| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:07:45 PM | Why do women put 'Prefer not to say' if they want a child instead of yes, no or maybe?
Please dont jump down my throat but in addittion to the above how many real life women instead of accepting 'reality' by pass anyone who doesnt have George Clooney's looks and money? | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:18:52 PM | There is a difference between privacy and secrecy.
Some women may have some grace and don't want everyone and their freaking uncle to know about their reproductive plans. I have yet to have anyone random stranger walk up to me on the street and tell me what they plan on doing with their uterus. Maybe random strangers don't think you need to know that. Oh, and a profile on a dating site doesn't mean you get instant access to the most intimate areas of someone's life.
And as a real life woman, I don't date average. I didn't date c students in high school and I am not about to start now. Sadly, average these days translates to " I gave up years ago and stopped taking care of myself and do just enough to get by." Or do you mean just average looks, because that s really just about everyone, so quit whining and figure out why women aren't dating you and don't blame just looks unless you only date ugly women. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:36:50 PM | It is interesting to hear your view as to why instead of yes, no or maybe some women might put 'Prefer not to say'.
Your opinion re holding out for someone better than a 'C' is also interesting. I wonder if 'some' men have similiar attitudes towards women and if this is a factor as to why these same people are on here year after year?
High standards, expectations and possibly wanting children at the age of 40+ is one thing and its right to aim high, but reality? | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 1:31:34 PM | | People change thier minds about if they want kids in the future. For instance, I mostly don't want kids in my future, but if I'm in the right situation for a long time (financially, with a stable partner, etc.) then it may be that time. However saying 'yes' off the hop will lead to disappointment if a guy does want to be a father, and 'no', is just not accurate. Saying 'maybe' gives a man an incline that I'm not leaning either way and thats still not how I feel. 'Prefer not to say' is perfect!! as it may be true for the women who also chose it. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 1:39:45 PM | Aiming high but not reality?
Honestly Man, how far have your standards dropped since you have been on POF?
Have you been dating the women that last year you wouldn't have given a second though to?
Dating the women older than you or heavier than you or taller than you or with kids still at home or what ever 'standards' that you have?
Lets simply accept the concept that people can want whatever they want. They can do what ever they want to do. This is a lesson in what I call insensitivity training. Just stop thinking that the world or anyone who lives in it should do what you expect them to do or what you want them to do. The only person you have any control over is you. Trying to control or manipulate the actions of others is just plain silly at best and mentaly unstable at worst. Telling other people to settle or change what they want is crazy, change what you want, settle all you want.
The first step to any relationship is attraction, if you can figure out how to change the hard wiring on the human race I am sure there will be a small fortune in your future. The key to attraction is the next better mouse trap. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:04:00 PM | Ive been on dates with women who on the surface are attractive and wealthy, and Ive been on dates with women who are average and have average or little means.
Irrelevant of looks or posessions I went for 'chemistry' and left on good terms because the spark wasnt there.
I personally think people who will only date someone if they are good looking and have posessions are shallow.
Please dont misunderstand I too have high expectations, values and would like to meet someone who is as fortune financially as I have been, but Im grounded enough to accept that Ms Perfect doesnt exist hence why although I aim high, Im being realistic.
Im not sure what you mean re having control or hard wiring. All I know is people who are realistic, positive, confident and happy shouldnt be on here long.
Ive been on here for 4 months and unless the girl Im talking too turns out to be Jekyl & Hyde, I will be signing off soon.
The post from the other lady re why women prefer not to say is well put and makes sense. Thanx | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:08:11 PM | | You must be magic. You have been here for four months but your profile has been here nine months. Magic! | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:16:25 PM | | I met a woman on here before Xmas but it wasnt meant to be hence why after we left things in February Ive been fishing (Lol). | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:19:42 PM | I put on my profile, NO if there was a spot for HELL no...I would put that! I have YES that I have kids but NO to wanting more . Why would I want men contacting me that wanted children when I am not having anymore if figure it makes it easy.
as far as the part 2 question, Looks are important to me although its hard to tell just by a photo on here sometimes for me its a combination of looks and personality as far as money goes they need to be at least on my level I am not supporting no dude! | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:37:59 PM | Given what the woman a few posts up said I can appreciate why some women might put 'Prefer not to say' but as you say this might lead to guys who want a child having expectations?
As for someone who doesnt have a penny to rub together, have you seen the movie 'Indecent Proposal' where the guy who has more money than sense falls head over heels for a woman who has little other than the clothes she came with?
There are male and female predators out there who will only go after people with a house etc. There are also a lot of totally genuine people out there who might have little posessions but what they dont have money wise is far outweighed by the happiness they could bring.
Im lucky to have money etc. I wouldnt just give it away but if Ms 9 out of 10 came along, who has what wouldnt be my first thoughts (Lol).
Interesting debate. Thanx | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:48:26 PM | | Men do it, too. It is kind of amusing when they are 60 years and "prefer not to say" whether they want a child or not. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:06:45 PM | I think that's one of the rare questions where it's FINE to say that. Maybe there's a long story to it... stipulations... like "Yes, I'm definitely open to it in 5-10 years if (insert situational factors here), but if I'm in (this) situation, then probably not." There can be a "NO WAY" for now, but "I probably will" later on... that sort of thing. Lack of choice in answers gives more acceptability to "Prefer Not to Say".
Prefer Not to Say basically means "we can talk about it later". Hasty judgments "Oh, he/she's like this because of that black-n-white answer" or "Oh, cool, that means he/she is JUST like everyone else who answered that black-n-white answer", is worse than leaving it up as a mystery, right?
It's just the profile and it's non-definitive. If you like them, AND they like you, and you end up conversing, you can end up talking about what they mean about it. Don't be obsessed about it. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:23:54 PM | Because POF is vague on their drop down menus.
Some women want kids someday, but no right now
Some women don't want more kids of their own bodies, but will accept another mans children
Some want to pick up little street urchins and adopt them
Some want to not have any at all of there own but will accept someone elses | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:39:15 PM | The don't want them unless the right one comes along, or they could change their minds, just like we guys sometimes do  If you don't want any ...fix it or date someone your age, simple huh | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:04:37 PM | I have raised my 2 kids..They are gone.
If I meet someone with a child, and we fall, and we get married. I would do my best with his child.
I am unable to have any more children.
So now ,,what would you put????
Lbiker | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:21:36 PM | There is a good chance that people aged 25+ are likely to already have children from previous relationships. With this in mind people who date people with children enter such relationships knowing that the other person comes as a package. As you say men and women who date in such circumstances should do their best.
There are a lot of women on here who openly say they dont want to date anyone who already has children. If nothing else at least they are being upfront. In the majority of cases children from unsucessful relationships live with the mum. Given a huge proportion of women aged 25+ already have children, a guy who said he didnt want to date anyone with children would be disappointed.
My heart goes out to men and women who might want children but for whatever reason cant. One of the forums on POF woman involves a woman who is keen to have a child and will only date guys who have put 'Yes' they want a child on their profile. If a guy has 'Prefer not to say' she dismisses them because she wants to know from the outset if the other person wants children or not.
What's right, wrong or grey is I think down to whichever view point a person has. Interesting though. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:32:33 AM |
What's right, wrong or grey is I think down to whichever view point a person has.
No kidding. This pretty much applies to all questions, ya know? So...yeah.
To answer the sneaky second question you slid in on the heels of the "prefer not to say" question, all women want only George Clooney. Well, him or Brad Pitt. Or exact lookalikes. And he has to be very, very rich. We all require this. No exceptions. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:00:56 AM | Because how it's answered could be interpreted many different ways.
If I say "No" I don't want kids... a guy with kids might assume I wouldn't want to date him because he has them.
As far as your second question... where are you meeting these women?
It sounds like you need to do a check on how/where you're finding women. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:47:43 PM | | The second question stems from an entry on POF forum by a woman which numerous other women agree with. | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/22/2009 5:05:02 AM | I had "undecided/open" on my profile from the time I signed up. Then I came across a few questions such as yours and decided to put No, then explained right on my profile, don't want to give birth to more children , but am open to meeting a man who has children.
I don't go along with some people who think you should be all mysterious or leave something to talk about. I'm upfront about what I want or don't want , what my life is about. Makes for a much easier time for the guys (I would hope anyway) to either contact me or move on.
As for the looks and money..well like the rest of the women, We don't compare men to movie stars!!! Unless one actually happens to look like someone then we might think that's cute or interesting, but we women are just as firmly grounded in reality as men are. We do not expect movie star looks. The money..well, I'd much rather talk to a person and know who they are, what they like, what their personality is and if we have a connection or not. Could care less what state his finances are in. Mine aren't perfect and if a man is judging me by my financial situation..I don't want to know him anyway :) | |
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| Woman who 'Prefer not to say'
Posted: 6/22/2009 9:25:07 AM | | The previous post totally supports the fact that guys would be wrong to tar all women with the same brush. Joking aside, I agree that the drop down choices available should include an option that covers people who are open to people with children but do not want to bare a child together. | |
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