| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 12:06:06 AM | | It seems like a lot of men who are out there are looking for love, with no kids. I know a couple people who actually thought about dating me, and once they heard I was a single mom "swam away". I am better for not being with them, but I just don't understand why it is so difficult to find a man! | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 12:28:28 AM | | Personally, having kids is a red flag. To me, it might suggest irresponsibility or naivete. I'm not suggesting that YOU are irresponsible or naive, but I know girls from high school who just were plain stupid and ended up with kids when they weren't ready to support them financially and otherwise. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 12:33:28 AM | | I was one of the girls who ended up pregnant by the end of my senior year, but I have been through so much in my life, and have learned so much I am to the point where I can really say hey I am ready for more. I don't live the perfect life, but I can afford everything I buy. I have a good head on my shoulders, and I am really a great person when you get to know me, its just that men see my kid and run the other way. I guess I am just frusturated that my son is going to deter my ability to find a guy. It's just ironic is all. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 12:35:38 AM | | I see your point. Another thing is that a lot of guys might want to start a family with a girl and have kids of his own lineage. I'm not sure I feel the same way, but a lot of guys probably do. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 1:20:40 AM | | I have found this difficult too. I got married at 19 years old and had 2 kids. After 6 years of marriage I realized it wasn't going to work out so I got a divorce. I think it is unfair for men not to date women who have kids. A lot of the men who feel this way already have kids. The only difference is that they are not the full-time parent. I was talking to someone about this the other day. I pointed out to them that since 60% of marriages end in divorce and most have children during the marriage, that they were limiting themselves from a large population of potential women who may be their soul mates. I know I have a bachelor's degree. I have a car and a house. I do not think I should be sent to exile just because my 1st marriage didnt' work. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 1:26:25 AM | Never mind that this horse has been beaten so much it just looks like a blob of entrails.
But being in a helpful mood I'll respond.
here is a list of reasons in no particular order.
1. The fear of extra cost or that you are looking to rope down some poor sucker into taking care of you and your kids.
2. The guy is always going to be a second class citizen when it comes to getting your attention. Yes, most men are in fact big babys.
3. Sex......... its just not going to happen that often.
4. Did I mention a fear of commitment? Even if I hinted at it in point 1 let me reiterate. We know you are looking for something seriously long term. And it scares the hell out of us. Even if you aren't looking for something serious, we still know it. Just like that one guy in front of the liquor wearing an aluminum foil hat, holding a big antenna made out of clothes hangers "knows" aliens exist. I know its not rational...... But your not going to change it.
5. Did I mention sex? Oh I did? I'll say it again. Some is better than none isn't exactly as true as a lot of women seem to think it is. While I'm going through a dry spell my sex drive tends to go down in response, but when I have it available to me it tends to go into overdrive. This might need some explaining.
For example.
Imagine taking a drug addict that is used to getting a fix multiple times a week and gets it when he needs it. Now imagine a drug addict that has successfully been through rehab and is clean and sober. Both are happy, because one is on the drug and the other is more of a out of sight out of mind kind of thing. Now imagine a drug addict that can only get it occasionally...... That guy is going to have a really hard time coping with the cravings.
Oh and before its mentioned. Jerking off does not do the job.
6. Babies daddy drama.
EDIT: 7. The fear of child support. Should the relationship last long enough for YOUR child to look at us as a father figure and the relationship end. You can take us to court and make us pay you money for YOUR child. This fear varies based on where you live and the laws. I feel sorry for any good honest single parent in Canada trying to get a date........
Hope this helped. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 2:02:25 AM | . The fear of extra cost or that you are looking to rope down some poor sucker into taking care of you and your kids.
I CAN TAKE CARE OF MY OWN CHILDREN WHY WOULD I NEED A AMN TO DO THAT?
2. The guy is always going to be a second class citizen when it comes to getting your attention. Yes, most men are in fact big babys.
A MOTHER IS A MORE LOVING PERSON THAN A PERSON WHOM HASNT HAD CHILDREN 9/10 DUE TO THE FACT SHE HAS LEARNT TO PUT HERSELF LAST.
3. Sex......... its just not going to happen that often.
OF COURSE IT DOES...YOU MUST OF BEEN OUT WITH SOME WERID NON LIKING SEX SINGLE MUMS | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 2:38:11 AM | OP, because of your age, there will be men who will look at the poor choices you made and not consider whether motherhood has made you a better person and that you are different today than you were when you conceived your child.
People in your age range are still playing, partying and having a good time so yes, you will find fewer men interested in having a relationship with you. I know you already mentioned that it is better that they are not around but you really don't realize how much that is true because it would be a heck of a lot worse to be running into guys who don't think about what it means to date a single mom whose child could become attached to them.
At 20, I don't think the prospect of reproducing with you is even a consideration, it's not like you have four kids, although there are people that do not want to raise "another person's child." Again, you are better off without that type of person in your life. Perhaps look for men closer to 30 and you will find more that have grown up enough to know that we can't turn back the clock and change things, just move on positively from here. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 3:48:56 AM | | well i have been single for two and a half years cause i got kids just cause man can not commite to single mothers and the fact the guys dont want to be a step dad to another guys kids guys just need to get over it most chicks have kids now. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:23:54 AM | FYI I've never dated a single mom. I have no particular objections to it though. She was asking why guys in our age bracket tend to run away and I'm just repeating things I hear my friends and guys I see post of here say.
As far as getting attention goes.
Lets say want to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. The kid wants to read a story or watch blues clues or whatever. We all know who will and should take precedent........ The child.
As far as sex goes. Of course it'll happen; just not as often as with a girl without kids. I am fortunate enough to be an uncle to a wonderful little 2 year old boy and I gotta tell ya that even I know kids are called "sex police" for a reason.
Oh and caps lock tends to make it look like you are shouting. But then again CAPS LOCK is cruise control for cool..........  | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:35:04 AM | To the OP... first it will be trying for you to find a man as a single parent due to your age. There are all types of sterotypes about young single mothers and I'm sorry you will encounter them and people who believe them.
To be quite honest most men are not ready for the responsibility of another man's child/ren and nor should they be forced to take them on. Add in the ex factor and things could get sour pretty quickly.
The age of the child/ren also play a big role. The younger the child the more dependant on you... the more the guy will feel left out or like he comes second.
No offense to any of you men out there... most men need to be coddled and given a fair amount of attention. If you can't balance a man between your parenting responsibilities, then you are better off single.
Now that's not to say you will never meet someone. You will. Give it time.
Happy  | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:38:58 AM |
well i have been single for two and a half years cause i got kids just cause man can not commite to single mothers and the fact the guys dont want to be a step dad to another guys kids guys just need to get over it most chicks have kids now.
Not at your age. There are plenty of women in their 20s without kids. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:41:51 AM | I've only dated a single mom once. She was a pageant queen, didn't have custody, and I didn't know about it until I'd seen her for 3 weeks.
That was the first, last, and only single mother I have ever dated.
I will -never- date a single mother. Ever. Don't care if she's perfect for me in every other conceivable way.
I agreewith Unrefined**stard, the Azn Sensation on all other points. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:35:06 AM | | there will be men that will accept your child and there will be others that won't. Its just a fact of life. I am a single father myself and dating with children is much more difficult no matter the age. Personally I've dated single mom's, its the DRAMA if any, that tends to scare people off. A lot of men will assume there is drama if you are single with kids. However there is always someone out there that will want to date you no matter the situation. Good luck in your search. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:38:40 AM | | Your really young, so, no - most of the guys you meet won't want to date you because your a 20 year old single mom. I had this problem as well. Then I started dating older guys. They had no problem with it at all. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:47:52 AM | | Dating single mothers is not for every guy, we are all unique and different in our own ways on what we look for in a partner. I could say the same for women. I have met a few single moms and some single girls that won't date guys with kids which I find rather ironic considering when they themselves have a kid (the mothers). The single girls go out on a date with you, want you to spoil them, and then a few months later have an epiphany and lose it even though they haven't met your kid or kids yet. The single ones complain that you don't have time for them, yet, you have the entire week and every other weekend to dedicate to them. For the mothers, I have neither met their kids and vice versa because I am not comfortable with letting them in that far as yet. Some even seem to have these high expectations that the guy with no kids should be accepting that easily? Give me a break, I find that naive. I guess women with kids are getting a dose of their own medicine for being picky. Whether a guy has a kid or not shouldn't matter as long as you don't expect them to fill the shoe of a dad or a mother since they obviously have one unless there is a really good reason behind it and vice versa. For me, as long as there is an attraction and we have similar interests, whether you have a kid or two, does not bother me as long as you find the time for us both. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:52:29 AM | | i personally have never had ANY troubles finding a decent B/F ! the guys i have been in long term relationships in have if any thing seen it as a bonus my having a child! any bloke that finds it an issue is not worth 2 fooks anyway and are probs that shallow they will end up happily loved up with their mirror!! | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:07:12 AM | | Dating not a problem for most men. Long term is not dating. If your really looking just to date most men will not have a problem with your having a kid, but if your looking for more it will be an issue and it should be, as it changes the game. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:10:17 AM | Single, why?
gave up on the father of your child
ran off the father of your child
never cared about the father of your child
widowed
escaped from the father
What happened to him?
What happens to the next guy who loves you?
What is in store for him?
How do you expect things to go in terms of his relationship with your child?
Does he fit into your life at your convenience?
Does he get to have his own life?
Will you be mates and partners or is he there at your whim because you are occasionally lonely?
A single woman without children hasn't these considerations, from the man's point of view. The situation you're in comes with a set of questions. A man who is looking for a single woman without children will not be interested. A man who is open to considering s single mother will have some questions. It's more difficult because it is more complicated. There is more to take into account, more to discuss, and then in the relationship there is parenting as well, which has challenges of its own. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:43:11 AM | | Because at 20, guys have tons of available dating options that do not have children. They are only a year or two out of high school and are just not ready for the kind of life you live. Be happy to learn immediately that he was not worth a momment of your time. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:01:21 AM | OH Look … Another way too young “little girl” single mom asking the obvious, even if they don’t realize it “Why can’t I find a guy willing to step in and help me clean up the mess I’ve made of my life….
I know a couple people who actually thought about dating me, and once they heard I was a single mom "swam away". I am better for not being with them,
Yes, No, maybe, it depends on your perspective I suppose, and you can believe that if it makes you feel better, but actually the reality is that “They” are most likely better off without you and someone else’s kids.
A MOTHER IS A MORE LOVING PERSON THAN A PERSON WHOM HASNT HAD CHILDREN 9/10 DUE TO THE FACT SHE HAS LEARNT TO PUT HERSELF LAST.
NOT … oh sure she is to her kids, but if she is always willing to put herself last in a relationship with a man, then she will be seen as a doormat, and most guys don’t want a doormat as a partner.
guys just need to get over it
No, actually they don't, you do, as they have other choices, and unfortunately for you and other single mothers your age (again age is the important distinction here) there are single women out there your age who do not have kids, and most guys your age are going to see them as better choices when it comes to dating.
There are all types of stereotypes about young single mothers and I'm sorry you will encounter them and people who believe them.
The thing about stereotypes is, they exist for a reason, most guys I know have been, or were willing to date a single mom, until a few bad experiences convinced them otherwise.
No offense to any of you men out there... most men need to be coddled and given a fair amount of attention.
No offense to you single moms out there but most of you seem to have this entitlement mentality, you feel you are entitled to a guy, and not just any guy, but suddenly because you’ve had kids your standards seem to go up, instead of the bad boy sperm donor you previously mated with, now you want a guy with a good education, and a good job to come along and love your kids as their own and take on the responsibility that some other guy didn’t want.
Hate to break it to you but, guys with good educations and good jobs have other choices that are better than you have to offer.
the guys i have been in long term relationships in have if any thing seen it as a bonus my having a child
Long term relationship ????, at 22 you haven’t lived long enough to have a long term relationship, also since you’re on a dating site, may I ask were these decent guys are ?? perhaps you could define long term for me, we obviously have differing ideas as to what that means.
Anybody see the cluelessness and denial in all the above ??? 
There are multiple lists of various reasons, that have been posted to other threads with this same "oh poor me I'm a single mom and can't find a guy to date " threads but the common themes of all the lists are as follows:
It is rarely just the two of you, therefore leading to …….
No or very little spontaneity in your relationship, after all the kids are just about always there.
That means no spur of the moment happy hours/dinners with friends, no spur of the moment weekend trips for just the two of you, no spur of the moment sex just because you happened to bump into each other in the kitchen, no staying in bed all day on a rainy Sunday having sex and just enjoying each other, because of course you have to get up and deal with the kids.
Everything must be planned for when there are no kids around, this gets old when you’re married and they are your kids, it gets old even faster when you’re not and they are not your kids.
Kid oriented activities, Just one hour at Chucky Cheese’s will have most 20 something guys scheduling their own vasectomies in the next week or so. Some may even attempt it themselves that night !!!!
Depending on where you live, the laws (Canada, for example) make it flat out stupid of you to even look at a single mom much less date or God forbid live with a single mom.
Babies & infants, unlike women who seem to think babies are some wonderful magical creature, most guys want nothing to do with them.
And the thing women seem to have the hardest time understanding is, “THEY ARE NOT OUR KIDS” most of us simply do not want to raise another man’s kids, this goes against our very instinct and nature to propagate our own genes. Please watch a nature show or pick up a book and do a little research and you should quickly understand that in the animal kingdom especially when it comes to mammals and other large predator species most males will typically kill the offspring of another male if they can. (which, like it or not we humans are just really smart animals)
Dating not a problem for most men. Long term is not dating.
Great words of wisdom here girls, write it down and refer to it often, as most guys your age might be willing to date you as a fallback, party with you if there is no better option, and sleep with you if you will let them, but most of them will disappear faster than a snowball in hell before they will commit to you and “YOUR” kids.
Because at 20, guys have tons of available dating options that do not have children. They are only a year or two out of high school and are just not ready for the kind of life you live.
More great words of wisdom, from all places a single mom, of course that may explain the rest of her remark …..
“ Be happy to learn immediately that he was not worth a moment of your time. “
Ah yes she just had to turn it back on the guy, like he is the bad one for not seeing the young single mother as an appealing option, when actually the truth and the only truth that is constant is the first part of her statement “at 20, guys have tons of available dating options that do not have children”
And that right there is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth ….. 
Ya know, I just wish single moms would spend half the time warning other young girls/women about the perils of getting pregnant and having kids in their teens and early twenties as they do whining about the lack of guys willing to date them, instead of consoling each other with the empty platitudes about the right guy coming along, or trying to demonize guys that don’t see you as an attractive option, try telling others the truth about just how hard it is, and how lonely it is and maybe we as a society can put an end to this horribly destructive trend of children raising children, that literally is destroying the very fabric of western society.
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:10:39 AM | It takes a REAL WOMAN to accept me and my poptarts.
If any woman doesn't want me because of my poptarts, I am better off without her because that means she's a poo poo head... and has bad breath... and listens to the Jonas Brothers.
I don't know why any woman would say she doesn't want me and my poptarts in a package deal. I now know how to put my poptarts in a toaster, eat them, and put them away in the cubbard. And I can and will take care of my poptarts when other women would be wanting to do silly things like going, "out" or watching movies.
PShhhhh. Who needs all that when you can watch me take care of my poptarts?
Silly people. I'm TOO MUCH MAN for these women who won't Woman UP! and date me -because- of my poptarts.
Uh huh. I went there. | |
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