| Marriage
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:57:49 PM | Some questions:
What is the right age to get married?
What are the drawbacks to getting married early in life... or much later in life?
What is to be scared of? If you have found the right person... why risk losing them? | |
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| Marriage
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:08:55 PM | Don't know that there is ever a right age to get married. Some will always say it's too soon. Some are going to say it's too late. I'd say you'll know when you know. At 27, I have a running joke with a buddy of mine that we're getting too old for our respective first marriages, if that helps.
Drawbacks to getting married, I'd imagine, don't really change no matter what age. My parents got together when they were 18 and have been ever since. Had buddies who did the same and got divorced a year later. But, I've also seen that happen in older folk.
Some folk just don't want to get married. I think humans have a strong desire to have love and companionship, but might not need that little piece of paper saying they love each other.
I'll ask you, however, if you found the right person, where is the risk that you will lose them, married or not?
Edit for below: I don't know that marriage is the ultimate showing of "I want you and no one else." Look at the divorce rates. Look at the number of people who cheat on their spouses. I'm too much of a cynic to believe that "love conquers all," so I'm certain there are more reasons than just love for getting married. A key thing to have in a marriage, no doubt. But not the only.
And, I think it's a big bunch of bullshit that gays and lesbians can't legally marry in most states. This country was founded on tolerance and was supposed to be about freedoms to live as you wish. It's crap the reasons people come up with for why gays and lesbians can't marry, most of them religious. Half the founding fathers where atheists. | |
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Posted: 6/21/2009 11:10:54 PM | | Basically, it works like this. The sooner you get married, the sooner your 2nd marriage will begin. | |
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Posted: 6/21/2009 11:12:54 PM | The risk would be that you look like you're holding out for someone better... marriage is the ultimate showing of "I want you... no one else..." that is why.
Maybe that domestic partnership works for Oprah and Steadman... but there is a reason that gay couples are FIGHTING for the right to make that declaration of love for another person.... and all the rights and responsibilities it confers. | |
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Posted: 6/21/2009 11:16:36 PM |
What is the right age to get married?
I guess when/if one wants too
What are the drawbacks to getting married early in life... or much later in life?
I don't know, it depends on the people and the situations they find themselves in
What is to be scared of? If you have found the right person... why risk losing them?
If you found the right person, what's the rush? If two people want to be together, be together... a couple rings and a piece of paper doesn't make a relationship work, it only makes the dissolution a legal matter. | |
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Posted: 6/21/2009 11:19:04 PM | I'd say: "For guys, 30. For women, younger, but not too much younger."
You can't make rules about this, because people are different.
BUT if you want to, that's my call :) ! | |
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Posted: 6/21/2009 11:32:16 PM | | right age? there is no right, only "ready". it's all a personal decision. if you set it as a goal, you define your path. it's about the path from there on in. what are you learning and what are you contributing? some paths go on forever. some divert. some hit dead ends. some end in death. just have integrity and say what you mean, mean what you say and "do it". be two whole people with a third entity, your partnership. you will grow as individuals and as partners. if no growth, you are on the wrong path. that will be your feedback. i see it as two parallel roads and you reach out and hold hands. sometimes one is a bit faster, but the other catches up. you know and agree where you are going. neither holds the other back. the marital part is the contractual part. it is spiritual in one sense and economic in the other. it is not a should, but has degrees of meaning and validity that vary. i believe two happy parents are best to raise children. that will take nurturing of the self, the other, the partner and the child to flourish. if that ceases, then you have to make do, but the child will suffer. so when to have a child is an even more important question in my book. | |
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Posted: 6/21/2009 11:48:25 PM | Marriage is an institution of church and state, nothing else.
I doubt that weather or not you marry someone, it will make the relationship better or worse. that having been said, I dont think age or fear is relevant. IMHO | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 12:02:57 AM | I don't think anyone should get married before about 24-25, but it really is a personal choice. There is still a lot of growing and changing going on in a person before that time frame, atleast imo.
Early - Never explored the dating world and will always wonder about various things they could have done as a single person. And not sex, more like just traveling or doing some of the things you want to do but your partner might not be cool with it. Later - To set in your ways.
Scared of? - Why do I need to state to legalize my relationship? If a woman was dating me solely because she wanted to get married, I think of bridezilla. A long term monogamous relationship sounds great, but marriage is not in the future for me. Once was enough. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 6:19:17 AM | Well, I guess it just depends on what you are getting married for!
Gay marriage, I suspect , has more to do with political/civil statements and the desire to be treated equally as heterosexual couples.
To some, sex and procreation are "against god" outside of marriage. So it's more to do with being "right with god" and making an honest man/woman out of the couple(ie; family-oriented).
At what age?
I'd prolly say the age where one moves from being a selfish being to a giving being. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 6:38:24 AM |
What is the right age to get married?
For a woman, as soon as possible; for a man, never.
What are the drawbacks to getting married early in life... or much later in life?
The main drawback to getting married early in life, is denying yourself the opportunity to experience what many other people may have to offer.
What is to be scared of? If you have found the right person... why risk losing them?
For a man, there's a lot to be scared of - the 50% divorce rate; being divorced and taken for half or more of our earnings; being trapped before our time, you name it. Marriage as an institution caters to women, and gives men very little benefit besides a tax bracket. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 6:39:53 AM |
What is to be scared of? If you have found the right person... why risk losing them?
There is nothing to fear the first time.
The second time the list varies from person to person but usually involves possible worries about a cheating spouse and financial devastation again. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 6:54:38 AM | I realize I am not a guy, but I just wanted to chime in. Many people now a days consider marriage a "piece of paper", but I see it as so much more than that. To me, as a Christian, it is a vow made before God that you should take seriously. How many times in your life do you make a vow before God? And yes, I am divorced. I am Biblically divorced. The Bible allows for divorce in cases of adultery and abandonment. My spouse had a problem with the former.....so, I realize that marriages can fail. But, we should not throw in the towel at the first little sign of trouble.
Also, I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman becuase the Bible defines it that way. And afterall, who came up with the concept of marriage? I believe that humans are fighting to change a concept that does not really belong to us. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 7:01:36 AM | | I knew this was going to come up. You really think God come up with the concept of marriage? You don't think that tribes in the middle of the Amazon or Africa don't have marriage ceremonies even though they've never been proselytized to? Or any number of societies that predate Christianity? Just wondering. As a pagan, not as an atheist. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 7:09:48 AM | | You have to be a certain age before you can get married. After that, it's anything goes. There are successful marriages that started out young and old alike. How old do you have to be to know how to swim? | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 8:23:04 AM |
Also, I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman becuase the Bible defines it that way. And afterall, who came up with the concept of marriage? I believe that humans are fighting to change a concept that does not really belong to us.
The bibler also clearly states that it is a shame for a woman to talk about matters of religion, that only men are supposed to teach others about god. But I guess if you are like most christians, just pick and choose whatever verses you want and disregard the rest. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 8:24:53 AM | | There is no one answer to any of your questions, OP. It will vary from person to person, situation to situation. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 8:26:24 AM |
What is to be scared of? If you have found the right person... why risk losing them?
Who said you have to lose them? There are people out there that have been together for a long time, with no intentions to marry.
Marriage isn't for everyone. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 8:31:56 AM |
What is the right age to get married?
- When you're far enough along in your self-work to recognize the right person when he/she shows up.
What are the drawbacks to getting married early in life... or much later in life?
Too soon: you don't know who you are, yet. You haven't yet done the things you want to do that you won't be able to do if married.
Later: Biological clock creates pressure to rush into children.
What is to be scared of? If you have found the right person... why risk losing them?
Be afraid that you are marrying to "complete yourself" and picked a person convenient for that purpose. He/she WASN'T the right person. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2009 8:47:04 AM | | Best to be looking in your 20s....people complain about the 50% divorce rate, but what they fail to realize that the best 50% come off the market and you are left with the leftovers and people that had issues that they are still single in their 30s.... | |
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