| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:35:44 AM | I have been on this site for some time and have not come across anyone interested in marriage. I was wondering is there any man really looking for that? I have indicated to them that is what I wanted and it usually scared them away. I don't understand why that is so scary.
So, could I get any ideas as to how to approach the subject without causing them to run? It would be much appreciated. I am sure there a few people on here that are looking for the same things I am . I just haven't come across any.
Thanks for your help everyone:) | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:44:56 AM | I think it's because we'd prefer to date someone and feel them out ourselves, then decide whether they're worth marrying. Being approached by someone with marriage on the mind, seems like they'd take just about anyone to shack up with them.
Telling a man you're looking for marriage sets off his intruder red alert - because there's cling-ons coming aboard. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:52:54 AM | | Well I wonder how can I find a person who is having an interest in something serious. I don't like to play games. I just want to meet a caring person who is interested in taking it to the next level. How would suggest? | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:55:35 AM | Those of us dating in our 30's, I'd hope, have matured enough to be a little cynical and a lot patient with who we decide to spend our lives with. Many of us have felt the pain of divorce, and at the very least the pain of a long term breakup. Many of us also have children. Relationship's have become a VERY big thing, and not something to be taken lightly.
Most people, men and women alike, ultimately want to find that someone to spend the rest of our life with. But if marriage is even brought up during the early stages (like if you're still speaking through POF... at all) then only the severely deficient wouldn't run like hell.
Take your time, enjoy the company of others, and stop watching the clock. When it's right, it'll happen. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:06:03 AM |
I have indicated to them that is what I wanted and it usually scared them away. I don't understand why that is so scary.
When one of my daughters was 10, she used to "plan her wedding". She had it all planned out, down to the smallest detail, except for the "unimportant" detail of who the groom would be. When a woman says she wants to get married, before knowing to whom, it sounds kind of like that to me.
I have no idea if a day might come, 2 years into a great relationship, that I would be open to marriage, but that would be in response to an exceptional "she", not out of some "need" to instituionalize a relationship, out of the illusion that it creates "security". | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:13:26 AM | Depends...married TO WHOM? So far there's nobody jumping out blowing my skirt up at the moment.
I agree, getting married just for social status or to institutionalize some deep longing without really considering WHO you're going to be spending the rest of your life with is just plain INSANE!!! | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:27:08 AM | Thanks for your input. I can understand from your standpoint, but try to undertand from mine. No I am not looking for a status by being married. I want to be with a caring person. The problem is, most guys seem to try to pretend that they are interested in this and then just keep on seeing a female for 2 or 3 years then suddenly say it is not working out.
I am just being realistic. There must be someone who is out there who would like to find a woman who is serious and who would like to care for them in good times and in bad and unconditionally loves them.
Just because it may seem implausible to you, doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there like that. I understand that it is a little straight forward to tell someone this. I was looking for advice as how to approach the subject that I am looking for a serious relationship wothout scaring someone away.
Can you offer advise on this? | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:39:40 AM |
Can you offer advise on this?
I still think you have the cart before the horse, and that you would have a much better chance IRL, especially within Church oriented singles clubs.
However, in terms of online, there are two pieces of advice:
1. Put up a picture.
2. Set your search criteria to men who say that they want to have children. Within that group the "marriage minded" might be found.
always remember that, sometimes, the harder you look for something, the more likely it is that you'll "find" it, whether it's really there or not. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:41:56 AM | A lot of men and women here are looking for marriage or the long term. There is no shortness of that. It's just like dating, You just don't walk up to your date on the first time and give them a longing and loving kiss. You do not even know them.
For marriage, a majority of the older people here have already done that and been divorced. So they are more secure in what they want in a partner and will not take less than that. They will take as long as it takes to learn about the other person and find the good and bad (Everyone has bad) and see if they truly feel compatible. Yes, love does conquer all but in order for you to find that love, you have to open up and be with another that opens up as well.
On a side note, Woodbridge... I was born in South Amboy and raised in Sayreville. Been about 15 years since I have been back in that neck of the woods. Grandmother had 17 children and the flock of my family own about half the real estate in that area! :o) | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:49:13 AM | | It's pretty stupid for any guy to marry a woman with kids at your age, especially one who doesn't indicate she wants more kids. Most guys who will want to get married will want to have kids, and most guys won't raise someone else's kids period. Plenty of younger and freer options abound with lower opportunity cost. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:02:57 AM | Slalin:" It's pretty stupid for any guy to marry a woman with kids at your age, especially one who doesn't indicate she wants more kids. Most guys who will want to get married will want to have kids, and most guys won't raise someone else's kids period. Plenty of younger and freer options abound with lower opportunity cost. "
Thanks for your input. However, from what you are saying nobody will want to marry me because I am asking too much from them. That I am too old and have a great burden for them(my child). I don't think that is correct.
For one I haven't lost my optimism. I know that there are nice guys out there. I just haven't been touch with them. I might be going at it by the wrong approach. That is why I am requesting advice.
And I am open to men with children, by the way. From your comment I should just give up on marriage. I will not. Even if I do get this type of comment. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:07:48 AM | I disagree with Slain as well. Men that have children or men that look at single mothers look more than just at the woman, they look at how they parent as well.
Other people's children never impose a threat or risk to a relationship. It is the parenting behind it that shows who the mother / father is and how they manage their children. Remember, children are not evil! Children act how they are shown / allowed to act. Plus, they are just CHILDREN. Let kids be kids and let the adults be kids / adults. :o) | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:08:42 AM | | I'm not saying you won't marry, but you have a lot of competition. Some guys will take anything tho. Frankly, it's far more likely you'll get married than you will actually love/respect the guy that marries you. Marriage of convenience. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:05:12 PM | | maybe some but im not intrested in getting married straight away cause i want to enjoy being single and you dont have to worry about divorce or any baggage comes with it thats my opion i want to explore more out of life thats my opion | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:12:09 PM | If you're serious about getting married within the next two years, you're on the wrong website. POF is pretty casual.
I suggest you sign up with eHarmony. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:52:33 PM |
I suggest you sign up with eHarmony. I hate eharmony and I don't trust those ads.. I don't think it matters where you need to meet the love of your life though, it just shows up when you least think about it.
Yes, there are some serious guy who are looking for marriage, it takes time and patience with lots of help from the divine intervention. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:02:35 PM | I think it is ok to ask somebody what there long term goals are once they find the one. Do they want to get married, just live with that person, do they want kids ect. In the online world you can simply put something in your profile like once I find that special man I am looking for I want to get married and have a family.
Alot of guys will not like it and run like you said. I think alot of people hurt by divorce will not jump into marriage. I know someday again that I want to be married but I am only a year out of my breakup and when I find that special women again I want to first live with her for awhile before doing the marriage thing.
Weeding thru all the guys that just want sex and nothing else will be the hard part especially on here from all the negative feedback I have scene about all the "dirtbag" guys. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:09:58 PM | | No. Marriage is an outdated religious throwback. You don't need to get married. If you love someone that exists without marriage all the same. Marriage is bad. Love is good. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:19:11 PM | OP: With so many women not wanting to be wives, why would any guy want to get married? Hardly any women want to take care of a home and kids anymore. The laws are slanted against us in a divorce. It's basically become a big set up for men, and the smarter ones avoid it. Also, you have kids, which to me would make me question how well you can be in a relationship if you couldn't even stay with the father of your children.
I guess I could maybe be down for a ceremony but I would definitely keep the government out of it. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:32:39 PM | | I think putting the emphasis on "getting married" as opposed to "having a great relationship" is one of the main reasons so many marriages fail. I think nearly all of us on here would like to have a great relationship. Marriage? To be honest, unless you are of an age, and at a place in your life that having children and raising a family is something you want to do in the immediate future...what's the point in being in a hurry to get married? ....unless it's just a way of creating an illusion for yourself that you have "tied down" that trophy wife or high-income husband. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:04:26 PM | not sure what the benifits to marriage are. better or for worse, doesn't last long. a true friendship does. the whole idea confuses the hell out of me. if i say i'll do it you can set your watch to it. but to try and get a family in a room that won't get together for a re-union is ludicris. everyones boundaries are different here, and the facts are there proving no need for the whole show.
I hope the best for everyone and that we all find a match we will crawl through hell and back for. its a wonderful feeling. | |
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