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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?      Home login  
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 wodever
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 1
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?Page 1 of 1    
a gentleman who I was getting to know and who had expressed interest in me when asked... was recently upset because I had mentioned I was excited about getting to know him to a girlfriend of mine.

Her sister happens to work at the same place as he does.

I have never met her sister and I didnt realise thats where she worked.

I never disclosed any personal information to my freind regarding anything we might or might not have done just that I liked him and thought him anice guy.

The sister aproached him saying that he knew a freind of her sister- I dont know the exact words but somehow this was upsetting to him.

I recieved an email that afternoon saying that some one had aproached him , He was wanting to make it clear that we were NOT seeing each other and that he didnt apreciate his personal life being brought to his work. and that this needed to end here and now.

after figuring out what had happened I also found out what he told the sister... that he did not know who she was talking about. The sister apologised saying that she must be mistaken.

I explained my thoughts to him about this and explained as much as I knew about that had taken place. I said that I was sorry if he had been made uncomfortable...
do respect and totally understand the need to keep a personal life personal, but I still find it a bit hurtful considering I had done nothing wrong. I explained to him that I didnt want him to feel like I was somesort of needy clingy stalker person and I would back off and told him he knew how to contact me if he wanted to ....

but Im left wondering.... Even if he does try to contact me again.... should I respond? Afterall even though we dont really know each other that well... I wouldnt have ever thought I would have my existance denied.
As if I might be something to be embaressed of? Considering what I learned from my freind was that the sister and him had hardly talked I thought it was just her attempt to break ice with a fella who hasnt been working in a place very long.

thoughts?

if this upsets him further Im sorry but mulling it around in my head wasnt helpful
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2
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what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:03:10 PM

I recieved an email that afternoon saying that some one had aproached him , He was wanting to make it clear that we were NOT seeing each other and that he didnt apreciate his personal life being brought to his work. and that this needed to end here and now.
Sounds like a few things:
1. He overreacted.
2. He thinks you being a friend of a friend of a coworker is juvenile and wants to keep third parties out of his relationships.
3. He's interested in someone else at work and wants to make sure that door stays open.
but Im left wondering.... Even if he does try to contact me again.... should I respond?
Well, if you do...definitely do not share details with your friend. That will not go over well. It's highly unlikely he will contact you.
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 3
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what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:12:11 PM
He could be embarrassed people might find out he's on plentyoffish.

He's also a big baby to overreact over that. Yeesh.
 Hayroller
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 4
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:12:18 PM
Stop "mulling" about it and work on your self-esteem. So the dude blew you off. Is that a big deal? Time to forget HE exists, and move on to bigger and better things.
 stormweaver
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 5
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:25:05 PM
Sounds to me like one word could sum it up....married
 originalNw
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 6
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what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:30:11 PM
What do you " really Want" ? You question opens to: What if " He does...? And what if he does? Talk To Him. Understanding what you want is half the problem.




 something_witty
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 7
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:35:04 PM
He`s probably hiding something
 ok4life
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 8
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:44:17 PM
Ok i have had many of friends do the exact same thing to girls, all for the same reason. They DON'T want someone to know you are talking to them. So

Even if he does try to contact me again.... should I respond?

Why would you want to? Do you want to be someones second best all your life? Or are you looking for a fling?

now for why he doesn't want someone to know your talking..... Logically he is very strong on this, so its a serious matter to him.
He
A. Just want a piece and he even wants to hide you.... Sad but it can happen, unlikely in your situation... new job, not knowing the sister...

B. he has a girl, or is IN the process of getting one. and don't have the balls to tell you, and would rather play the game.....
 wodever
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 9
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:58:56 PM
well, he hasnt gotten a peice....

Thanks for all the comments I didnt think I would be contacting him again I likely wouldnt be anything more then polite if he did decide I was worth a word. However...I doubt he would anyway. and thats ok.... Ive had a lot of practice in the last few months telling guys that I was no longer interested or that I didnt need to be anyones secret.

I just needed to see if other guys found this response on his part to be off the mark or not.
 skyhawk53
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 10
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what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:05:59 PM
Yeah he definately overreacted. He may have been interested in someone at work, or maybe the sister or something. Dont worry yourself over it.
 humptyhump1984
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 11
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:31:19 PM
Sounds odd, perhaps it's for the best.
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 12
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:40:20 AM

...upset because I had mentioned I was excited about getting to know him to a girlfriend of mine.


So I'm guessing it the whole Chatty Kathy thing. He found out that he'd really NOT like to know you after all.
 zephyrmoon
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 13
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:57:43 AM
You were too eager. Even your explanation and apology to him were just too much.

Eagerness denotes neediness. If you're this excited now, you may turn into a clingy monster were he to spend any time with you. You scared him off.

You've got to develop some restraint. If you're talking too much, make yourself stop. Next time, if you're getting too excited about a guy, reign yourself in. Be cool. Relax, don't do it. Etc.

The only way you should ever talk to this guy again is if HE initiates it. Don't talk yourself into some idea that he just needs to to explain more or apologize more and use that as an excuse to contact him. You've done enough.

And if he DOES ever contact you, don't rush to tell everyone in the world about it. You were indiscreet.
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 14
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 4:03:05 AM

You were too eager. Even your explanation and apology to him were just too much.

Eagerness denotes neediness. If you're this excited now, you may turn into a clingy monster were he to spend any time with you. You scared him off.

You've got to develop some restraint. If you're talking too much, make yourself stop. Next time, if you're getting too excited about a guy, reign yourself in. Be cool. Relax, don't do it. Etc.

The only way you should ever talk to this guy again is if HE initiates it. Don't talk yourself into some idea that he just needs to to explain more or apologize more and use that as an excuse to contact him. You've done enough.

And if he DOES ever contact you, don't rush to tell everyone in the world about it. You were indiscreet.


I disagree with this. I suppose some men might see it that way but I'm not one of them.

If I'm interested in someone and they tell me that they've mentioned me to their friends it is an indicator that THEY have an interest as well. I'm not really to concerned about WHAT they talked about - If she's still talking to me then I assume it couldn't have been very negative. And it certainly wouldn't be a reason for me to break off contact with her. Maybe she's seeking advice? Bragging? Excited? It doesn't really matter.

I tend to have a fairly large wall between work-life and professional life but my co-workers knowing that I'm dating someone isn't a biggie. I just don't go into any details with them and if the conversation goes there I move it back to something else. That's easy enough to do.

If this guy was that concerned then my guess is that he's got something else going on and his on-line world and in-person world were about to come crashing together with some seriously bad results for him all the way around.
 es-ka-moses
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 15
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 4:43:24 AM
A few things:

1. He would be embarrssed of the circumstances in which you guys met "a dating website".
2. I would find it really disrespectful of someone i was seeing to have someone approach me at work without either: telling me that i worked with someone you knew, or without introducing us first.

It's like finding out on facebook that your girlfriend is pregnant. (similar idea anyways)
 wodever
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 16
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:07:34 AM
well eska since I had no idea my freinds sister worked at the same place your number two sugestion is way off the mark- I did not HAVE anyone approach him.


Thanks to the rest of you guys I apreciate hearing things from a mans point of view as I said before I was most concerned weather this would be considered an overreaction or not by other men.

I dont intend on initiating any sort of conversation with him since I have told him that would be on him to do if he felt like it.

Ive had a lot of oportunity to decide what was important to have from a potential partner or even a freind- which is what I would have considered the relationship... a growning freindship. And one thing that I dont find i work well with is people who overreact.
 petebelongs
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 17
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what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:53:12 AM
OP, we can only speculate in what his feeling and intentions were and are. Only he can let you know exactly why he reacted like he did. But, will you be likely to believe a man that denied your very existance when asked????
It sounds like a good time to throw the lure back into the water!
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 18
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what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:10:57 AM
Eh, some people are over-sensitive about what constitutes invansion of personal space/invasion of privacy.

Who knows?!?!?

He could have even been offended that you said ANYTHING to ANYONE. It may not have been WHAT you said, but just the mentioning set him off.

Move on.

His problems are HIS.
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 19
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:58:38 PM

And one thing that I dont find i work well with is people who overreact.


Uh...like posting in a public forum about a guy who reacted badly when you spread his business all over the place. So your reaction is to do it AGAIN, all over POF?

I would say that YOU are overreacting as much as he did. Maybe you could have apologized and offered a little sensitivity...?

No room in your heart for that? Easier to slam him on POF, I guess....
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 20
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what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:05:49 PM
Somehow you ended up being mentioned to him by a work colleague. This probably did startle him a bit as none of us expect our private lives to turn up at work, unless we invite them to. However, it wasn't your fault and just an odd coincidence, so his reaction was unfair. He could have asked you how it happened before jumping to conclusions. Whatever he thought was going on, his reaction to you wasn't very nice and it doesn't show him in a good light. You deserve better treatment than that and certainly lots better treatment from someone you might consider as a romantic prospect. I wouldn't want to know someone who behaved like that and would write him off.
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 21
what would make a guy pretend he didnt know you...?
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:20:03 PM
Be glad things haven't developed further because if he's gonna get upset about something like this, it's only going to get worse.
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