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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:00:25 PM | I hear all the time on here and from male friends the whole thing about how women never seem to want a "nice guy" ... they go for the "bad boys", the a$$holes, the scumbags, whatever else you wanna call 'em and pass up the good guys out there.
I just made a point in another post that I think a lot of men really, truly aren't interested in meeting that "nice, normal woman" that so many of them claim to be seeking. I have females friends who are NOTHING but drama queens and losers (yeah, great group of friends I have, lol) ... they whine and nag constantly ... they don't have any of their shyt together, can't keep a job, have three kids from three different men, can't pay their bills, mooch off their boyfriends, you name it, and ALL of them are in relationships with seemingly good guys. My female friends who own their own homes, have great jobs, have no kids, have never been married, have no skeletons in the closet, are sweet, witty, fun, easy-going, blah blah blah are ALL single and can't seem to meet quality men.
I wonder if this has more to do with the fact that the "good ones" are single because they're picky because they KNOW they're a great catch, or it's more that it comes down to men just doesn't want a "good girl". It's got me curious, what the heck is up with men passing up the good girls for the drama queens who are full of nonsense baggage? | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:04:33 PM | Are you talking about a "bad boy" or a bum or a thug or something of that nature?
I don't mind a man with an edge, a lot of good guys have an edge and are very interesting people.
That said, I think the self proclaimed "nice guys and nice girls" are the ones you really gotta watch. Because if you are nice, truly nice, you don't have to tell everyone, they show it in their actions. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:08:46 PM | | I'm not really talking about bad boys ... I"m more asking what's the deal with men choosing the chicks who have all sorts of baggage over those who don't. Much like how men complain about no women ever want a "nice guy". | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:10:50 PM |
a lot of men really, truly aren't interested in meeting that "nice, normal woman" I know a man who only gets hot for emotionally damaged, deceitful, bitter women who treat him like dirt. He can't relate to a "nice, normal woman" -- and though he'll try to date them on occasion, he dumps them within a few dates (or months) if they're not "mean" enough.
He has a great need for someone who is exactly like his mother: indifferent, disinterested, cold, distant, etc.
If he met your friends (sweet, witty, fun, easy-going, blah blah blah) he might make an attempt to date one, knowing a woman like that would be a healthier choice, but he'd never find her exciting.... and it would be over within 90 days.
Emotionally, he's no catch-- he's unavailable, cowardly, admits he's never loved anyone, admits to being a jerk, has had a lot of therapy, etc. He knows he's not a great catch, though outside appearances might make him look successful (business owner, luxury car, nice dresser, belongs to a tennis club)
People have issues. Unhealthy men want unhealthy women, just as a healthy woman would NOT want to be with a man like him. Unfortunately, an unhealthy person will "ping" someone's subconscious and they'll pursue a relationship with someone unsuitable and may not even understand why. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:26:29 PM | Seems the problem isn't gender specific. Folks tend to be attracted by the "exciting" opposites because they are badboyz/gurlz, and are then totally surprised to find that that's what they are! I blame Hollywood lol.
It makes me laugh/cry when it happens (depending on who it happens to).
Me? I'm only interested in nice women, and wouldn't want to know one who has been around the block so many times it now has round corners, a "badgurl".
But then I'm not "exciting" , and nearer to 070 than 007, so what do I know?
Oh, yes, OP Tina, please direct me to these nice friends of yours. They sound like the very thing. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:48:03 PM | I have to agree with Landra here. Damaged people have no idea how to relate to healthy normal people. That is not to say that we all don't have some issues, but if you look at someone who has always been with abusive people or whatever and then they try and start a relationship with a non-abusive person, they may not know how to accept it.
A lot of times people stay with what they know, even if it is not good for them, because for some, the known is better than the unknown.
Additionally, when damaged people try and pair up with non-damaged people, they often don't have what it takes to participate in the relationship. Simply because they don't know how. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:53:21 PM | tina7578, I love you. 
Starting a "Why do all men go after the drama queen and not the nice girl?" thread.
This is made of win!!!
It's true... men and women are both very guilty of making stupid choices.
A big part of it being that people bring it on themselves.
The "nice guys" and "good girls" who are respectful and kind and boring... letting people walk all over them. Nobody wants to be with someone who won't ever show them a good time.
A lot of people go after the "bad boys" and "drama queens" because at the time, given the options, they seem more interesting. They provide some danger and excitment... and often show a lot more confidence... which is something everyone wants in a partner.
Unfortunately, they also tend to be the players, cheats, liars, and people who basically turn everything into one huge mess.
I don't put up with the drama girls myself. And yes, a lot of them (at the beginning) DO seem a lot more fun to be with than many of the "nice girls" I've met. I've gone out with plenty of very nice women... who are polite and respectful... and will quietly listen to everything I say... and usually never speak up for themselves, never have an opinion, never show any confidence in themselves. And honestly, that's a huge turnoff.
If it's a choice between someone quiet and spineless... or fun and crazy, but full of drama... I'll just stay single.
I know that I'm a great catch, and I refuse to "settle" for anything less than I deserve. I know I'll find another great catch out there... and I'm quite happy to take the time to do so. I won't settle for Ms Good-enough-for-now in the mean time. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:46:18 PM | | the word "nice" is used loosely that it started to give me the creeps. I avoid bad boys and try to go for "nice guys" and I find out that they think of themselves as nice because they are passive, indecisive, never speak their minds or stand up for themselves, and when you are kind to them they get confused because they are living in their own world of "nice people finish last what does she want from me".. they have no confidence and project their problems on you. I have never met someone "nice" who is also strong, positive and confident... What does nice mean anyway?!! | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:55:58 PM | It's tough to find someone who is in their 30s or 40s who *doesn't* have some baggage. Unless of course you hang out in front of a cloning lab and catch a fresh one on its way out the door.
Like it or not I've come to realize that "bad boys" are more aggressive on the singles scene than I am. They'll get all up in a girl's face and make boorish remarks, that I would laugh at hysterically if they were speaking to me and I was female. Yet they get the attention... why? Like my dad used to say, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease".
I assume a more laid back approach when I meet someone in person who captures my interest. As a consequence, my more subtle advances are either overlooked completely, or mistaken for lack of interest. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:31:28 PM | I think the biggest problem with the "nice guys" and "nice girls" is that they forget that ATTRACTION has to play a role in all this.
9 out of 10 times when I see a "nice guy" complain how all the girls want bad boys, they are either physically ugly, terrible dresser, no personality, socially inept, and/or clueless.
9 out of 10 times when I see a "nice girl" complain how all the guys want drama queens, they are either fat, ugly, have baggage, do things fashionably that makes them look like men, have no personality, or are just plain clueless as well.
Why do guys chase the drama queens? Most of the time those drama queens are physically beautiful and have an air of excitement around them. Same deal as to why girls are chasing the bad boys.
If you're bland and boring, then don't complain when someone isn't into you. I'm not saying as a guy you should suddenly dress like a "rockstar" and treat women badly. I'm not saying as a woman you should dress like a hooker and become a total sl*t or b*tch.
What I am saying though is LOOK AT YOURSELF both PHYSICALLY and MENTALLY. If you're home all the time, dress very relaxed, are overweight, and have no real interests that you can share with someone, then you're in need of some self-improvement. Don't ever sit there and think the would should just accept you as you are. Be yourself, but be your BEST SELF.
Also look at who you're pursuing. If you're a nice guy and the only girls who catch your eyes are the drama queens who are banging the bad boys, then ask yourself if this woman would really make you happy in life if you had her. Would she really be a good woman to you? Or a pain in the arse?
Same deal for the women. If guys you like only have eyes for the sl*ts or b*tches, then it should send the message to you that these guys are not the ones who will make you happy in life.
NEVER BELIEVE SOMEONE WILL CHANGE FOR YOU!!!!!!
Learn to love yourself, make yourself happy in life, and learn to improve who you are to be a better person. Way better plan than sitting and complaining how you're always passed up.
Believe me...I speak from experience. I was the nice guy who was always FZed, now I am a good man who found Ms Right, and even have a few other females who wished they got to be before her. Not bragging, but trying to inspire. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:43:13 PM | My female friends who own their own homes, have great jobs, have no kids, have never been married, have no skeletons in the closet, are sweet, witty, fun, easy-going, blah blah blah are ALL single and can't seem to meet quality men.
Maybe your ``nice'' friends aren't much fun in the way most men care about and what they (and you) think are important aren't to most men. For example, I don't care if a woman owns a house, has a so-called ``great job,'' or about most of what you would probably consider skeletons in her closet. I only care about a woman being ``fun'' if it matches my idea of ``fun.'' Easy going is a meaningless phrase and my idea of witty might differ greatly from yours. In the end, most of what you've offered as pluses are really irrelevant to me.
I wonder if this has more to do with the fact that the "good ones" are single because they're picky because they KNOW they're a great catch, or it's more that it comes down to men just doesn't want a "good girl".
Well, whether or not someone is a ``good catch'' has nothing to do with that person's opinion of him/herself being a good catch. What matters is whether the men your friends want to date consider them good catches and from what you've said, that doesn't appear to be the case. AND, no, I do not want a ``good girl.'' I want a woman who is not afraid to be sexual. That matters infinitely more than whether she owns a house or has a ``good job.'' If your friends are asexual or are looking for friends, not sexual partners, then you have your answer.
It's got me curious, what the heck is up with men passing up the good girls for the drama queens who are full of nonsense baggage?
I don't feel the need to deal with a woman's baggage, so if it were to affect me, I'd find someone else. If it doesn't affet me, why would I care? | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:13:23 PM |
I want a woman who is not afraid to be sexual.
I wasn't aware that being a women who pays her bills, doesn't have a couple of kids with dangling exes, is low-maintenance , and doesn't have tons of drama-filled baggage also means you're not a sexual person.
My friends aren't looking for "friends" and they're not "assexual" (and neither am I) ... we've got standards and won't sleep with anything that has a pulse, but we're not wound-up so tight that we don't know how to have a good time, life a fun life, and enjoy sex. Kind of a far-stretch, IMHO, to say that a responsible women must also mean she doesn't like sex. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:51:44 PM | I think guys who complain about women not wanting a "nice guy"....
are really complaining that the hot women don't.
LOL
Same as women do.
Seems to be human nature to want "hotter than I"...
and to be picky about it.
I have female freind on another site.
She always calls me for advice on guy trouble.
which is mainly about the young hot guys she dates
do not want a relationship with a big girl.
They just want the sex. (which she doesn't complain about).
So when I suggest she date bigger guys her age....
the phone gets silent....
And she'll say "now why the hell would I want to do that?!"
Sometimes the obvious solution is the least appareant.
So folks date their vanity, pickiness, and drama and get more than plenty in return.
Nice guys dating nice girls?
What a radical notion.
Not in this pond.
:-p | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 4:09:23 PM | For my part, I had a nasty "hero complex". I feel the need to help people -- and some of these women -- out.
I'm happy to say that I'm recovering from said complex and no longer consider a relationship a viable option with a person whom you just described. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 4:43:18 PM | I don't get it myself.
Have known a few that seem to thrive or feel alive only if life is a "soap opera".
Have you heard of people who are only happy when un happy?
They feed on something going on all the time, usually drama.
Energy vampires....Where's the garlic? | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:09:21 PM | In your idea of yourself and of other people you make judgments about who is a winner and who is a loser, who has their act together and who does not. You seem to be rating yourself highly and others lowly. Being judgmental and critical that way is plenty more than enough to keep someone from wanting to be close to you. To borrow your own reasoning then, maybe what matters to people is to be loved and accepted, which would include having their loser self and their non-together act subject to encouragement and compassion rather than derision. It's not that hard to recruit someone who shares your view to engage in mutual accolades about how great you both are. Just look for a man who has your same superficial traits and shares your habit of criticizing and rating others. You can enjoy similar creature comforts while being comfortably superior to your lesser neighbors. It's quite possible.
Focus on what you do want. Present what you have to offer in an inviting manner. Then what other people do will be outside your concern as you are busy making the life you want for yourself. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:19:47 PM | Don't your female friends and male friends know each other?
Get them together. Then have them report back to you. There reports will be full of the reasons why these people are still single. Then come back here and fill us in.
The problem with nice guys and good girls is that there is more to them and attraction than their alleged decency. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:23:06 PM | Sorry, Farceur, but I do rate myself highly and I won't apologize for that, as I believe everyone should rate themselves highly. And sorry that I don't consider myself a "loser", but I would guess that anyone else who values their accomplishments in life wouldn't, either.
I don't judge anyone for the decisions they make in their life, but I can say that there is nothing positive about nagging and complaining constantly, that not being able to keep a steady job because you're too lazy to go to work on a consistent basis, and not paying your bills because you simply don't care to. Where is the postitive in any of that?
And yes, I do want a man who shares my "superficial traits" because that means he works hard for his money and has good work ethics, he has morals and manners and doesn't use people to make gains in life, and he's responsible. I want a responsible man because I am a responsible woman. I don't think that makes me superficial, it means I have standards. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:38:03 PM |
I wasn't aware that being a women who pays her bills, doesn't have a couple of kids with dangling exes, is low-maintenance , and doesn't have tons of drama-filled baggage also means you're not a sexual person.
I didn't say that it did. But, not once did you mention anything about their interest in being a sexual partner and what you did mention is pretty much irrelevant.
My friends aren't looking for "friends" and they're not "assexual" (and neither am I) ... we've got standards and won't sleep with anything that has a pulse, but we're not wound-up so tight that we don't know how to have a good time, life a fun life, and enjoy sex. Kind of a far-stretch, IMHO, to say that a responsible women must also mean she doesn't like sex.
That is a strawman, because I did not say that. What I said is that the qualities you thought were important enough to mention are mostly irrelevant, while you mentioned nothing at all about sexuality. If I perceive a woman as being uninteresting sexually, the rest is irrelevant. In fact, the rest is irrelevant anyway, since I don't expect a woman to provide for me.
You are projecting what you look for in men on men to try to figure why certain men aren't interested in your friends. However, the men you would consider ``good catches,'' are precisely those who don't need a woman to have those things and probably don't care, while the who would attach a lot of importance to a woman owning a home and making good money are the deadbeats you are trying to avoid. You can dispute any or all of that, but you can't complain when the same failing strategy continues to fail. If you want to catch the men who are good catches, you have to use whatever bait attracts them, not the bait you think should work. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/18/2009 12:41:36 AM | | I see the problem all too often. And being one of the good ones is a prime reason I'm single. Makes me wonder wtf is wrong with so many members of the female gender. Is it some kinda f'ed up mental condition? I've known a lot of female examples. Not too many men though. But we seem to think more rationally when it comes to who would be good and who would be bad to date. women generally have it ass backwards. My cousin is a good example, her bf is abusive keeps her away from family and friends has a history of abuse with ex girl friends, does drugs jobless won't work drinks daily has had several restraining orders against him, is fat as hell and acts ghetto the kinda guy no women should ever even look at let alone date. My cousin could do sooo much better none of the fam understands it. And its not like she can't get another guy.... shes not over weight at all, and I would think most guys would find her attractive. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/18/2009 12:58:03 AM |
Sorry, Farceur, but I do rate myself highly and I won't apologize for that, as I believe everyone should rate themselves highly. And sorry that I don't consider myself a "loser", but I would guess that anyone else who values their accomplishments in life wouldn't, either.
I don't judge anyone for the decisions they make in their life, but I can say that there is nothing positive about nagging and complaining constantly, that not being able to keep a steady job because you're too lazy to go to work on a consistent basis, and not paying your bills because you simply don't care to. Where is the postitive in any of that?
And yes, I do want a man who shares my "superficial traits" because that means he works hard for his money and has good work ethics, he has morals and manners and doesn't use people to make gains in life, and he's responsible. I want a responsible man because I am a responsible woman. I don't think that makes me superficial, it means I have standards.
wow i wish I could walk on water too.
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/18/2009 12:58:23 AM | | Oh and a lot of these supposive "nice girls" also do nothing but make excuses when they meet a good guy, regardless of what they might tell their friends. I Met a "nice girl" once, she made contradictory remarks as to why she decided to end it. Most of these so nice girls nothing will satisfy them thats why their still popping up on the site. not to sound bitter but seriously.. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/18/2009 1:10:22 AM | | If i met someone that was not confident, has no opinion, and couldent speak up for themselves..i would have to make um laugh? How could you just say NOOO thats a turn off...see ya! There is way more then meets the eye. If people are givin a chance to express there belives and strengths..and ideals then you might find a stronger person then you know. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/18/2009 4:33:09 AM | | It happens when you were raised by someone who instilled a drive to excel, be better than others, and in so doing modeled the habit of pointing out who was worthless losers, which may be a good way to motivate a child to perform and to think highly of themselves, but it leaves them with bad social skills and perfectionist standards. Overly critical parents can produce children with tanked self-esteem whose primary need is status. Being all they can be is all they can be. But it's not abnormal or bad in anyway, and people who dislike being talked down to are just jealous losers resenting their betters. Social labels are used to rank people. Being better requires others to be worse. | |
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| Bad boys and drama queens
Posted: 6/18/2009 4:39:38 AM | well, I think we all talked about this stuff in a thread long ago, I'm not sure if you were even born yet Tina.....hahaha.
ummm....the mistake a lot of people use..is putting things in little boxes and labeling them 'bad' or good'....words you use a lot here.
a Bad Boy is not necessarily and Evil Boy.......just, you know...not bland...not vanilla ..k?
he might muss your hair...and not apologize...
or, rub you the right way...and not apologize or ask for fcukin directions....
but...he'll have your back......ya can count on that.
the drama people...well, some of it is situational....so, I get that...sometimes a woman is left alone with 4 little animal kids to raise on her own, no money, no skilz......that creates tension...tension creates drama....drama raises blood pressure and other interesting issues.
we ...a lot of us can, and have made a choice to live a more simple relaxed life, personally, I would rather put a stick through my head than to live with a drama queen. It would feel better.
Picky is picky..that's all...the super picky ones...are simply alone....that's all....bad ..or good, as you call it.
the good ones...not taken? well, that's unanswerable...there is good in everyone
but, there is not necessarily blandness in everyone,
ya gotta know when to kick it up a notch
and, keep it sizzlin' but not about the same old soap.
Just say NO to Drama.
Kimbo*********************************** | |
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