| How do you heal from the broken heart?...seriously!
Posted: 6/22/2009 6:47:34 AM | Hey guys.
Well i was on this site about 4 yrs ago.....was healing from a 7yr relationship and was doing really good. I was about to delete my profile that night and "he" popped up (when you could actually IM live on here) and told me not to delete but to sit and have a smoke with him and talk for a minute.
OMG he was the man of my dreams!...i had never met anyone like him and everyday was a new something with him. He always said to me that he used to be into Barbie dolls and was surprised that he found everything he needed/wanted in me!
Aug 2007 we got married and it was amazing!.. He promised my kids that he was never going to leave them and he would always be with us forever and ever. My kids started calling him dad!...things changed a bit afterwards... he wanted me to ditch all of my "bad" friends for him and like a good girl...i did..he tried to change me into someone that i wasn't and i tried but it's not me....i guess we got comfortable with each other. I have been in school for the past 2yrs trying to get my career and he's a workaholic. I had always maintained my independance through out the relationship and marriage because my kids aren't his and i'm not all about someone supporting me.
We moved more North and things got worse from there. It seemed that he was always whining that I didn't have time for him right around exam or midterm time...he always supported me to keep going in school but would throw it in my face that i always had a book in front of me.
His girls and I had our dealing with in the past and had managed to keep one relationship out of it but the younger one had said that she was going to do whatever it took to break us up....and she did!
I wouldn't come between him and his kids and he knew that. Long story short....we'd decided in Feb of this year that we needed some time but due to my schooling it was best that i just stayed in the house until I was done this semester....so i did and we lived like there was nothing wrong..like nothing changed...except the label.
I've been out of the house since June 1st and he's already got someone else in his life...since June 10th to be exact.
Yes she's everything that I'm not...and it kills me. She has a son but he's 17 now so my ex doesn't have to raise him....he keeps finding excuses to text and call me but always seems to find the time to remind me that he's busy doing all of the things that he denied us....with her.
But on the other had he can't stand it when I remind him that he's taken when he tries to be nice to me. Like on the weekend he'd won tickets to the NKOTB concert with back stage passes and invited me to go....i asked him why not take her he got mad at me...
We have met for sex once since he's been with her and i was fine after but i don't think he was...said he had a pain in his stomach and i told him that it was guilt.
I know it's games cuz he likes to play those but he's truely killing me!...my kids are not ok right now and my 13y/o, that he worked so hard to open up to him, has lost all hope with ever getting close to anyone ever again!
I'm wasting away to nothing...i've lost over 20pds since leaving and it's coming off everyday! My anxiety is through the roof, it feels like i'm having a heart attack all the time. I can't breathe without him and he knows it Literally my heart pounds so hard it takes my breath away like it is as i'm writing this.....
I'm sorry to go on but just thought it was only fair that i tell you a little about the situation to get an honest opinion.
I'm not sure I would take him back but the thought of him being in my life makes me happy.
I need to know if this pain is ever going to end....i can't see the light and need outside views on whats going on so please help me understand!.....ask more questions if you need more info on the situation.... | |
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| How do you heal from the broken heart?...seriously!
Posted: 6/22/2009 7:48:25 AM | oh honey i wish i could tell you how to heal your heart, i wish i could tell anyone(this is something i would not wish on my worst enemy) but he isn't worth it. You have to be strong for your kids, and although you may even find hard to wake up in the morning you can do it. All he is is playin games, he wants you but someone else. The pain (unfortently i can give you what you wanna hear) does ease after awhile but it will more than likely always be there, concentrate on your kids. They will help you and if you ever need anyone to talk to (as creepy as it sounds, i swear i am not a stalked i just kinda know how it is) theres always an ear to listen...
Good luck!
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! | |
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| How do you heal from the broken heart?...seriously!
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:06:25 AM | | wow your going through a lot and you must be a strong women to be were you are today right now. I know what a broken heart feels like it does really hurt to many points were it seems like the world around you could be crashing down. These are only feelings that will pass with some time and changing your focus from yourself to others manly your kids. They will help you the most during this hard time, there help(love) will be intense making you feel happy sad and happy again. Just allow the feelings to come and go and remember your not going to perish just breath, maybe slow at first then breath deeper and focus on that when alone. I have to much to say and want to talk about. I cant tell you anything I just hope you hear what you want to hear from the things i'm saying. we as humans dont know what we want until we learn that what we did have is gone b/c then we want that...that is silly.. we need to be happier then pig in S*&^t with what we have b/c one day it will be gone and that is okay..why.. well nothing is forever and we try to make this that one and never learn, everything that is happening to us is for a reason just try to see what is it that I have to learn hear. I know might not be easy when your mind is going lightspeed and you have tears in your eyes how can you see anything... remember about the breathing and when your done crying to yourself open your eyes sometimes that might not be literally. Keep doing what your doing and you will find what your looking for we all need to just believe in ourselves a little more. We all have our share of problems thanks to all that feel like sharing cuz' most ppl just hold it all in, not sure which one is better. my turn i need to just breath too.. ahh life is interesting :-) | |
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| How do you heal from the broken heart?...seriously!
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:08:18 AM | I understand you are hurting right now but Samijo makes a very valid point. Even if YOU don't think you can do this, YOU have to for your children. They are depending on you, looking up to you and leaning on you for support and as a parent that is what you have to do.
As for him, I would say STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM! Also, I am guessing you have to be in some contact for divorce proceedings but otherwise, STOP contact with him that does not relate to the divorce.
Good Luck! | |
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| How do you heal from the broken heart?...seriously!
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:28:56 AM | I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. This is what you have to do. Cut off all communication with him. ALL of it. It is sad that your kids got so attached to this man, but he is not their father. You don't have to communicate because he is their biological father and has "rights" to them. Do not answer his calls, or see him and for crying out loud, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM!!! I know this is difficult for you - the knowing how much "fun" he is having with the other woman, etc. If that relationship was so great you wouldn't be hearing from him. Stay away from him for 30 days. Take it one day at a time. You need to do it for your sanity. He sounds really controlling anyway and nobody needs that. My ex of 17 years denied me everything; emotions, respect, consideration, almost my education (yep, blamed me for our problems any time I spent extra time studying, working, etc.), but you know what? I kept going with it because I knew I was going to leave him one day - I hope you don't give up your education, it's too important.
Now my ex is remarried to a woman he loves and respects. They travel and have goals and dreams together - everything we didn't have. It was killing me at first - why not me, blah, blah, blah.....until I decided no more communication with him, about him, etc. I know I don't want him, I just didn't want to know about him being so happy. Not hearing about him (which is difficult to avoid sometimes because we have a son together) has done me a world of good.
Don't have anything to do with him for 30 days. You can do it. Re-evaluate then. He may even try to get you back, but he hasn't changed. He's not in a good relationship. Get yourself in shape to be in one the next time around. It doesn't feel like it, but it will happen. Don't put yourself in a position to be used because that will feel ten thousand times worse.
Hope this helped. Good luck. | |
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| How do you heal from the broken heart?...seriously!
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:38:12 AM | moodyminou,
Sorry what you going through and I know some of how you feel because I'm going through a breakup as well and trying to heal my broken heart...but we all know it takes time. However, I can say by keeping in contact with him is making your healing time longer. I say stop all necessary contact, you don't any kids together, so that shouldn't be as hard as one who share kids. Not sure why you are sleeping with him and knows he has someone else, but I suggest stop all contact. My heart goes out to you. Good luck. | |
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| How do you heal from the broken heart?...seriously!
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:16:05 AM | | wow you almost sound like an expert at this!..j/j...and your words are very encouraging...and i thank you... I just have to get to that point before I can see through the breakdown. | |
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| How do you heal from the broken heart?...seriously!
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:23:41 AM | yes that helps tremendously...i had asked him for 2 weeks no contact but he keeps finding reasons to contact me.
No he's not in a good relationship cuz his heart is still with me and I know it. She's arm candy and something to occupy his time. She's been divorced for only 2 yrs now and never been with anyone from the divorce until now.
We only had sex the 1 time nd i don't think i could bare to do it again. Yes i'm only human and need someone to toss around the bedroom every night but men fall in love with me after having sex with me and i'm not ready for that.
I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY EDUCATION FOR HIM!!!! i've worked too hard to keep this dream (the only 1 that i had on my own that i didn't give up to share his) and it's all i've got for myself.......so i hear ya!....ty for your words. | |
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