| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:08:17 AM | Y'ever get to that point? Where nothing anyone is saying is what you want to hear or sounds remotely appealing and only causes pain and torment, to the point where I just crawl into my shell and say "so what"? Everyone here seems to be chasing something in another to bring them fulfillment. Sometimes being alone is blissful and preferrable to a life of torment and anxiety, spending time chasing some emotion or something that may or may not exist, and even if it does exist, is hard work to achieve and maintain.
Label this spam or pity or get it deleted if you wish. "I don't really care"... | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:38:00 PM | | Believe it or not, a man's careless nature is sometimes a big turn on for women. It's the guys who care "too much" that scares them away. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:50:24 PM |
a man's careless nature is sometimes a big turn on for women....
ummmm. No. I don't think so. I would much rather be with a man who cares about himself, his significant other, and the world around him.
A not caring attitude is a huge turn off for me. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:58:29 PM | | Indifference can be hugely liberating. I don't give a damn what anyone thinks any longer and I'm much happier for it. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/21/2009 8:14:23 PM | Choosing the "blissful, single life" is fine for some, but not most. We're social creatures by design, that's why we're all here--for contact/communication at the very least.
There's an easy road and a hard road--one that requires work. The easy road is to just give up, not care and become a victim to your circumstances. The hard road you must work for--design for yourself and take charge in order to get what you want.
No one is going to hand you what it is you crave or desire on a silver platter--except you.
I think some of us are wandering around, bouncing off of people and things just hoping we'll meet the "one" by fate, without any actual, true effort put forth. That's great, but doesn't seem to really work IRL.
If you were planning a long road trip, you'd make sure you had directions in order to get there. Same thing is true for finding what it is you want--you have to not only know exactly what the ultimate goal is.....but you have to actually PLAN how you're going to get there. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/21/2009 8:39:18 PM | No, I don't ever get to that point. If I did, I would have ended my last relationship about five months into it when all the problems started. Most of them were not her fault or mine. Some was outside things. Some were differences in opinions that led to hurt on both sides. But if I listened to everyone that told me to run, including myself, then I'd always wonder what if. Finding love is not easy. Keeping it is even harder.
I will continue to chase my dream of ever lasting love regardless of how hard it is to find and to keep.
I will continue to seek that special kind of love.
You don't turn love on and off like water and just move on.
For some of us, it's worth the effort it takes to find and to keep. I will never crawl into my shell and say "so what" I may have many faults and weaknesses. I'm far from perfect. But when it comes to caring and feeling for someone deeply, I'm very proud of my strength of heart.
As for me being alone... never... you can have it. No man is an island. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:30:47 PM | Thanks, guys. The passion is still there, it just requires "stimulation". I think I just need to get out more. Trouble is, there's nothing to do down here in South Florida in a socially mingling sense except lay on the beach, sweat, dance and drink. I like dancing, can pound booze but like to get merely lightly toasted, not drunk. The ladies at the wedding I was at tonight were completely bombed. I want a willing participant with a pulse, not a zombie. So it ain't just me, folks, it's company.
There was one cute young thing I flirted with...she was sweet and very sober, but I chocked it up to what it was, a temporary flirtation, 'cuz we're too far apart in age. After two minutes, she fluttered away...I need someone closer to my age who's not a raging drunk.
And, thanks, yeah, this site and these forums get me down. Meeting women in person is always better. What can I tell ya, people, I'm bored... | |
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Ettien
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Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 10 | |
| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:38:40 PM | kpooks, a buddy of mine that I met off POF wrote me this once. It really opened my eyes.
I wrote this to her:
Your previous msg said it. I have to be willing to see what is there in front of me. Until I'm willing to see it for what it is, I may continue self-sabotaging and repeating this same ole dance. However, when I was driving home today and her venomous text came, I wasn't really hurt or shocked. I became desensitized to this type of backlash in recent months. In a way, it's made me stronger.
Her insightful reply:
Sometimes it feels strong to cut off our feelings, but in healing circles there's a saying that goes, The Only Way Out is Through -- so please don't think going numb is strength. The strength comes from feeling the feelings, facing them, looking at them, understanding them and growning and changing. There are people who spend their whole lives refusing to do this.
I read her reply over and over. It really resonated with me. I saw where this woman, an older, wiser human being in her late 30's, was coming from. I faced my feelings, and it's helped me to understand my behaviors a lot more, and why certain things happened. It's not always them. Sometimes it's you, your actions and reactions.
Just some food for thought. Things usually do get better with a little perseverance, understanding and luck, however  | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 4:37:41 AM | Kpooks, I have read many of your posts and I can't imagine there is NOTHING to do in South Florida. I live in the Midwest and there is plenty to do. If you are bored, you need to find things to do. It isn't just going to show up on your doorstep.
I have read many of your previous posts and boredom always seems to be a common theme with you. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 5:07:21 AM | I don't get it.
I live in South Florida too.
Yes there is a large population of drunks, but there's plenty to do.
Concerts, festivals, people watching, boating, great restaurants, snorkeling, sports games, plays, casinos, shopping... you need to change your life up a bit.
No one's going to do it for you. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 5:32:11 AM | Hey cfb62....hmm Maybe a match can be made right here! The both of you live close by, both are attractive, both pretty much like the same things, both in the same age range....any attraction there? 
Now who is going to write who first huh? We wanna know!
OK, my playing cupid for the day is done...I feel good! | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:48:36 AM | I wish I could say I don't really care - but I do. I want a decent relationship. I scan these forums a lot when I'm looking; for advice, consolation, a really great pearl of wisdom I can learn from.... like this one:
Your previous msg said it. I have to be willing to see what is there in front of me. Until I'm willing to see it for what it is, I may continue self-sabotaging and repeating this same ole dance. However, when I was driving home today and her venomous text came, I wasn't really hurt or shocked. I became desensitized to this type of backlash in recent months. In a way, it's made me stronger.
Her insightful reply:
Sometimes it feels strong to cut off our feelings, but in healing circles there's a saying that goes, The Only Way Out is Through -- so please don't think going numb is strength. The strength comes from feeling the feelings, facing them, looking at them, understanding them and growning and changing. There are people who spend their whole lives refusing to do this.
I am going to remember this. I have a tendency to deny my feelings and try to replace one relationship with another. I have done this my entire relationship life. Then I found a good one that didn't quite work out. I'm trying to do the same with him (replace him quickly and move on), but it's not working. I can't fight the heart-broken feeling. I have to heal first. I understand this for the first time, ever.
That's why these forums can be a good thing. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:53:29 AM | ........No, I don't ever get to that point. If I did, I would have ended my last relationship about five months into it when all the problems started............
Why is it that the problems always start then, when you've already become attached? What did you do about the problems, gentlemaNJIM4ONE? Are you still with that woman? If not, at what point did you call it quits? | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 9:41:24 AM |
What did you do about the problems, gentlemaNJIM4ONE?
I'd like to answer this question for you, but it would be like saying to much about her and where I think it all went wrong. I will respect her privacy, as she is a very private person that does not like her life to be in a spotlight for all to see. Even close friends.
So let's just say I did all the wrong things or maybe we'd still be together.
But I will tell you this much... No, I am not with this woman... and it was not me that ended it... she did.
Why is it that the problems always start then, when you've already become attached?
Can't speak for others, but in my case, it was a couple of things that changed the course of what started out like a dream come true for me...and maybe even for her. One of those things was not her fault nor mine....Like so many things that made the road to rocky for her. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:19:02 AM | I'm seeing and hearing from you someone who, like many/most is focused on an outcome (your destination) rather then on the journey. Yes, like taking a roadtrip you do need to be prepared but at the same time if your focus is on a specific outcome think of all that you're potentially missing along the way. Remember that emotions are fleeting, changing and often false. Back-off a little and start doing things that are reasonable and important to you without being swayed or impacted by your emotions.
I have a difficult time believing that you can't find anything to do in So. Florida. Start doing some of the things that interest you and that you're doing for yourself. Don't be focused on 'meeting someone' while your doing those things and you might be surprised who you meet along the way. Very important, once you've met someone don't stop doing those same things or feeling like you need to change just to make the other person happy. That usually ends in disaster........
I have probably one of the lamest Profiles on POF, but yet I've been pleasantly surprised by the couple of women so far that have 'gotten it'. Enjoy the journey and don't be so concerned about the destination........... | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 7:16:39 PM | Funny, ara, I'm doing exactly what you're advising. Generally, I enjoy the journey, but sometimes it sucks, is boring, and would be a bit more fun with a soft honey who enjoys my peculiar humor lol.
These last few years have been a bitch. Failed business endeavors (get-rich-quick schemes that didn't earn me a dime and only ended up costing me a lot of time, money and energy), a relationship that fizzled out (and not from my lack of trying but a lack of her trying) and then watched my brother die of cancer, which was miserable and God-awful. He too was a hard-worker and good with people who needed a "big break" that never happened. Oh, well...such is life.
I thought how my life was going to go was: I'd enter a film into some film festivals, it would get noticed by someone with money, and the next projects would be fully funded. I'd then meet a honey who may or may not understand my curious obsession with filmmaking, but likes the money and likes my passion so she'll go along. Didn't go that way. I'm not giving up on the dream by any means, but I'm not getting any younger and I can't keep pouring time, energy and money into something just for art's sake--the process is just too exhausting...so I've settled into a life of mediocrity, of cranking out crappy, cheesy wedding videos and local commercials which pay the bills (barely) but are beneath me in every way. I've got bigger fish to fry--just not sure where they are. You people should see me when I'm on fire! I was hot for this stuff when I was a teenager, and, given the right surroundings and encouragement, still would be.
I'm just weary at this point. I think I need a new, exciting career. Career-happy = relationship-happy. Activities are great but it's nice to be making money doing what you love rather than spending money doing what you love. Nothing's really reaching out and grabbing me at this point, except the arts and entertainment, which I've always gravitated toward and which I've delved into time and time again and found there to be very little money in. I don't want to starve my entire life, so I'm doing things that pay the bills but bore me. Always thought I'd be in filmmaking for my career (cinematography, film editing or sound design, writing, maybe directing small character pieces), but no significant contacts here or in L.A. at this point to make that happen...to the point of earning a steady living anyway; just a bunch of scammers and wannabes (like me). The only jobs in cinema in South Florida are PAs and extras, both of which are low-paying and tedious for me, not an outlet for my passion. And I can't afford to move out to L.A. and starve for two years while starting over, building up contacts. Don't expect to get rich; just want to make a living having fun. Gets downright depressing, because I've got the talent and the desire is there, burning away, burning itself out...the candle is down to a wick...
Suggestions? Thanks, guys! | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:13:55 PM | | Maybe I need to get involved with the arts...just for fun-! Acting in plays, etc.-! It is a lot of work though, too much to do it for free. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:40:40 PM | Kpooks,
Your career is somewhat in the arts, right?
How about trying something different. Maybe teach computer skills to at risk youth? Even if you don't know much about them, it would give you a chance to take a course, maybe open up new avenues, and feel good about contributing to your community. I think I might look into it myself!
Anyway, good luck and I hope something good comes out of it for you. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:45:58 PM | I have a feeling that you won't stay down for long.
From reading your posts, you are intelligent, witty and have a lot going for you. You're just in a slump--we all get there at some point.
I have no doubt you'll be on here in a month or so saying you've done this and that and things are looking better.
Hang in there (but, of course, I already know you will!). | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/23/2009 1:34:37 AM | Yeah and it really sucks when you get online and find hundreds of guys thinking the same thing...they really don't care if you are with him
You can do a song and dance...all the bells and whistles to make him happy..
and he really does not care..
You can take him to the moon and back...
and he really doesn't care.
because it is an over stimulated computerized .society that creates insensitivity..
that makes him not care.
Stick a fork in me...I am done. | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/23/2009 2:59:30 AM | | mate ive been alone now for over two years and i dont care anymore do what i did get a four wheel drive and have some fun out in the bush | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:55:43 AM | Thanks, all--great advice! Love the notion of getting an SUV and having some off-road fun in the bush.
A good, violent contact sport--that sounds like what I need.
Yeah, I'm pretty tough, resilient and generally look for the funny, just get in a funk at times. Damn, countrygirl, I wish I could retire and move to North Carolina--I think we'd hit it off lol! | |
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| Don't Really Care
Posted: 6/23/2009 2:11:24 PM | kpooks nothing like doing a mud run mate or even take up kayaking something like that you wont have a care in the world trust me on that mate | |
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