| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:57:37 PM | Have you ever experienced the feeling of being so disillusioned with someone you love that you started to hate them? They not only fell off the pedastal you had them on but actually seemed to be the opposite of what you thought they were?
Sometimes the fact that you loved someone can fuel the eventual hate and you wouldnt have had this feeling if you had not first loved them. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 12:03:30 AM | | I think in those types of cases.. it wasn't love that you were feeling but rather infatuation. And the anger seems to come more from disappointment than it does from actually being hurt. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 12:04:01 AM | This has happened to me...
I couldn't hate very long... but it was necessary for me to break away emotionally.
I think you can hate the ones you love/loved in the moment but truely... if your heart is still intact you will remember they are the good along with the bad. This is what I struggle with the most... hate is so much more painless. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 12:16:30 AM | I agree with Studioguy that you don't actually hate them; you're angry and hurt and maybe vengeful, but it's not the same as hatred toward someone you didn't love at one time.
So no, I might feel like I couldn't bear to be around them or see them, but it wouldn't be because I "hate" them. Maybe..."despise." That word seems to indicate a loss of respect to me. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 12:17:53 AM | "there is a fine line between love and hate
and that's just what we had
it is such a shame because the good was great
but it never took up for the bad"
That is a verse from a song I wrote many many moons ago.
Yes, I do believe there is a direct corrilation between the two feelings. But I must say that it is unhealthy to give that kind of raw emotion such power. It can only serve to hurt you in the end. The other party rarely cares......out of sight out of mind...... whilst the perpetrator of hate stews in their own venom of negativity.
When you are truly done with someone...you are done.
You don't think about them.
They don't affect you or your decision making process. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 12:21:54 AM | | IME the first red flag is when someone puts you on a pedestal ~ there is only one place to go from there. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 12:24:34 AM | | I think when someone you loved treats you badly, you do start to hate them. frist it's almost disbelief that this is the person you loved,I like you don't even know this person anymore. This is when it turn to hate, your not hating the person you loved your hating the person they have become. | |
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| My idea's on hate
Posted: 6/22/2009 12:26:24 AM | Hello folks:
From what I've seen: "hate will destroy the hater, much sooner than it will the hated".
Therefore, you'd better be careful how much you let hate control your life.
"It means much more to the hater that they hate, than it doe's to the hated, that they are".
I've seen it a bunch of time's.
Whenever someone says they hate me, I just thank them for letting me know and say goodbye because they won't be around too much longer. That never fails to confuse the hell out most.
Wish you well,
George | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 3:27:01 AM | | love and hate is almost the same thing if you look at it in my way. their both strong emotions towards someone that keep you thinking. if someone you are just bananna sandwitch over quickly goes rotten, your getting impatent and want a rise out of them ultimately. it's all about ATTENTION, THEIRS NO SUCH THING AS GOOD OR BAD ATTENTION. and it took me a while to learn and grasp that concept. you'll probably flop back and forth a few times but really when you start to dislike someone who's acting the way they are, you ultimately still have some sort of attraction. you just want to stir the pot a bit and get them to approach you. if you really hated someone to the point where you just dont want them in your life, simply focus on someone else or just your own life. people can pickup on your thoughts if their attentive enough (looks, acts, expressions, ticks) it happens to me all the time | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 3:29:27 AM | Yes..that was when I knew it was time to give it up. Everything I loved about him was a lie and the bad outweighed the good. The man I used to look at with adoring eyes turned into spiteful ones...
Sad, sad thing.. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 5:40:04 AM | | The only time things evolved to a level approaching hate was when I was with my ex and felt trapped by the circumstances of raising three kids and worrying about the ability to keep food on the table. All other relationships I was smart enough to figure out that I could end the relationship without wasting my time hating someone, even if they proved to be nearly polar opposite of who they thought they were. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 5:58:07 AM | | It's the adult version of a tantrum: Please me and I will adore you, displease me and I will hate you. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 5:59:40 AM | guaranteed disillusionment. that's what you get when you put people on a pedestal.
"damn you for not living up to MY expectations!"
next question.
....................................................................................................................... | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 6:17:36 AM | Hate is just hurt turned inward .. and why hate inside of the person you need to love the most... YOU>>> it is unresolved emotional baggage that is gripping you from being who you were long before you met this person.. and until you allow your mind to grieve and let go... it will own you as disasterously as a few warts popping up on the end of a nose.. never allow anyones actions to take hold of your mental well being.. you give away your power to an imaginary enemy and can't see the bad twigs from the good ones... you did not own the actions that created the hurts .. you do own your emotional well being and how you allow your mind to respond to them .. and of how you heal.. and festering around in a storm of a hurt mind is not good for your molecular health .. nor your ability to make your life your own again.. recognition is key , you are there.. now allowing yourself to take the journey thru the pain is necessary for healing.. this is how you become authentically you again.. life is way to precious to allow your mind to get stuck in the past in pain.. healing must occur or you will become ill.. your molecules get altered by succumbing to anger as a mental environment for you mind to work in.. cells change and the bodies hormones become unbalanced..
Eat right .. exercise in small increments until you "feel" strong .. it is progressionary and practise deep mindful full breaths . about ten minutes every nite.. sleep at regular times.. and consistently .. healing the body to wholeness begins with this regime ... eat whole foods and take a multivitamin and some cod liver oil... and your outlook will become healthy as you nurture both your inner and outer world.. You must look after you ... as no one will ever look after you better than you!!! | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 6:40:09 AM | .....then it is time to get out! This is what happened in my marriage. It took several years to deteriorate to that point. There came a time when I couldn't see the person that I fell in love with and my feelings were more repulsed then hate. Since we have been apart things are on the mend. Though I will never trust him again....I can learn to tolerate him for our son's sake (it is a struggle though)  . | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 7:17:32 AM | | I've felt that way toward one woman. We'd been seeing each other for about 8 months,spending a lot of time with each other. I felt I was falling in love with her,and then she stole my credit card and with it bought a plane ticket to fly to Toronto to see another guy she'd been chatting with on a phone line.Hate hardly described what I felt that point,and after 8 years those feelings have hardly subsided. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 9:17:49 AM |
Have you ever experienced the feeling of being so disillusioned with someone you love that you started to hate them?
Not in a romantic sense, nope.
They not only fell off the pedastal you had them on but actually seemed to be the opposite of what you thought they were?
Pedestal and "thought they were" don't belong in the same sentence. Anyone that puts someone on a pedestal puts them there by choice. They are put there because of who the individual MADE THEM to be, which is generally not even close to who they really were. Fantasies of who we want them to be are usually placed on pedestals. They tell you everything you need to hear, and make you feel exactly what you need to feel when you need to feel it, and do all the "right" things...so we take that fantasy and place it on a pedestal.
But the person...the actual entity...they're still on the ground. Who we want them to be is placed on the pedestal.
So they never fell off at all. The illusion you created about them just disappeared, and left the pedestal vacant now.
Sometimes the fact that you loved someone can fuel the eventual hate and you wouldnt have had this feeling if you had not first loved them.
Nope. Wrong. Whoever told you that is a clown. Love does not, and will not ever fuel hate or hatred. Ever. Hate fuels hate. If you think that love can lead to hate then you never loved to begin with.
That hate you feel is just internal turmoil because you allowed yourself to make believe something that didn't exist. You finally opened your eyes to reality and stepped away from that fantasy just long enough to see them for who they really were all along...and that hate you feel is just you hating you. But wait...we can't have people taking personal accountability...NOOOOOOO...so they turn that internalization into externalization and start blaming the other person for the way they feel. Now they can feel better about themselves because they can say that it's someone else's fault that they got hurt. Never their own fault. Nope.
Face it...if you ever really loved someone, it can never turn to hate. Love can fade and take on new shapes, but hate ain't among them. What you hate is yourself. It begins and ends there. And people don't become their opposites...they are who they always were, you just chose to see someone different and ran with that illusion. People are who they are and can be no one else. You just see what you wanna see, and hear what you wanna hear, and you take that illusion and place it on a pedestal. That's YOUR fault. If you don't wanna feel the hate, then learn to see people for who they really are from the beginning and stop placing them so high up.
Illusions are comforting. Reality is better.
Stick with reality and you'll feel less hate towards yourself in the end.
JMO. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 9:52:31 AM | If you had them on a pedestal and they were the opposite of what you thought they were then you didn't love them, you loved the idea you assumed was them.
How can you love someone who only existed in your own projections?
You had illusions about them and the person turned out to be who the are, rather than your fantasy. That's not love.
But I'd say it's fairly typical with people who believe in the 'love at first sight' and 'soul mate' thing. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 9:58:14 AM | | I haven't ever put someone "on a pedestal", but yes, the love I had for someone turned to hate.... won't go into the details. Things are better now that we're divorced! Most of the time my feelings are neutral regarding him. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 9:58:40 AM | I think when the other person hurt you so badly, yes it does turn to hate..
My ex husband cheated on me...so therefore....yes I did hate him for a long
period of time....but then realized that all that energy I am feeding off towards
hating him is not going to do me any justice...so I learned to let go.... | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:20:51 AM | | One thing I have learned in life is that bitterness often hurts YOU more than the person it is directed at.. It's just not worth it. But you need to learn to forgive and forget. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:26:50 AM | | I agree with Studioguy29's post also....Hate is such a strong word....it is certainly disappointment, which can be pretty strong.... | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:29:05 AM |
Have you ever experienced the feeling of being so disillusioned with someone you love that you started to hate them?
No. Hate isn't possible in my definition of love.
They not only fell off the pedastal you had them on but actually seemed to be the opposite of what you thought they were?
How can you love someone you don't really know?
Oh wait, my definition of love again. I can't love someone I don't know. I can't love someone on a pedestal either. But that's just me.
Sometimes the fact that you loved someone can fuel the eventual hate and you wouldnt have had this feeling if you had not first loved them.
I don't think of love as a potential fuel source. Even for hatred. It's just my definition I'm using. I don't really know yours, so can't empathize. | |
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| When love turns to hate..
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:35:31 AM | | there is a fine line between love and hate and its a tight rope. hatered comes when we are disillusioned and betrayed by the ones we care about and it seems they no longer care for us. ( as i am personally facing that situation with a woman i met and married and am nowgetting divorced from, I met her on pleanty of fish). but the fact is disillusionment in ones self or partner can bring about hatred of the swelling kind. there is however a time to hate, but there also comes a time of forgivgeness and in most cases reconciliation. now will i ever be reconciled with what you get: prfile name, i dont know. and if i am not then it will never be too soon. | |
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