to make the coffee and, on returning, he says:
"Your cat has just told me that her mistress wants me to stay the night".
Ok, soft heart went out the window. I said "How DARE you put words in my cat's mouth!" And off he went, into the night...
As if my beautiful puss would even suggest I bonk a seriously unnattractive man.. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:53:14 PM | When I first met the man I'm with now we were just making friends, hanging out and shooting pool once in a while. I had one teen daughter in her senior year so we were very busy. He was the caregiver to his father who has alzheimers but was still able to remain in his home with someone else living there. So his father always went with us. One night his dad seemed to be feeling particularly good. He was scooting around to the jukebox and not too interested in shooting pool. It was my turn and I was taking my shot when I hear my friend say "Don't touch that. I SAID DON'T touch that!" I figured his dad was probably poised to tap my cue stick and flub my shot as people will do when they're joking around so I turned to make a smart alec remark. I found his father's hands outstretched toward my butt. He was about to grab my ass! Guess he was feeling friskier than I thought. LOL!
Then as we were leaving the pool hall his dad asked if I was coming over to their house to spend the night. I looked at my friend and said "Does that happen a lot?" LOL!
Sorry... that's all I got. Unless you wanna hear about the time I asked my deaf (unknown to me) date if he was deaf? Color me embarrassed... but I think I posted that story in a thread some time back. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 4:50:17 PM | The guy that picked me up for a movie, and got a flat tire on the way there. He had no spare, and no AAA. I offered to call my then 18 year old daughter to pick us up, and he insisted on calling his parents. They picked us up (both of them, mind you), dropped me off at my house, all the while his mother was quizzing me from the front seat.
Did I mention we were in our late 30s?? | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 4:55:12 PM | | Not super funny, but I took my girl to dinner and by the time I dropped her off, we broke up....she threw fettuchini all over my windshield, I hit the freeway, lit a cig and laughed my ass off! | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:06:08 PM | This is going WAY back, but I still laugh about it.
Senior prom, and it's been raining for days (but stopped just in time for prom). So, we have a great time at the dance, and it's time to hit the after prom party. We get lost on the unmarked country roads, and when he pulls over to turn around, the car gets stuck in the mud!
It's a 5 speed, which I didn't yet know how to drive, but I'm trying, and he's in the back trying to push or lift or something. He finally gives up, and walks back around to the driver side door, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing: he's got mud hanging from his eye brows, his chin, and especially his nose! Think Wicked Witch of the West in Wizard of Oz here. I was rolling! Poor guy.
A farmer comes over, and tries to help. After literally HOURS of them both trying to get the car out of the mud, the farmer says "Mayhap I'll go get me my tractor!" and I though my date was going to DIE! We'd have probably made the party with the power wheels. But the farmer and his wife were SO nice, and his wife let me sit in the parlor and gave me water while they got the car out of the mud with the tractor and some chain. And headed home, because by now the sun's getting ready to come up.
I got home about 6am (we missed the party) and later that day my mom said she heard me come in and hoped I'd had a good time (I was with a neighbor boy everybody liked - no worries) and I told her the whole story and we had a good laugh.
I'll never forget that date! What a friend, and what a night to remember! I don't remember a THING about the dance part of it. LOL! | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:11:52 PM | The one who invited me to dinner and we went to a very nice resturarant. The Waitor poured the wine and then it was approved.
And dinner was very nice with all the right attention..... I was made to feel like a QUEEN--
And when the bill arrived, HE STOOD UP AND ASKED THE WAITOR
***Do ya'll TAKE food stamps!********
And he was SERIOUS!
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:36:12 PM | This one goes back a long ways. It was the 2nd date with my now ex. We went out to eat and believe it or not I was rather shy about eating in front of anyone. I am a slow eater and every time I looked up he seemed to be staring at me! That made me nervous so I put down my fork. He asked if I was done. I said yes, thinking we would leave. He reached over, took my plate and ate what was left!!!
Moral of this story. I married a pig.... | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/17/2009 11:00:53 PM | This one is recent... sad but true....
We are at a nice restaurant... formal dress. We are talking and having a good conversation. We order dinner, wine and he starts talking to the waitress. Nice guy... wrong...
As the dinner salads are being placed in front of us... he leans over and says, "I've been a very bad boy.... I need a diaper change." I look at him and say, "really." He takes that as an invitation to go on and say that, "his pee pee needs attention." I get up and leave... This is a first date and not my cup of tea....
Two days later, he calls and says what was your freakin' problem? I replied.... I don't do diapers! He called me a biotch and hung up. The next night, he emails me and says he's sorry would I go out with him and let him prove he's a gentleman. I said, no thanks, I already know you are no gentleman.... | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:37:08 AM | | the best ones always do and in a good way...there is nothing better than a fond memory that brings a smile to your face...sometimes its an embarrassing moment, sometimes it just the sheer joy of finding someone who shares your sense of humor and having a "moment"... | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:10:31 PM | OK, the most hilarious was many, many years ago. My high school sweetheart invited me to the cottage (complete with her parents, and younger brother and sister). To get away, we took a canoe up the lake, and proceeded to get nekkid and crawl under the thwart for a little rendez-vous in a canoe. It was just then, a small twister crossed the lake, and the canoe started spinning crazy, and tossing about. We were trapped under the thwart, so couldn't even look up to see if it was safe or not. Needless to say, the idea of sex was cut short, and we paddled back to the cottage in a hurry, all flustered.
When we got back to the dock, there were her father, mother, sister, and brother, asking why we had ducked below eyesight just before the twister hit. We both insisted that it was because we saw it coming, but laughed our azzes off for the next weeks about this deception. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/18/2009 5:22:26 PM | Being the magnificent guy that I am and having had lots of experiences, I am very forgiving and cut a lot of slack.
May have mentioned this before but the worse was with a new widow with whom I had an outside-in-the-park date. She was very late, and when finally arrived smelled like she bathed in fermented grass clippings.
Poor girl! Someone else should have told her . . . or maybe I should have.
Never saw her again.
For the record, men bashers may want to bookmark my profile as one to be blocked, since I deeply cherish and am in love with most warn and loving and sensuous women. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 1:31:48 AM | Oh dear.....................
no wonder its so dire, has no one got a sense of humour, I tend to see the funny side of everything THANK YOU for those who shared their laughs, sad too the other posts never mind better luck next time.
Shame I thought with all the misery in the world we could have a right old laugh but hey ho the misery really has set in | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:46:57 AM | Well OP... I had a helluva good laugh over Starman's story... The way he told it, I could easily imagine a canoe headed for the dock at warp speed and a guy with dinner plates for eyes doing some major hauling a$$ to get there...
A few years ago, I met a guy on the Net who good-naturedly sent me pictures of himself sitting on Santa's knee. He said that he was 5 ft. 11 in. tall and in his pictures, he had a full head of hair. He decided to travel to my lovely city to meet with me and rented a suite at one of our very posh resort hotels. Since we'd talked at length on the phone and I felt comfortable with him, I went to his suite when I arrived for our date. I had taken special care with my appearance and was wearing a dress that always made me fight with my clothes iron.
When he answered the door, I was looking up, expecting to find a taller guy standing in front of me. I didn't see anyone until I was staring straight ahead at someone my size. I am about 5' 3" in my heels. He had a monk's fringe for hair. I looked at him rather suspiciously. He was obviously a lot older than he'd claimed to be.
He graciously invited me in for a pre-dinner drink and invited me to sit across from him in a lovely high-backed Queen Anne chair while he occupied its mate across from me. He poured a couple of glasses of wine and then, sat and stared out the window to his right, barely speaking to me. Then, without a word of warning, he suddenly sprang from his chair and in one move, was suddenly sitting on my knee. Startled and wearing my best wtf expression, I looked up into his face and said pointedly, "You are crushing my dress". When he smiled down at me saying nothing, I said, "Ummm... do I look like Santa to you?" He said, "I just like you." Continuing my wtf expression, I asked him if I might use his restroom (to get him off my knee). He said, ""Sure" and pointed in the direction of the restroom.
When I came out of the restroom, there he was, lying on the bed like a baby on a bearskin rug, without a stitch of clothing on... Seeing my shock, he said, "I just love massages and my lower back is hurting." I said, "Awww... well, I've been known to give an awesome massage." He put his head down as I walked past him. I grabbed my little evening purse from the table where I'd left it, walked over to where he was on the bed, gave him a slap on his bare behind that echoed through the suite and walked out while he was still howling in shock... I laughed all the way home...
My Dad always said, "You can't polish a turd"... | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:10:43 AM | I agree with the poster a few up. actually most have, and in a very good way, just nice to get out and enjoy. One lady that comes to mind, she had gorgeous eyes, very sweet, and a red head, just kept staring at me from the moment we sat down. She then finally stated your my second date, I said good or bad, she says so far great, but waiting. I said why, she said my first date was here also, and his first comment after we sat down was, "ARE YOU INTO SPANKINGS". does this really work and what kind of guy would think it would, lol funny though
This one still kills me, lol. the list like this goes on and on, and it often makes me wonder why women bother, but then I meet those that make me wonder why men do, lmao. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:52:41 AM | I recently went on a date with someone that took me to the Royal Botanical Gardens.
I stole a Kumquat off one of the trees and peeled and offered half because neither of us had ever tried one.
The kumquat was so sour my date choked and spat it out on the ground in front of me.
I laughed for days..... and absolutely adored him for it!!!! | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:59:58 AM | I met a guy right after work at a local restaurant... we pulled up at the same time. He was on a motorcycle, torn jeans and a profanity T-shirt. I didn't care as I thought he was quite entertaining... but oh my... you should have seen everyone in the place look at us.
That was priceless. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:23:27 PM | | I had just moved to Houston when I met a really nice man who took me out on a couple of dates showing me different areas of town which he thought would be interesting. One particular hot spot was the Kemah Boardwalk which has several shops, restaurants and a amusement park right along the coast. We decided to take a cruise on the Joe's Crab Shack party boat thinking it would be a nice quiet ride around the bay.. WRONG, it was a 30 minute exilerating romp through the waves and we ended up totally soaked to the skin! When I got off the boat my long hair was a total wet mess, my makeup was running down my face and my clothes were completely soaked and sticking to me. Needless to say I looked horrible! I still laugh about that date to this day! | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:28:50 PM | I was about 17. spring break, went to visit a friend who lived on a resort ranch in a small town. he set me up on a double date with this cute little strawberry blonde gal (she coincidently lived near me in my home town) she must have liked me 'cuz she still remembered my name from the last time i was out there.
Just getting the evening going, his car broke down in the middle of nowhere.
A sheriff deputy came by, radioed in to call his father to come and get us and the car. -the deputy offered to give us a ride, my friend and his date stayed with the car, me and my date jumped at the ride (it was getting cold outside -and we wanted to be alone anyway) -we rode in the back of the car (caged in of course with no way out)
-the deputy got a few calls, so we got stuck riding around for a while -the heat doesn't make it through the plexiglass, so we were snuggled together to keep warm, (of course kissing when the deputy was away from the car). -i'm sure he knew what was going on back there, i remember stopped on a call, hearing one lady laughing and asking him what he was taking us to jail for.
By the time we finally got back to our friends at the ranch rec. center, the rumors were traveling faster than we were going, our friends were laughing and calling us "prisoners of love" | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:20:11 PM | Actually, the date who left me laughing was someone who I eventually fell in love with. He took my youngest daughter and me sailing and in the middle of the lake the wind died...and we just sat there forever.
In the distance, my daughter and I (both non-sailors) thought we saw trees growing out of the water. He corrected us and said that due to atmospheric conditions, what we thought were trees were really boats moored and that the big one on the right was a "blah-blah" (I don't remember the name he used). The wind eventually picked up and we sailed closer to the "moored boats" to discover that they were actually TREES growing on a shallow spit.
I laughed for months afterward to the point of not being able to talk and I self-published a personal book about trees and boats for his Christmas present. | |
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| Which date left you laughing
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:48:16 PM | More sick than funny.
Just got a brand new 77 Trans Am for graduation.
T tops, white interior...bad to the bone.
I guess the guy had rice and beans for lunch or something, because we drank a bottle of T J Swan Easy Nights and he puked all in my brand new car.
Took days to get it "un puked", and about 100.00 bucks.
I could never look at him again with out getting sick and smelling cheap wine.
Still can't stand the smell or taste of any wine.
Runner up; I was in a form fitting black dress that flared once it was at the hip bone area, sheer hose and high heels at dinner
with a real cutie.
I excused myself to go to the ladies room, did my thing, looked in the mirror and thought how hot I was.
Walked back to the table as everyones eyes were on me and I knew it, sat down and realized nothing was between my hose and chair.
To this day I always check and see if I stuffed my dress in my panty hose. | |
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