| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:03:38 AM | Hi all,
I have come to notice that a couple of men have said to other people that I need a man to take care of me. Recently a friend of a friend said that I need someone to look after me and if he wasn't married he'd be the one to do it. Then I was on holiday the other week and we got friendly with these couples and one of the men said that I need a man to look after me.
None of this is insulting as such. I keep my own home and work full-time. I also lead a busy and fulfilling life. But I am wondering why I am giving off these signals that I need taking care of?
I do love men that open car doors for me and generally like to look after their women, but I don't think this comes across when I am just talking to people as I never mention what i like in a man.
So how have I lead people to believe that this is what I need?? | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:17:35 AM | | I believe you are misinterpreting that statement. I think what they mean is that you now have everything but need a man to take care of you in your free time. You know, someone to fill up your evenings or other times you are looking for something to do? | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:52:39 AM | | I assumed the phrase was a bit of a colloquialism to the States. Appears I was mistaken. I would believe it safe to assume the phrase doesn't mean you really "need" someone to truly take care of you. More that, we as men have the stereotypical role of being the provider. Women are just as capable, but the phrase hearkens back to a time when women were expected to stay at home. I wouldn't worry about it. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:33:03 AM | I dont know, but there are men and women that have a natural vulnerability about them when they are anything but vulnerable.
There are people that look self assured and are not.
Whatever you have try make it work for you. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:47:09 AM | If a man is "caring for you" or "looking after you," it means one of two things; you are either his wife or his mistress.
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:12:00 AM |
So how have I lead people to believe that this is what I need??
Perhaps it has to do with your frequent drinking? Some alcoholics (or frequent drinkers) give off the "I need help" vibe. To be looked after is also another way of saying that you need someone to help you get your life on track and stay that way. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:10:14 AM | As you almost get around to saying, there are lots of levels or different aspects of someone taking care of someone else. Opening a car door for a woman is a lot different than paying her rent, buying her booze when she's broke, paying a bail bondsman or the doctor bills, etc. etc. I think it's good that you explain it's not insulting, because it's probably not meant to be unless someone is teasing you a little bit.
Of course, the species is designed for men to protect and care for their women. We're bigger and stronger. Sometimes a lot bigger and stronger. If you give off vibes that you are comfortable with men who are protective, well, so be it.
"How have you lead people to believe that this is what I need?"
Answer: We study people all our lives. Infants react to human faces, etc. etc. Studying other people is a lifetime pursuit for all of us and, guess what? We get pretty good at it. So, don't be spooked if you feel people are reading you easily. We think about people, study people, talk about people, watch people, observe, analyze, and think about people all our lives, casually, professionally, etc. etc. We don't all have the vocabulary of a therapist, but we still can't help but study ourselves. It's what we do. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:13:21 AM | What context was it said in?
Your profile says you drink often. Maybe they were concerned about your behavior. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:10:21 AM | Actually... I think your letting people know how confused you are and good honest "MEN" seeing right through you are telling you what you need!
So a good honest woman is telling you.....
A good honest man that really cares about you..... WILL take care of you in ways you always have known inside they should!!
You'll know him when you meet him... and you'll figure out what everybody means when you do. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:26:27 AM | Hey Sweet sensations, that's very true what you've written. I have, very recently, come to realise that what I want is only what I deserve and if that is a good honest man that really cares about me, well I'm not going to settle for anything less. 
to the other poster, I know my profile says I drink, but I don't very often now. This past 9 months I have almost totally gone off the taste of alchol and I prefer to be in control. I guess you'd call it finally growing up and realising that you can have a better time without it. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:25:13 PM | OP
I would think that people who know you well are simply concerned.
This should not be taken as a bad thing.
They might be checking off some kind of social "To Do List"
1. car X
2. career X
3. house X
4. someone who (loves/cares) about you _ not just for sex...
5. your own family?
Serial monogamy is not considered by most a healthy lifestyle, but more the mark of someone who has needs. Whatever those needs may be they are obviously unfulfilled.
With that being said, your freinds have noticed that the people your inviting into your seeming stable life are resulting in unstable relationships.
They are looking out for you because they are concerned no one else is when they are not. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:40:07 PM |
to the other poster, I know my profile says I drink, but I don't very often now.
You may want to consider changing that, then. You may be driving people away. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:40:53 PM | OH you really think so OkiNe, you see I have my sense of balance about me you know. You have presumed I've got a bad lifestyle when it comes to relationships - but who are you to judge? don't we all have our "learning curves". Few people now adays are lucky enough to have met their soulmate early on - people outgrow people then struggle to find a good connection for years. doesn't mean they have no self-respect just means they concentrate on other things; like what makes them happy.
At the end of the day there are so many other more serious and threatening things to happen to someone than being single for a while till you find the one that truely sparks with you  | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:00:18 PM | JHparkes,
I respectfully submit that the presumtion is all yours.
I did not in any way presume that YOU were the guilty party responcible for the folly of your relationships. This is why your freinds are worried for and about you.
You may ideed may play into your situation in picking poor partners more than you will likely admit to yourself or others.
My 2C. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:20:34 PM |
Hi all, Hi yourself.
I have come to notice that a couple of men have said to other people that I need a man to take care of me. Recently a friend of a friend said that I need someone to look after me and if he wasn't married he'd be the one to do it. Then I was on holiday the other week and we got friendly with these couples and one of the men said that I need a man to look after me.
None of this is insulting as such. I keep my own home and work full-time. I also lead a busy and fulfilling life. But I am wondering why I am giving off these signals that I need taking care of? 2 reasons spring to mind. One is that these men have the impression that you're very attractive, and are just the sort of woman who'd be great to be married to, and they would love it if they were your other half.
Another is that you give off the vibe that you need someone to look after you.
I do love men that open car doors for me and generally like to look after their women, but I don't think this comes across when I am just talking to people as I never mention what i like in a man. It does. It just oozes off this post that you want someone to look after you.
So how have I lead people to believe that this is what I need?? It's not in any one thing that you do specifically, but in your attitude in general. I could be specific, but it wouldn't change all the other things you do. The thing is, do you really want to be a whole different person, just so people don't think you need looking after? 'Cause that's what a change of attitude often involves, being a different person.
If you like yourself as you are, then there is no need to change, only to know that you come across a bit like you need help from men, and that quite a few men would be interested in dating you long-term. What more do you need? | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:39:00 PM | Other men " always " say you'll need a good man in you life. It's the men that are married,or going to be soon. Be pleased that you have qualities that others noticed. You'll find your heart"s thump soon enough! Enjoy life! To the fullest!
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:54:25 PM | | People often say lots of dumb, shallow, overly-simplified things, to pave over the fact their friend is single. Consider the possibility your behavior doesn't genuinely warrant such a trivial approach to your actual personal or romantic needs. | |
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| To be looked after
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:53:17 AM |
to the other poster, I know my profile says I drink, but I don't very often now. This past 9 months I have almost totally gone off the taste of alchol and I prefer to be in control. I guess you'd call it finally growing up and realising that you can have a better time without it.
OH you really think so OkiNe, you see I have my sense of balance about me you know. You have presumed I've got a bad lifestyle when it comes to relationships - but who are you to judge? don't we all have our "learning curves". Few people now adays are lucky enough to have met their soulmate early on - people outgrow people then struggle to find a good connection for years. doesn't mean they have no self-respect just means they concentrate on other things; like what makes them happy.
Oh this is classic. You've been "almost totally off the taste of alcohol" for nine months, yet your profile says you drink OFTEN. Then, when someone points out that your profile needs to be updated to reflect your sobriety, you become defensive. Most people wold be proud of their accomplishment, but you just continue to make excuses. You see, THIS is why people say that you need a man to take care of you. Obviously they can see that you need help and are somewhat in denial.
The more you post, the clearer it becomes... | |
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