| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:06:55 PM | It's been a week now of no contact. We love each other but if we had stayed together the relationship (18 months) would have started to become toxic. He has no time with his busy work schedule and family obligations to even be able to let me know when he can see me until the last minute because he has to arrange for someone to be with his daughter. I understand that but this year we only saw each other once in each of the last three months and he could not give me any dates for when we could be together this summer when both of us were on vacation because he is going to Florida with his family for 10 days.
I feel that I met the right man in the wrong lifetime. It is very difficult today. I have stopped myself from contacting him all day long. We were looking for different things from the start yet we HAD to meet and then we fell in love. He is a stubborn man. He is not interested in a life with me. He just wanted to love me and make love to me. We live two hours apart. In the end it was time and space and availability that thwarted this love match made in cyber heaven.
I feel sad because the love is still there. I was naive to think that love would conquer all. I am not bitter...can't happen with me...but I am sad and I need a hug. 
Have you ever broken up right before you knew things were going to start to become toxic....though the last time you were together was oh so wonderful? How did that work out for you? Should I have waited until things got nasty? Would that have made this easier? Ouch! | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:53:42 PM | 1. The excuse he was "too busy" to contact you until the last minute is BS. It takes all of 20 seconds to open the phone, type "hey babe I am so sorry, but I may have to postpone tonight, but I am thinking about, I'll fill you in later" - and then hit send.
2. He only lives 2 hours away and could only find the time to see you ONCE per month? No one is that "busy."
3. You don't contact him for the entire day and he doesn't, at the very least, message you with a simple "are you ok? I haven't heard from you" - the fact that he doesn't / hasn't tells me he doesn't care.
4. "He's not interested in a life with me?" There's your answer.
I am sorry to tell you this, but it wasn't the "time and space" nor his "busy" schedule that ruined it. It was his lack of caring and interest. | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:13:41 AM | Thanks cinsav, he did text me every day and he honestly has a busy work life filming with a crew about 12 hours a day. I know he cares and is interested. He simply cannot find the time to be with me.
This morning I woke up to an email from him saying how hurt and angry that he is because I ended it so abruptly. One minute I am in his arms and he is loving me and the next I don't want any contact with him, he says. So he's angry right now.
I broke up with him because waiting around for him to come into my life for a few moments of pure joy is too difficult.
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:45:58 AM | | (((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) my sweet friend....remember when you told me to wake up and look at the butterflies?? I have...ever since that day. I am sorry this has happend to you...but if he is not willing to make the time for you...you did the right thing. It is like a second job when you have to wait for anyone to be in our lives. Yanno? God knows I have done it a couple times now....lol And thanks to you and a few others here (friends)...we get through things. Love ya! You will be fine. Hey, go look at the butterflies. :) ~ Mess | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 11:01:24 AM | I think one of the saddest lessons I've ever learned was - that even if you do love each other...sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.
Hugs! | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 11:22:55 AM | "I understand that but this year we only saw each other once in each of the last three months and he could not give me any dates for when we could be together this summer when both of us were on vacation because he is going to Florida with his family for 10 days."
My question to this would be why, after an 18 month relationship with this man are you not included in this trip to Florida with him??? Sounds like you did the right thing by breaking up with him. You are a beautiful woman. A man who doesn't integrate you into his life when possible is not what you deserve. | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:10:14 PM | | ^^^^ thank-you to my sisters.....I needed those tender words. Mess, funny you should mention butterflies today of all days....I just received a butterfly chime as a gift at work. You are kind to remind me of that, thank-you. | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 4:14:25 PM | He is an adult that made his own choices. He expects far too much from you. Seeing you once in 3 months is ridiculous, no human being is that busy that they cannot make time for someone they care about. Relationships need to be nurtured and treasured.
Donald Trump, Oprah, Steven Spielberg, Barack Obama and Steve Jobs have all found time for love and relationships on top of running the world. His excuses were lame at best. If he wanted to he would have made time even if it meant you driving up his way every other weekend. | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 4:38:46 PM | | ^^^ Carolann, he does drive up to see me once every other weekend....except for in the past few months where it has been once a month because of his work trips. I get your point though and you are right. He seems to think that he has something to actually be angry about. I think it's just the second stage of mourning. I told him I need three months of no contact and then I'll see if we can be friends. | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 5:45:19 PM | Stop torturing yourself - you made your decision and I am sure
with everything weighed out, it is the right one.
I stayed until the torture started - only to give him the opportunity
to leave instead of seeing the signs, woman up to them and said or did
something but I suffered through two months of heartache with no
validation or assurance that everything was going to be okay.
I take it that he could not do this for you also so you had to make a
choice.
It always hurts and I agree that it is sometimes the right love in the
wrong lifetime and I also want to add that its the right love with the
wrong person.
There are reasons we do things, we stay, we leave we put up with things -
maybe sometimes its not so much the love as maybe feeling sorry for ourselves,
feeling sorry for them, saving them or just realising it may not be what it
seems.
I wish you peace. You are one of the wisest women here on the forums.
You know what you have to do. Just live. Live for you. | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:16:51 PM | ^^^ thank-you curlygrl...you are a wise woman. I like what you said about the right love with the wrong person. That is very liberating.
I have news....the break-up is final!
He offered me a four-night trip with him this summer and I said no thank-you because I did not want to be setting myself up for more disappointment. I am not interested in being his mistress, I want more and well, he wants what he wants. We both deserve to have what we want. We emailed back and forth some and I am so happy that I stuck to my guns and was able to do so with love. He sent me a last email saying he understood and he loves me and he lets me go and he left me with that amazing around the world "Stand by Me" song. I replied that I was standing by myself right now because that is what needs to be done. we will look each other up in three months. I told him I love him.. I mean I feel totally free now. Thank-you for supporting me through this tough time. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.
"We are stardust, we are golden...and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden" -Joni Mitchell | |
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| Breaking up for the right reasons - still
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:23:42 PM | | Sorry to hear your story but I think you've done the right thing. He wasn't making you one of his priorities before. He was making a bit of an effort, but that's not enough for a proper relationship. It was probably a balance that suited him but wouldn't suit you, and there's no reason why it should. There's a big difference between being fitted into a person's schedule and being part of their lives. Sometimes it's a fine distinction, if both are very busy, but it's a significant one. | |
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