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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/22/2009 9:45:06 PM | Why is it that when they're really into you, you aren't too fond of them. When you're really into them, they do not only graciously reject you, they just delete your emails to them!
What is the secret to attracting someone that you're really attracted to? Should one simply downplay the attraction to win them over? | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:03:18 PM | Yes. You have to play the game. Its all a game. I hate playing it, people say they dont play games, but thats exactly what you gotta do to keep attraction. Just try it. As hard as it will be to do, and it is, u need to try and force the woman to chase you back. Dont text or call for days at a time in the beginning, etc. Some will even have the guts to ask why you are doing this, but they will keep on chasing. Eventually you need to reciprocate and let them catch up, so you chase them a bit, then you make them chase you again.
Its just hard to keep this crap up for long periods of time. Eventually someone gives in(usually me) and chases too hard and the challenge is gone and the game is over. I lose. I never believed all that game playing crap until i actually tried it. As long as you can keep it up, you can keep the fires burning. There's nothing wrong with harmless game playing, just most abuse it once they find out it works. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:38:33 PM | destructodave, how is that game playing working out for ya???
For me personally if a guy did that crap for a while I'd get the impression he's not interested, therefore I am not going to knock myself out on him either, in fact I will be long gone with someone that doesn't play games like that...
Last year I met my SO, I wrote him, I actually didn't think about him in a romantic sense, because I was tired of all the freaking lying and games I had dealt with for almost a year... However he was into something I wanted to learn more about, so I wrote him, asking if he'd care to share more about it...
We started e mailing, sharing interest, and then he even cracked out his web cam so I could see what he looked like as a person, NO NAKED STUFF, what a change...
We met and the rest has been history...
Had he played the of call once in a while, and act all uninterested, then he'd get that back in return... However some people have the right chemistry and things just maybe were meant to be...
OP, dating is hard, yes I have often felt it was some sort of universal joke... Just as going bald, having periods, grey hair, wrinkles, morning sickness, bad baby diapers, colic, and a host of other things that simple seem like things we could go without in life...
If it were really that easy would we have as much of an appreciation in finding that one person???? | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/22/2009 11:07:31 PM | I know what you mean OP.
And its not just on POF but IRL too, I still haven't figured the code behind that yet.
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/22/2009 11:22:15 PM | I told you how much it worked for me, even though you had to intentionally flame me for something everyone knows is true. You think just because im on this dating site I'm some kind of massive failure with women all the time? Please. Games keep attraction whether you admit it or not. When you stop providing a challenge 9 times out of 10 your on your way out the door.
And if you do it right she may not even be the wiser. You have to chase back eventually to let her catch up. Its just the way it is, and works fine in the beginning. Like i said a little harmless game playing to keep the fires burning hurts no one. But just mentioning games around here sets off some kind of witch-hunt for players.
Maybe once in a blue moon someone can have a Walgreen commercial moment like yours and land the man of their dreams with no bs attached, but it doesnt happen often. How long did you go through the dating scene before you found your 1 year relationship? So dont get up on that high horse just yet.
OP i dont pretend to know everything about a relationship. But that will work to spark initial attraction. Try it once and see for yourself. And try what others tell you too and see which one works the best.
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/22/2009 11:42:51 PM | Well aren't you a ray of sunshine... Destructodave.... I didn't flame you, just asked how the "game playing" was going.
Let's look at the logistics of this, I am 44, you are 27... Games in your age group are considered an acceptable thrill, my age group not so much...
Shug if these "games" don't work out in the end, then perhaps you need to change strategy... As I said, I don't play them, and am a straight forward no BS kind of gal, that if things seem interesting, I would let the guy lead... If he called me once in a great while, then MY impression was he was not all that interested, so I would keep my options open...
On POF, I went almost a yr, and there are a LOT of BS that goes on in the dating world, I was almost completely tired of the whole BS, but wrote my SO, and things worked out... It isn't a once in a bluemoon thing, but rather meeting the person you have a good connection with...
Let's face it, dating is hard, really it is... Put your best foot forward, tell your life story in 100 words or less. Leave out stuff that doesn't seem important, but gets trumped up to a HUGE lie of omission because it wasn't in your profile, or mentioned on a first meet... Figure out if a coffee meet is better than a dinner date, find out that there are some really creepy people out there, that maybe should really be locked up...
One thing that seems to stand true in the dating world is this, be yourself... IF you feel comfortable to call only ever couple days, then that is how it is, and there is no unexpected change if things progress...
Some people try to hide who they really are, which seems counter productive to me. The other person IS going to find out, and when they do, that has a negative affect nine times out of ten...
If you like someone, and really really like them, then show the interest... Don't go over board and call them 10 times a day... (had a long term do that) a quick hello on the e, and a phone call here and there if that is how you are...
YES, the term games is NOT a positive one, however IF you are being yourself, I think you will find dating less of a challenge... YOU SEEM TO BE in that tough age group for men on the internet... Way more men than women on here... However in the real world, there are more women than men... You may just have to find your nitch where dating is more natural, I don't know...
My high horse, lol, no not me, not my style, just saying, perhaps this thing you are doing is what is getting in the way of your dating success... Once again, I don't know, I have kids your age, and dating for them doesn't seem that challenging, but then again none of them did internet dating...
Good luck... | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 12:12:49 AM | Well its late and I took it as a personal attack, heck even some of your last post has some barbs aimed my way. And the game playing im talking about is in person, meeting people in the real world. I havent met up with a single person on here so i cant really comment on internet dating. I hardly talk to anyone at all on here there just isnt very much going on in my neck of the woods that im interested in. But i like reading forums too so here i am.
The sad fact of it is holding off texting or calling for a day or days works. And the relationships i do have dont just end or fall flat because of something as stupid as that. They end because we just werent right for each other. Your taking it to the extreme, as in some guy you ALWAYS have to text or make the call first everytime. No, you just as a guy, need to make sure its a give and take so that you seem to be a prize too. You dont have to play games with all women, but im gonna go out on a limb and say the OP is talking about a really hot woman and needs to seperate himself from the pack and seem desirable.
But im no expert on the entire relationship. But for the OP question about grabbing inital attraction, little games will work for that. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 12:17:59 AM | Oh btw i know whats getting in the way of my dating success. Im attracted to the wrong type of woman. To each his own i guess  | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 1:07:53 AM | Yeah, all women say they don't play games. But anyone who knows anything about women knows that that's just a load of BS . Just keep dangling that piece of cheese in front of her an she'll keep jumping.  | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 4:06:39 AM | Not sure, but if you figure it out please let me know. =P
And no, not all women like games.. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 4:29:36 AM | Well, if you were about 3 feel shorter, you could say it's because you're short and that women are horrible for passing up on you.
Were you about 20 years older, all the aged bachelors would happily chime in on how these pesky girls just don't want them.
Heck, had you chosen to spend less time in school, you could join the "women only want bachelor's degree and up" crew.
*looks around* shoot, I'm not making myself any friends, am I.. *laughs*
As it is, all I can tell you is that you're intelligent, hot, tall, educated, probably doing well for yourself - I highly doubt you get rejection a lot.
However, if it truly is the case, check with women who know you AND have seen you in action.
Have an honest discussion with female friend(s) and they'll be able to pinpoint what (if anything) you are doing wrong. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 4:36:20 AM |
Why is it that when they're really into you, you aren't too fond of them?
Because 80% of the people you like are lukewarm about you and vice versa. It's rare to find a mutual attraction.
When you're really into them, they do not only graciously reject you, they just delete your emails to them!
Same thing in reverse.
What is the secret to attracting someone that you're really attracted to? Should one simply downplay the attraction to win them over?
Nope. The secret is "finding" someone who's just as into you as you are them. Unfortunately not a lot of people have the patience or sticktoitiveness to wait it out, so they either try to settle for someone that likes them and they aren't that into or chase someone that they like alot but doesn't like them as much in return hoping it will change.
If it ain't mutual, keep looking. If you can't be alone this will be tough. If you're content with being single if you don't find what you want, this will be a walk in the park. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:48:18 AM | | the only secret is to stop wanting and accept that whatever is happening (or not) in your life right now is perfect. BE grateful for what you have and stop focusing on what you don't. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:57:52 AM | Haha not a man yet huh?
I think we will just have to agree to disagree. You do not have to call a woman every day to stay fresh in a woman's mind. And its that insecurity of her talking to another guy that you should never ever worry about. So what? Your not dating her yet. If you were good enough to spark alot of attraction to get her number and get her liking you the first time, she will still be thinking about why that guy hasnt called me like all the other guys. See there? you just separated yourself from the other guys and you seem desirable and have important things going on.
Its a simple process. You may not have to do it all the time. The girl may ginuinely be wanting you and doesnt matter what the hell you do call 50 times a day or not. And there is a ton more to it then just doing phone games, but im not gonna put it here.
Online on a dating site i guess it wouldnt work. Alot of people are looking for true love, serious relationships, have been burnt by games and are bitter about it, etc.
But the type of women I generally go for, the hot girls at the club or the wanted girls with 50 other suitors pining away calling all day, something that simple will separate you from the pack.
Hell ill give an example of my last GF. Really pretty girl, met her out one night got her number. I messaged the next day 1 time just to see what she was up to. I didnt get a reply so i didnt message again. 7 days later i got a message from her asking what i was doing. There we go date number 1. Set up date number 2, i didnt message at all for 2-3 days(was hard but i did it) then i just got some really stupid txt saying gibberish. She just wanted to see if i was still there basically. I answered and sent one more no answer. Yes she was a game player too. Never send more then 2 txts if you dont get an answer so i didnt. She messaged me on date day i didnt even have to. This type of stuff continued for about 4 dates till she just broke down and ask if i was playing hard to get or something. We went out i cleared the air on our texting games and had a good laugh about it and we dated for about 4 months. We didnt break up because of that, we both got sloppy drunk and said a bunch of things to each other and thats that. That and i think i started chasing too much. Was losing my challenge factor.
games work for attraction. plain and simple. I'm not pretending to be some kind of pimp im pretty horrible at games because i wanna call and talk and show alot of attention.
and that " she could during that time talk/date other men" get that crap out of your head for good. Thats the last thing you should worry about in the beginning. Thats what she should be thinking about you. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:09:21 AM | My best friend is really good with women. He always tells me about his crazy women stories, and the thing is is that the less he chases the more they chase him. Girls will deny that that stuff works all day long, but when it actually happens, let's just say actions speak louder than words. 
You don't even have to "Play the game" so to speak. Just be a busy guy. If you've got plans with your boys, don't ditch them just to hang out with that girl. You can still call and what not, just to 'dangle the cheese' so to speak, just to remind her of you and let her know that she's on your mind, but just don't go overboard. Like Dave said, once they get what they're after, they usually lose interest, and buh-bye spark.  | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:10:43 AM | yea thats the best way to do it. Actually have that much going on in your life lol. But if you dont, at least fake it or attempt to make it really happen.
Ill be the first to say i wish it wasnt this way. I wish i could go out meet the girl, we spend all kinds of time together and have fun and call and be perfect. But it just isnt like that at all. You either play or watch someone else play you right out of the girl you want. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:25:20 AM | Live life for yourself and your own enjoyment, not to find someone to complete you...
It is so much better when it finally happens that one will connect with you, and compliment who and what you are, and not be the missing pieces for your life's puzzle, because you could not put the puzzle together on your own.
Water has a way of seeking its own level, and the same happens with attractiveness, dating, and relationships. If it is artificially altered, eventually the water will find a way out and continue to flow to its own level. You either allow this and enjoy the ride, or you must make sure that you have the inner strength, and resources, to keep that flow from moving on, and know that it somehow was dammed by things other then what nature intended.
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:42:08 AM | This is what happens:
"I can have that any time. So I am bored, next."
Vs.
"What is wrong with me. Why doesn't he find me attractive? Or does he? He sort of looked like he did? But I am not sure. Why has he not called. The b astard!!!"
So. Which women do guys would prefer? The first one or the second one? Which one wants you? Which woman will tear your clothes off. Now what some of you know, some don't know. Is that you can consciously create the above mention scenario. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:59:56 AM | Outmind nailed it.
It boils down to all of it is one big game. Anytime you have to put your best foot forward or talk about your shared interests first or have the rith picture to draw someone into a profile to get them to read your email to get them to respond to your email to get aphone call to get an eventual meet, how can anyone not say it is game.
I guess you could call it a process, but that sounds so formal.
How about a hunt, hmmmm too violent.
The chase, might be better than the game.
The search, ehhh sounds never ending.
The race, too competitive.
you know The game just works. It is implies a relaxed approach that works towards a goal. ideally it is a shared goal, but sometimes it isn't and then things go awry.
I like calling it the game. Lets all play the game.
Bill | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:08:30 PM | | People are generally fickle. We all want what we cannot have. We don't place high value on what is easily attained. I was just talking to someone about this the other day. I was dating this woman and things were going well. There were some things that she did that I didn't exactly like, but they weren't deal breakers. We were seeing each other pretty regularly. Well, then I got busier at work and I had to back off seeing her as much. Well, then she got crazy and started a accusing me of cheating on her or meeting someone else. She bacame a stalker. She would check on me all of the time to make sure that I was doing what I said I was doing. Which I was. However, I found that the more insecure she got, the less interested I got. I am not sure that if we had a good relationship that this is how things would have gone, but this is generally human nature. Like it or not. I am not sure that it is controllable. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:46:45 PM | be yourself, if its not meant to be, than be grateful, its not the right one....
and that leaves the door open to a more passionate love affair. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:12:25 PM | destructodave, by no means was I throwing barbs.. As I said my adult kids have had different dating experience, apparently not as frustrating as some of those on here in their age group...
We have a nearly 2 decades of different expectations between us, so I am sure that as I found when I got divorced, dating was a whole different animal then when I was in my 20's...
Back in the dinosaur days, we didn't have the internet, nor did we have to many really great places to meet people, especially if you were a single parent.
If you haven't met the right person, then there is a whole lot of wrangling a person sometimes feels they need to do... HOWEVER, sometimes even when two people click really great, there can be some underlying secret that one has, and then up and disappears on the other person, go figure...
I will still stand by being yourself as much as possible, UNLESS it is working against you. Picking food out of the teeth with a steak knife, not a good thing... Belching as load as possible, then breaking wind at a nice restaurant, not good... On a first met for dinner, looking deeply into her eyes, and touching her hand saying I so can't wait to see you naked, do you mind hurrying up, and we will just find a corner in the parking lot.... NOT FREAKING GOOD AT ALL ( true date story by the way) Telling her she reminds you of your mom, and in particular the way her butt jingles...
Other than that, have fun, relax people are people, and if you two aren't going to click, well then have fun anyways... | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:58:52 AM |
If it ain't mutual, keep looking. If you can't be alone this will be tough. If you're content with being single if you don't find what you want, this will be a walk in the park.
That was put as well and as concisely as can be. If everyone thought this way, then half of the questions in these forums would disappear. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:13:58 AM | This movie quote is extremely appropriate, IMO, and I agree with it. I'm not against dating, mind you, but relationships lacking falsehoods are rare.
Fools Rush In - 1997
"What the hell is dating anyway except some long drawn out process of elimination where you both try to present your best side while hiding the real you and that can only last about 3 months anyway because eventually it leaks out and then you have to spend the next 3 months getting to know your real selves and then one of you wants a commitment the other one wants to bail and then you have to start all over again. I mean dating... dating... dating is stupid." -Alex | |
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