| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:42:02 PM | | hi .. i need some good unbiased advice... i am in a new relationship with a great guy from here... he tells me i am perfect ... that he is going nowhere and he is 110% happy...so why does he still need to talk to other women on here? what is it that i am not giving him? my profile is turned off his still says that he is divorced and looking for friends. Do you think that he should change it to say not single/notlooking and make it plain that he has someone and is in a relationship? | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:16:58 PM | I think this is quite a valid topic.
I was with a woman for a long while who did this to me. It caused a lot of hassle in the beginning. When I pointed out that the male friends she regularly chatted to were in actual fact hitting on her, she would always come back with some asinine comment along the lines that did I not want her to have friends- etc.
However, if I talked to anyone- I was a player and not to be trusted... go figure | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:23:34 PM | Rather than ask what's lacking with you, ask yourself if you are happy with a man who tells you one thing, yet confuses you while doing another.
Very good advice.
Since he's a POF'er it's likely he'll see your post if he has access to your profile while hidden (i.e. on your/his fav list). That said, it's best to talk with him about it and if that proves fruitless refer to the advice above. 
EDIT - OP I just looked at your profile. Appears you're new to the forums....welcome. Your posting threads will not hit your profile until you have posted 5 or more. | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:32:46 PM | Oh man...this survived deletion did it? Ack. People are slacking around here...~sigh~
OP, your man still chats to the ladies because he can. Why is it that so many people think that once they're with someone, just because THEY do something (like change status and the like) that the other is now immediately obligated to do likewise? Or why that same group also insists that once they're with someone, NO ONE ELSE MATTERS. *I* am the only one you need to be with, speak with, associate with, or talk to.
What a joke. 
His profile says "friends" in "Looking For" so what's the big deal? This whole post smacks of insecurity.
Leave the guy alone. He's entitled to speak with whomever he wishes without your consent. He's a grown ass adult and doesn't require your blessing or permission to pursue friends. If you can't handle that, cut him loose so he can be with someone less clingy and insecure.
Really. I'm so not kidding.
...and society continues to crumble under it's own "me me me" attitudes... | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:34:14 PM | I am in lust/love/desire whatever you want to call it with someone on here but he doesn't know it...lol... it is just a fantasy and it is innocent, so I just look at him, dream on and enjoy.
If I were in a relationship with someone I couldn't do this. When you are with someone exclusively ( and I am assuming you and he have actually decided to become exclusive) then coming here and constantly looking at other people would interfere with the person you are supposed to be giving your attention and thoughts to.
So, I think once you both have decided to be with each other only, then this is not the place to be.
You should talk to him. If he wants friends...enjoy them in real time. This is a dating site not a place for people who are not STILL looking....if he is still here then he is STILL LOOKING....unless he is a forum poster and has changed his profile to not looking.
and Big Daddy Jinx...I adore you and enjoy the majority of your post but this time....I just don't agree and I know you don't care...lol... But yes, I do believe in todays society where people run around on each other all the time.... that actions speak louder than words....still being here is an action which states he is still available and willing to talk to other women...it is a dating site not a social club. | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:45:07 PM | wow that sure as hell told me didnt it!
i asked for unbiased opinions not justification on why its ok.... i really dont mind if its what he wants i just dont understand why... please remember he is telling me i am perfect....i didnt ask him....as for deletiuon well if you dont like it why bother commenting... i am sure someone with your communication skills can find a topic that suits them easily | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:53:54 PM |
and Big Daddy Jinx...I adore you and enjoy the majority of your post but this time....I just don't agree and I know you don't care...lol... But yes, I do believe in todays society where people run around on each other all the time.... that actions speak louder than words....still being here is an action which states he is still available and willing to talk to other women...it is a dating site not a social club.
The "site" may be a dating site...but the forums are not. The forums most certainly ARE a social club. Otherwise we'd be wheeling and fishing out in the open here daily and passing notes to each other in the forums like 2 kids in school.
I suppose if those who have myopia were to see this site, they'd see what they wanna see and feed their own delusions about what this place is and operates as, and what the forums operate as...just to feed the rationalization they have preconceived so they can sleep better at night. You know, the rationalization that anyone who is using this site MUST be still fishing.
'Cause no one ever just uses this site for socialization...no. That just doesn't happen here at all...
| |
|
| |
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 3:10:15 PM | How do you feel about it, thats all that matters.What are your boundaries, if you dont agree with him being on here, act on it.Only you know what is unacceptable to you.
Myself being here yabbering on the forums would not worry me, after all I am here.If I had a b/f , which I dont--sad face-I would still be here.If he did not trust me etc, I would still be here.You have to give people free choice and trust them, if they abuse that trust, you bounce them.
Maybe he likes posting and reading the forums , it is addictive on here. Discuss it rationally with him, maybe you are fretting for nothing. | |
|
| |
| |
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:33:40 PM | | OP - if it bothers you that he's on this site, WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON THIS SITE? Seems to me the two of you need to have a talk and figure out what you want in the relationship. If it is a very new relationship, you're moving too fast. You're implying "exclusive" and he may still be looking. | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:36:12 PM | I guess I don't get why telling you that you are perfect should mean that he never need talk to any other women again, most men talk to other women if they are online and have friends. You can defend this anyway you want but really, you know it's needy and you also know if you feel you can't trust him. Say you got him to do as you want, would you still trust him or would you then be thinking he's only appeasing you and would really rather be talking to other women or maybe is behind your back? If you are this easily bothered by his behavior this early on, it would probably be better to let him go and find someone who spends more time with you and doesn't like talking to other women. It's not a good match when you have to whine and change and nag someone to do things your way...unless you like drama.
Being insecure does not mean you have feelings, it means you feel inferior to other women and that you do not trust that men can talk to women without doing something wrong. People who aren't insecure & jealous are not hard nosed, you make it sound like you are something so special and fragile and the rest of us are old hard hags with no feelings :laugh: really, get over yourself, you are the one with the problem here, you are the one posting about it, and you are the one whose boyfriend may or may not be cheating, so work on you and stop trying to place blame on people who simply answered your post. As for deletion, that's how the owner of the site set it up, to give members the choice of deleting posts they think break the rules, so don't blame others, again, take responsibility for your own behaviors....like not reading the rules before you post. :wink: | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:43:33 PM | As Justin said so simply....
What any of us think doesn't matter. Yours and his opinions are the only relevant ones.
If it bothers you, tell him to turn his profile off. If he refuses, decide for yourself what that means and act accordingly
This is about what you require for yourself to be comfortable. Everyone has a standard of behaviour that they will put up with. Some in the cesspool and some with a code of morals, values and parameters.
Ask him: What is missing in your exchange with him that HE requires stepping over the boundaries and talking to other women??
Ask him: What are the parameters of your relationship as what he preceives it to be?
Are they according to what you want?
You two may be on two separate pages and you are scared to confront it. | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:49:25 PM | Well if he's really all that to you, why are you making such a big deal about it?
Oh hog wash about protecting yourself from getting hurt!
Your doing the exact opposite! Your going to cause it to happen out of paranoia, then turn around and blame him for not playing into your game! So go ahead and push the issue with him. Let your own low self esteem and crappy personal opinion of yourself sabatoge the relationship you claim is so great!
BDJ has it right! Obviously your little issues is more important then his personal choices or trust. It's all about me me me me!
If you don't feel you can trust the guy, save him from months of chaos and drama and just dump him now!
Talk about a redundant fecking topic! | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:55:55 PM | Sounds like he's a nice guy slash trader upper. You are "good enough for now". That doesn't mean he will never come around, it just means he's not smitten with you yet and he's keeping his options open and looking for someone who smites him.
He's making a mistake by laying it on too thick and telling you he thinks that are perfect for him; obviously not true to him or else he still wouldn't be on here. In his mind he's the perfect guy and he's not doing anything wrong because he's only looking for "friends" and everybody is allowed to have friends of either sex.
It's up to you to decide if this is acceptable to you.
46&2 | |
|
| if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:08:25 PM | LOL I love it when the Rock Man speaks!
Yes OP if he is all that into you...you would know by his actions not his words. There is obviously some insecurity and it's probably a good thing you are feeling it now...otherwise you would hang on to every WORD he says hoping and believing he is "THE ONE" when in fact he is one that will soon be gone. Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see....and you should be fine! If it were me, I wouldn't waste another second on something that is already giving me reasons to doubt..but that's just me.
Good Luck! | |
|
Home
login 
