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Posted: 6/18/2009 7:39:15 AM | | I met an amazing guy on a dating site! It was a long distance relationship and we were together for a year! We were even engaged! But a couple months ago after a silly little fight he said it was over! I was (and still am) completely heart broken! Well we started trying to be friends and it worked out pretty well but lately its just too hard bc I am very jealous of a new girl hes talking to (it looks like hes about to be in a new relationship)! He has told me that its not me its him & that Im the best person he knows & he says he will always love me and he doesnt know if we will end up together in the future! (although realistically I kinda know he doesnt want me back since hes dating other people) But anyways, I am SERIOUSLY depressed over all of this and very confused... How can I be so perfect yet he doesnt want me? and how long is too long to wait for him? I just really dont know how to move on... I lost a man who was everything to me and the thought of some other girl having him Kills me! | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 7:49:10 AM | You uhh.. wow...
You were engaged to someone you didn't live with, or near, and are surprised he found someone else conveniently close and dropped you?
Sorry to have to be the ones that says this, but everything about that relationship was a mistake, and would never have worked out long term continuing as it was. You *CAN NOT* marry someone you dont know, and to be honest, you didn't know him, nor he you.
His pretty words don't hide the fact that simply, he doesn't want to be with you anymore. He may think you are great, but you aren't there, and someone else is. As far as "how long is too long to wait for him", how long has it been since the breakup and this post. Hours, Days, Weeks? Whatever time has elapsed, that is too long. He isn't coming back, and if he does, you are allowing yourself to be hurt by him again, in this exact same way. Don't.
You're young and pretty. Find someone closer, and for the love of god don't go getting engaged to someone you don't know. | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 7:59:54 AM | ^^^^ okay a little harsh guy above me....be gentle. OP, it's hard to move on when we have invested our hearts in being with someone. Try reclaiming your heart for you. He doesn't deserve you and he is (oh so) "stringing you along." Let him go. Stand up for yourself sweetheart because if you don't then nobody else will. This is an opportunity for you to grow. Make the right choice for you. Visit your heart and ask it how you can keep it strong. Love yourself first. I'm rooting for you!  | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 8:08:42 AM | | Honestly, in long distance we were forced to get to know each other better bc all we could do is TALK! I did know him really well and its not like we never saw each other! & its not completely the distance too bc I was willing to move but that wasnt enough for him, so there has to be another reason why he didnt want me! | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 8:09:06 AM |
a couple months ago after a silly little fight he said it was over!
What you are dismissing as a "silly little fight" may well have been a "deal breaker" from his point of view. Without knowing what happened, it's difficult to have an opinion. Perhaps you lost it, and started "name calling" or went into a "rage"? The name calling, as an example, would be a deal breaker for me, as would uncontrolled anger. | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 8:12:00 AM | | Neither of us remember what it was about! And I dont get enraged or name call! We just had lots of silly fights... that neither of us remember were about! and after about a week of that he was gone! | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 8:14:30 AM | Hello again
He has told me that its not me its him & that I’m the best person he knows & he says he will always love me and he doesn’t know if we will end up together in the future!
The last person that told me this I told them to piss right off. Bullshyte, he's playing you for a fool. He loves you and the best person he knows...He's dating other women, actions speak louder than words.
How long should you wait for him, well by the time you had finished typing this would have been to long IMO.
You’re a pretty girl with a long future ahead of you, don’t waste anymore time on this guy.
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Posted: 6/18/2009 8:48:10 AM | | I was in a relationship for 7yrs with a man who just broke my heart to peices it took him a week to move back in and one stupid fight a bunch of words no one ment and it took him a day to give the key back and move out sometimes i wounder if it was more then that he said after seven years of saying he loves me and saying he wanted to marry me and telling me that i'm the first woman he loved since his mom what does that mean any way he only said i love you maybe a handful of times any way but all this just hurt to much he moved out when i was at work and when i got home his key was on the door in an envelope and there was a message on the dry erase board saying we are two diffrent people after seven years he is coming up with that i still can't stop cring. | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 8:52:53 AM | Hey, yes, I'm afraid there's NO HOPE for this situation. YOu say you broke up over a little fight - sounds to me like was waiting for a moment to break things off.
By telling you that he loves you and that he doesn't know "if" there's a future...that's just a tactic for keeping you in his back pocket. I'm not saying he's being consciously malicious. But you've shown him that he can take you for granted, and that he can even date other women, and you'll STILL be there for him. So of course he's going to date others, what does he have to lose?
Don't wait for him. Tell him if he wants YOU, then it has to be now. Because if he really does love you, he will choose you. If he doesn't, then it's best for both of you to walk away. But you will deeply regret it if you spend years as the card in his back pocket, to be pulled out when there's no one else around. | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 8:54:34 AM |
We just had lots of silly fights... that neither of us remember were about! and after about a week of that he was gone!
Ok, OP, now you went from "a" silly little fight, to "lots" of fights. Some people, me included, do not want to be in a disharmonious relationship. I know that I value a calm, peaceful, affirming environment in my personal space, if I were in a relationship with someone, and we started to have "lots of fights", I'd be gone. | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 9:05:34 AM | | Delete all contact info to him and fom him. Move on abruptly. It is the only way, through time you will miss him less and less. | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 10:15:43 AM | | maybe this will help u out, maybe not. But, I was in a similar situation a year or two ago. the girl was sweet as could be and we got a long great together. Not as long term as yours or engaged but, I think there is two things that could of happend. one, for a guy when you make that comitmet at first you feel closure. but then it starts to sink in that you never gonna be able to play the field again, or ever, ever sleep with someone elsle. and for me it was like well I don't want to be 40 and say I should sleeped with hotter women when I had the chance. so in all actually, he probaly does really like you and care about you, but is not quit ready to what we guys call it, get your nuts chopped off. could totally be missing the mark here, and not all guys are like this. but, the one positive thing you should take from this situation is you guys are still freinds, and he respected you enough to break it off, instead of keep stringing you along while he was looking else where. Additionaly, the physical contact is very important to me and likely a majority of men. I had a buddy that would say to his girlfreind who did'nt like have sex as much as him. well if your not gonna take care of it, I'll go else where and service the problem. sorry, got carrie away. you sound smart and I'm sure you'll do fine in life and love. but, if being freinds with him still does this to you emotionally. you need to just stop talking to him, talking about him, thinking about him and move on. If it is meant to be, its meant to be. **** thats long, sorry | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 2:58:41 PM | "Well we started trying to be friends and it worked out pretty well but lately its just too hard bc I am very jealous of a new girl hes talking to (it looks like hes about to be in a new relationship)! "
Read what I wrote on your other thread.
Time to move on and stop caring about what he is doing because it isn't helping you.
Open your eyes and your heart to all the other opportunities out there...closer to home, too.
SARL | |
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Posted: 6/18/2009 6:05:37 PM | I really sympathize with the way you feel. Two things seem pretty apparent to me. You are a quality person that knows what you want. The second thing is he doesn't know what he wants.
To a degree I think he is telling you the truth about you being the best person he knows. It also sounds like he loves you but he is not in love with you. Some guys also like to keep someone on the back burner with false hopes or promises that revolve solely on what transpires in their life with no regard for your feelings or emmotions.
The easiest and smartest thing anyone will tell you to do is move on. That doesn't mean jumping right back into a serious relationship. Friends and family are an integral part of the healing process. Being around them without constantly burdening them with your sorrows is a start. The hard thing to do is actually take that initial step in moving on. The cliche is easier said then done.
Hang in their kiddo. You are a very nice looking lady and seem genuine. There are plenty of men that would be lucky to have you and more importantly appreciate you.
Sincerely:
Ross | |
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Posted: 6/19/2009 7:38:32 AM | | Did you ever meet him in person? Was this relationship an online thing? | |
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Posted: 6/19/2009 7:55:37 AM | lets break it down....here are the trouble spots:
Long Distance=Pretend relationship, or....safe relationship
Trying to stay Friends: Some can do it..but you gotta be wrapped a whole lot tighter than you are girl.
Trying to remain Friends While he is Dating, and you are Pining for him=Jealousy and heartache.
He states..its "him", not you and one day you 'may ' be together= BulIshit
You're seriously depressed= see a doctor, or counselor.
How Long shall you wait for Him? : after you read this...ohhh......two seconds, K?
Games over darlin' 
Kimbo
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Posted: 6/19/2009 1:51:24 PM |
Did you ever meet him in person? Was this relationship an online thing?
Yes we met in person! & it was even better when we were together! | |
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