| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 2:16:56 PM | Just have to say this first. I know this is a bad idea. I KNOW its a bad idea. But I have to ask anyway.
So I have this friend I've known for two years now, and we get along great. Obviously, there is some attraction here. We've shared a kiss or two and never took it further. But you see, the thing is, she is in a relationship, has been in one from the start. When she told me, I respected that, never made a move on her. The kisses came when she made a move on me. But that was after a year of knowing each other. And I don't care who you are, when a hot woman kisses you, you don't pull away. So we haven't done anything since then, but we talk about our attraction to one another.
So to make a long story short, she knows, as well as I do, that meeting up is a bad idea. Unless in a public setting, anything beyond that is trouble. Which I know from experience, that now its only a matter of time when we do hook up. Which I don't want to because of the other guy, and she don't want to because of the other guy. But you know how you go through these scenarios over and over in your head, I keep thinking, and she keeps thinking, that if we do hook up, complications would arise up the wazoo.
I know. Bad idea. Just a really Bad Idea. But you go through life ( and pof personals ) looking for someone to be with, that you really connect to, and when you do connect with someone, that person is already taken. There is just something there between us ( insert wise crack here ), that I'm drawn to her and she's drawn to me, not just physically, that I can't quite put my finger on.
So I guess the question is, ( bad idea ) if I don't persue it, do I lose my chance at happiness? I mean, it is possible that two people who are together aren't really meant for each other. If I do, decide to ( bad idea ) persue it, in some way, am I getting into a world of trouble? and yes, I understand the whole jealous and upset boyfriend that would come looking for me with a shotgun, but, dammit, its like I want to take that risk, because its her, you know?
did I mention this is a bad idea? | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 2:21:59 PM | All the moralists will come on here screaming bloody murder.
IMO, if you think she truly might be "the one" - go for it. That kind of attraction doesn't come a long very often.
And OF COURSE two people that are together may not be meant for each other. Maybe you'll be doing them both a big fat favor.
Ok moralists - go!!! | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 2:25:53 PM | Something similar happened to me like this 3 times and none ever worked out. The first time I lost a friend because he found out what happened even though I didn't like the guy but thats not the point. Second time the girl cheated on the guy with me and never talked to me again. Third time was the most similar to your situation. She told me she would have left me for him. Why didn't I take the chance you ask? Because she waited to tell me once the guy got her PREGNANT!!!  | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 2:36:49 PM | You already know the right thing to do....why do people want what other people have?
Go get your own!
(Think it out....the flame is burning now, but that's how it always starts.... well you know the rest)
Ok moralists - go!!!
Yeah, being in a "relationship" shouldn't mean anything. ;(
If people don't want a relationship, then don't get into one...otherwise, hands off till they dissolve it themselves...respect them and yourself..... | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 2:51:24 PM | Well, I would not support someone moving in on a "taken" girl for no good reason. I mean, if you're in love, you're in love. You can't really control that. She's obviously not happy in her own relationship. Maybe the OP and this girl are meant for each other? I think that if you're in love, let nothing stand in the way of that.
Now if you want to argue that the OP is not really in love, then that's cool. I can't comment on that. None of us can. I trust the OP, as an adult, can determine if he's in love or just has a crush. If it's just a crush then the right thing to do is "pass" on making a move. I won't deny that. | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:02:02 PM | | All I will say is you really have to just let her go and move on even though it may be hard. I was in a similar situation recently and ended up getting hurt. Put it this way if it was going to happen between you two then it would have by now. Having said that, I still see the huy I fell for and couldn't have and even now it breaks my heart to look at him or even speak to him and I lost him as a friend too but would give anything to be with him again. If it is meant to be then it will happen but seriously you need to move on and find someone else, preferably a single girl... Good luck !! :O) | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:08:11 PM | | It's NOT a bad idea because of the jealous boyfriend; it's a bad idea because you are wanting to hook up with someone who, if you hooked up before they broke up, found it acceptable to cheat on whomever she was dating. BTW, the NEXT TIME she does this, and there WILL be a next time, it will be YOU she is cheating on. Dude, quit trying to live a soap opera. You may well miss your chance at happiness because you are spending so much time thinking about something you KNOW is a bad idea, that you don't see something else standing in front of you. | |
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Iam40
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Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 9 | |
| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:10:33 PM | I agree with PDX guy. I am totally attracted to one of my friends, and I WISH TO GOD HE'D MAKE A MOVE ON ME. I just can't do it myself.
Lucky guy you are... | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:17:40 PM | Going off what you said... if she really likes you that much, she would break up with her boyfriend to be with you. It's definitely hard to break up with people, but she's trying to get everything she wants and if you let her, somebody is going to end up very hurt.
Talk to her, if you haven't already, about why she's still with this guy when she likes you so much. If all you want is sex, that's one thing, but if you actually want something meaningful with her, (and it sounds like you do), this isn't the way to get it. | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:11:29 PM | Well I know what that certain "something" is between you. You have a thing for emotionally unavailable women.
OP...yes, you're right...it's a bad idea.
Karma...not good! | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:51:46 PM | ^^^^^^^^^ How you know that?  Girl, Youre good!!!!
Thank you people, I hear what you are saying. Its not that I haven't thought about that. Remember, she made the first move. And yeah, I know its purely sexual. Sort of like an FWB thing. Except we haven't done anything yet, and I really can't go into detail about everything. Just a complicated situation. That isn't complicated.
As long as I keep my distance. But see here's where I get stuck at. Lets say, it suddenly gets complicated ( i really dont want to explain myself here, we're all adults, you know what i mean ). Because our personalities click real good, and the sex would be really good, it could get real complicated. Feelings of emotional involvement could occur, which I could stop myself from thinking but I dont think she could. Or she could, and when she's done with me, she's done. I dunno. I like FWB's. Its like having a relationship but not with the problems that occur with it.
Nothing will happen, so i'm just blowing smoke up in the air.
I just realized I might need a therapist. | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:36:52 AM | let's assume you two go all the way, she's probably not gonna dumb the actual boyfriend right away, you know some women are like "just in case", this thing goes on for a week, a month, six months, who knows, she finally dumps him and you two enjoy the relationship, a year passes and she meets the one, a good friend at first, little by little something more... and BHAAMM! you 're out of the game.
This happened to a very close friend of mine, same situation, they became good friends, she complained about her boyfriend watching too much sport, working too many hours etc etc. One day they decided to have sex, they clicked very well and so why not, she kept having wild sex with my friend for at least 2 years while still living (and having sex) with her at-that-time actual boyfriend. Finally, after my friend's pressure, she breaks up with the BF so my friend and her started an official relationship. Everything goes pretty well till one day this co-worker of her started appearing in her conversations a little too much, they even went shopping together, my friend thought he was gay but let me tell ya, he wasn't, he drilled her like a baboon for over 5 months until finally he became "the one" and she dumped my friend.
Good luck. | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:53:02 AM | She's probably afraid that you just want to have sex with her.
If you "love" her then why not ask her to marry you? She'll know then that you're serious | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 3:07:59 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^ HUH?
She's not afraid that i want to have sex with her. She knows that i want to have sex with her, and she wants that too ( oh the things you can show with a web cam, i love the net )
I never said i l...
i never said i lo...
i never said i lov...
i never said that about her. whats wrong with you? You dont say that to a woman who is in a relationship with someone else. Thats just wrong....
Lo... nope still cant say it. will say it when i lo...someone.
of course you dont persue sex with someone who is in a relationship with someone else.
Yeah i know, if she cheats on her man, she'll cheat on me... Yeah she's the type...
but good sex is hard to find...nope not worth it.
maybe ill find someone on pof LOL...
I kill me sometimes. | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 5:56:14 AM |
i never said that about her. whats wrong with you? You dont say that to a woman who is in a relationship with someone else. Thats just wrong....
of course you dont persue sex with someone who is in a relationship with someone else.
This is one of the best threads I've read in a long time...thanks for starting my morning off with a smile  | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:06:30 AM | | In my opinion, if you want to pursue her, the way to succeed is to let things develop until you're well beyond just kissing and then tell her to choose. (You got yourself into this mess, so if you're going to pursue it, you might as well prepare yourself for the drama that success will create.) | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:33:55 AM | just do it already ...you and I both know you are going to do her ...why prolong the inevitable... if you were not going to do it you would not be thinking about it ...the lure of the poon is stronger than you are... go ahead and shoplift the pooty ...get it done already
you can feel bad about it after you get it | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:37:39 AM | Are you saying you have had cam sex with her? Or did i read that wrong? If you two are then she's already cheating since she's suppose to be comitted to her boyfriend, he should be the only one seeing her PTA. And how do you know just by camming that it would be good sex? I think you already know that if you don't stop hanging around her it's gonna happen. You might as well go ahead, shes probably camming with more than just you anyways. If you dont take it, one of the others will. Then again maybe, just maybe you two were meant to live happily ever after having animalistic sex and no thoughts of infidelity cause well the sex is so damn good why would she want anyone else. | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:58:29 AM | Dude, she is teasing you. She is using you because she may be one of these women that is never happy and always see the grass is greener on the neighbor's yard. So I ask, why has she not dump the other guy? Is that easy. End of story.
So this is what is going to happen. Eventually the two of you will have sex. She will dump the other guy, but then will tell you that what she did is wrong and then will dump you.
You were a means to an end, and nothing more.
Now, let's imagine best case scenario and the two of you hook up. Now you become the other guy and she will find some other guy to play your role, until eventually the cycle begins again. | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:19:43 AM | Y'all are all nuts for reading a heck of a lot more into this than is there. The OP wants a physical realtionship with the woman not an emotional one, the woman wants the same. In the original post he stated there was a connection missing, the connection that is missing is the emotional piece of the relationship. He doesn't care if she is getting some on the side as long as he is getting his. What he is worried about is causing a problem with the emotional side of the relationship the woman is in and he knows it is wrong and is trying to avoid it.
As to those that say wed cam or phone sex is cheating there have been studies done on peoples attitudes about that exact thought, and the majority realize if it is just phone or cam sex and there are no emotions invlved it is not cheating. Cheating occurs when emotions become involved. Otherwise anyone in a relationship that happens to look at porn is cheating. This board has covered the pron thing ad nauseum.
B | |
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| Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:40:58 AM |
and the majority realize if it is just phone or cam sex and there are no emotions invlved it is not cheating. Cheating occurs when emotions become involved. Otherwise anyone in a relationship that happens to look at porn is cheating. This board has covered the pron thing ad nauseum.
im sorry cheating occurs when lying is involved ..if your so dont mind,and knows ... web cam sex is not cheating...sex is not cheating if you have the blessings of your SO ...but even watching porn is cheating if you have to lie about it ...I have a acquaintance whos wife has cancer ...she hasnt been able to have sex for several years ...and she will never again have sex and is expected to die within the next year ...he has a girlfriend and has his wife's blessing ..both the wife and the girlfriend know the whole situation and they are friends ...he is NOT cheating ..the wife even enjoys watching the hubby and girlfriend have sex ...it is understood that as soon as the funeral is over the hubby and the girlfriend will get married ..its all good ..but cheating has nothing to do with whether emotions are involved ...lots of two timing husbands have no emotion involved with their flings | |
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